FF: War Path (Aslok fight it out)

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Marybarton

@Marybarton

Rocker

+ 8

Posted: 12 years ago

#291

Originally posted by: tibs09
Mary it was wonderful..absolutely balanced and going just the way I like it...so Shlok still pines for Swati.
.naaahhh..he pines for the chipmunk who bit him

Brilliant observation 😆👏

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Marybarton

@Marybarton

Rocker

+ 8

Posted: 12 years ago

#292

Hello everyone,
Thank you for sticking around and putting up with my typos 😆

First things first, I am still getting demands from silent readers to PM them with updates. My question is, why?

Secondly, the explanation I promised. A couple of people wondered why Shlok was not the conniving character seen in the show post-marriage. There are a couple of elements I put in place to make Shlok the way he is right now.

1. The FF has to move much faster than the show because it finishes in a couple of chapter and every element of mystery, development, etc has to happen in this frame. So, Shlok's guilt consumes him during the wedding. You will see in the show too that there are moments where he really suffers regrets when Astha puts too much faith in him. Marriage being the time when Astha puts her life on the line by putting her hand in his, is the ultimate show of faith/trust. That is the moment (small mehendied hand scene) where things change for him and he falls in love (unknowingly).

2. In Chapter 2, Shlok resolved that he will not play anymore mind games with her. I let the cunning part of Shlok go then because he is falling in love during these chapters. He wants Astha to see through him and figure him out because he does not want the destruction that she faces post-marriage. In my story, he does not carry on with the planning and lets her know on the night of the wedding because he does not want to consummate the marriage under false pretenses. Astha, thinking it was a real love marriage, of course does not understand why he starts avoiding her as soon as they are in the bedroom.

3. Astha has no sindoor falling on her nose. This is not supposed to be a happy marriage. But she does not see that sign because she's too much in love. She thinks she can do without that good luck because they love each other. But it is no coincidence.

4. The moment Shlok really falls in love with Astha is when her dad places her hand in his, as I already mentioned. This is a world altering event for him because she's not some random girl who annoyed him. He realizes with a start that she's his wife. Her mother asks him to treasure their only prized possession. Now she's his wife and responsibility. He understands that Astha put her faith and future in him and that kind of investment makes her his and vice versa. She becomes family, someone he can no longer hurt.

5. Astha's parents play a big role in changing Shlok's behavior by putting their expectations on him 1. to treasure her 2. by treasuring him. In psychology, the way to get a person to like you is to ask them do favors for you. Then they rationalize why they should do these favors for you and come to the conclusion that they do it out of love/caring/etc. Shlok has nothing against her parents and respects them too in the show. He cannot let them down.

6. Sleep deprivation has the same effects on a person as getting drunk does. Some people become more emotional and happy than they normally would be. That is why Shlok is more emotional and giddy in chapter 6. He even comments on that. There are two lines when I talk about the sleep deprivation having its effects on him.

7. All this is not to justify myself against criticisms, which are most welcome. I just don't agree that he changed character overnight to become a chocolate boy. He puts up with Astha's rage because he knows he is in the wrong for doing much worse. He's not intentionally nice to her, he just loves her. I am showing you my interpretation of Shlok and how I have built him over the chapters. To me, they real Shlok is the guy who pulls Kavya's cheeks and hugs her by kneeling down, the guy who runs and hides from Astha after he has a fit and hits her, the guy who cries because his ex-girl friend wants nothing to do with him. I see him as an affectionate guy who can go to any extreme (like fake a marriage) to get some love from his dad. Remember, Shlok in the show does not know about his dad's plans for the plot, so it makes no sense why he should keep acting with Astha after the marriage to get that plot. He's not evil. He's acting out against Astha to get her attention because she rejected him. He makes her accept him. It boils down to a fragile ego and need for affection from a guy who clearly grew up without much love in a dysfunctional family.

8. If anyone has changed, it is actually Astha. She has almost had a personality change in my FF because I wanted to destroy her like a Harry Potter pheonix to built the kind of girl that will never be shown on Indian TV. In the show they are going to show a girl who understands and does everything calmly like a good little, meek, well-behaved Desi girl. That's how Khushi behaved too. That's why I wrote the Avenging Angel series to make Arnav go through the grind as as he should gave for wronging her. I put a little bit of me in the women. I think about what I would do in those situations. So the women in my FFs actually do not stick to character. I play down the males and play up the women. rven in the West, a girl like Astha post-marriage will be called a B-word even when she has every justification for being hurt like she has been. My Astha is strong and her words cut like a blades into Shlok. That's what I meant by Astha cutting him in chapter 6 (there was some confusion about that).

Edited by Marybarton - 12 years ago

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NidhaA

@NidhaA

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#293

Mary!

I seriously adore Astha right now and never once felt she is a vamp. I mean Shlok deserves what she is serving him in my opinion. He broke innocence and build up a fierce warrior princess. Astha being too simple can't be pretentious for long that was evident during the pag phere. Shlok has feelings for her which he hasn't named yet. Anjali ayi's support made me smile.

Enjoyed every bit of the updates

Regards

Nidha

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Marybarton

@Marybarton

Rocker

+ 8

Posted: 12 years ago

#294

Hello everyone, I have written a breakdown of Astha and Shlok's behavior to clarify some questions put forth by my wonderful readers. Please read above. It is right above in sea green print. Thanks to Dream for telling me that the characters had a comfort level despite their relationship. Astha is showing that she does not care, but she also expects him to take care of her (thirsty scene). So, they do have a mutually working relationship, taking vows does that to people.

Chapter 7:

Shlok had come back from his morning run and was freshening up as Astha fussed about trying to get her things together. She was running late again for her work.

Astha was putting on her earrings in front of the dressing table when he came and stood behind her.

Shlok grimly: You forgot this by the basin.

He handed her the mangal sutra.

Astha did not look around: Thanks.

Shlok's temper rose when she just slapped it on the table and went about her business.

Shlok: Aren't you going to wear it?

Astha: There's no need, I am only going to work.

Shlok: Dammit Astha! Put it on. You cannot go about carelessly leaving it wherever you like. It is a sacred necklace.

Astha sarcastically: Jo marriage ko ek khel shamajte ho, unko mangal sutra ke bare me lecture nehi dena chaihye, hai na? It doesn't suit you, Shlok (she pouted).

Shlok's sharp intake of breath told her that she had hit her mark.

Astha slung her bag over her shoulder: I will be late, don't wait up.

Shlok pulled her back by her arm: You were homesick and crying your eyes out last night, so I did not say anything. Don't take my silence as my agreement. I did not give you permission to go back to work. Hamare ghar me biwiya kam nehi karte.

Astha's eyes lighted with fire: When did I ask for your permission? I only told you my decision. Now get out of my way, I have no intention of playing good wife to your misogynistic Agnihotri family ideals (he winced).

She was breathing fire, demands would not work, Shlok realized. He took a deep breath and tried again.

Shlok: Look, today is the Mu-dikhai ceremony. Some guests are already here to see you. My sister, Jyoti, also came all the way from Kohlapur. She couldn't come for the wedding due to ill-health. (He gritted his teeth in frustration) Please.

Astha: No! I will not give up my independence for you and your family!

Shlok, angrily: God, Astha. Stop shouting! Someone will overhear us.

Astha smiled: Or else, what? You will stop me? Clamp your hand over my mouth? Tell me, is it healed yet?

There was hurt in his eyes. She was taken aback by her own cruelty. Still, Astha could not believe what an act he was willing to put on to get his way. This was how he fooled her into marrying him. Not anymore.

She walked out. He went after her and stopped her in the hallway.

There was a huge fuss downstairs. Everyone was getting ready for the mu-dikhai. Astha looked down to see the source of all the chatter coming up.

Shlok softly: I did it for your family yesterday, Astha. I am only asking for one day.

It sounded fair.

Astha: Fine. And what about my work?

Shlok sighed: I need a little time to make my father understand.

Astha corrected him: Your mother also.

Shlok, seriously: She will have to live with it.

Ayi: I will have to live with what?

Shlok glared at her and walked away.

Ayi: Astha, why aren't you ready yet? Mu-dikhai is about to start. Jaldi karo.

Astha: I will be an hour.

Ayi: Tell Shlok that he has to stay home too, to meet everyone. He can bring his work home for today. (She looked sad to Astha) Tell him...Baba said so.

In the bedroom...

Astha was throwing everything in her suitcase on to the bed.

Shlok suggested: Why don't you wear something from our gifts?

Astha sarcastically: No thank you, it might be too good for me.

Shlok: Why do you keep snapping at me with these classist remarks? Did I say anything about your class?

Astha angrily kept fishing through her clothes: You didn't have to. Your attitude said enough. How dare a small middle class girl challenge me openly? How dare she reject me? I will show her! And so you did.

Shlok couldn't deny that there was some truth to it. But class had nothing to do with it. It was more because she was a young girl who challenged him.

Astha: And then there's your mother who called me and my mother gold-diggers.

Shlok: She said that!?

Astha stopped him as he tried to go after his mother: No wait, she had other reasons, I think.

Shlok confused: Kya? What reasons?

Oh Astha, why do you let all your secrets out like that? Shlok doesn't need to know his mother warned her off him.

Astha: Leave it. You need her support today to talk to your father about my work. I need to get ready now.

She disappeared in the dressing room with an armful of saris.

Mu-dikhai...

Astha wore a simple golden dupatta over her sari to hide her face. Women were raising her jori to see her and bless her. Shlok couldn't take his eyes off her. She looked beautiful! He didn't need all his relatives to tell him that, but they insisted on it anyway.

His little sister was sitting quietly in a corner with her intolerable mother-in-law. He went to save her from what clearly looked like a lecture.

Shlok: Jyoti, jao, tumbhi millo Astha se.

Jyoti: Ho bhau. Mein abhi aayi.

Shlok watched adoringly as his sister met his wife. Astha even grabbed her hand after Jyoti blessed her and they were having some intense discussion. It made him happy to see they connected so well. Jyoti really needed a friend, she was always quiet.

Later, Astha was chatting with the guests when Jyoti and her family came to ask their leave. Her evil mother-in-law had recognized Astha and was in a hurry.

Shlok: But, she just came.

Ayi: Stay a little longer. You have made a long journey.

Astha interrupted their goodbyes: No, no. You have to stay with us today Jyoti. I want to get to know you better. Isn't that right, Shlok?

Jyoti's mother-in-law: Ho Ambe, she calls him by his name!

Ayi hesitated.

Shlok interjected: I don't mind.

Astha: That's not the point! Jyoti, you are staying with me today.

She pulled a terrified looking Jyoti aside.

Shlok: Yes, she's staying.

Ayi pulled Shlok away: She cannot stay if Jamai Bapu and his mother does not want her to. Tell Astha to stop insisting. It doesn't look good.

Shlok: Why not? She's my sister first!

Mother-in-law forced a smile: Ghar me bohot kam he, neyi bahu. Phir kabhi, thik hai?

She tried to pull Jyoti along, but Astha did not let go.

Astha forced a sweet smile: Toh thik hai na, Jyoti kamwali thori hi hai? You can go home and get the work done by your helps, Jyoti will stay. Jamai-bhauji can also stay, if he likes.

Ayi looked on confused.

Shlok did not know why Astha was so insistent, but it was nice to see that she wanted to get to know his sister better. Jyoti was such a sweet girl. Her stupid in-laws finally gave in after he took Astha's side again and the mother-in-law left.

That evening...

Shlok was in his dressing room when Astha burst in.

Astha closed her eyes: Oh God! Put some clothes on!!!

Shlok annoyed: I am only missing a shirt, there's not need to get so upset.

Astha picked up a t-shirt from the cabinet and threw it at him.

Shlok rolled his eyes. He put on the t-shirt leisurely just to annoy her.

Astha: Done?

Shlok dryly: Yes, thanks, you saved my modesty.

Astha glared at him: This is no time for jokes. I came here because I was in a hurry.

Shlok: What is it?

Astha: I have to tell you a story.

Shlok: That's nice, Astha. But I do not have time right now. It's almost dinner time. Baba is precise about the time. You should get ready too.

Astha pushed him against the wall: You will listen! Dinner can wait.

Shlok looked at the small mehendied hands against his chest. Did she really think she could overpower him? It was cute that she believed she could. He let her go on with her idea.

Shlok: Fine, listening.

Astha: Remember that day in Kohlapur when you slapped me for getting lost?

Shame creeped below his skin. He looked down automatically, Astha saw.

Shlok: I already apologized for that.

Astha: That day I was was helping a woman who fell sick in the mandir and when I took her home, I found out she was forced to have an abortion by her in-laws because she was carrying a girl-child.

Shlok, horrified: That is illegal.

Astha: I know that!

Shlok: How could someone do such a thing!? That poor woman.

Astha: You are not too fond of women yourself.

Shlok grabbed both her hands: Don't you dare think me capable of that. You can think anything you want of me, but don't you dare accuse me of such a thing. You do not know me!!! I love Kavya, I have always wanted a baby girl like...

He stopped as it dawned on him who he was talking to. His heart started to hurt, no, that was no longer possible. His dream shattered. Astha would never give him a baby girl of his own. He closed his eyes to keep away the sorrow.

Finally, Shlok looked at her. She looked rather struck by his outrage. Her cheeks were bright red.

Shlok looked away and said in a subdued tone: I don't know what you are playing at with your story. What is the point of all this?

Astha look a deep breath: If you are not such a brute, then this is your moment to prove yourself. I was helping Jyoti that day.

Shlok stared at her.

Astha: She told me this herself! I met her mother-in-law that day too. I could tell she was abusing Jyoti. Of course, I did not know who she was, I could not intervene. But today, I have made her stay. It is your responsibility to see to it that she does not...(Shlok had already left) leave.

Astha ran after him. He was walking like a mad man, straight for the dinner table where everyone sat waiting for them. Astha felt a moment of alarm. Shlok was looking like a hulk on a mission. Oh my, poor Jamai-bhauji.

Jyoti was sitting with her husband looking rather nervous.

Before Astha could come down the stairs, Shlok had grabbed Abhay by the collar and dumped him on the floor quite a few feet away.

Shlok: You lisping bas--rd!

Jyoti screamed. Varad went to stop him, but Shlok brushed him off.

Shlok: You are dead!

Ayi: Shlok, what is the meaning of this? Apologize to Jamai bapu at once!

Shlok started pounding on him as he got up to attack.

Niranjan, shocked: Shlok!

Shlok: You do not know what he did, Baba!

Chachaji tried to stop Shlok but he was having none of it. Abhay went under the dinner table. Shlok turned it over. All the food and plates crashing and people's screams made Astha's ear ring.

Varad tried to stop him again as Shlok went after Abhay, who was crawling desparately toward Jyoti.

Shlok shouted: Leave me! I will kill him today.

Astha tettered over the broken dishes and pulled him by his arm: Stop it, he will die. Stop it! That's enough.

Shlok stopped: Call the police!

Astha rubbed his arm: I already did. Calm down.

The police came in and arrested Abhay.

Police Officer: We were told it was a nari-nirjatan case. Can you specify?

Everyone looked thunderstruck. Ayi looked from Jyoti to Astha.

Ayi: What are they saying?

Astha: Sasubai, one minute.

Shlok was still breathing fire: This..git and his mother forced my sister to have an abortion because they found out it was a girl.

Sojal shrieked.

Varad gritted out: This is not the time, Sojal.

Astha: The mother needs to be arrested too.

Police Officer: Do you have proof or witnesses?

Shlok inclined his head toward Astha: My wife is witness. My sister told her during our trip to Kohlapur. And she's here too. Jyoti?

Jyoti hugging Ayi for life. She was crying and Ayi was in tears too.

Shlok, softly: Don't be scared Jyoti, tell them.

Niranjan: She can't testify against her husband!

Shlok turned toward his father in surprise: What are you saying Baba!? She could have died! She was in a terrible condition when Astha found her.

Niranjan looked lost for words: No, I meant...(he looked at his wife, but she was in too much distress to notice his gesture).

Astha to Jyoti: Don't worry. We are all with you. Don't be scared Jyoti.

Shlok: Don't be scared bacchi, you have nothing to be scared of. You are not going back to them. And I will be at your side. Tell the police officer everything.

After some persuasion, Jyoti finally confessed all to the police. The years of abuse, lock-up, how they kept her from seeing her family when they abused her and the abortion of the baby girl.

The police hauled Abhay away as he kept hurling abuses at Shlok and his family.

Abhay: I will get you Jyoti!!!

Shlok shouted after him: I would like to see you try, you bast--d!

Later that night...

Astha stayed with Jyoti and settled her in to her room as Shlok paced around her room quizzing her about her ordeal.

Ayi came in with some dinner.

Shlok: Where did they do the sex-determination test?

Jyoti trembled and rejected the spoonful of food her mother tried to feed her.

Jyoti: I...I don't remember.

Shlok: You have to remember something. What landmarks were around that clinic?

Astha snapped: Shlok, you are really not helping! Can't you see she's in distress? She can tell us these details later. Let her have dinner in peace. The poor girl has already suffered enough.

Shlok considered this: But we need this information.

Astha: Later.

He left the room. Ayi looked at Astha in a new light. That slip of a girl had saved her daughter today.

Still later...

Astha walked into the room and closed the door behind her. Shlok was pacing this room now. She took on her old air of nonchalance.

Astha feigned a sigh: That was a good day's work. I am so tired!

Shlok, awkwardly: Thank you for...

Astha: I did not do it because she was your sister. I would have done the same for any woman.

Shlok: I know but...

Astha: As I was saying...it looks like your are not much of a misogynist after all, dear husband. At least, not where your sister is concerned. Which makes you a hypocrite. And that is a compliment when it comes to you.

Shlok gritted his teeth against her assault.

Astha: Gotta go to bed, work tomorrow.

Shlok softly: Thank you for saving Jyoti's life today. I will talk to my family about your work. They won't get in your way...and neither will I.

They exchanged a look before Astha shut the bathroom door.

Chapter 8: https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/post/94595308

Edited by Marybarton - 12 years ago

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Serviana

@Serviana

Stunner

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#295

I like your FF and i like this analyses you gave us. Looking forward to another chapter.

There are some scenes and sentences from your FF i would really want to see inthe show...but i guess it would be impossible...ur Astha is not typical girl from indian shows and that is why i love her.

Edit: i loved this new chapter...and as i already said i love your Astha..

Edited by Serviana - 12 years ago

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smritiz

@smritiz

Explorer

+ 2

Posted: 12 years ago

#296

U Call this dark? u gotta be kidding...

it was a rocking episode👏👏

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MayaB5

@MayaB5

Explorer

Posted: 12 years ago

#297

I love the way your story is shaping up. I wish we could see shloks sisters story play out like this.

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ManrajT

@ManrajT

Explorer

Posted: 12 years ago

#298

Thank you so much great update! You write very well!

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Abhi

@abhi_guru

Navigator

Posted: 12 years ago

#299

I would like to see some of this on TV now 😃

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fabsomearshi

@fabsomearshi

Beginner

Posted: 12 years ago

#300

i sooo wanted this jyoti track in the show... and u wrote it ... its just awsome... whatever i want to seee in the show ( shlok regrets, aastha to change etc. niranjan getting caught etc.) u r penning it down is such a beautiful manner... ur is the only FF i read... hahaha... keep it up yaar 👏

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FF: War Path (Aslok fight it out) - Page 30

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