SS/FF:The mighty falls!!!In Love!! note pg 139 - Page 93

Arnav had his eye still on khushi, not moving an inch, as if that slap did nothing. He simply gave her a look that said Bring it on khushi kumari Gupta. Am right here, not budging.

"DON'T YOU EVER, EVER DO THIS TO ME ARNAV SINGH RAIZADA." Yelled Khushi, "next time it won't be a slap, it will be a knife slitting that sexy neck of urs. WHO THE HELL DO U THINK U ARE. AND HOW DARE U, HOW DARE U NOT TELL ME WHERE U WERE, HOW DARE U ARNAV, HOW DARE U.

YOU WANTED TO KNOW WHY I CAN'T PLACE MY TRUST IN YOU. WHY I CAN'T LET U COME CLOSE TO ME. WHY I KEEP TURNING U AWAY, NOT WANTING UR PITY. WHY I AM SO INDEPENDENT, THAT'S COZ AFTER  14 YEARS U AGAIN PROVED TO ME ARNAV SINGH RAIZADA, THAT LOVING SOMEONE ONLY MAKES U VULNERABLE AND PRONE TO HURT. THAT LOVING SOMEONE DOES NOT GUARANTEE FLOWERS. THERE ARE THORNS EMBEDDED IN THEM AND WHEN THEY HURT THEY OOZE BLOOD OUT OF YOU."

Khushi shouted "U KEPT ON BARGING IN MY LIFE RIPPING TO PIECES ALL THE BARRIERS THAT I PUT ACROSS. ONE BY ONE, ONE BY ONE. U HAD NO MERCY ON ME, U WERE ON ERRAND AND U PULLED APART ALL THE OBSTACLES, STRIPPING EACH AND EVERY HINDRANCE THAT I PUT ACROSS.

U kept seducing me, u seduced each and all of me with every part of  ur being

be it ur eyes, ur words, ur hands ur kissed, ur touch. damn u just by being there seduced me. u knew how u affected me and u reveled in delight. u knew i was not in the same league as you, i wasn't the match partner at all, but did u consider that, nooo '.u just kept on breaching the fence around me charging right ahead. and i was there trying to hold on to the small string of sanity after having being railroaded by you. i wouldn't know how to stop u. i didn't want to'and i wanted to.

DO U EVEN KNOW HOW THAT FEELS, BEING SO HELPLESS, SO VULNERABLE, SO DEPENDENT ON SOMEONE FOR UR EXISTENCE, UR SURVIVAL.

I HAVE FELT IT ARNAV, FIRST TIME AROUND WHEN I WENT THRU THAT PAIN, I DECIDED, I WOULD NEVER LET ANYONE EVER HAVE THAT CONTROL ON ME, BUT U HAD TO COME AND KILL AWAY MY RESOLVE.

She gave Arnav such a tortured look as if she was reliving some torturous moments of her life. She had difficulty breathing. she took big gasps, as if she was being eaten into  by some dark devil. She felt as if she would die and then like a life savior she heard a voice "Khushi, Khushi are u okay?"

Arnav's heart bled seeing her in this condition but he was tied down with the compulsion to break down her wall. He gave her time to compose herself, all the while looking at her to ensure she was fine. He saw khushi going into some torturous trance and that's when he said "Khushi are u okay?"

As if the words were enuf to bring khushi to life, as if they were the divine nectar that khushi needed, coz suddenly, his feisty khushi was up and roaring. He gave a silent thank to his mom, for looking out for Khushi.

OKAY.? OKAY? OFCOURSE I AM OKAY ARNAV, AND WHAT DO U CARE SUDDENLY, I WAS OK EVEN BEFORE U AND I WILL BE OKAY AFTER U. I WAS OKAY 13 YEARS AGO AS WELL.  " suddenly she went into her own thoughts, she simply went on, into a whisper "13 years.? Arnav and past two days u made me go thru that agony again, until I met Aman who told me about ur whereabouts. How could you Arnav. I never thought I could feel that sort of pain again, but you put me into that same frame that I have really, really worked hard to forget.

Khushi's eyes looked as if she was seeing something.

Arnav prayed to god'whispering to himself, "God no'.please don't stop Khushi, let me in, let me see that pain, I beg'.let me know what memory is it that has the capacity to cringe u so much... pls khushi let me help'.he didn't know how but was trying to will khushi to go ahead, no idea how he would achieve that, he didn't want khushi to stop'.he kept on muttering, go on love , pls go on.

As if his prayers were answered, khushi continued, unaware of Arnav anguish and his thanks giving with relief when she continued.

"I can still remember those days Arnav. Mom had committed suicide, coz she was weak. She couldn't take dad's frivolous ways with woman. Dad never bothered about her feelings. I would see her cry every time he got a new woman to the house. Mom just left me in his care. She took an overdose. I was ten then Arnav. I didn't even understand what was happening. Why would my mom just leave me and seek her happiness, her bliss in silence. For dad I never existed. I had series of beautiful nanny's. their only aim was to bed dad and become next Mrs. Gupta. I wouldn't understand why after few weeks I would have a new nanny. I lived like that till for 3 years. Having my heart broken at every new woman in my dad's life and inevitably in mine.

Until that fateful night.

Dad and my nanny were having a major row. She was crying that she was pregnant. Dad just threw a bundle of note on her face and marched off.

The nanny had lost it all'all of a sudden a woman showering me with love turned into a witch'she told me what my dad did with them at night. How he made her pregnant. She was pretty graphical to me Arnav. It disgusted me completely on what my dad was doing. She told me the reason why my mom committed suicide. That she loved her father more than me.

And tats the reason she committed suicide. That's the point when I felt why bring me into this world if they didn't want me. But still I had a feeling that I was a piece of my dad and he had to love me. The nanny cursed me and left me. But before going she locked me in my house. Told the neighbors she was going to get grocery. Sure enuf, she went every Friday afternoon. She was due that day too, but cudnt go coz she wasn't well.

I thought she would come back. I waited and waited Arnav. But none turned. At 13  I did not know what to do, coz being locked was not new to me. But the time frame used to be few hours or the night. I always had an attendant looking out for my needs, fooding, taking me out etc. I didn't have friends coz of my dads rep.

Suddenly khushi turned her head, tears flowing down her cheek, looking at Arnav.

I stayed in the house for 3 days arnav. I didn't eat anything coz biscuits and breads I had finished, grocery was to be filled. And cooking was alien to me.

U know what was the agony that I faced in those three days. The agony of not knowing why no one came to me. What if something happened to them. Did they meet with an accident. Did they really not want me.  Were I really that abhorrent that no one would want me. I prayed to god that please keep my dad alright. I cried for three days, willing my mom to come and take care of me.

Last day the lights went out and I was shit scared, always have been with darkness. That's when I realized that no one was coming. The initial shock that something happened to them that they were dead made me numb. That iw as gonna die too

And I don't know what prompted me, I called Aman. He had given me a landline number where in case needed I could contact him. Past year me and aman had come very close.

Just one call and Aman was there. He said that the condition I was into, the condition in which he found me, he would have killed my dad, if he was there. Aman, at the age of 17 was very matured. He took me to the hospital, coz I was unconscious. They kept me there for three days.

Aman took me to his bedsit to stay. I was so sure that dad had also died. When suddenly on my way back home one day i saw him at the coffee shop ogling the waitress and his hands in her blouse. And the nanny who locked me and left was with him on his lap. Can u imagine what I felt then Arnav.  I didn't know what I felt, agony, pain, relief'.. my own father didn't remember that he had a daughter, he didn't look out for me. I trusted him Arnav, I loved him. He was my father and he put me thru this.

That's when I decided that I couldn't trust anyone. I rushed to Aman's house where I was staying. Aman came at night and I told him what I saw. He would have gone and killed my father then and there, had it not been for me. I stopped him, coz I realized that he was not worth the effort. He did not deserve me and the resolve that I made that I wont let anyone close. That I wont love anyone. That I wont trust anyone except myself.

Suddenly Arnav said " But u trust Aman"

Khushi smiled, "yes I trust Aman, I love Aman. He is an exception, he saved me from being a dark person. He brought light into my life. He took care of me ensured that I wasn't dependent on anyone not even him.

"If u had left ur father, how did u continue studying?' I mean how did aman foot ur study cost?

"trust a business man, always looking at logic. I was a trust fund baby Arnav. My mom's parents had left their property to me. So I was better off.

"Khushi?" I am sorry?

DON'T U DARE ARNAV, DON'T U DARE PITY ME. I DID NOT TELL U THIS STORY TO GET UR PITY. I TOLD U THIS SO THAT I CCAN TELL U THAT I WAS SO RIGHT IN PUSHING U AWAY, COZ EVEN U THOUGHT OF URSELF. U JUST UPPED AND WENT WTHOUT GIVING A THOUGHT TO WHAT I WOULD FEEL.

TWO DAYS OF AGONY ARNAV. U DID NOT RETURN MY CALL, NO CONTACT.

Arnav: Call what call? I did not receive any call from u khushi? just then he realized that he had thrown his cell away the other day. he couldn't stop cursing himself for that

Of COURSE I CALLED ARNAV, I CALLED UR CELL, IT WAS NOT REACHABLE. I CALLED UR OFFICE AND THEY HAD NO CLUE WHERE THE MIGHTY Mr. RAIZADA WAS. MY BAD LUCK WHEN I CALLED AMAN, HIS CELL WAS SWITCHED OFF. DO U HAE ANY IDEA WHAT I WENT THRU ARNAV. U KILLED ME AGAIN. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU. U NEVER TOOK ME HOME, SO I CUDNT GO TO UR HOUSE. BUT THE LAST DAYBEFORE AMAN CAME, U REDUCED ME TO THAT. I HAD DECIDED TO GO TO UR HOUSE AND ASK FOR UR WHEREABOUTS. SEE WHAT U DID TO ME'ARE U HAPPY WITH THE OUTCOME. ARE U HAPPY TO SEE WHAT UR PERSISTENT BARGING INTO MY LIFE HAS REDUCED ME TO. ARE U NOW HAPPY. U CAN NOW REJOICE, THAT Khushi KUMARI GUPTA FELL IN LOVE WITH U

Arnav was stunned: he was not sure he heard right. He had to reiterate, get her to confirm what she said. He asked "U love me?"

Khushi gave  a bitter laugh and she had disgust written all over her face. Her anger seemed to have gone a notch higher. Yes ARNAV SINGH RAIZADA, I fell for u., NOW GO AND REJOICE, CELEBRATE THAT NO ONE IS IMMUNE TO UR CHARM, NOT EVEN THE ICE QUEEN KKG.  EVEN SHE WAS NOT IMMUNE TO UR CHARM. I ALMOST STOPPED BREATHING WITH RELIEF WHEN I SAW UR FACE TODAY THAT U WERE SAFE. U ALMOST SQUEEZED MY HEART WITH UR OWN HANDS AND RIPED IT OUT FROM MY BODY ARNAV. U ALMOST KILLED ME WITH RELIEF TODAY.

WHAT HAVE U DONE TO ME. WHY HAVE U DONE THIS TO ME ARNAV. WHAT DID U GET, MAKING ME VULNERABLE TO URSELF. And she started sobbing again, completely out of control as if someone was squeezing her life out of her

Arnav hugged her like his life depended on her touch. He kept on saying sorry to her. Both had their eyes shut, both with tears on. Khushi was sobbing as all her barriers were down. She felt naked in front of him. and he with the pain that he had unknowingly caused to his life. He held on to khushi, rubbing her back, trying to calm the inconsolable. Trying to seep his body heat in her, willing her to take the energy from him. Giving her the reassurance, that he would never ever do this to her.  Telling her with his touch how much he loved her. He pulled apart, just enuf to see her face, to let her see his face, to show the love'.that he carried. And if tat was not enuf, he placed his lips on hers to transform the love in his being to her. They kissed. Not knowing for how long. Didn't know how long they stayed in each other's embrace. Both taking energy from the other.

Arnav didn't want to break the moment. He was not sure on what to say further or how to put the point ahead, what to say to ensure that things didn't go out of hand which apparently always happened when these two tried to converse. But he also knew, that they had to see future together, they needed to clear the air.

"khushi?", whispered Arnav,.

He said, but if u loved me, why not say it when I laid my heart out to u khushi. why twist everything I said that day. why not tell me that day how u felt.?"

Arnav was stumped at what came next. She pushed him back with all her might hitting him hard on the chest. I shud have said something right arnav? "

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