*From & To Sathish* - Thread 4 - Page 136

Vaanathai Pola 258

Radha Krishnan stood up and with a ghost of a smile haunting his face and whispered, ' Change, Mr Thangamani and that too in me?'

' Radha Krishnan, although, we only met a week ago, I think that is more than enough time to know and understand a person very well. Particularly, if both the persons like and respect each other.'

' The preponed white hair and matching white beard don't go with your shining and intelligent eyes, Thangamani for they not only shine with intelligence and acumen but also of lingering youth.'

Thangamani did not reply and continued to stare at Radhu and after a few seconds gave up saying, ' Well, I asked and you evaded. I am waiting for your reply, an explanation that will explain why I feel that something has changed in you and that you look different.'

Both looked at each other and then both sniffed the air and walked out of the room and closed the door gently so that the smoke would not disturb the blissful sleep of The Flock's remaining kids who numbered three.

Radhu sniffed the air and looked pointedly at the librarian who said in a resigned voice, ' your shadow has been haunting The Flock and I am cool with that but not with his choice in the stinking beedi's that he smokes. I give up and am even willing to concede to him smoking cigarettes than this stinking beedis.'

Radhu looked away and cursed filthily in both Urdu and Arabic and Thangamani looked at him with a smile and said, ' even though I confess that I don't know the meaning of your curses for I don't speak those languages, I know that they are bad and that they are directed at your old friend.'

Still smiling, Thangamani master asked Radhu, ' How is he still alive?'

There was no need to read his mind for Radhu understood perfectly what the question meant for it had nothing to do about the dangers that smoking did to the human body but instead what it's smell could do in a situation where the ambience was war, killing and spying.

Radhu smiled and replied, ' His smoking is one and probably the only reason why he was forced to quit carrying out missions on his own and also helping others in their missions. For, anyone can smell him a mile away and that is putting it mildly when it comes to the awareness and skillset of spies and assassins.'

Raising his hand in the direction from where the beedi smoke was coming, Radhu said, ' He is practically family and has been with my mother from the time she was a child herself. Eccentric, slightly mad and very moody but a good man to have in tough situations for he seems to be somehow blessed with nine lives and also always comes out unscathed and which simply means that he is one of the deadliest killers that are alive and kicking on this planet.'

' Now, what do those very words say about you when I tell you that the only person that I fear is you, Your majesty Ayan Ahmadi aka Adam Connors aka Radha Krishnan.'

Radhu and Thangamani master both turned hearing the words that came from same the direction of the beedi smoke and The Old man stepped out of the shadows staring at the stub of the beedi that had died and then looking up from it chucked it away and walked slowly towards them saying, ' Young cub, if I, who according to you is a deadly killer, then tell me, please, what you are whom I fear the most.'

The old man stopped and took in Radhu and then slowly retreated a few steps and with wide-open eyes asked, ' Allah, bless is sinners. what happened to you, child? what is this new light that I see burning in your eyes and burning through the skin of your body?'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qJ9nSKgLQY

I've always wondered if chickens communicated using foul language. Maybe only when they're egg cited.

An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

I didn’t think the chiropractor would improve my posture. But I stand corrected.

I took my new girlfriend out on our first date to the ice rink, and entry was half price. She called me a cheap skate.

Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.

I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery. She was in charge of the hops.

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. I found out she was seeing someone on the side.

My wife claims I’m the cheapest person she’s ever met. I’m not buying it.

Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow has only 16. The difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.

I told my carperter I didn’t want carpeted steps. He gave me a blank stair.

What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision? Suture self.

Vaanathai Pola 259

The same eyes of his biological father,Brigadier Rajashekar, shone like twinkling black diamonds in Radhu's eyes as he stood gazing into the green eyes of his mentor, relation and his best friend who he had always called " The Old man" and from the time he had been able to form words and speak them in his toddler tongue.

There were no secrets between them and had never been for there had never risen an ocassion for that and yet, The Old man could see and that too clearly the hesitation on Radhu's face and the seed of doubts in his eyes.

' Inshallah, so, the cub has indeed grown up into a lion and feels it has no need for the trust and support of its pride.'

Radhu looked away instead of immediately answering and after taking a few moments,gathering his emotions more than his thoughts turned and replied to the rather twisted and complicated question that the Old man had asked of him.

Thangamani master stepped in and declared, ' I will leave you gentlemen now so you can talk it out in private.'

' No Mr.Thangamani. There is no need for you to leave for you are part of our circle and part of this conspiracy behind the attack on my father.'

Having said that to the librarian, Radhu turned to the Old man, ' The cub grew up a long, long time ago and you were there when I killed for the very first time.'

The old man snarled angrily, ' Then why the hesitation in answering my question?'

' Old man, I hesitated, because I myself am in the dark about this change that has come over me. I have no clue what is happening to me and why I am feeling all this stuff that is strange and also scary.'

The old man lit up another stinking beedi and both men saw a look of happiness fill his face as his lungs filled itself with the tobacco smoke.

Blowing it out, he looked at Radhu with sarcasm filling his face in the shape of an uplifted eyebrow and the corner of his lip and said, ' Change, what scary and strange change are you going on about, you dumb child? You are in love and that too after having spent many a year drowning yourself in sorrow and solitude. Your heart is like the Sahara that has felt the sweet taste of rain after a long time. That is the change, cub and that is the only change that can make a man talk gibberish and crumble to the ground like tombs built of sand.'

Thangamani master saw that the words of The Old man had failed to evoke any sort of anger or irritation in Radhu who instead smiled and said, ' Old man, I love you too much and know you far too well to retort an answer to your thoughts for I know that your thoughts are out of concern for my well being.'

' Cub, you might be all grown up now but think before you make empty declarations about knowing my thoughts.'

Radhu turned to Thangamani master, ' after my mother's arrival in USA, she quickly realized that she would not be able to cover her pregnancy for too long and it was then her distant relations followed her tracks to America. One took up the role of the husband and father while the other that remains today and standing before us took up only the role of a father and also guardian.'

Thangamani master deciding that the mood was a bit too tense, quipped jokingly, ' you are a lucky man,Radha Krishnan for you have had three fathers in your life.'

' Yes, Mr Thangamani. One was left behind in the mountains bordering India and Afghanistan. One took up the quiet role of an acting husband and acting father while the one standing before us took up the real role of a father. And it is he, that soul that is talking to us right now for it feels that it is losing its cub.'

The old man sputtered, ' what, what are you blabbering?'

' I am not blabbering for that is exactly what you thought and felt when you saw me hesitating with your question.'

The old man filled his face with a look of anger but in his mind, his thoughts were raging around like a cyclone as they swirled and went back to that first moment.The very first moment when he had seen Ayan Ahmadi in the delivery room and he recollected the baby's tiny hands and feet flailing around and then the baby had sprayed hot piss on his face and he had cursed angrily and had then burst out laughing seeing the childs expression of contentment and he had whispered, ' Your gun is steady and your aim is true. You are a true Mujhadeen warrior and I will be your shadow until my shadow falls. Inshallah, my little cub.'

Radhu smiled and burst out laughing and pointing to The old man started laughing even louder who snarled, ' you impertinent pup. you dare mock me. what is this joke that makes you laugh and cackle like desert hyena?'

' My gun was steady then and my aim was true and I am glad that I filled your face with my piss.Inshallah.'

The blood drained from his face which suddenly turned pale in shock and he mumbled, ' how do you know that? I have not even told that to your mother for it was a sacred bonding moment between you and me. How do you know that?'

Radhu smiled and sighing heavily, ' Old man, you asked me what this change was that has come over me and what was that light in my eyes. This is your answer. This is what happened in Madurai and in the forest of Perumalvaram.'

The old man cursed, ' Allah be praised. what, who did this to you and why?'

Radha Krishnan aka Radhu aka Ayan Ahmadi aka Adam Connors aka Abbas Ali Khan replied, ' I absolutely have no clue what is going on and the only thing that I am very sure about is that there exists in this world warriors who are vastly superior to me.'

The old man grunted loudly, ' That is how life works but vastly superior to you.I am sorry but that cannot be for I have seen the best warriors in action and I have seen you in action, too and I know that you can take on and take down a dozen of the best men in this world and that too without breaking a sweat.'

Radhu shook his head, ' sorry old man but you are wrong.'

' So, tell me about who these warriors are, my young pup and tell us what happened there?'

Radhu began to speak and he spoke well into the night.

At the same time, one warrior not far away from them stood with his arms folded across his chest and stood guard over his wife and his two babies.

At the same time, far away to the south, the other warrior stood up and smiled and looked at Arul and Jothi, ' Leave to Chennai right now and watch over them and protect them at any cost.'

Both of them fell to their knees and said in unison, ' Lord, father, protector, we see you and we hear you. Your wish, your command is our breath and action.'

They both looked up into Dhana Shekara Pandyan's face and roared, 'Pakalon, Maasilan,Kathiravan, Meykandan,Koman,Nikaran. We bow to you, our King Kavin.'

The boy who went into the dark and came back with light.

Being me while being him and others-1

25 years and a few months of time and a major share of my life have passed me by since I left the starting blocks. In the field of Athletics, starting blocks are used by sprint runners to brace their feet against at the start of a race so they do not slip as they stride forwards at the sound of the starter's pistol.

If the race was about acting and me becoming an actor, then the starter was the one and only G.Venket Ram who not only kickstarted my race but also laid out the track for me to run on. ( God bless him and his family)

1995 November is a time that I will and can never forget and I am sure that even if I happen to slip into dementia or Alzheimers, I will remember that.

Everyone is raw and incomplete in the beginning years of their careers and as for me, just raw will not suffice and maybe fish out of water will just about do it.

' O..A Ma..iru, just do what I tell you to do and don't ask questions' Venket told me in his own pleasantly but strict way and all I could think of at that time was, ' Bathroom enge.'

The last time I had gotten makeup done was through the gentle hands of the beautiful and eternally graceful Jyotsana Buch and that was in 1985 for a Tamil play.

Cut to 1995, it was at the hands of a veteran film makeup man called Sampath anna who had quit films for the lucrative field of Advertising.

Well, one cannot be lucky in all matters of life.

Sadly, Sampath anna passed away a few months ago from a heart attack.

The ad was for spic and was being done by an agency called Profad.

My costume was formals and a tie and then a session with a blue blazer that was kindly lent to me by Venkets friend, Mark.

It was mostly solo shots and then a few with a female model whose name I cannot remember. Sorry.

I was shooting for a serial called Kalyana parisu that was airing on Sun tv and it was towards the end of December of last year, 2019 that I got a call from a gentleman called Babu who introduced himself as the Production executive for a company called Venus Infotainment.

' Sir, we are starting a new project for Vijay tv and we would like you to come in for an audition.'

I said okay and although my heart skipped beats, calmed myself down for I have learnt through not one but many of life's lessons that one should not count the chickens until they hatch and more importantly one should not gloat about the chickens before they grow up and are sold off. For all it takes is a fox to enter the coop or the flu to sweep through killing all our dreamy chickens overnight in one fell swoop.

You know what I am talking about, don't you for we all know and have experienced in our lives that ancient proverb " There's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip."

Good morning. I wish you a beautiful day.

Being me while being him and others-2

1995 passed on and then came 1996 and 1997 and by this time my portfolio was filled with more than 50 ad and corporate assignments. Both print and TVC ( Televsion commercial) and I knew to a certain degree what worked and did not work and I have to confess that it did fill me with a bit of arrogance that thankfully only revealed itself as confidence and enthusiasm but in overload and overdrive mode.

Deep inside, I knew very well and realized that I was running the course and facing the camera with only a little bit of youth and decent looks coupled with arrogance and that a real test would put me to shame and humble me and crumble me to dust.

But I was prepared for those eventualities for I had stored in my memory a vast portfolio of two generations of acting and performances by masters who had come before me and had climbed to the the pinnacle of actings peak.

If Mt.Everest is the tallest mountain in the world, then the late Nadigar Thilagam Sivaji Ganesan is the peak of acting and it is a fact that is widely acknowledged by everyone and a fact that is worshipped by me.

Since, I am telling the story I am sorry that I have to tell it from my point of view. So please forgive me.

Undergraduate, Post graduation, Masters, PHD and then you become a doctor.

Here I was an undergraduate in the field of acting and my goal was to become a good actor, a great actor and one that is acknowledged by all and sundry. My advantage was that I had a guide, Guru and mentor called Nadigar Thilagam by my side like Arjuna had Lord Krishna on his and so it was with great confidence that I accepted a small but significantly important role in a tv serial in 1996 for sun tv and immediately hit a speed breaker.

All of us are familiar with them speed breakers, bumps, pot holes, pits who pass themselves off as humans and just because they are that they do their best to pull the rest down to their levels.

At this point, I have to stress on the words jealousy and frustration.

In my field of illusions and dreams, there are scattered many who although talented did not make it because of a lack of good and right chances. These are wounded warriors who skip from acting, to direction, to writing and then back to acting and do that all their lives and in turn take great pleasure in denting and scarring wannabe actors and their confidence.

Then there are those two dirty words called " Politics and favouritism" that run rampant in the field of cinema and when it comes to male actors, it is " Scratch my back, flatter me, raise me up, buy me a drink" and when it comes to female actors, it means one and that one act is " Sleep with me."

In my opinion what males and females are asked to and subjected to are nearly the same thing. Be it body or be it soul, prostitution is the same for it is the sacrifice of self-respect and what is a life without self-respect but a husk, an empty shell and alive and dead at the same time.

I largely escaped that gauntlet but sadly saw many such victims then as I do now.

Souls who came with dreams and dreams only without any talent to back them up and today they makeup and takeup small jobs and survive and all the while still dreaming.

Being me while being him and others-3

Luck. What the f..k?

yet without luck

your life is muck

and one can only cluck

like a duck without luck

I am not a superstious person although I have spent some thought on that phenomenon. Why not, I ask and say when we spend even more time on the other phenomenon called God. In my field of cinema and television, I think more than stuff like luck, fate, divine intervention, hate and jealousy coupled with greed plays a larger part in determining one's career.

I will give you a simple example that will explain it for you.

A few years ago, I was called in for an a film audition by a production manager for a big budget tamil film starring one of today's top heroes. My heart skipping, missing beats, I went for the audition and blew them away with my performance. Of course, I saw a few familiar and unfamiliar faces scattered around the film house on my way in and on my way out.

The scene was a two page one and I glanced and raced through it and looked at the Associate director and the assistant director and said, ' I am ready.'

Both looked at me and asked, ' are you sure, sir?' and I answered with a simple yes.

It is a scene in which I play a collector who is trying to make peace between two gangs and ends up warning them with drastic measures and also encounter killings if they don't stop their fights immediately.

I told the Associate director that I would do one rehearsal take and requested him to correct me if he found any faults or direct me the way he wanted.

I finished the rehearsal take which is also strangely called ' Oru monitor take' or ' Oru monitor paakalam' and he smiled and said, ' sir, this will do and it is more than enough.'

I said, ' sorry boss, one will not do' and went ahead and gave several variations and improvizations of the same lines.

On my way out, he pointed to a few familiar looking artistes and said, ' they have had their heads buried in those two pages for nearly one hour.'

The associate director winked and said, ' Bro, the shooting is next week and we will meet up there.'

I said okay and from experience replied, ' In case it does not work out, I wish you the very best. If possible, please remember me when you spread your own wings as a director and call me' and left.

I am a wise soul and the iron in me that has been forged after many constant visits to the factory where it has been bent, beaten, melted, cast and forged anew again and again.

I will come to what I mean from that above statement.

I waited, waited and nobody called me and so life goes on.

A few months later, I bumped into the same chap, that Associate director in a shooting location and exchanged polite pleasantaries.

He looked at me with irritation filling one eye and anger in the other and asked me boldly, ' Such a big film and you turned it down. Just two scenes but both with the hero. It would given you so much mileage and visibility in the industry.'

My reply was the sound of a grunting pig and that was all I could manage and the smart man that he was, he caught my popping eye-balls and " O " shaped mouth that all beauty pageant winners do after much practice and the same which I did well on my first try and went ' Oh f..k, that snake.'

The gist of it is that I was selected but was never called for the Production executive who was supposed to have called me about dates and payment, instead called somebody else who was okay with his adjustments and was okay with his terms.

Adjustments??????

Yup. The production executive chose another artiste who was willing to share half his payment and so informed the direction team that I was busy with some other work when in fact he had never called me.

The associate director told me that the artiste who came in for the shoot sucked so badly that the director nearly suffered a stroke from all the screaming he did in the two days of shooting with that adjusting actor.

So, you see, it is not about luck or fate that determines an actors career but adjustments along with an adjusting character.

repeat from the last chapter

( Then there are those two dirty words called " Politics and favouritism" that run rampant in the field of cinema and when it comes to male actors, it is " Scratch my back, flatter me, raise me up, buy me a drink" and when it comes to female actors, it means one ting and which is " Sleep with me."

In my opinion, what males and females are asked to do and subjected to are nearly the same thing. Be it body or be it soul, prostitution is the same for it is the sacrifice of self-respect and what is a life without self-respect but a husk, an empty shell and alive and dead at the same time.)

Many, call it luck, fate, destiny, predestined, written thus at the time of our birth when good fortune smiles on them. I simply call it hard work,talent and correct casting. As you rise up from the muddy bottom,leaving behind the scum that are called bottom feeders and bottom dwellers, you start meeting people who are worried only about their craft and final product. They are the directors, producers and all the main people who are involved in television, movies and advertising.

The year 2000 dawned and sometime in February, I got a call from Vigadan for the main role in their new project that was of 13 episodes and would air every Sunday night at prime time.

I went and met the director and point blank told him, ' I am not hero material and neither am I interested in the hero character. Please give me a role that has some acting potential and not just romancing and spewing love lines.'

The director whose name was Dharan smiled and looked at me as if I had popped a horn out of the top of my skull and said, ' Weird. Really weird. First time that I am meeting an actor who is refusing the lead and instead is asking for a smaller role.'

A few weeks passed by and just when I had nearly forgotten about that meeting, Dharan himself called and said, ' there is a role but it is of a much older character who is in his late 50s.'

' I will do it gladly' was my reply and I did it.

The role was of a CB-CID Commissioner who is also a serial killer and who is shot dead in the climax scene.

March 2000 came and with it came a call from the office of Vaishnavi pictures owned by actress and producer Kutty Padmini and they wanted me to come in for an audition for a small role.

Nothing to lose since I was really doing nothing at all, I drove up to Vaishnavi pictures.

Thankfully, mercifully, the office was largely empty but for a few staff members and I was told to sit and wait for the boss and her husband direct Prabhu nepaul.

After waiting for what seemed like an eternity and in which time my hair and nails grew by a few inches, I was ushered into a small cabin where both Padmini ma'am and her husband were seated and so the interviewing began.

Frankly speaking, I am a frank and outspoken B....rd and I fear nothing but my own soul and a few precious others who I fear for I love and respect them so much. Not so much as fear but cos I look up to them as I have placed them on a pedestal. One is my pondatti, and the others are a few friends who you can count using the fingers of just one hand. All it takes is one look and one word and I am done, really done.

Kutty Padmini smiled beautifully and said, ' This character is just a guest appearance and will last for the first five or six episodes and then it will be killed off.'

' Cool ma'am. I am ready and am willing. Where do I sign?' was my reply.

My eyes caught some pics on the table before me and between me and them and that which had been taken a few years ago and back when I had a really thick shrub on my lip and which we call MEESAI aka Moustache.

I reached out and picking the pic smiled and Kutty Padmini asked me why I was smiling and I pointed to the pic and said, ' That is me.'

She smiled and exchanged looks with her director husband and told me, ' that pic was our first choice and we tried contacting but no response.'

This was in the year 2000 when mobile phones were just over two years old and existed in the realm of the rich and out of reach for most of us middle and lower middle income group citizens.

We all laughed about the pic and my look with and without the moustache and thus my new project for sun tv came about and it was called " Manthira vaasal."

Being me while being him and others-4

The biggest stumbling blocks that most aspiring entrants into the world of cinema or television face are Egos. Inflated,hyper-inflated egos that are disproportionate to a said individual's achievements. Also add to that Individuals whose times are over, their chances come and gone and who live in a world of dreams as they work in a world of illusions.

And then you have those who are full of bluster and who talk loudly in a threatening manner and bully their way through, all the while doing nothing. Nada.

Even back then in the beginning of the 21st century, I had a fairly decent idea about myself and that was that I was a misfit not only for the world of cinema but for life itself. Why, because I, almost always, speak frankly, openly and yes, brutally.

Cinema is not the only world of illusions for life, real-life to is a world of illusions. Have you thought about it?

I wonder what a world full of honest people would be like. They would murder each other and that would be the end of the human species. That actually sounds pretty awesome.

Coming back to 2000 March and back to the small cabin space of Vaishnavi pictures.

I softly asked Kutty Padmini what my role was even though it was going to be for just 6 episodes.

She said that I was going to play the role of a thief from Mumbai sent by his boss, a character named " Patel Bhai" and I am sent to steal a sacred heirloom that is actually a silk saree with magical powers.

She looked at me, ' You will try to steal the saree and in the process are killed.'

That was more than what I needed to hear and then she said that her production manager Venkat would be in touch with me regarding the dates and so I left.

Maybe, because my guru was Nadigar Thilgam, I somehow didn't give much thought about the lead roles or hero roles and only concentrated on acting in roles that I could really act and feel proud about.

I see now, know now and have learnt now that almost all actors set a standard, a mark, a goal in their own minds and always compare themselves with them standards and never upon others opinions or acceptances.

People looking in from the darkness, the audience, the outside world of the public think that the people under the limelight are special, gifted and above mere mortals.

I tell you now openly and I will declare it now that when it comes to excelling in any field, be it films, television, medicine, technology, Computers etc, what is important is Intelligence. Basic Intelligence.

What? what do you mean by that?

Exactly what I have said and that is Intelligence. Even average intelligence is more than enough to do well and succeed anywhere if that is coupled with dedication and passion.

In the first few minutes of the meeting with Kutty Padmini who was the producer and with her husband, Prabhu Nepaul who was the director, I had told them about myself and the little body of work in the five years I had been in the field of cinema and in front of the camera.

But, they seemed oblivious about them and they preferred to see with their eyes, a clean-shaven, reasonably decent looking man who would probably do justice to the small role that had been offered to him.

I have learnt in life that it is a world made up of predator and prey and importantly Alpha's.

My calm, sweet demeanour somehow seemed to have given the impression to director Prabhu that I was a cocky character and he suddenly looked at me as I was leaving, ' stay for a few minutes for I want to see you and the heroine together and also I want you to audition with her.'

' Okay' I said cheerfully and sadly confidently and that set the tone for a rather stormy tenure for the next one year that I worked in that project.

' Hey Satish, I thought your character dies off in six episodes. Appuram eppadi, one year' you might think and you are right if you are thinking that.

I was asked to wait outside and after waiting for about 35 minutes and more, I was called into the cabin again and I came face to face with Singapore Vinodini who had been named as " Manjari" for there was already a Vinodini in the field.

An associate director by the name Mathivaanan read out a scene of three pages and I boldly said, ' I can better understand when I read the scene by myself' and took the scene paper and scanned it for a minute and looked up at all of them and said, ' NAA ready. Neenga readya.'

A romantic scene tinged with a bit of tragedy and both me and Manjari acted it out.

Prabhu Nepaul growled, ' okay, I have seen enough.'

That's how I got a small role in Manthira Vaasal 2.

A week later, the production manager Venket called me and said that the first schedule was going to be in Jaipur and it would be for 10 days.

So, off we went to Jaipur and by the third day the whole story and my character changed and I became the hero and the villain of Manthira Vaasal 2 which ran successfully for one year, 52 episodes and was on air every Wednesday.

How did the role of a small Mumbai thief become the hero and the villain?

What happened to the original hero and that actor who was supposed to play it?

Life happened and life always happens and how you cope with it is what living is all about.

https://youtu.be/h_xi_WqJVGY

Being me while being him and others at the same time-5

Knowledge or insight or just the necessary tools and skills to negotiate with life's casinos in all its crooked and twisted games.

You learnt physics, maths, chemistry and biology and you learnt poems and prose from ghosts of a past and you hoarded books and books and thought, ' I am full of knowledge. I am an educated one.'

A person passing stops and asks you tentatively, ' sir, can you guide me to this address, please.'

' I don't know' you snarl, bark, snap or smirk and turn away and what use was all the knowledge that you have gathered and now think you possess?'

Nothing.

Acting like dancing, if I am allowed to take the liberty to even compare them both, are all about Navarasas expressed in both face and body by the dancer and actor for you have those really famous and accomplished dancers who do not just express using their body and face but who express from their soul.

There was a time when I acted using my quiet and invisible master, Nadigar Thilagam as a yardstick and that time has come and gone for now it is the time of acting by just thinking.

When previously, acting was about a tic on the cheek, a lift of an eyebrow or a smirk from the lip now it is the thought and only the thought that is needed to act and this is what I have been doing in my current project called " Baakiyalakshmi."

Of course, I still rave and rant in some scenes and also overact but only when I am asked to by the director and that too only when one emotion is required and that is rage and when my character is raging like a tempest.

In life too, I have learnt that feeling and dealing from the soul makes all things bright and beautiful and worth it all.

Knowledge is not about reading all that someone has written down but instead using them as guidelines, using them as candles to light our way out of our darkness that threatens to swamp our soul and our lives.

Whenever death, tragedy, misfortune, betrayal threatens to swamp our mind and body, we either drown in sorrow or in anger and most come out of it but many do not.

' why me? Why did it have to happen to me? what did I do to deserve this fate?'

Why not you and why not think beyond you and your EGO?

October 2016 in Ooty. Two events happened at that time and the first one was me working with Producer Kutty Padmini for a new project. A web-series called " Maya Thirai." The other one was meeting Ravi Shankar the actor who had been selected to play the hero in Manthira vaasal 2, 16 years ago, and who had not.

2000 April-16 years ago

2000 April found me and the team of Manthira vaasal chugging up the tracks to Delhi and then off in a large van to Jaipur.

We spent about 7 to 8 days there and most of them were the worst moments in my life. Two reasons for that. First the atrociously rude behaviour of the director and also the timings. There were days when we shot from morning to next morning and then went back, bathed, brushed and came back to work and work until the next morning. And then I had to do some of the most gruelling scenes which involved clambering up pipes to reach the third floor and running on rooftops and on ledges. Top that with night scenes in the desert, running with Manjari in tow and with men on camels in hot pursuit.

Scorpions, snakes etc that come out in the cool of the night are your thoughts and yes, my thoughts too and let's not forget the thorny bushes and scrubs and the dunes I was asked to roll down from, many times.

Ravi Shankar who was supposed to play the lead joined us on the third day and we became good friends and have remained thus to the present day.

But, he never misses the opportunity to get in a punch or slip a sly stab to the heart( soul) whenever he sees me, by saying, ' Machaan, you killed my career.'

Something changed on the third day of the shooting in Jaipur. The story changed and it all happened and I learnt about it only when I was called to the office of Kutty Padmini after we returned to Chennai a week a few days later.

During those seven or eight days in Jaipur, I constantly heard Ravi Shankar cribbing and cursing " All I do is eat, rest, sleep and nothing else and I am supposed to be the hero.'

After finishing that schedule in Jaipur, we all returned to Chennai and a two days later, Kutty Padmini herself called me on the phone and asked me to come and meet her in the office.

So, I went and met both the producer wife Padmini ma'am and director hubby Prabhu and both greeted me with a lot of love and respect and then she said, ' Sir, the story has changed and we need help with your dates.'

My heart sank and I thought with fear and dread ' Oh no, I must have been so bad that they want to reshoot my portions, crap.'

I smiled politely and replied, ' sure ma'am. Anything you want.'

Kutty Padmini exchanged glances with Prabhu Nepaul and then turning to me said, ' your scenes have come out really well and so we have now made you the hero of this project.'

' But ma'am, I am playing a small role of a petty thief from Mumbai.'

' Correct. Now you will play both the villain and the hero.'

My first thoughts were about Actor Ravi Shankar who was the hero and to whom and to whose career I would become a villain, right till the end.

2016 October, Ooty.

I got into my police uniform for I was playing one of the main roles and which was Deputy Superintendent of Police Rajkumar who is investigating some bizarre murders as requested by his sister who is a criminal lawyer and that role was being played DP aka Devi Priya.

The first scene was done and then there was the scene in which I interrogate a Gardner of the house where a murder has taken place and the Gardner turned out to be " Ravi Shankar."

Is life about luck? Are opportunities about luck or talent? Is it about being in the right time at the right place?

I have no clue, my fellow travellers and all I know now at this moment is that " One just needs to get on with it and get on with it with humility and acceptance."

If birth is It's creation then death is It's destruction of that too. Both by It's hands and yes all that lies in between that we call living is It's actions too.

Knowledge. F..k Knowledge for Insight and Experience is what life is all about and they are the Remains of the Day.

" Who am i" I ask myself and I get a few answers to choose from. Alice in wonderland. Charlie at the chocolate factory, Huckleberry finn, Tom Sawyer, David copperfield or, or Pandora who opened that proverbial chest as I am baring my chest to you.

Good morning. I wish you a beautiful day and a beautiful Sunday.