PART 20
21. Decisions She had walked out of the nearest door and thru the corridor with the sole aim of escaping, not really noticing where she was going. But it seemed unconsciously her legs carried her to a place it was familiar, the room Mahi had booked for the purpose of the party. Since there was no time to go back home to dress, she had changed for the party in this room. She wished she could just take her belongings and leave, but she had returned the key to Mahi and she had appearances to keep. Since Maan was unavailable, it became her responsibility that she stood with Mahindra, to represent KC. She felt so weary... sleepless nights, her crying bout and lack of food was taking a toll on her, not to mention the anxiety of Maan leaving without a word... she leaned against the wall and closed her eyes,
Maan... where are you? What happened that you left so suddenly without informing any one? Dadi said you told you needed some time alone? Why don't you pick up my calls? She felt her eyes tear up and pressed her palm against her eyes... After the night before she would have assumed she wouldn't cry again ...at least not so soon! She turned to press her forehead against the wall to gather up strength...a couple of hours more, Geet ... then you can seek the sanctuary of your Mayka, you can stop smiling and weep all you wish to... just a couple of hours more...
At the sound of footstep stopping by her side, she sighed. She shouldn't have rushed out so...she had probably scared Mahi, rushing out like that after giving the impression of being delusional.
"Mahi.." she turned back with a reassuring smile pasted on her face.
"Sorry to disappoint you Geet, you but it is Maan ... Maan Singh Khurana, your husband."
Something rankled at his words when she should have been ecstatic in having him call himself her husband and she got her reason as he continued, " Seeing that cosy dance I was wondering who has amnesia, you or me?"
Why did he do this always, accuse her without giving her a chance to defend...
"You were not there Maan, that too at the day of the party. Someone had to..."
"I could see that you were missing me. So much so that you did not even notice the song had ended!"
She shut her eyes at the memory and the irony of his accusation, would he believe her if she told him that she was missing him to such an extent that she hallucinated that she was dancing with him rather than Mahi. That felt so pathetic... she could feel the tears well up behind the closed eyelids.
He grabbed her by the arm and lifted her face up, "Do you know when people avoid looking into eyes, Geet? When they are guilty."
A sound from behind alerted them to the presence of someone.
"Aah Mahindra! Why doesn't it surprise me that you would follow Geet."
"Maan t is not what you are..."
Maan cut in, "That was a nice song you danced on... 'chupana bhi nahi aata.." Maan searched for the discomfort in Mahi and finding it pounced, "Can you deny that You selected the song or that the band was quoting you?"
"Stop it Maan, " Geet moved to stand before him. "Your problem is with me, leave Mahi out of it."
"Mahi! Your friend" his voice dripped with sarcasm, "But are you his friend? Just his friend?" he lifted his challenging eyes to Mahi.
"Do you need to do this in the corridor of a hotel? Haven't you humiliated her enough?" Mahi's eyes fired up but his voice was calm.
"She is my wife. Her actions reflect on me." Maan bit out. He cocked his head, " Avoiding the issue, Mahi?" His shortening of Mahindra's name derisive.
"Maan..." Geet was perplexed by the exchange... the lack of sleep and the rushing about to arrange the party to perfection seemed to be catching up with her. But Maan ignored her plea.
"I dare you to answer!" he threw the challenge at Mahi.
"Fine! You want me to answer, I will. But not here." He took the key and moved to open the door. " I booked a room in this floor for the purpose of the launch part."
"How convenient!" Maan's eyes moved from Mahi to Geet.
Geet shivered at the expression in those eyes, yet moved forward to follow them into the room.
"Geet, why don't you go back to the party? We can't have all the hosts missing.." Mahi blocked her.
"NO..."
Mahi turned to Maan, knowing his admission would add to her hurt and may also mean the end of their friendship. "Tell her to go back."
"What makes you think she will listen to me?"
"I have to know this. Why shouldn't I when I am involved?"
Mahi sighed, knowing from the adamant tilt of her head that she was not going to change her decision.
"Well?" Maan asked in the silence that prevailed once the door was shut.
Mahi moved forward to stand by the chair, "You are right .. that song was my choice. But you are wrong when you say I don't consider Geet as my friend."
"Just your friend?" Maan taunted.
"You can't let it go without drawing blood, can you? Won't you even consider what this will do to .."
"You are in love with her...Yes or No?"
He took a deep breath, "Yes!" and heard the groan of despair.
He turned towards Geet, "I am sorry Geet . I know this will upset you. But I am not sorry that I love you."
Maan grabbed him in anger, "You forget you are talking about my wife!"
"A wife you did not want or care about ..whom you left alone to fend for herself when she was threatened!" Mahi retorted back.
"Stop it!" Geet pushed them apart and though they dropped their hands, the glaring continued. Geet looked from one to the other and decided to deal with Mahi first, the one that drained lesser energy and so easier to take on.
Looking at him she said, "I did not expect this ... but you mistake pity for love!" her voice was sorrowful.
"Pity? Why should I pity the woman who despite the adversities thrown at her never stopped fighting? Who despite the rejection never wavered in her dedication to her husband? Who is so strong that she never let her troubles affect her work? It is true I did not wish you to know, did not wish to burden you with my feelings when you are not able to accept it. But No... I don't pity you, Geet. That is something I feel for this person here, who is too mule-headed to understand how fortunate he is to have you as his wife!"
"Enough Mahi!" Geet's voice raised a notch.
"Look at her Maan. She still won't hear a word against you and you thought we were sneaking away from the party to..."he stopped seeing the despair in her eyes.
Geet felt her heart squeeze for she knew what Mahi said was true. Maan did believe that... it was written so clearly in the discomfort in his face, in his stance. Then she realized, there was no way she could go on like this... she was tired of holding on... What was left to hold on?
Her voice when she addressed Mahi was calm, revealing nothing of the agony she was holding inside. She needed to do this before she broke down.
"Mahi I never considered you more than a friend. I am sorry if I encouraged you to think otherwise even unknowingly."
"NO, don't blame yourself. You were always clear about your feelings."
"Still I am sorry ... this was not meant to happen.." she paused to take a calming breath. "Can you give me the keys to this room? I will return it later... I need to have a word with Maan." Her eyes pleaded.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, go back to the party. I've..." she looked at Maan, his face inscrutable. "...will join you in a few minutes."
Silance deepened once Mahi left. She knew what she had to say, yet feared if she had the strength to do it... the will to it. Did she have it in her to leave her loved ones behind and start over?
"IT seems I owe you another apology." Maan's words broke into her thoughts.
"Do you?"
"All right! I am sorry I jumped to the wrong conclusion... again."
"Are you? She asked dispassionately. "Or are you happy that you proved yourself right, that you made him admit that he has feelings for me?" she waved his words aside when he started to reply. "It doesn't matter anymore, because I won't be able to continue my friendship with him knowing... may be it is just as well..."
"Geet..."
"No! This time I will talk and you will listen, Maan Singh Khurana." She moved to stand in front of him. " SO chup Bilkul chup!" she smiled sadly in remembrance. "DO you know why I needed a friend? Because you stopped being one... you stopped listening. Do you know why it was easy to become friends with Mahindra? Because I could find bits of you in him.. when he pulled me away from the approaching vehicle that first day, I was reminded of you saving me... when he showed concern for me I was reminded of you..."
Tears welled up in her eyes and she dashed them away. "I won't cry... no I won't ! Do you know why? Because You told me that tears stopped one from thinking clearly.. and then you hated to see me in tears..." She placed a loving hand on his cheek, " my whole life was centred on you ... your likes, your dislikes..." she smiled "... fighting with you ... Loving you... our dreams of a child. And then..." pain and desperation filled her eyes and she let her hand drop.
"Now it is all gone. With your refusal to accept, it is like I have lost my identity... my life has become a sham... Mrs. Geet Maan Khurana does not exist anymore... Sometimes it is like it never existed and I do wonder about it... did I really have that life?"
The eyes locked in on his was pools of misery and he felt the heaviness in his increase. Yet he couldn't utter a word.
" I tried to find my Maan, I searched for him in you.. A glimpse of him would fill me with hope.. but then you would slip back to your present self and he would be gone ... you would withdraw from me even more. You slash me with your words, your accusations, with your actions ... at times it feels like you are punishing me for being here... for loving you... like you find pleasure in battering my hopes again and again... finding new ways to torment me! And I ... like a fool refuses to give up."
Tears rolled down her cheeks, unbidden but she seemed unaware of the wetness coursing down her cheeks. She clutched his arms, "Look at me! I am so desperate for you that I seek you in every person I come across..." her voice lowered to a whisper " ...and tonight at the dance floor for a few moments I thought I was dancing with you... my need was so strong that I felt that you were the one who was holding me in your arms..."
She let her hands drop and looked down at the floor not wishing to see the pity in his eyes. " I hate this Geet... so desperate, so pathetic..." She took in a deep breath drawing in the strength to continue... to give him the word that would end this all... a freedom willingly given, which should be the end of all this misery...
"Geet.." his hands on her shoulder held her back as she tried to turn away. " I am sorry I put you thru this...I never..." he shook his head knowing no apology could undo the callousness of his actions. "Can we leave it all behind and start over? I don't remember my past with you ...but that does not change that you are my wife." At his words she felt her heart skip a beat. He cupped her face with palm, a warm tender gesture, am imitation of what he had done so many times in the past, "I promise you I won't give you a reason to give you pain knowingly. Forgive me for my selfishness..." She searched his eyes, looking for that emotion which would have made his declaration and his acceptance the fulfilment of her prayers. She found in them remorse, the determination but not...
"Why?" she asked, hoping for finding what she couldn't read in his eyes.
"Why?" he was puzzled, wasn't this what she had wanted.
"Yes, why? Why do you accept me as your wife?"
"Because there is a connection between us beyond my comprehension. I have come to like and admire you. My denying you does not seem to change anything, neither my attraction nor your endurance. My refusal seems to cause only pain and anguish both to you and me.. when my acceptance will make everyone happy. This is the right thing to do.. something I should have done when I came to know about the truth of our relation had my foolish ego let me!" he paused and added with a teasing smile, "And yes, I find it unfair that my wife should seek me in her friends when I am there right in front of her."
Like, duty, admiration, regret and possessiveness! Not love...
"To me love means trust and truth."
Then he had not known her past and the truth about her had broken his trust in her. But now...
She remembered his accusation the contempt in his eyes when Mahi had opened the door of the room. He didn't trust her... he thought her capable of infidelity...
Maan was confused by Geet's ack of response. He had thought she would be happy and triumphant that she had finally made him accept her. At the very least she should be relieved and re assured. But though she was with him in body, he felt that her mind was elsewhere...
"Geet..."
Her name on his lips, broke into her thoughts. He was expecting her to accept his decision, to be happy with it and forget all else... to start over and settle into the bliss of his comforting reassurance. Could she do it after sharing the life with the Maan who considered her his equal, his friend and who trusted her absolutely?
Her smile was sad when she answered him, " Isn't it ironic that after months of torture we took the decision about our future on the same day? And both of us decided to give in to the other's wish!! You decided to accept our relation and I have decided to set you free."
PART 22 on Pg 37
Here is part 21 as promised 😃... PMs and editing later...
sorry...sorry to leave you with a sad updateas i've got to pack my bags... it is Christmas time... i am off to Kerala for the vacation.. don't know when i will be back😭... before or after New Year.. So here is wishing ALL my friends...
Edited by bangalores - 12 years ago
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