-truly magical-
part 177
He excused himself & ran out to the backyard of the church to scream ...he felt suffocated.. he thought if he heard a word more he may just die .. he couldn't even bare to hear it how on the earth she lived through all that.
Her anguish, her pain, her grief..all that he felt tenfold in him now. His pain still felt timid, meaningless. She had come into his life like a blazing star, like a comet, she filled his heart with joy. She always took his pain as if it was hers. She was like an angel on earth, he couldn't believe. With her every soft sweet words she whispered in his ears she made him realize that he was in love. She made him realize his life is meaningless without her. He is..only if she is!!! or nothing!!!
his love that he never expressed she treasured.. how meaningless his expression meant now. How meaningless his love seemed now...A meaningless love that brought nothing, but pain, a pain of heart break and sorrow, a sorrow filled with tears of hurt, a hurt of nothing worth living for & she lived ..she lived only for that..that love!!! he couldn't compose himself. He screamed in pain no one to listen.. the way no one was there to feel her silent cry all those years. The way he was oblivious to that cry!!! the silent ache.
He went back in after a while.
U really love her don't u? Mother said
he nodded silently in pain
through out the labor she kept calling ur name only ur name.
His heart has become numb he thought to pain..but each word she spoke was still burning..burn that could just choke him to death.
Mother - But the moment she saw maansi.. she was so delighted.. all that labor pain just vanished in thin air.. she said.. bilkul aapne daddy si hain.. wohi anken..wohi.. naak.. wohi hoot..dehko sothi bhi unki tarah hain.. bilkul mera Maan si.. unhi ki tarah lamben lamben fingers..
nun - thats why she named her maansi
he stood there with unbearable pain in his veins
mother - u know she didn't even ask the dr wat baby she was .. she was so sure it will be a baby girl.
Nun - she said u wanted a baby girl right!!!
he bit his lip hard to eat the pain.. nothing seemed to sooth his vacuum heart.
Mother - every thing was fine until she was feeling that she failed to get maansi all wat u would have given her, had u been with them.
Wasn't he feeling miserable enough !!!
mother - I clearly remember she wanted to get some toy for maansi, but she couldn't, she was so disturbed & angry at self.
Nun - yah she didn't eat for 2 whole days
mother - oh yah!!! that was a major problem, as she was still feeding maansi
nun - don't know wat came in her mind she suddenly decided to pick up that job offer.
Mother - it was painful
he couldn't dare to ask anything..
mother - maansi was not allowed in the Masoori training center
he broke down completely now, his baby was left with no one..when she had every one...all because of him. Geet would had to take up the job for better life for maansi..!!!! a life he should have given them actually.. a life they deserved.. . Paradise they deserved.. his love.. his cocoon.
Mother - 4 months away from maansi killed something within her. She had spoken to the sr officers & made special arrangement to meet maansi every day in the evening & sunday whole day but I guess she couldn't bare that separation.
He very well knew his Geet, she couldn't have taken that pain. She was way too sensitive to stay away from her infant her heart..her life..her breath ..oh god maansi was just 2months old, wat did she eat..she was still not weaned probably. Who rocked her to sleep!!! why Geet why did u have to do all this alone ... a question.. the answer was self.. ek bar mujhe kah thi!!! I would have done anything for both u.. tum kuch kahti kyun nahi..humesha sab kuch dil main rahkti ho.. why do u expect me to understand ur unsaid words.. I am incapable .. why do u love me so much damit!!!! I don't deserve even a ounce of ur love. He cursed himself. ..
The air felt so very cold as he hugged emptiness with the thought nobody held them close when they needed. He tired to fight the urge deep with in to kill self , the thought with no one at all !! his thoughts crowded & empty all the same still the thought no one and nobody his love in vain...
mother - when she came back she was a changed person...numb...she never smiled then!!! like some one tore her apart.
He knew it was the pain for being away from maansi.. she couldn't even bare to stay away from him after they came back from London. Staying away from maansi might have been hell!!! just wrong words made his life fall... She searched for compassion where none was found. Only with him did she find understanding !!! the karmic bond eternal she thought ..but all she got in return was pain. seeking his love, cravings his touch..all she got in return was his doubt. His misunderstanding..his ignorance.
hope u all like the updates. Love all your comments.
Really love reading them
please do keep commenting.
Love
muskan
Edited by muskanp - 14 years ago
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