Swati wrote:
Raaga,
beatifully written, but u made me
what my sweet angel bani has done to u that u made her blind , why u have punished her for deeds of reptile.
don't u think Christmas spirit is forgive repentant sinners so why u made JW suffer. do u think that he has not suffered enough for his act of betraying bani.
don't u think it would have been better if he could have got his love with him and what wrong that sweet krishna has done to u that she throughout her life with be staying away from her mother and with GFN WM insects
i request u to just consider the ending of ur story and if u could change this one to a pleasant ending with bani able to see and living happily with JW.
(by the way i always appreciated ur old siggy till the time it was not proved that JW was raped in original KS).
swati
Dear lord! I don't know where to hide!
Swati honestly I wanted to let the steam out. I thought since it's weekend nobody will be interested in my louse story. Just the regular bhootnis a few stray comments and that's it. I never thought it will make this kind of an impact. I have nothing more to say in my defense. I am really sorry for the tears.
As for a different ending, I think the beauty will be marred. But I will make it up.
Thanks very much for the appreciation Swati.
-Raaga
Rose wrote
Rose wrote:
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.
from: The Road Not Taken (Poem)by Rober Frost
i got these lines after i read the story. better than this i didn't see an answer for such an ending you chose to give.. am i consoling myself for the ache it left in the heart...
it is wornderful... then i should accept it as you meant it to be.. because i believe every creation meant to be a unique one like the choice of the road which less travelled by anyone... congradulations.. but i think a sequel will kill its uniqueness... as many did kill Pride and Prejudice with it useless sequels... i wish it would be left as it
Thank you Rose. Yes personally I don't like sequels.
now let me tell you this too... i hate you to breake that man's heart like that... whatever it is no mistake is bigger than the life... that is why still we grow up in this world to see every changes happened after our sins... it was symbolic... a blind can be from your poetic point is someone who grown up to be a learned one from life... the "learned one" is defined by those who are beyond expectaions and hopes... the worlds happenings will not be enough to make an effet on them.. as bani said she is above all these .. she is learned.. and i wish jai will also learned... then no need for a sequel... they are connected to each other always..
Aww that was so beautiful. But it is not only him whose heart was broke. Her too. The pain is not only his. Hers too. And hence theirs. They will remain connected through the bond of pain.
Without pain what love? Love is recognized through pain yaar…
Yes. From personal experience, I can say that pain is the best teacher in the world.
good luck.. it is good to see u back.. cheers
Rose
Thank you Rose. I love your name.
Thank you
I don't want to take the writer's right to do what she likes to do. I accepted that. What i said about life, natural life... big or small , we are all having one life... does any one person in this world who didn't make a mistake? big or small... we realise mistakes, repent it... but then it is the way it is.. repentence is the worst punishment a mistake can ever get... no one i mean no one can give more bigger a punishment than that... but we intend to see the life through a preset of narrow corridor... there we become helpless to do anything more than an impulsive reaction... because human is ruled by emotions than wisdom..
And emotions are never logical.
Sorry, I have to disagree… emotions are created in the brain depending upon the original feelings.. if u take it individually the emotions are results of the feelings … it become illogical when it come out in a wrong time and wrong place… hence human… we push back some of the feelings.. yet go and cry in dark.. but some can't push it back… they are weak… they cry instantly… how come it will be illogical when you see you should not be emotional in a circumstance, it is not appropriate.. etc… it is a real logical process in human.. but you emote yourself in loneliness… depend on how strong a personality is…
What I meant was they ar eogical alright but we know not it is. It happens with me that though I love or hate something passionately, passionate that I am, something of a interloper seems to rear its head resulting in motions that I can hardly account for and thus inducing me to take decisions I normally wouldn't have shouldn't have. Hope that makes sense.
My god Rose! You amaze me! Life is all about sinning, making others sin; watch them committing sins and reaching that stage where you are able to perceive them dispassionately.
Well, that is something… till you see it is your own brother who is standing in that snowy morning in the middle of the road you will think it is a mountain far away, no it is hill some where near by, no it is some gigantic something… finally go close realize it is your own brother… wow we are there almost… unless we don't opt to aim at that gigantic something before we get there… because each moment of human life gives so much opportunity to do sins… and it is easy to do a sin than good… so sins are heavier…but it like darkness… exactly… if you get used to it the darkness will be easy to deal with.. slowly it will look like light though not bright.. we could make out something though not everything… we deal with sins that same… living with it around us it become light… here we go with life and sin balancing… it is the way it is… and it is the way it is to be… because we believe we can't take the life ourselves… God has to take it back in correct time… too much of emotions…
You render me speechless. Now if I could treat my sins that way, and assign logic….too too much of emotions!
True. That night, not only Jai Walia died but also us and all that he stood for us. They made good fools of us…
Yes I agreed.. but a physical death is more appropriate.. because I believe the jai walia I adore didn't do a sin.. it is impossible.. atleast he didn't do it when he is in his sense… if he is not in his sense then it is not he who do it…
Then drivers who trod over innocents when drunk and hence not in their snses are not sinners too. We can all get away with such an excuse Rose.
I pity people like Bani.
They don't need sympathy yaar… they are above all that… it is to be like we pity ourselves…
I do pity myself but I pity Bani and her likes more because they are really 'human' and they keep paying because to use the metaphor again 'blind'. That's so sad.
Thank you AP. I am afraid I can never capture the depth of her love. It is too complicated, judging by her actions!
Wallowing in the emptiness is meaningless when you already decided against it… Bani's case is like that… but she is not like that… because love doesn't support revenge/punishment… love never accept failure… so it forgives… it is dead when it fails to love , I mean fail to forgive… for genuine cause… it is easy to destroy something… but we will take ages to create or even become impossible to create it again at all…
I am sure I am not qualified to answer this. I have not experienced the man woman kind of love. And I am a very complex kind of human. My ideas of love hate etc don't subscribe to the normal standards. And I'm sure it's not the right place to discuss them here. But I like the idea of what you say.
Underlined creatives success had done so much damage… Gods of the illusion world… Gods of the imagination world… rule is their right… but the option left is to open or close your sensors when they rule… we have the sensors still in tact I believe
I hope so!
Abha wrote
Hi Raga Om,
Hello abha!
I have been a lurker for a while now. Your story compels me to come out of my hiding.
I'm honored. Thank you and hope you come out of your hibernation forever and grace us often. That's a request. You'll love to be an active part of our crazy family.
"Unforgiven" is redemption of Jai and Bani Walia in full measure.
Yes though originally I had intended it to be a revenge drama.
Also, wittingly or unwittingly your character portrayal of Bani is even better than that of Jai. If one were to pitt one against the other, in keeping with the flavor of the forum , Bani comes out ahead despite "munna" getting his "Krishna". In your story, it is Bani who stands out with her grace, her magnanimity, her giving from the beginning till the very end.
The answer to this lies in the answer to your last question.
I say all this when I don't even like Bani much. Or for that matter Jai. I cancelled my zee after the ONS.
Very smart of you. That's when KS should have ended. Now it's just crap.
The end is very, very beautiful. That process of letting go, that is Jai and Bani's love story, or at least that is how I feel it should be.
Thank you. You are bang on.
One question, if Bani carried Mr. W's child six years back, then how is the kid still a toddler ?
I like to explore the uncommon meanings of commonly used words and use them in whatever I write. Lends it a special flavor and gets the reader thinking.
Toddler also means 'a young child' which Krishna is here.
Another question, given that both the characters move beyond forgiveness to complete acceptance, why the title "Unforgiven"?
Wow I must be wary of you, friend when ever I write stories! Great observations!
As I said, this was conceived when the details of the ONS were unknown to us. I was hurt, irritated, angry and mad for the obvious reasons. 'Unforgiven' is my emotional punch bag. This was written for the competition so I was also aiming to make it attractive and palatable so it would get at least a few votes and certainly not negative votes! The ending I had conceived then was vastly different from this one. That one was childish and full of spite and malice. I am not proud of that but hey didn't I say it was catharsis? And at that time, I think all of us were anxious for blood and this ff would have gone very well with all of us because it would have been fulfilling our inner desires one way or the other.
But had to abandon it and then so many things happened personally and also with the show. I had snapped all the bonds with the show. I only kept in touch with my friends. Then I came back because again I cannot remain away from my friends for long. This is family. The ONS was now stale business. This story hardly needed to be completed.
But the 19th Jun video reopened old wounds. The anger returned. The punch bag had to recovered from the cobwebbed attic. But as I sought to write it, I realized that the writer has grown. The childish spite and revenge won't do. The old ending had to be abandoned. The protagonists will not be normal characters but two amazing super human beings, who will judge each other and themselves by setting themselves a high almost superhuman standard. The grief the pain the suffering too will reach great heights to match the greatness.
The metaphor 'blind' will be exploited to the maximum. According to the rules of classical tragedy, the fall of the protagonists happen because of an inherent flaw. They are just puppets of other people's evil actions and fate.
This story could have no other end because any other end would have diluted the greatness, the magnificence of the suffering and pain. I am sure Romeo and Juliet would not have appealed as much as it does had the two survived and got married.
For after all our sweetest songs are those that tell us of the saddest thoughts.
When I was finished, I was rather proud of myself because the end turned out to be much loftier than I had ever dreamt of. I was satisfied but never expected it to excite so much of tears and gaalis especially since it's weekend time!
As I was about to post I realized the title ought to be changed. I thought 'satori' would be apt. But then I thought 'unforgiven' will still hold good for, as far as the individual characters are concerned, they don't know that there is no question of forgiveness now for as you say, they have risen above it. It no longer matters.
Pia and Sahil think their respective spouses have punished them. But they are partly wrong. Pushkar and Rano have not yet reached that stage where they have conquered themselves. There is still bitterness but are very likely to reach where Bani has. But for that Rano and Sahil have to realize that Pia and Sahil are not unforgiven and it no longer is something to care about. You are above it. I have left scope for even Pia to achieve greatness because it takes just one moment to really discover oneself.
Munna thinks Massi and Amma have not forgiven him. Even towards the end, he lets her go not because he realizes he has moved beyond forgiveness to complete acceptance but because his love is unconditional. He will not hold her back for selfish motives. He can no longer identify this almost saint like Bani with his wife Bani. She comes across to him as an enigma. He cannot follow what she says and why she took such a decision of abandoning him and their daughter. He thinks it's because he is 'unforgiven' by her!
Without her, his life will hardly be a life anymore. And yet he lets her go though she does give him one fleeting second to stop her. He would do that and the two would become normal humans. Not the superlative one I meant them to be, beyond the normal human emotions and situations, in control of their senses and themselves.
Bani also probably thinks she will remain unforgiven by him for he cannot understand how she has changed and why she had to leave him and their daughter. But she is almost there and that's the difference between her and the other characters. Hence she may come across as a more complete character than any other and so you may think her characterization is even better than that of my Munna's. Actually. 'Unforgiven' is a collection of flawed creatures, in different stages of awareness waiting for satori. Bani is the nearest maybe because she has suffered the maximum and reacts to pain and the blows in a much different way than the other characters including Jai Walia and she had Krishna with her, who taught her the most important lessons of her life. I believe children are innocent gods. It is most likely she will reach the goal earlier than all of them. Though Jai might just beat her! He is showing all the signs.
Maybe they are already there. But life is acting as a smokescreen. The realization is yet to come.
Jai Walia's thinking faculties have deserted him. Right now he is only the creature who just did a supreme sacrifice by allowing the elusive creature who was his wife to go find her heart though it had broken his because inside he has understood and reached the same level as Bani's. But the realization is yet to come and I think that is where Krishna's function lies.
As for Krishna, I cannot say if it's a curse or a boon to have such superlative humans as her parents who have experienced too much of all the human emotions so they have been able to reach what every human hopes to attain but never does in this lifetime. But of course that is an entirely a different story!
Abha, thank you very much for the interest you have shown in my crap and for the pertinent questions. I feel so…
Wow did I just experience satori?
-Raaga
Regards,
Abha
Cute1228 wrote
That was so cute, but y did they go there onw ways!!!
Thank you very much! Well cute you guys are all making me wish the ending was different!
-Raaga
Jnawaz wrote
OMG OMG OMG!!!! that was amazing...it was long and definitely worth it... u did a superb job...wow...absolutely moving...the end...haila...i was actaully crying... omg...that was unbelievabe...it was one of the best things i have read here on IF...forget IF one of the best things i have read ever...wow...what r the chances of getting a part 2...something happy...omg...im totally floored by this...its amazing...omg...bani left...just like that...and she is blind...omg...she left krishna and rano and pushy and jai...omg...loved that bit about pushy and rano...i would have paid to see pias face...damn reptile...omg...hats off to u hun...
JAZ
Jaz you have just succeeded in making me go Red and crimson all over. Thank you so so much dear. I am touched.
Not a part 2 but a compensation definitely sometime soon!
-Raaga
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