SS| Redemption| chap 2; page 8 - Page 3

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wendy25 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#21
mais , love the concept and you know u are fantastic in portraying feelings and inner turmoils.
Will it ever happen in DEK?😡
You know mais for once I want such kind of scene takes place b/w UV-M where manyata feel guilty and UV throws full attitude on her. Its my dream scene.😍
Eagerly waiting for next update. your SS seems to be more interesting then aryan/ akash crap served in DEK on daily basis🤢. I would love to see UV jap here at least.
update soon and pm me next update and please don't abandon this one in between
sourmisery thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#22

Chapter 1.2

Manyata walked on the empty road with heavy steps. Her emotionless eyes were telling many tales if only someone would stop and try to interpret them. But no one was there. The road was completely empty except for the devastated princess and the carefree rain. She was completely drenched in rain, her dress sticking to her body. The rain was cold and the fast rain drops felt like tiny pebbles hitting her body. The sound of falling water mixed with roar of thunder was creating a strange sight in the dark night. It wasn't exactly scary but it was enough to make people stay in their sanctuaries rather than venture out in the night to explore its mysteries.

She kept on walking, her mind not registering the shivering cold and the pain in her mind. It was too preoccupied by words. Words which he said, didn't matter anymore.

"Main aisa kya kahun jo tumein yaqeen ajaye ke ais baar main tumara saath nahin chorungi?"

"Mujhe tumhare lafzon ki zaroorat hai hi nahin Princess. In lafzon ne pehle bohat sapne dikhaye, bohat si umeeden jagaien but for what? Ultimately tumare actions ne un sapno aur umeedon ko chakna choor kar diya. Tou ais baar, I don't need your words."


He was so cold...so very cold. His words were piercing right through her body but he didn't care. She was internally begging for him to stop and just hold her tight like he always did. Caress her face, hold her gently and tell her that everything was alright. But he had just stood there, seven feet away from her and saying whatever he wanted. Whatever that was right. Whatever that she deserved.

A stone hit her foot and she tripped and fell on her knees. The little rocks hit her knees and legs. A strong wave of pain shot through her body. The physical pain was enough to drag her a little out of her thoughts but not completely. The pain of her legs and the pain of the rain drops brought out tears in her eyes. She whimpered and cried silently. Her body was shaking. She held her knees. Something red was dripping down her legs. Her blood was getting washed away by the flowing rain.

"Kab tak tumare lafzon ke sahare jiyon ga main Manyata?"

The speed of her tears increased as the pain, internal and physical, increased.

"This time...prove it. Dikha do humein that you deserve me. Because jitna dard aur jitni insult tum ne humein di hai, uske baad main convince ho chuka hun that I don't deserve you."

She was shaking all over due to pain and cold. The tears kept on falling.

"Hamara pyar kam hua hai, khatam nahin. Lekin humein nahin pata ke hum tumse pehle wala pyaar kar paenge ya nahin. At least, tumare ais mood swings wale mode se tou hum kabhi pyar kar hi nahin sakte."

She wrapped her arms around her arms. The thin fabric of her dress made it sure that the cold penetrated right through her.

"Tou ais baar, prove it with your actions. Make me fall for you again Manyata. Make me call you 'Princess' again. Tab tak, humein tumse koi rishta nahin rakhna. Tum hamari taraf se azaad ho..."

She sniffed, trying to control her whimpering but she felt helpless. Like she did when she stood in Uday's room, listening to his words.

"Kyun? Kyun? Kyun maine baar baar Uday ka imtehaan liya? Kyun maine har baar usko itni takleef di? Kyun maine usse hamesha khud se door rakha?"

She was saying this to the night who seemed to be acting like her worst enemy and kindest friend.

"Lekin ab jab wo mujhe azaad kar chuka hai tou kyun...kyun mujhe itni takleef horahi hai?"

She was asking the question, expecting an answer. But who would answer her? The night? The rain? Or the pain?

Her legs were getting sore now but she couldn't get up. She sat there hugging her arms, trying to protect herself from the cold. She sat there embracing the cold and pain. Why was she feeling like she deserved this? Why was she feeling like a masochist, finding a gloomy happiness in the pain.

Bringing her hands to her face, she tried to wipe away the blinding tears. And that did it. At her own touch, she remembered Uday's gentle touch and all barriers broke.

Tears fell, fast and unstoppable. The whimpering turned into loud cries. She was crying, like a child. She was crying at the top of her lungs. She was crying as she clutched her chest where her broken heart was beating. She was crying like a gambler who had lost everything that he had. She was crying as if she was like the last person and there was no one to hold her.

"Uday...Uday...Uday..." She repeated his name as she cried. Wishing he would appear out of the blue. Praying that he would find her and hold her. Hoping that he would take her hope. But how could he? Why would he? He was gone...he had freed her. And she had made him do so...

"Nahin nahin nahin! NAHIN! Mujhe ye azaadi nahin chaiye!" She cried to the night as if the night would take her message to him and make him reconsider his decision.

"Mujhe sirf Uday chaiye! Sirf Uday! Aur kuch nahin! MUJHE UDAY CHAIYE!!!" She screamed like a mad person. She was looking up to the dark sky from where the rain fell. She was pleading, begging, praying that the hands of time would reverse. Take her back to the start. Make her redo her life. And this time no mistakes...

"Main marjoungi Uday ke bagair..." She muttered to herself but somewhere inside she knew that she was being heard. "Marjoungi uske pyaar ke bagair...ab aadat hi nahin rahi uske pyaar ke bagair sans lene ki. Kitni bari gadhi hun main...jab wo paas tha tou uske pyaar ki qadar nahin ki. Ab jab ke us ne mujhe azaad kardiya tou mujhe pata chal ke main usse itna pyaar karti hun ke uske bagain sans bhi nahin le paoungi..."

The tears finally stopped but the pain didn't. The feeling of loss didn't. The sense of immense guilt pinched her heart. But she didn't move from there. She sat there like a lifeless body staring at a invisible dot in the space.

As the rain kept on falling...

As she fell...

...so hard in love.

Gotta admit, there was a lump in my throat as I was writing it. I almost cried..
fia21 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#23
Do I even need to say how simply amazing this was? Oh hell I'll say it. Brilliant update Mais. I am dying to see such self talk of Manyata in the show. You should seriously be appointed as the new CV 😉
Loving your SS. Especially because in here atleast Uday is being sensible and asking Manyata to prove herself worthy of him.
arryline thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#24
OMG It was so BEAUTIFUL .Short of words yaar...The first part FAB.UV needs to show her the mirror and last part so damn good.M should cry and UV too along 😍

Now I know the reason of your super optimism...

How I wish cv's cut and paste the entire SS in the coming episodes😳

Eagerly waiting for the update😉
sourmisery thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#25

Originally posted by: fia21

Do I even need to say how simply amazing this was? Oh hell I'll say it. Brilliant update Mais. I am dying to see such self talk of Manyata in the show. You should seriously be appointed as the new CV 😉
Loving your SS. Especially because in here atleast Uday is being sensible and asking Manyata to prove herself worthy of him.



awww! You are too sweet! Itni bhi achi nahin hai...:p
at the me being cv part, tou i can only remeber one line here:

hazaaron khwahishen aisi ke har khwahish pe dum nikle..

Lolz! Now since i cant be a cv so i'll just use my ss to vent out my feelings. I am so happy you like it! Sari mehnat vasul hojati hai i tell you!
_Poulomi_ thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#26
so I know, you fell like killing me alltogether...just dont Kill me!

okies,

...

I like this side of Manyata, the calm, composed side is breathtaking. Mais, i appreciate you, not as a friend but as a reader that you chose some part that no one chooses most of the time, as its hard to write it... if not the correct words, the correct scenes, or the correct dialogues. It almost seems so real... Now that's the biggest plus point of your writing, you know! Its just that when ever i read it, i can see the scenes enacted.

Oh! enough of praising you!



Everything gels well.

... and the RAIN... rain just makes things magical (except for Monash😆)
A good thing about your first chapter is the setting, and the atmosphere... and What AWESOME DIALOGUES !!! MUAAAH!

So after reading the first chapter, I would say, Redemption indeed!

Now... off to read second chapter!

*reading... again reading ... again reading... again reading*

I am sorry I just cant seem to bring out the right words to write words... Oh well screw it...

*reading again!*

Ah!
Maisy I am really outta words here... sorry! Truely splendid!
Edited by poulomi12 - 13 years ago
sourmisery thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#27

Originally posted by: arryline

<font size="2" face="Comic Sans MS, Times, serif">OMG It was so BEAUTIFUL .Short of words yaar...The first part FAB.UV needs to show her the mirror and last part so damn good.M should cry and UV too along😍</font>


<font size="2" face="Comic Sans MS, Times, serif">Now I know the reason of your super optimism...</font>

<font size="2" face="Comic Sans MS, Times, serif">How I wish cv's cut and paste the entire SS in the coming episodes😳</font>

<font size="2" face="Comic Sans MS, Times, serif">Eagerly waiting for the update😉</font>



i just made M cry here..UV ko rulane ki himat hi nahin hui :p this ss is more of manyata centric than manveer centric so i will be focusing on her more i think...

Cvs cut paste this? Ye khwab haqeeqat nhn hoga :( oh well, whatever! I am glad you liked it. Next update...dunno when. In Sha Allah it will be soon!
wendy25 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#28
Mais, you are expert in expressing emotions through words.
You make me cry although i usually not get emotional so easily. If this happens in show, it would defo redeem manyata's character.
just loved it to the core maisy. It was dreamily BEAUTIFUL. loved the way manyata is remorsing over UV. I wish to see the same thing on screen. I hope cvs steal your SS.😉
Please update soon*begs*.
sourmisery thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#29

Originally posted by: wendy25

Mais, you are expert in expressing emotions through words.

You make me cry although i usually not get emotional so easily. If this happens in show, it would defo redeem manyata's character.
just loved it to the core maisy. It was dreamily BEAUTIFUL. loved the way manyata is remorsing over UV. I wish to see the same thing on screen. I hope cvs steal your SS.😉
Please update soon*begs*.



omg! Dont beg please..you will make me feel guilty :( hopefully i will be inspired soon to update!

I seriously want something like this to happen in the show...lekin cvs sunte hi nahin :( chori bhi nahin karte :p

so glad that you liked it! Thank u! <3
LadySosostris thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#30
Omg i m speachless.brilliant yaar.so touchy n nice update Mais.Cont soon.egarly waiting for the next update.

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