FF : Parityaktha end page 10 - Page 3

Part5

"Committing yourself is a way of finding out who you are. A man finds his identity by identifying."

-Anon.

One day Gopi went through Ahem's clothes before giving it for dry cleaning and found an unexpected thing in one his pants pocket ' a ladies handkerchief with a design of interlocking A's on it. Gopi wondered whose it might be and how did it end up in his pocket?

She chose not to confront Ahem about it , firstly because he never gave her the right to question his actions and secondly, she didn't want further information about her shaky position in the house.

That night she pretended to be asleep when Ahem entered the bedroom, she felt that if he loves someone then he should get married to her and have kids with her'he should have the guts to tell that to his parents and set her free. Having a child with her will lead to a complex web of relationships which will end up asphyxiating both of them'.

She didn't want any relationship to end up becoming a noose around their neck..days passed and Gopi didn't let Ahem perform his "duties"'she found ample proof of there being another woman in his life..light lipstick marks on his shirt, a bill for the purchase of a diamond ring, a few strands of hair on his coat'and the smell of an unknown perfume from his shirt.

There was no real relationship between Gopi & Ahem and it was his age to enter into relationships and find love in a girl of his choice. Gopi didn't grudge it but what bothered her was Ahem's resolve to keep it from his parents. Maintaining two families would surely take a toll on his emotional well being and she didn't want to stay with him under such circumstances..if they bow to parental pressure and end up having kids then the child would be emotionally hurt too'

It is better to terminate the relationship now and release him from the bondage' His near and dear ones might be hurt but they would surely end up accepting the new woman in his life. After a few years people would forget that he was married to a girl called Gopi'

She decided her plan of action, she wouldn't go back to her house and would find work as a care giver in an orphanage or home for the aged. Her basic needs would be looked after there..she needn't stay all alone at some seedy accommodation and the satisfaction derived from serving would be an added bonus. Finally she would be of some use to the society.

The feeling that she was a parasite in the house of Modis was gnawing away her heart, she wanted to leave and clear Ahem's path. Her love was snatched away from her years ago..but she won't come in the way of two lovers uniting.

Talking to the elders was useless as they would find some way of stopping her departure. She had never taken even a single decision on matters affecting her life..she wasn't empowered enough back then.

Gopi wanted to leave everything behind and free herself from the shackles she found herself in..she wanted to be on her own and taste freedom..live life her way'she waited till she found a job in Karuna- home for the aged..and then moved out without telling anybody. She left a note on her bed and posted a letter to Koki and Baa explaining her actions and urging them not to search for her. She was safe and enjoying her new life ' a rebirth of sorts.

She felt like a butterfly which had just come out from a cocoon, she wanted a new identity and chose to call herself Neelima Parekh. Gopi was left miles behind and Neelima Parekh was born ' a new woman in control of her own life.

"The phoenix must burn to emerge."
- Janet Fitch