|Shattered... Again| ~ An Asad Drabble

~|Shattered... Again|~

"I have already agreed Asad! I want to live with your Abbu!"

I want to live with your Abbu... I want to live with your Abbu... I want to live with...' The words echoed in my ears, each echo louder than the former. I realized that Ammi was holding me by my shoulders. She was crying... it hurt to see tears in her eyes. I wanted to wipe them off, but suddenly it seemed as though my body had turned into lead. I couldn't lift my hand even if I wanted to. Ammi was saying something as well... but I couldn't hear what. Her earlier words hung heavy in the air. I felt suffocated, as though someone was slowly choking me to death.

I wanted to scream, vomit out all the pain in my heart till there was nothing left... I wanted to tell Ammi that her decision was wrong. That wan would cheat her... use her, and throw her away again... just like he did before. She's too innocent... she doesn't understand...

I can hear her now... she's saying that she didn't take that man's blame on herself, that she wanted to go live her life with him... that it was her own decision. No!' my mind shouted. You are wrong Ammi! Please don't do this... please don't do this to me! Please tell me that all this is nothing but a filthy joke... or a horrible nightmare, or the most terrible of all lies... anything! Please don't go... you cannot do this to me! Please don't let this be true, please... I beg of you! Don't let this be true... please don't let this be true... Please...' I went on chanting in my mind.

I tried so hard... I tried to explain all this to her, but it all went in vain. Ya Allah, please wake me up from this dream! This can't be happening... this just cannot be true! I refuse to believe that all this is real! No, no, NO!

I can't take it anymore... Haven't I suffered enough already? Haven't I faced every possible difficulty and challenge that life could throw at me? Was not the number of wounds that were inflicted on my heart enough? Ya Allah, why me? Why only me?

Why must I sacrifice every single person who matter the most to me, who are the reason for my very existence, who I love more than anything? First Zoya... and now, Ammi? How on earth am I supposed to survive without her? Doesn't she... doesn't she know how much she means to me? How can she even think of leaving me to go live with that man... because of whom we had to endure so many difficulties and humiliation? Who destroyed her life... and ours... who robbed me and Najma of our childhood... who reduced you to nothing, but a woman who has been left by her husband... all in the name of wealth? Why does she want to go back to him?!

I can't see her getting hurt again... I have seen her crying tears of blood when that man left her seventeen years back. I can't let her go through the same pain again... when I know that I can stop it from happening. Don't do this Ammi, I know that you have been brainwashed. He has tricked you into believing that he needs you... but he doesn't. He lies... every single time. He is deceiving you again Ammi, can't you see it? Can't you see through his intentions like I can? Why do you have love him so much Ammi? He doesn't deserve you... he doesn't deserve you love and trust Ammi... he doesn't...'

I looked at her now, hoping that she would look into my eyes and read what was going on in my mind, like she always does. I hoped that she would see my pain... that she would change her mind and tell me that all this was not true... that she would take me into her arms and console me by saying that she could never even think of leaving me...When she next opened her mouth, I could feel my hopes rising, but then...

"I am leaving Asad. The sooner you understand this, the better."

My mind turned blank. I could faintly hear something breaking... maybe it was my heart. I could feel my heart shattering into infinitesimally small pieces. Never had I known that words held so much power... so much, that they could kill a person from the inside. This pain, this unbearable pain... I wanted to escape from it... run away somewhere, where no one could ever hurt me again.

I saw Ammi walking away... I wanted to stop her, but I couldn't. She was further away than I imagined...

I felt someone's hand on my shoulder, Zoya's. She was pleading with me... telling me not to get angry. How can I be angry Zoya? I don't have it in me anymore... She was asking me to calm down and think about the situation properly... I can't Zoya! I can't think! Do you not get it?! I feel tired... drained. As though all the life has been sucked right out of me...

I turned to the direction of my room... I needed to be alone. I could feel the bile rising up and burning my throat as I spat out the bitter truth of my life. "That man snatched my Abbu from me in my childhood. And today he snatched away my Ammi too..." I said, before walking away. Maybe, I have just been orphaned, yet again...

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Because I have never written angst before 😳

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Originally posted by: MisHumptyDumpty

You know i loved it right away So 😎

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How was ur exam today? :D