Swayam - An Alternate View

That brings us to the question - who was Swayam then? He was a weakling (he chooses to be one we find out soon enough!) but he also lacked the will power to stand up for himself. His most commendable quality was that he doesn't crave the attention (and wonderfully some things never change ). He doesn't think money or status is relevant in love, friendships or life in general. He also has loved Sharon unconditionally for five years then. His dedication to her had made him take up dance (though he does fall in love with dancing soon enough). Generally, people around him thought he could never manage to melt the volcano herself (as he very sweetly describes her much later) .

Now we openly acknowledge Sharon is a complicated person nothing ever works straight forward with her but the truth of the matter is Swayam is equally complicated and possibly equally damaged albeit differently.
Why did Swayam choose to love Sharon so fanatically without her even knowing of his existence ? The first thing that comes to one's mind is the issues Swayam had with his dad since childhood. He was never enough for his dad. Here was a child who was exceptionally talented in academics and sports and extra curricular activities but his dad sought other things from him. His successes were never enough so he chose to rebel against his dad.

The big difference between Swayam and other boys his age was that he was genuinely different. He was caring, sensitive and had a good heart. Consequently disrespecting others wasn't his style nor was acting like a jerk. So ever the peace loving soul he chose to undermine himself make himself inconsequential and invisible. That is until he sees Sharon - she is everything he isn't and he sees a good heart in a very misunderstood soul so bam.. he falls in love . And as is his nature he obsesses over her. It's how he is. He doesn't let go of things easily. He forgives easily but never forgets. That is one factor that constantly changes him .

So when he thinks of a way of repenting for the rose day fiasco he doesn't realize what gargantuan hole he is digging himself into as a secret admirer. I'm not even beginning to talk about the insecurities that blanket Sharon's heart. He doesn't know her as well as he thinks he does. Truthfully at that point of time he knows her better than herself but that doesn't mean he knows her inside out. It's only a layer in the mystery called Sharon. So when in the abandoned corridor she harshly rejects him. That is when Swayam takes his first step towards being the person he is now.

He loses his mind during that confrontation, you don't see the sweet lover boy who makes hearts with his hand to completely throw her off. Instead you see the hurt and angry lover who seems slightly unhinged for the briefest period of time. He can't take things lying down anymore.. He is changing already.

Have you noticed how stoic Swayam is ? Even when his heart is breaking into a thousand pieces he can still put a straight face and go about his business (something nobody else has managed to do - though Sharon comes close) . So they waltz in class and dance intensely close to the beats of Haye Rama meanwhile he also burns the gifts he gives her feeling liberated. In all these events he keeps a lid on his emotions while she is the one who gets greatly affected.

Then of course the whole Shivam angle breaks his resolve and his heart. When he sees Shivam kiss Sharon we can hear the sound of his heart breaking. That's when all his facade is of no consequence. His mask slips and he legitimately loses her at that moment. From here on the Swayam we see is the one of the broken heart and new resolves. Ego which he had put aside just for her is now very much a part of who he is. So even when he decides to leave the college. It's Sharon's challenge to his ego that holds him back. (Notice how casual he can be when he sees her with Shivam or when he goes to wish her before footloose ) . Swayam has changed and it's only the beginning.

He supports her when she needs him, he strives to bring back the confidence she has lost and with every step that she acknowledges him he becomes bolder and stronger. He is no more a walkover . So when he confidently calls her babe (in his "sexy charmer" avatar) or when he holds her hands during the jootha chupai rasams - he is making a statement that he is still the same sweet guy who would let her win but he isn't the same guy she could call a loser and get away with.

Nothing exemplifies this point as much as the canteen/ abandoned corridor mega fight. As much I want to write reams about this one life changing showdown I'll refrain and say this.. Here when Sharon crosses her limit he doesn't take it lying down on the contrary he takes the fight to her.. He crosses more than a few lines himself and we actually see the really flawed dangerous edge to Swayam Shekawat that can only be evoked by Sharon .. No other living person has the capability to invoke such deep feelings, emotions and reactions in him (and the same applies for her too but that's another story) . He says things he doesn't mean, does things he doesn't mean and thoroughly regrets his actions and takes all the punishment she wants to give him, willingly because he knows he was not himself and it scared him. It was not about losing her alone it was also about losing himself.
Strangely enough that showdown just manages to bring them closer. Like any two people who have shared more with each other than anybody else in their entire lives they too found themselves more drawn to each other than ever. This Swayam though was confident and even when he beats Shivam to a pulp he doesn't regret it for even a second. It's like the old Swayam was reborn as the new Swayam out of the ashes of the trial of heart break and constant rejection.

Phase 2
We see another side of Swayam as Swayam and Sharon unsteadily take baby steps towards a trial relationship. Even though he wants to take the entire burden of the relationship on his shoulder it's also true that by then they had become equals in every way. So she found out along with us that he also expected things from her. He also found it hard to let go of things easily ( this we knew already but it came back like a strong reminder) he was still the same loving Swayam but he expected some thing too .. To be loved the way he deserved to. When things went out of control and all seemed lost all he could do was suffer through the disappointment of the loss. He was now an expert at bearing pain. Then again during the dance camp he realizes all is not lost. He wins a national level championship and also receives praise from unexpected quarters. Though such wins don't ever change him it does help in maintaining a high level of confidence. He goes through difficult times cheerfully, even performs as a rebel when almost everybody else lets go of dance. He even puts his personal pain aside and coaches the basketball team .

His true test comes when Sharon comes back and refuses to acknowledge his importance or their relationship. Though he doesn't take it to heart initially you see the slow change into a slightly embittered lover. He is patient with her yet he gives up after a point - all hope lost, when he finds out about her asthma that's when he believes just a little in the power of his love, yet again.
However during this stage when Sharon becomes more and more sure about her feelings for him, he has to face the biggest challenge of his life. His father's constant disapproval. As if to make things worse his dad very openly prefers his best friend Rey over him.
So here is a guy constantly put down by his dad , unsure of the feelings of the girl he loves, no relief with the best friend either (who breaks up with his sister no less) , also suffering from an injury still leading the dance team without letting his life's issues overtake his professional commitments. This is too much to ask from a mature man or woman, here is a boy still in college going through it all stoically without letting the world know about more than half his problems. When he erupts eventually who can blame him ? Also how can you expect that sweet loving naive lover boy to be alive in this complex vortex of emotions?

Phase 3
Then the girl he had loved for the longest time gives him indications that she loves him too. But hey, can you blame him for being vary? Can you blame him for not wanting his heart to be broken yet again? All this insecurity is put to rest when finally they become a couple. Yes there are issues but love conquers all, doesn't it? Or so the lovers believe . This is also the time the problems with his dad are resolved once and for all. For the first time in his life he has two things he has craved for the most - his dad's acceptance and Sharon !!

Rainbows and sunshines abound even though he is being a rock for his best friend suffering from a heartbreak. That's the thing about Swayam , he is never selfish and he is never thinking only about himself either.
As if to ruin his utopia into his college comes Aditya khurana. Now if you see, he is the only one who sees through the guy. He knows it when his friend is getting manipulated, he watches as his best friend and his love slowly drift away from him.
Here again things that set him apart are his lack of desire for the limelight and the supreme confidence in his talent - that a talented person will be noticed no matter where he stands.
However it is during this phase that he realizes there is a gaping hole in his relationship. The lies and the lack of trust is what seemed to define their relationship.

This is his breaking point . He realizes everything he has worked for is futile, his love is still not good enough to make a strong bond. She still chose to lie to him and mistrust him. When he finds out she is pursuing him with gifts, he lets his guard down temporarily but his heart gets another huge and this time unbearable shock when she refuses to acknowledge their relationship thus making his love for her a joke in front of everyone.

Now for a moment think about this guy, he has never really wronged her in any way, their altercations have all been two sided. He hasn't ever really given up on her either. Yet constantly people including close friends thought of his love for her as a joke. The kind of love he will never get in reciprocation. He had often heard from them that she won't care for him ever (though this wasn't true as their inside story was only theirs) constantly through the years. He has seen pity in their eyes for his feelings. He has seem them give him sympathetic looks, sometimes it was just a look to a guy who seemed so pathetic as to being incapable of moving on. It was his breaking point. It was his way of protecting whatever little was left of his heart unshattered. Yes he is moved by the gifts, yes he is affected by her every effort to get his attention, yes it melts his heart when she goes out of the way to apologize, to make it up to him, to fulfill his wishes and to impress his family. He is still the guy who has loved her unfailingly. However, now he is not too sure of her reactions anymore. He knows yet doesn't want to believe in anything she says. He has had his heart broken way too many times, he doesn't think his heart can take yet another rejection. He still loves her but he sees no redemption for them, simply because of what he has suffered in her love.
When he loved her it was unconditional but he was not as strong as he is now, but this strength in him is not without its sacrifices, it is his unshakable faith in his love that he is questioning with every harsh word he speaks to her . It affects him to hurt her more than it hurts her, yet he does in the hope that he will be proved wrong once and for all. He is unwilling to take the chance yet chooses to disbelieve her. The Swayam we see now is a torn warrior, weary from the battles fought, embittered and walls Pulled up to save his vulnerable heart. Give him sometime to heal. This time Sharon has a monumental task ahead. She had him in the palm of her hands but she lost him, this is her penance and she knows it.

PS - I'm not saying that the tracks being pursued are right (far from it) just that I wanted to write a few (ok, more than a few) words about the complex natureof Swayam Shekawat, the post doesn't even cover every wonderful quality of his, the various roles he fulfills, this is just about Swayam the lover,he has his flaws and that is what makes him even more special.

Edited for some obvious typos

I apologize 😆

" It was not about losing her alone it was also about losing himself."