~~Uttaran Jokes Center~~ - Page 4

A doctor came to visit the patient in hospital and patient started pleading and crying,"Doc please save me, please save me!". The patient kept crying and crying. The outspoken Doc got irritatedand told the patient, "You should not worry to much dear,you see you owe Rs-4000 for the hospital bed, Rs-2000 for medicines and Rs-3000 as doctor's fee, we wouldn't kill you before that!"

In a bar, a man attend da call ofa ringing mobile. Man: Hello! Wife: Darling shall I buy 1 diamond ring? Man: Sure honey! Wife: Shall I use your credit card for Crystal pendant? Man: Ok dear! Friends: Great to see that you love her so much! Man: Hmm! By the way, whose mobile is this?!?

a b0y l0ved a girl HEART T0UCH!NG ST0RY A b0y l0ved a girl but never pr0p0sed her. 0ne day he decided t0 tell her at 1:00 am at night. He type: "i L0VE y0u" And sent !t, after a few sec0ndshe g0t a msg but he dec!ded t0 see it the next day f0r surprise and slept. Next day, he read the msg and becme s0 sh0kd bcoz !t was wr!tten: . . . . . . . Dear cust0mer, msg sndng failed due t0 insuficient balnce. Please recharge ur acc0unt :

Killing English
1. Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigarette... ? "
2. Class teacher once said :" pick up the paper and fall in thedustbin!!!"
3. once Hindi teacher said..."I'm going out of the world to America.."
4. "..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."
5. don't..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down...
6. It was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was someproblem. and then she said " why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)
7. Teacher in a furious mood... write down ur name and fatherof ur name!!
8. "shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"
9. My manager started like this"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"
10. "will u hang that calendar or else I'll HANG MYSELF"
11. LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"
12. Chemistry HOD comes and tells us... "My aim is to study myson and marry my daughter"
13. Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father
14. "why are you looking at themonkeys outside when I am in the class?!"
15. Lab assistant said this whenmy friend wrote wrong code.. "Iunderstand. You understand. Computer how understand??
16. Seeing the principal passingby, the teacher told the noisy class.. "Keep quiet, the principalhas passed away"
17. Once Teacher Told "If u Talk So Loudly I Will Stand Uping U"
18. teacher to students:don't spit outside, the understanding people will suffer
19. i have 3 daughters, all are girl

[COLOR=BLUE]A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs 4 her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD!
WHERE r we going 2 get MORE BUTTER?
They're going 2 STICK! Careful . CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL!
U NEVER listen 2 me when u're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! r u CRAZY?
Have u LOST ur mind?
Don't forget 2 salt them. You know u always forget that. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!
The wife stared at him. "What is wrong with you? You think I don't know how 2 fry a couple of eggs?"
The hsband calmly replied, "I just wanted 2 show you what itfeels like when I'm driving." ;[COLOR=BLUE]

Chintu: Papa What's the Difference Between
Mother's Tears & Wife's Tears?
Father: Mother's tears Affect your HEART,
And
Wife's Tears Affect your POCKET. :-)

Buyer to seller : is it pure honey ?
How do I know if it is pure honey?
Seller : give the dog some honey ..
if the dog doesn't lick it, it is purehoney
Buyer :what if the dog licks it ?
Seller: so it is not a real dog.

Unknown No.1
Hi,Do u have a boyfriend?
Girl:Yes.Who are you?
It's your dad, be home this weekend, and we will talk!
Unknown No.2
Hi do you have a boyfriend?
Girl:Not a chance,who are you anyway?
It's your bf,sucks to know that you are not proud to be with me and be your bf:(
Girl:Sorry babe,I thought u r my dad, he texted me a while back asking the same question
Yes,it's me, your dad.We'll have a long talk this weekend!

Two Ladies Fighting For A Seat InA Bus ..
Bus Conductor: The Older One Should Sit Here
Both Looked At Each Other
And The Seat Remained Empty

In a train, ticket checker to a saint: Ticket please!
Saint: I don't have.
TT: Where do you want to go?
Saint: Lord Ram's birth place, Ayodhya!
TT: Come, lets go!
Saint: Where?
TT: Lord Krishna'a birth place, Jail.