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Chapter Twenty-Four
Bed
Khushi woke up the next day, entirely late for her shift. Thankfully, Arnav had already left for the airport, leaving the apartment all to herself. She didn’t know if she had the energy to talk to him about why she still chose her sofa over his stupid bed.
Truth be told, Khushi knew she shouldn’t have expected more from him. What did they owe to each other? So what if he had a choice in the wedding? Why was she holding him responsible for her situation when she knew as clear as day that her father would have found another suitor to take Arnav’s place in less than a day had he called off the wedding? At least with Arnav, she had the liberty to continue her practice, and not be drowned in the responsibilities of being married.
Perhaps it was betrayal.
Whether she liked it or not, Arnav had become her best friend, and to know that he never had or never will care for her was more than she could bear. She was simply a pawn, which he used to get his company in order (everyone knew how badly the Raizada shares plummeted when Arnav became the temporary CEO during Shankar’s stroke). And instead of apologizing to her for it, for reducing her down to a bank account with unlimited access, he had made her feel unwelcome and unwanted.
Was she any better though?
Her conscience, the annoying little prick in the back of her mind, didn’t think so. Hadn’t Khushi too used the marriage to make sure her brother’s position as CEO was secured? Despite nudges from Lavanya, hadn’t she recoiled into a shell, having no intention whatsoever to really start a life with him?
And yet, these questions weren’t much of a comfort to her already bruised ego.
“Bad morning?”
Khushi looked up from the files she was supposed to be signing off on, to find Ved. They were standing at the nurse’s station, waiting for their placements for the day.
“No, bad night,” she mumbled. “What’s up with you?”
“The usual,” he replied, although there was nothing casual about his voice.
“If you want to say something,” she began, curious to know what was bothering him.
“It’s nothing…”
Khushi shrugged and went back to her file. Not even two minutes had passed, before Ved’s questions came tumbling out:
“It’s just… I saw your name. On the list of people giving their intern exam this year. And I… I didn’t understand.”
Oh. So the news was out. It would only be a matter of time before the rest of their class also stood before her, trying to sniff out some new gossip.
“I didn’t mean to pry…” Ved said slowly, watching her face.
“And yet you are.”
He looked at his feet in answer.
Khushi sighed, guilt taking over her. For how long was she going to hide? And what was the point when her life was already an open book to the entire public? One Google search was all it would take.
“I am taking the exam,” she said finally. “Because this is my second time doing my internship.”
Ved stared at her uncomprehendingly. “Err… what?”
“I am repeating my internship Ved… Awasti thinks there is no point waiting until next year, so I am just going to write the exam with you.”
“Oh…” he said, a million conflicted emotions darting across his face.
Khushi waited patiently for him to process everything. Perhaps he was remembering all the times she excelled in a test, realizing that there was nothing extraordinary about her after all –just like what Arnav probably had assumed about her–, joining together all the lies and hating her for it.
“I guess congrats?” Ved said, uncertainly. “Or should I say good luck?”
“Say that you are mad at me for lying,” she muttered.
Ved – surprisingly– smiled. “I am not mad… I figured you were repeating.”
Khushi stopped short. “What?”
“Yeah, no one can be that good without having done all the procedures before. No offense.”
“Wow,” she replied drily, although relief was spreading fast through her. “Thanks for the confidence.”
“Hehe sorry… but is that why you are in such a bad mood? You have been glaring at that poor file for twenty minutes now.”
“I am fine, just busy.”
“How about we go get coffee?”
“Why? So that you can ask me why I’m repeating?”
He was confused. “No, because you are in a bad mood and I want you to be in a better mood.”
“Yeah right.”
“Why do you have such a bad opinion about me Khushi?”
“You are the king of gossip around here, you honestly-”
“But I am also your friend,” he interrupted pointedly. “Have some trust.”
Khushi stared at him, once again feeling guilty for subjecting him to her annoyance at Arnav. So without further arguments, she followed him to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee once they were assigned their shifts for the day.
“So why did you fail your first internship?” Ved asked teasingly once they were seated.
“Ved!”
“I am joking! Sheesh! Why are you so touchy about this topic anyway? So what if this is your second time? Nobody really cares.”
“Easy for you to say.”
“I am serious Khushi. Why do you care so much about what other people think about you? What’s the big deal?”
A distance voice echoed in her mind: Tell him you were an intern before. What’s the big deal?
Khushi stared disappointedly down at her lap, recalling Arnav’s words from not too long ago.
“What? You look upset.”
“I am not. Can we talk about something else please?”
She knew Ved wanted to object, but he had enough sense to drop the matter altogether. She wanted to steer far away from Arnav or his words as much as possible, but it was pointless. As the day dragged on, every little thing brought a reminder of him: Patients who just moved back to Delhi from London, an accident case from the airport and an expecting wife of a contractor for the Raizada Industries.
By the time Khushi retired angrily to her empty apartment, she was so irritated that even sleep refused to come near her. She arrived at the hospital the next day grouchier than before.
“Well looks like a good night’s sleep had no effect on you,” commented Ved as they stood at the nurse’s station once again, looking over patient charts.
“I am seriously in no mood Ved.”
“I can see that… are you worried about the exam? Don’t worry, you will do well this time-”
Khushi glared at him. “I didn’t fail my last internship to worry about failing a second time.”
He was confused. “So why are you repeating then?”
“I had to quit before I took my exam.”
“You quit?”
Khushi’s patience reached an alarmingly low level. “Yes! And before you probe any further, it’s because my mother got into an accident and has been on life support ever since! So stop judging me and asking me how I feel every second of the day. I am fine. Save your concern for the patients!”
Ved stared in bewilderment as she angrily stormed off, checking her phone for the umpteenth time that morning. There were still no new messages.
“Khushi wait!”
She ignored him and kept walking, determined to go on her morning rounds. Ved caught up to her in no time.
“Just listen to me,” he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her to a stop.
“I’m getting late Ved,” she hissed.
“Well you aren’t going to be doing anyone a favour with that mood,” he snapped. “Tell me what’s wrong. It’s not like you to be so… so upset.”
“I am not upset!”
“Yes, you are. Something is bothering you and I think as your friend it’s my number one responsibility to listen to it and give you sound advice.”
Khushi would have been touched on any other occasion, but after two sleep-deprived nights in a row, she only felt more angered.
Yanking her arm from his grip, she said, “I don’t need advice-”
“Then I will just listen-”
“Leave me alone-”
A new voice spoke. “Is there a problem doctors?”
Like deer caught in headlights, both of them turned to find Dr. Awasti, arms crossed and a look of disapproval on her face.
“Err not at all,” Ved answered, taking a step back from Khushi. “We were just discussing… a case.”
“Arguing might be a better word for it,” Dr. Awasti retorted.
Khushi was ashamed. So much commotion, all because she couldn’t keep her emotions in check. What kind of a doctor was she?
“I am sorry Dr. Awasti,” she mumbled. “It was my fault-”
“This is hardly a playground and neither of you, children, for me to have to go over behaviour rules,” Dr. Awasti fumed in icy tones. “If either of you don’t have enough work to do, then I will gladly assign you more cases. I was under the impression that you two will make use of this time to study for the intern exam, but I guess you prefer loitering around in the hospital, putting on a show for the nurses!”
“We weren’t loitering-” Ved began.
“Save it Dr. Arora! This better be the last time I catch you both acting so immature!”
Khushi waited until Dr. Awasti out of earshot, before speaking again.
“I am sorry Ved… you got into trouble because of me.”
He grinned. “I have gotten yelled at for stupider things than this. Awasti thinks I’m the most spoilt intern ever.”
“Still-”
Ved didn’t let her finish. Wrapping his arm around her shoulder, he gently nudged her towards the cafeteria. “How about you tell me what had made the ever-so-talented-and-patient Dr. Gupta lose her calm and I will forgive you for loitering in the hospital, okay?”
Khushi smiled, more for his benefit than hers. “I have to go up to the neuro ward.”
“Humor me,” he said, not releasing his hold on her.
It was in many ways a first for Khushi, who had shied away from making real friends for so long that she didn’t know how to take care of one, now that she finally had them.
“It’s just,” she began, deciding honesty was the best way to go, for Ved appeared quite set on getting to the bottom of this whole ordeal. “I was always taught to be perfect… there was no room for cracks anywhere. I had to wear the right clothes, look the right way, say the right thing at the right time… So I guess when that starts to slip, I don’t deal with it well.”
“So you think you are not perfect just because you had to start your internship all over again?”
Among other things, she thought bitterly. But out loud she said, “Sort of… I really didn’t mean to yell at you. I just know how these things go, the tiniest to mistakes will turn into a wildfire around here. I don’t want the whole hospital blowing this out of proportion.”
“You quit because of your mother, trust me, no one with a heart will make a rumor out of that.”
“You see?” she said, shaking her head. “It’s already there. I don’t want your pity Ved. I like keeping my life private for a reason.”
“I am not pitying-”
“Yes, you are! Oh look, poor Khushi’s mother got into an accident, let’s get her a free job in the hospital! Oh look, Khushi did a successful surgery, but it’s because she is repeating this, nothing special! Oh look, Khushi is writing the intern exam, it’s okay, she probably failed the first time! You see how quickly you jumped to conclusions?! How quickly you negated the years of hard work I put in to getting this job?! Me repeating my internship does not make me any less capable of being a doctor!”
Ved took a deep breath. “Khushi, I know how capable of a doctor you are. And no one can question that. Ever. What I am saying is, not everyone has the same idea of perfection as you do. Don’t you think you are trying to live up to an image, here? You want to be seen a certain way and you are trying very, very hard to be that, when you are actually not.”
“So what am I then?” she asked, not following him.
“You are human, for starters. You don’t have to get everything right the first time around. You are allowed to be uncertain, angry and flawed. And you will not be defined by any of those qualities… because what speaks of you the most is when you help the nurses finish the paperwork so that they can go home on time, when you try not to give injections to kids because they are scared, when you help an old lady get to the elevators and when you let someone like me feel smarter than I am. If you could live through your mother’s accident and god knows how many other hurdles to get here, and stillbe such a nice person… then you are perfect as is.”
And Khushi finally got it. What he had been trying to make her understand, what she had been trying to decipher since Arnav’s stupid revelation.
She had been equating her worth, for as long as she could remember, with the approval of everyone around her. She wanted to be accepted so badly, so desperately, that she stopped being herself, and more of the person she was expected to be. And even when that failed, when despite being everything that Arnav wanted her to be, when she realized that she stilldidn’t make it to the list of people he wanted to spend his life with, she was devastated.
So the fault, maybe, was not his. It was hers for thinking so.
She was not any less of a human, a doctor, or a woman, for that matter, if he, Arnav, chose to marry her for her father’s money only. His decision to accept the alliance and then treat her as a nobody, spoke volumes of his character, not hers.
And that was enough to somewhat lift her mood. Thanking Ved for his kind words, she resumed her duties for the day. But that wasn’t nearly enough to completely quench the fire burning within her.
By the third day of Arnav’s absence, Khushi was exhausted. Her cases were momentarily handed off to other doctors so that she can prepare for her upcoming intern exam, which meant that she was confined to the library amidst medical books, alone. There was nothing that could distract her from staring at her cell phone all day, hoping to see a message or googling all the flights that left for London two days ago and checking that they had all landed safely.
It was ridiculous.
By the time it was nightfall, she abandoned her couch and walked into Arnav’s bedroom, slipping into the covers that held his lingering presence, her heart deep in ache.
___________________________________________________________
So I hope that cleared up why Khushi was so upset in the last chapter. As I sort of explained in the comments, she had assumed that Arnav was also forced into the wedding like her because of a) Arnav-Satya’s convo (chapter 2) b) Lata mentioning Myra (chapter 3) & c) Arnav’s behaviour (chapter 4). So, she somewhat forgave him for ignoring her and blaming her during the initial days… but now, with him accepting he had a choice, it’s very evident that Arnav married her for money. And that’s hard to accept for anyone, let alone Khushi who has begun to admire him and accept him as a very good friend.
Some of you even asked me why Khushi used to remain so quiet when Arnav was blaming her for ruining his life… it was odd for her to just take everything in and not react. And it’s because she didn’t care at that point of time. That is slowly changing, so of course, Arnav is being questioned now.
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Comments (2)
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Jai Shri Ram @SoniRita
+ 32
2 months ago
Glad to see Khushi having gud friends, 1st Lav n now Ved nahi toh poor Khushi would be all alone coz she just had ASR now
Jai Shri Ram @SoniRita
+ 32
1 years ago
M glad Khushi has Ved. They share a nice friendship n glad he didnt judge her.