Hope Take 3
Manav The Ghar Jamai
I think that the term "Ghar Jamai" has been misrepresented by the CVs and in a very unfair manner to Manav. My understanding of a "Ghar Jamai" is a man who chooses to as a condition of marriage take up residence as the son-in-law of the home PERMANENTLY or in some cases for AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME (like several months or years). This arrangement is frowned upon in conservative Indian society because it brings into question the capacity and ability of the man to be primary provider for his family and is seen as having the potential of emasculating him by taking away his decision-making ability as the man of the house. Manav's situation is not that of a "traditional" ghar jamai and this is where I see the unfair misrepresentation by CVs. Manav is not a ghar jamai. He is a "visiting" jamai. There is a difference. He is staying on a "temporary" visit with the Ks while his wife is convalescing. Just like he was on a "temporary" visit when he attended to participate for Varsha's wedding. He is not paying the Ks for his visit because he is visiting family member not a permanent resident at Dombivili. No one expected him to pay when he attended Varsha's wedding. Paying your host, especially when that host is family, for a temporary visit is seen as a big insult in our culture. I believe that the misrepresentation coupled with the overdramatized reactions of both Ks and Ds has created an erroneous perception about Manav's status.
I still believe that Manav was correct in accepting Sulochana's offer considering Archana's weakened state and the need for constant care during convalescence. I am not even offended by Manav choosing to help the K family doing some outdoor chores. That is actually considerate behaviour not servitude as presented by Savita. My husband has often assisted my parents when we were visiting and I have done the same to his.
What I do not appreciate is the Cvs not showing Manav use some of his time to find a job. CVs as suggested yesterday - classified sections of major newspapers is a good place to start, also door to door job hunting. Try it. Might be refreshing.
Contrary to what Savita said, I do not believe that Manav is a chamcha for Archana. The basic fact is like it or not (past shikveh gileh aside) Archana is Manav's wife. Taking care of her as he sees fit is his responsibility. He is fulfilling it to the best of his ability. I am not going to blame him for refusing to act like Superman. Though CVs again - if he gets a job the situation will be even more defendable. Seriously, job hunting - consider it.
Savita and Manav
Did Savita have a right to be upset today? In my opinion No and Manav stated all the reasons. To have an expectation from a son, you need to first care for the person as a son. Manav has always been a responsible child, yet his dutiful actions towards his mother were not reciprocated. If Manav was able to offer comfortable care to Archana in his family home and THEN choose to instead accept Sulochana's offer at his wife's insistence, then I would say that Savita's affront may have been warranted. But that is not the case now is it? So let's be fair Savita.
I was very proud of Manav today. He spoke his mind but did so respectfully and firmly. Manav has always known Savita's tough side, has accepted whatever portions of love she has offered and abided by her wishes (quite often at great hardship and to his detriment). Everyone has a breaking point though and after many moons, Savita encountered Manav's. Was I happy to see a son talk back to his mother? Generally speaking No. But did his words hold echoes of truth? Yes. Well then enough said.
Dharmesh ' The Master Manipulator Or Not
Dharmesh is seen as Manav's nemesis. He is seen as one of the new villains. Over here, I have a different take.
Dharmesh entered the picture way after the divorce and when Archana was in Bangalore, reconstructing her life. She came back more stable than she left and it was this improvement/stability that caused Dharmesh to be impressed enough to offer her a job in his office. To understand my take you have to see things from HIS point of you instead of ArMan's.
His POV - Manav was not a relative anymore, he did not know this man from Adam so he never cared for him one way or another. He was naturally cautious about him when he found out that he was employed with Archu (this was natural as emotional baggage was bound to have an effect on any two people who were once married). Archu's behaviour later did not help matters. What Dharmesh did to protect himself against Manav, I have already noted in my Let's Hear It for the Boys thread, so will not repeat it.
Dharmesh GENUINELY believes that Manav has played on Archana's feelings and duped her into marriage. He does not know Manav well so in my mind this assumption and his experience with Manav to date does not make this belief so far-fetched (whether we like it or not). In his opinion, since marriage Archu has walked away from her family (against her conservative values), willingly lived in poverty, and ruined her health. In comparison, Manav is now living in a home better than his chawl home or basti home and is gradually reintroducing himself into the comforts of the K home (again considering Dharmesh's opinion of Manav this is not so far-fetched). If I thought my sister and now my family was being duped by a con artist, I too would take steps to salvage whatever I could before the con artist walked away with everything. In the opinion of those who support ArMan, he is an evil manipulator but if you think neutrally his advice does not seem so conniving.
He has suggested a) that they do not engage with the con artist and keep a safe distance b) to claim a property share for the other K children to ensure that if the con artist is successful the damage is limited to only a portion of the family holdings. If Manav was truly a con artist, then this approach would have been a very practical one (unlike Manjusha who is the real evil manipulator and wants to take ALL the property and dupe Sulo and Manohar). I am sure that his intent is not to throw Sulo or Mano out on the streets. There are many in India who have an inherent sense of entitlement to their parents' property. I am not one of these people and all those who share a similar sentiment as I would be equally outraged by his suggestion. But Dharmesh and all the K siblings(?) (except Archu) fall in the first category of people. We must remember this.
In Closing, they say that angels are visible in the faces of children. Today we saw one in Punni. She may be Manjusha and Vinod's daughter but Archana's and Sulochana's involvement in the foundational years of her life has managed to leave a positive mark. She was truly a ray of sunshine for Arhcu today
Hope
CID
