Chapter 64: Forgiveness

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Chapter Sixty-Four

Forgiveness

“Just like how you probably regret marrying for the sake of your company,” Myra said. “But if everything worked out the way we wanted it to, it wouldn’t be called life, would it?

Arnav looked at her perfect face; such a beautiful lie she was. A reminder of the biggest mistake he made in his life and all the resulting scars that he was now trying very hard to erase. It wasn’t difficult to see what she was trying to do, reminding him over and over what his marriage meant. In fact, he had been expecting it since the moment she stepped inside his house.

“No, it wouldn’t,” Arnav said at last. He was getting tired of this cat and mouse game. He was long past falling for Myra’s tricks. “You may regret leaving me Myra, but I certainly do not. In fact, I thank the day you chose your ambition over me… because if it wasn’t for that, I would never have been fortunate to marry Khushi.”

Myra didn’t flinch at his confession. She was good at hiding her emotions, in fact, a master at manipulating them.

“If you came here all the way to make amends with me, in the hopes of starting a relationship with me again, then you may as well save your breath… Khushi and I are happy. There is no room for you or even your memories.”

Myra shook her head. “You misunderstand me once again Arnav… I… I’m engaged.”

Arnav was surprised, though it was not the first time he was hearing it. Her sister, Ira had let slip of the same to him many months ago.

“His name is Neil,” Myra said, wrongly assuming he cared. “He owns a business in Dubai… we met during work.”

“What gives you the impression that I care?”

Myra took a deep breath, as she often did when he was beginning to get on her nerves. “I know you don’t… I’m telling you in the hope that you see that I’m not interested in a relationship.”

Arnav didn’t believe her. In fact, he didn’t believe anything that came out of her mouth today. Experience had told him again and again, never to trust a snake. A woman as proud and arrogant as she was, would not have a change of heart in a day.

“I just want to be friends again,” Myra said yet again.

“Right,” Arnav muttered. “And does this new sense of friendship have anything to do with the successful opening of my restaurant by any chance?”

A line appeared on her forehead, the perfect balance of confusion and exasperation.

Arnav nodded towards the newspaper clutched in her hand. “That’s why you came running back here isn’t it… finally realized that I don’t need my father’s big fat inheritance after all?”

Myra looked at the paper, looking as though she had forgotten she was holding it.

"No," she said heavily. “I actually came to congratulate you… after all those struggles, you finally got what you wanted.”

“Oh, cut the crap Myra, I don’t have the energy or interest to play along! Since when did you start caring about my aspirations?”

“Just because I didn’t voice it doesn’t mean I didn’t care, Arnav. I valued your presence in my life, believe it or not. Why do you think I stayed in the relationship for six years if I didn’t lo-"

"Don't," he cut in sharply. "Don't you dare say you loved me."

Myra's lip trembled, as though she was fighting back something.

Arnav continued. “You stayed with me for six years because it was convenient."

“I stayed because I wanted to."

He pretended not to hear that. "Just like how you killed my child because it was convenient."

“You have no right to comment–”

“And you had no right to get an abortion without even telling me!”

“So, what was I supposed to do?!” Myra burst out. “We broke up for crying out loud! I don’t know how you have forgotten, but I didn’t. You stared in my face and screamed that we were over. W-what could I have done?”

Arnav wasn’t moved. “For starters, you could’ve picked up my phone calls.”

She glared at him. “And when did you exactly call me Arnav? After you had married her, when it was already too late.”

He couldn’t believe his ears. “Are you kidding me? I called you the day before I got married Myra and left you a very long voicemail telling you we could still get married if you wanted to – not my proudest hour, I agree, but I did call you many hours before I committed to that amazing woman waiting for me outside right now.”

Myra opened her mouth to retort.

“And more importantly,” he continued, cutting her off. “The fact that you were pregnant is not something to wait to share until I called you. The minute you find out, the second the doctor confirms it, you pick up the damn phone and tell me without caring if we were on talking terms or not!”

“And what would you have done?” Myra snapped, equally angry. “Marry me for the sake of the child?”

“I would have married you because I loved you–”

“Do you really? Love me still?”

Arnav grimaced. “So that’s why you’re here.”

Myra closed her eyes, her expression softening. “I’m here because… because… I miss you."

Arnav scoffed. "Sure you do."

"Why is that so hard to believe? Weren't we good friends before all the fights happened? Didn't we share everything about each other?"

He didn't want to acknowledge that.

"I left you," Myra continued. "Because in my eyes you weren’t good enough for me… and now, my fiancé doesn’t think I am not good enough for him.”

That was not what Arnav was expecting her to say.

“I mean, sure we are together… we go to dinner once a week, we plan a vacation once every six months, but it’s… it’s nothing like how it was between us. I felt a hundred times more loved with you in Goa, than I ever do with Neil in Paris… I didn’t understand at first, I thought we were just getting used to each other, but eventually I couldn’t deny it.

Neil doesn’t prioritize me, like how you do… if I’m working late one day, you would bring me dinner, but Neil doesn’t even seem to remember. If I forget to message him one night, he won’t call my friends, worried about where I am… it’s like, I’m just another person for him, but for you, I was the only person.”

Arnav listened in silence, slightly surprised, and slightly satisfied. Karma, was indeed, a b*tch.

“When Ira told me you were still looking for me, months after your marriage… that was the first time I realized just how madly in love you were with me. It was the first time, I realized what was missing with Neil. I tried to reach out to you many times, but I just couldn’t find the courage… I said some horrible things to you that night, and I knew, there was no coming back from that.”

“So why did you bother today?”

“I thought… maybe… in the happiness of your new restaurant,” – she held up the newspaper in her hands – “The pain my words caused you would hurt a little less, and you might consider giving me another chance… as a friend.”

“See, this is exactly your problem Myra,” Arnav said, shrewdly. “It’s always just about you… your feelings, your emotions, your realizations, and your guilt. You hurt me, you walked out on me, and yet, what matters is your wounds and repentance, and not my feelings.”

“That’s not what I meant–”

“Oh, but it is. It is exactly what you meant… You decided I wasn’t good enough, so you left. Now you think I am good enough, so you want me back. What do you think I am? Some toy you can pick up to play with and then drop whenever you are bored?”

“But I really am sorry–”

“Well, I don’t accept your apology… I don’t forgive you for not standing by me when I needed you the most, I don’t forgive you for not trusting me enough to tell me about your pregnancy… if we really were friends, if I really did mean something you, then you would have known that I would never force you to keep a baby you did not want.

Having a child or not is your right, I agree, but as a friend of six years as you are proudly rubbing in my face, I had the right to know. I left you a thousand voicemails. Couldn’t you have at least answered one of them and trust me to make a decision that worked for both of us? In all these years, have you not understood me even a little bit? But how could you have known? There was never any trust between us.”

Myra didn’t have an answer.

“What hurt me the most Myra were not your words, it was your actions… and that is precisely the difference between you and Khushi. What was that you were saying before? Was there ever a moment in the past year when I felt empty, incomplete… there was, there were many in fact. Because every second of every day, I was reminded of how easy it was for you to walk away as though I meant nothing… how easy it was to just cut me out of your life as though I was a fling, meant for fun, and nothing else. I kept asking myself, over and over again, how stupid could I have been to mistake your empty words to be love?”

“But I did love you–”

“Oh please, you loved what I did for you… just as you said a few minutes ago. You loved the fact that I prioritized you, you loved that I would drop everything and be at your side… and just like how Lavanya warned, when the time came for you to be at my side, you walked out, blaming me for being irresponsible. How freaking convenient.”

Myra looked as though she had been punched in the gut.

“The truth is you never loved me… The love in our relationship was mine and only mine.

And do you know how I know that? Khushi, the woman who I had shunned away for your mistakes, managed to love me despite knowing how badly I screwed up. You left me when I was just thinking about not becoming CEO of Raizada Industries, but she stayed with me until I was made my father’s successor, only to tell me to quit and follow my heart instead.

Do you know what she does for a living? She saves lives. She had a harder upbringing than you can even imagine, and a million more reasons for wanting a husband with stability, but she didn’t use even a single one on me. Because she doesn’t need someone to pay for her yearly Paris visits Myra, in fact, there is nothing that she needs. The only reason we are together is because we want to be together. And that is why we are equals.”

Myra bit her lip.

“So, if you are done feeling sorry for yourself,” Arnav finished. “The door is behind you.”

And Myra finally seemed to understand. Understand that Arnav was not a punching bag who would take anything and everything she threw at him. Understand that there was no place for her neither in his life nor his heart. Understand that it’s not okay to hurt someone over and over again and expect forgiveness with a flimsy apology.

So, with her shoulders hanging in disappointment, she left without another word. And this time, it was for good.

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