Broken Expectation of getting a bride for Ram-Kaikeyi

Is her disappointment justified. Yes to some extend feeling sad about not able to do something which she have cherished for long is fine. But it becomes a problem when she refuses to see the condition in which the Swayamvar happened, not able to understand the reasoning and remains obstinate in her stand.

In today's world Kaikeyi's condition presents those parents who have huge expectations from their kid. Those parents who want to take every decision on their child's life. It is not only marriage, but every sphere of the child's life. Just like my son should be an engineer, my daughter should be a doctor, my child should get IIT seat. It is fine to have these wishes. But what if the child doesnt have aptitude. Forcing your will on the child because you think it is right is where the problem begins. Parents ends up destroying their child's happiness.

Same is the case with marriage. Many times when love marriage happens if the parents have given half hearted consent or even in arranged marriage where the circumstances forced the parents to have a match not as per their expectation they meddle in the marriage. If it is daughter they make no stone unturned to tell the girl how unsuitable her husband is for her, same with son finding fault every minute with DIL. In many cases because the DIL or SIL didnt meet the parents expectation, the meddling of parents results in the partners fighting and ending up in divorce. I have a colleague whose case was like this. But thanks to the counseller in family court , it was saved from the divorce. She had told me the counseller gave counselling for the parents also.

It is time the parents need to understand one thing. It is fine to have expectations on the child. But at the same time child is not a robot, but an individual with his or her interests and choices. Parents can direct the child towards what they think is right for the child, but at the same time give the child the option to choose.

And coming to marriage once the child has choosen or once the marriage happens be open . Behave like an elder. Understand the sancity of marriage and teach the child the sancity. Instead of breaking up your child's life because his or her spouse doesnt meet your criteria, if the couple have problems provide the wisdom to them so that the marriage survives in the right way. A lot of divorces and later regrets can be avoided if elders dont get obsessed with the expectation.

Because controlling and getting obsessed you will not gain anything. You will only hurt your child in long term.

unres

just loved your post shruti di... like always... you know i m facing a similar problem... I want to take up a particular subject in collage but by father does not want me to do that because he thinks that the subject is not popular enough... I am so confused as I never went against his wishes even for the smallest of decisions...

because never hear kekayi opposing ram maaraige so..yay but the moment the FB came i was on relief and i cant controll myself...for praising the...team👏👏👏...

hope kekyais broken expectation soon...to be turned out into a new lifefull expectation from newly DIL--sita!!😊...

Kekayi was never a true vamp which people jenerly confused...kekayis objection was well justified but her actions of geeting those objected things correct was...all wrong and that makes her the most grey shaded...character and obviously we know the actuall mind...behind all this the great Mantharaaa😊...

I am glad SKR is breaking all old wrong assumption of peoples...in thier unique wayyy hats off!!

Its always said never to expect high expectation from anybody i am telling in general because if in case the expectation broke no maater what the reason may be its the...Person who is expecting...Suffers the most!!!!!!!!!!!...😊

expectation is good but high expectation always leads to suffer..and kaikeyi represent all those obssesed mother...who thinks that only she in entire world know the right for her son...no maater what the reality is...!!

somewhere kaikyeis obessesion for ram lead manthra..to foil thier bonding easily!!

In today's world

Though now slowly n gradually change happens in society , we can never be sure that every family does support the decision of the children . Mostly they r few , who convinces the children that wat they think is for their good only . It may be out of concern of the respective child's parent but ultimately , they depress the talent of the child in their concern

I have apparently seen some real people expressing their anguish and knew the pain , they experience later in life 🥱 So i would like to say , as u said - they can direct the children but have to give the freedom of choice they rightly deserve !!!

True Shruthi. I will add two lines of what my Guru alwsys tells us.

Expectation could lead to disappointment. Expect not and thou shall be happy.

Whether it's the relation between a couple or parents and children, or friends, where there is no expectation, whatever be the outcome you are content from the heart and that happiness you transmit to the other person too.

I would say parents should not have any expectations from their children. Because if the child does not meet the parents' expectation, the parent is going to constantly crib about it which leaves no one in peace. The parent is disappointed with the child and the child ends up living in guilt of not fulfilling the parents wish.

@tuna dear I will recommend this for you. From your post I understand you don't want to disappoint your father, you doesn't want to rebel against his wishes, but you want him to understand you. For that though the path is little bit harder it might work, but more importantly it will give you more peace of mind. And we need to know that our peace of mind is of utmost importance. Can you study the subject your father wants you to take up. I mean can with a little bit of effort can you be a graduate in it. If yes choose the subject he wants you to study. You wont lose anything. The subject you love, check whether there is any alternate way of studying it. Maybe as a second option or an online diploma course or something. You can do this online studying of your loved subject post graduation and even after getting a job. You need to understand that your father wants to see you settled with a good job. He is the elder. Bend a little. Once you satisfy his expectation, once he sees you settled, prop your favourite subject or favourite career with him, backed up by a good oppourtunity. Believe me he will relent. He will understand his child's need in a much better fashion. Even if he doesn't understand, you may not lose anything in the long run if you accept his option with the freewill and an understanding that he wants the best for you. We need to understand that our parents have some preconceived notions and only if some patience, effort and love we can change it.

@antika and aparna we are humans, we expect especially in close relations. But what matters is how you deal with a broken expectation. We can try to crib over it or accept the reality and move on. If you do the latter your life and other's life will be better.

@sruja wanting good is fine, but there is a thin line where this wanting good becomes obsession. I am only talking about that obsession. To be frank if a portrait of Sita was given in Kaikeyi's hand she wouldn't have been this rebellious 😃.

@suganya yes obsession makes many a child depressed. But children also needs to understand the parent's concern. Many a time fight happens when that concern is not addressed. If one side bends, the issue will be solved. Some elders understand and bend. But in some cases if the youngster bends then also things can be rectified. We address the superficial part of things, never the root cause.

It is not about Ram or Bharath. It is simpy because of the status equation that Kaikeyi feels Mithila doesn't fulfill. Just like many parents who wants brides for their sons from well known, wealthy and powerful families. Not from a simple family which has wealth and power but they don't show off and is more spiritual and philosophical in approach.