Hiii theree!!! I am sorry that I have caught on to your SS so late in the game, but I am quite excited that I got to read three chapters in succession or the wait to read more would have nearly killed me!! I LOVEEE how you write with so much finesse! Every line that you write seeps with rawness and the perfect amalgamation of emotions!!!
Forgive me for making this post super long, but because I just read all three chapters at a go, I HAVE to try and let you know what I thought about them :D So if my take on one chapter seems smaller than the other, it isn't because I liked them any less...I just wouldn't be able to tell you everything that I loved about how you have written this story so far :D
Chapter 1
I LOVE this take on the Simmi story. I actually think this would have been the perfect culmination to that track and a great start to the formation of an understanding between Raman and Ishita on screen. I wish we had gotten to see Raman go through this kind of a roller coaster of emotions and ponderance on the show with respect to how he has behaved with Ishita so far. I can't begin to tell you what my favorite lines are in this first part, but I absolutely LOVED how you ended it!
"Hence in the first words spoken between them in the past eight hours, a far cry from what he had in mind as his end for the day, Raman Bhalla apologizes to his wife with these simple, quietly uttered words.
"Ishita, I am sorry." " -- You might not think much of these last few lines, but I love the tenderness, as well as the gravity of his "sorry"!!!
Chapter 2
AHHH!!!!! I love it!! You are such a beautiful writer!!! I have fallen in love with how you write about the kind of internal struggle both these characters are going through. Most times, we find ourselves relating to Raman on the show, but I love how you wrote about Ishita's feelings here...her disdain after being treated so poorly by Raman, her feeling of rejection and disappointment are so visible in the way you seam these words together!!!
Some of my favorite lines ---
"It's visible to her now, in Raman' protectiveness towards her, his humility and respect when he speaks to her Appa and Amma. A man raised by brutes, to be one wouldn't have stood up for her parents and her respect when he defended her in front of Subbu' mom, wouldn't have cared if her Amma ate non-veg food by mistake. He wouldn't offer to take the bags from her Appa the moment he spots him carrying something heavy. " - I LOVE THIS!!! Forgive me the lack of adjectives, but I don't know what else to say about these few lines! I am soo grateful for this insight into how Ishita feels about Raman. Such a refresher to see that Ishita can see beyond the carnal front Raman puts up for others.
"His pain blinds him to everyone and everything else and so he does the only thing he can, he spreads the bitterness overflowing in him, drowning and crushing him, in the hope that may be... Just may be spreading this venom to others might stop its infection and lessen the pain within him. That ridding himself of this baggage and unloading it will lighten his burdens" - Oh the gravity, the heaviness of this burden he is carrying with himself -- You describe it perfectly!! This is one of the reasons I love reading, as compared to watching these characters on screen...I LOVE it when an author as elegant as you can show us what these characters are really going through, why they become the people they do...and when we understand that, we can empathize for them, even for a character as brutal as Raman can be.
I won't copy and paste those lines here again, but I absolutely LOVED how you wrote about Raman being defeated, and it showing in his stature...his high and mighty demeanor crashing and burning to the ground when he realizes he is in the wrong. I love how you write about Ishita feeling bad about seeing Raman so defeated, and you stay true to her caring, nurturing nature when you say she would do anything to remove that defeated look from his face. And the icing on the cake was Ishita's response!!!
Her response to Raman was raw, aggressive and unrelenting!! It is the PERFECT comeback to all the accusations/insults/questions thrown at her by Raman! Your dialogue for her was perfect!!!!
Love the ending where you write about their worries about being good parents for Ruhi...like you write, Raman and Ishita didn't realize what this marriage required of them, even if it was only for Ruhi...they still need to be friends to be good parents! Love how the story is progressing!
Chapter 3
"He can be sure of Ishita loving Subbu wholeheartedly as well, and just because she is infertile he had left her." - Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU SO MUCH for putting these lines in your story. I feel like Ishita's own turmoil and sadness goes unnoticed by Raman on the show, so I am SO glad to see a Raman who acknowledges that Ishita, like Raman, has had a lot of low points in her life.
"Finally she looks up at him with red rimmed eyes, wiping away her tears. And what he sees in her eyes, on her face stops his words abruptly, she... she looks as if she is in pure hell.. -- Oh no!!! This line right here...I can't imagine that this line did not leave a dent in Raman's armor! That must have felt like a strong punch in his gut...Seee! This is what I mean! You write about emotions so well!!!!
Ishita, she is beautiful inside and out - he, he can tell that without a doubt --- Okay, I know this is supposed to be a very small detail here...But i love the little hesitation in this line, this reassurance that Raman has to give himself, that his wife IS beautiful inside and out!
I LOVEEE the dialogues you wrote for Ishita as she describes her relationship to Ruhi, and especially when she talks about Ruhi calling her mumma for the first time...the euphoria, the incomparable happiness...you write about it perfectly!
The end of this chapter was absolutely fantastic!!!!! I loveee the contrast you show between Shagun and Ishita...one who has had it with Raman, intent on leaving everything that is associated with him, breaking every vow they made together...and the other, who is promising to stay firm by the promises she made, vouching to stick to this marriage, to rear her child, to stay honest to this relationship. BRAVO BRAVO!!!!!
You are brilliant!!! Thank you for writing this so beautifully!! I hope it wasn't too much of a hassle to read through this comment... we just couldn't help ourselves.
P.S -- there are two people on this account, we are twins (Annet and Janet, AnnJan for short) and share this account, and share the exact same opinion on your piece of work :D So consider this comment x2 :D
P.S.S -- what may we call you, besides "Ekpaheli?"
Anupamaa
Current Affairs
Sports
Bade Achhe Lagte Hain
7