Originally posted by: InduG64
@Kirthi: I am so in tune with your thoughts regarding parenting. You know one of your points reminded me of this:
The most important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother.
Without love and a proper husband-wife relationship they can become good guardians but not good parents...and by saying that I am by no means undermining those couples who are separated/divorced yet manage to bring up their kids well. A child is very sensitive and very observant toward the undercurrent between his/her parents. They blossom in not only the love their parents give but also in feeling safe in the warmth of their parents' mutual love and friendship. Here, both Palak and Ansh sense the incompatibility between their parents, though they may be too young to put a finger to it. That is why the knowledge about "the Kiss" was so important to Ansh and the girls when they queried their parents earlier on. And yeah, the Princi was spot on...he showed the real mirror to Aarti/Yash.
@Indu, Red and Sammy. Thanks for all your thoughts in response to my post. There were points I wanted to address in each of your post but I am going to respond to Indu's and within it is embedded all the things I wanted to respond to.
Indu, thanks a bunch, buddy. Every sentence in your post resonated with me. That sentence in bold is exactly why my brains started whirling after I heard the Principal ask ArYa the very personal question: if they are in love. I realized it is an extremely significant question that was probably delivered to get ArYa thinking. And maybe - just maybe this is Yash's trigger point like Jyo keeps asking. Maybe this is what was needed for his mind to be open to the possibility of a real relationship with Aarti (again right now at a subconscious level).
Like you I am not at all undermining those parents who are separated or divorced. They like any other parent would always want the best for their children and put their children first. But in that case the children are aware that their parents are not together and there are certain things you cannot expect from them like Ansh's demand for kissies. In a relationship like ArYa's the kids expect the same kind of overt expressions of love like they see in other married couples like Pari and Pratik or parents of their friends. Yet they don't see that in their own parents.
Like you said I cannot emphasize how amazingly kids pick up on the undercurrents in a relationship. I think Sammy mentioned that it is important to show the kids a very loving front and I agree. But that being said how do you show a loving front to kids for years and years when you are not in love. Is that even possible? The way kids relate to love is from hugs and kisses and touches and not from eye locks and Yeh dil hai playing in the background. Parenting is a very emotionally as well as physically draining job. There are days when all I want to do is curl up somewhere and go to sleep. My husband as much as looks at me and I give him the glares. But the day dawns and we are secure in our love. And little expressions like a goodbye kiss before we leave for work, the gentle teasing and all are so so important in developing a secure cocoon for the children where they feel loved. ArYa lacks that. So, both Aarti and Yash's condition during their wedding time that they are going to be parents without any personal relationship is being severely challenged and I would even go to the extent of saying that it would hamper the children rather than enable their growth. Maybe that is why Shobha keeps harping about them uniting physically not just emotionally. While I do believe that parents can raise emotionally stable children even if they are separated or divorced the fact in this story is, that Aarti and Yash are not separated nor are they divorced. They are living together in the same house in the same room and sleeping on the same bed. Along with this comes some expectations from the children (forget the society at this point) as far as their parent's relationship is concerned.
This also ties in with parental responsibilities. The Principal reminded Aarti about her promise to a staff member about bringing a change in Palak. While I understand that particular dialogue was just to allow us audience to ''appreciate" Aarti's victory when it arrives, I wondered why the Principal did not include Yash in it? Where is his accountability in bringing about a change in Palak? This has been my biggest grouse with Yash but I shall not go into that because I don't think I can ever stop. I think Red mentioned that before Ansh went to school both Aarti and Yash should have made sure that Ansh read the speech. I one hundred percent agree with Red. And that is how it should be in an ideal world where the parents both are equally involved in the day to day affairs of child rearing. Unfortunately, we do not live in an ideal world. There are so many- so many instances were one parent is busier or his or her focus is diverted to another issue and the other parent has to step in: be it a Dad busy at work and coming home late or a mom busy in the kitchen or a scenario where the roles are reversed. To me THAT is working together ie it doesn't always have to be their physical presence together but knowing that you sometimes have to step up your own parental responsibility to compensate for any lacks from the other parent at any given moment.
And then there are so many instances were you don't necessarily agree with your partner in child rearing issues. Yet it is that love between the partners that provide you with a buffer to give the other partner the freedom to exercise his or her way of doing a certain thing. And when things don't go necessarily like the way we imagined it is only human to find blame. Again in this instance it is the love that helps the couple to get through these moments. And it is love and that sense of responsibility that helps you put away your ego and accept the other partners success and failures. Again this is probably what Shobha meant in her love guru talk about putting aside your ego. In the kidnapping fiasco, it was very human for Aarti to blame Yash for it but what if Yash hadn't taken the bullet, would she have forgiven him especially since there was no love between them. I think- No, she wouldn't have forgiven him. Similarly, in the birthday fiasco, Yash' s outburst was so nasty. If they were in love would Yash have handled the situation completely differently? I think- Yes and if Aarti had his love and support enacting out the exact same tableau in front of Palak would have had an entirely different set of results!
I am not sure I have even articulated what I really wanted to say Indu but I hope you got the message. When a couple is living together and raising children especially when all the children are not their's biologically, there are so many little little things that crop up with parenting and spousal expectations that I am not sure it is really easy to deal with them if the parents are not in love.
And if any of you have got through this post kudos to you. Now I am off to read Sammy's OS. 😃
Edited by angake - 13 years ago
