Hi everyone! 🤗
I am Anna and a big fan of Sanskaar and Swara. I have been meaning to write a SwaSan FF but I am really bad at completing my FF's. 😆 So this time, I decided to write an OS (as I have managed to complete most of my previous ones. 😛) It is quite long - I just continued writing whatever came into my head and it turned out to be quite a lengthy one. It is mainly from Sanskaar's pov and how I would like him to react to Swara. 😆 Enjoy and do let me know what you guys think!
OUTBURST
He was done with her. As he stood in front of his Annapurna ma his hands folded, silently begging everyone in the hall to not force this relationship on him. Hell, he did not want this relationship to be forced on her either. He did not know what she was playing at - but he now realized that he could not let her constantly belittle his feelings and his emotions. He may not say anything but his heart cried every time she misjudged his actions. He could not let her see how she broke him - after all she was not going to be picking up the broken pieces of his heart later.
Nahin Badi Maa... Swara aur mujhe saath rehne...' he said silently. He deliberately did not look at Swara. He knew if he looked at her angelic face - his resolve would be broken and he would end up doing whatever she asked him to. He stopped as Annapurna raised her hands and stopped him from speaking further.
Bas Sanskaar. Swara ne kaha hai ki woh iss rishte ki baare mein sochna chahti hai. Hum jitna mauka Lakshya aur Ragini ko de rahe hain...utne hi mahulat tumhare aur Swara ke paas hai. Itne waqt mein tum log soch lo ki tumhe kya karna hai...' Annapurna ordered.
He knew there was no point in discussing this further. In the Maheshwari family, once a decision is made, more often than not people stick to it. He was frustrated and angry and he looked at Swara. She was looking at him; as soon as she found him looking at her - she started looking the other side. Damn you Swara! What do you want from me? He thought. He stood silently as he noticed everyone nod in agreement and ask Swara to pack her bags and Ragini's bags. Swara nodded and left the room.
****
He sat waiting in the car, his eyes closed as he remembered his conversation with Sujata earlier in the morning. He had promised Sujata that if divorce was what Swara wanted - he would give it to her. However much he loved her - he would not force this relationship on her no matter what happened. By afternoon, his resolve to divorce her came from within. When he made Lakshya meet Swara, Swara assumed that he was the one who had motivated Lakshya to get together with her. She had assumed that he wanted to spoil Ragini's life. Hell, he had no idea Lakshya wanted to get back with Swara. I mean - he had an inkling - but he did not think his bratty royal brother would propose to her! Had he known - he would never have gotten Lakshya to meet her. Though his heart had stopped in hope for a moment when Swara had refused to get back with Lakshya but her outburst at him for encouraging Lakshya was uncalled for. When she had broken all ties with him that moment - he knew he needed to free her from this unwanted relationship. She constantly seemed to be in pain because of him and he did not want to be the reason for that. Then she had gone ahead and told everyone that she was going to think about staying married to him and she wanted to give their relationship a chance. He had face palmed himself when he heard that and he had almost screamed. He loved her - but he was done with her. Why could she not see that whatever her intentions were - even if right - she hurt him over and over again?
He opened his eyes, when he saw Parineet bhabhi knocking on the window of the car.
Sanskaar bhaiyya, Swara ka samaan rakhna hai...'
He nodded and got out of the car and saw her staring at him. She looked beautiful in the crimson suit and he wished things were not this hard between them and he could just hold her in his arms and kiss her. He took the suitcase lightly from her hands - his little finger grazing her palm. She seemed startled at the touch and her eyes found his as he looked at her. She looked away and went to sit in the car as he sighed.
****
The drive to home was rather long. With Adarsh bhaiyya and Parineeta bhabhi in the back seat of the car - he could only steal some looks at Swara from time to time. She kept looking outside the window and he knew she was avoiding him. His hands had clutched the steering wheel in anger as he was reminded of the accusations she had hurled at him in the afternoon. He wanted to forgive her but she had broken their friendship and now she was the one who wanted to give this marriage a chance. When they entered the house, Ragini, Lakshya and the rest of the family members had already reached. Ragini looked at Swara and him and he saw that she still had malice in her eyes, but something was different. He wondered if she really had lost her memory or was she fooling everyone again? Should he care? He thought. He then looked on his right as he saw Swara looking at everyone in the family with a smile on her face. Was she happy to be back at MM with him? He wondered. Nevertheless, without a word, he walked into him room and banged the door behind him.
What did she want from him? Why was she back here? She clearly did not love him or trust him. Their friendship mattered little to her for every chance she got she broke it. What was it that she was after? He wondered angrily as he punched the cupboard with his fist. It hurt, but not more than the pain he felt in her heart every time she hurt him.
Sanskaar...
He heard her soft, sweet voice and closed his eyes. She was here - in his private space. He wanted to leave the room before he said anything he would regret but his legs refused to move. He heard her come closer and then soon come in front of him. He did not want to look at her, but he could not help himself.
Sanskaar...
Damn! His name sounder so beautiful from her lips. Damn it Sanskaar! You are angry with her, remember? His mind said to him.
He lunged forward and cornered her, his hands on her shoulders, his face so close, he could kiss her, his body trembling in hurt, pain and anger. He held her close and she looked at him, scared. He was wounded and he needed his answers.
Kyun aayi tum wapas Swara? Why did you come back? (Swara started to say something) Ye mat kehna ki tum Lakshya aur Ragini ko milane aayi ho. Kyunki ye kaam tum mujhse divorce leke bhi kar sakti thi.
He could see Swara was astounded. She never believed that he wanted out of this forced relationship. She always wanted to believe that he wanted to keep her in it for himself. Sadly, she was always mistaken.
Sanskaar...mujhe dard ho raha hai...please...ye baat hum aaram se baith ke bhi kar sakte hain na? Swara said scared as tears threatened to flow.
Aur mujhe jo dard ho raha hai Swara? He left her because he could not see tears in her eyes but his anger had not subsided.
Tumhare saath galat karne keliye maine tumhari madad ki maa-baba ko milane keliye. Iss beech mujhe tumse pyaar hogaya - isme meri kya galti hai? He turned to look at her.
I accepted that you do not love me...and I will be your friend forever, but tumhe woh bhi manzoor nahin tha. Tumne humari dosti tod di. Maine phir bhi tumhara saath nahin choda. Ab tumhara maksat khatam hogaya hai and mera paschyatap bhi. Ab tum mere saath aisa kyun kar rahi ho Swara? Kis baat ki sazaa de rahi ho tum mujhe? He again backed her up against the wall and looked into her eyes closely.
Sanskaar, main sirf Lakshya Ragi...
That is the problem Swara. Tum Lakshya Ragini, Maa-Baba ke elava kuch dekh hi nahin paa rahi ho? Why can you not see I love you dammit! Why can you not see that tum iss khel mein mujhe apne saath le jaa rahi ho? Why can you not see that the more time we spend together - the more deeply I will fall in love with you? Why don't you see ki tumhare Maa Baba ko milane ke chakkar mein mujhe tumse pyaar hogaya? Why don't you realize ki Lakshya aur Ragini ko ek karte karte - kahin main tumhare pyaar mein itna paagal na ho jaun ki apna maksat poora hote hi - when you leave me and go - I DIE!
He noticed Swara's eyes had widened in shock. She had obviously not thought that he had such strong feelings for her. Even though he had clearly told her - he could not live without her - but he knew the more he fell in love with her - the more it was going to be impossible to live without her. He had still not left her as he saw various emotions flash through her eyes. Guilt, Pain, Embarrassment - maybe? She was not looking at him - but looking down. He left her and picked up his jacket ready to leave.
I have never tried forcing this relationship on you Swara and I never will...That is my promise to you. But, I cannot promise not to love you, not to fall more deeply in love with you and not to be there for you. Tumhe bhi pata hai, I will help you in whatever you want to achieve. But, I think it is for the best, ki hum ek dusre se door rahe. I will help you, like I have always done, but I cannot bear the sight of you leaving me again when everything is over. Last time maine apne aap ko sambhaal liya, but iss baar, main shayad apne aap ko na sambhal paon.
He left the room leaving Swara standing in shock, in tears.
****
Swara stood in front of the mirror, looking at herself. She knew she did not see a girl in those mirrors. She saw a woman - a married woman. What the hell was she doing? In her attempts to make everything right in her Maa - Baba's world and now in Lakshya and Ragini's world, she had completely forgotten about the man who had stood through everything with her - Sanskaar - her husband.
Husband, she thought. She touched her mangalsutra and held on to it. No matter how they had gotten married, Sanskaar was still the one person she could trust blindly in this house. She may have not said it directly to him ever, but he did mean a lot to her. When she looked at him today, she saw a broken man. A man so broken - trying so hard and still losing everything in the midst of it.! If he did not talk to her - who would she share her mindless jabber with? Who would she share her chocolates with? Whose shoulders would she cry on when she was hurt? Who would give her the peace and the comfort she wanted when she was upset? Suddenly she realized, she was scared to lose Sanskaar. She may not love him...but his presence in her life mattered to her, she thought. She got up and walked to the mirror and looked at herself again. She held her mangalsutra tightly and smiled lightly.
I will make it up to you Sanskaar. I am sorry for hurting you...but I will make it up to you. I promise.
Anna
Next Part : SwaSan OS : TOUCH
Anupamaa
