The following has been written for all my friends on the forum who have requested me to do so. Specially for my delicate sprite and my bitter enemy.
Inspired by Sammy's Jo Ghadi Wo …….
Background score by My Sweet Neha : Mar jawan
"I hold it true, whatever may befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
~Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Sanjay and his stupid suggestions. Go to Lover's Point. Why do all the steep climbs lead up to a Lover's Point? Ridiculous ……. and here was an odd couple trying to reach up there!! Raj and Kranti. Both were irritated but they couldn't disappoint Sanjay and Nirmal. They were on their own in this infernal place with nothing but trees in sight. And Kranti was as cross as she could be. It didn't help when it started to rain. The wind blew hard and there was no shelter either. They tried to take shelter beneath a tree but she pushed him away. She didn't want him any where near her. For Heaven's sake! He cursed beneath his breath. Why the hell did life have to play these dirty tricks?
They made a run for it. They raced through the opening in the woods and came to a lake. A path led to a shack. The rain was pelting down and they were drenched to their bones. Kranti ran up the path to the door of the shack. There was hay everywhere but not a soul was in sight. At least it sheltered them from the downpour. Kranti sat huddled in the hay. She was shivering and her teeth were chattering. She looked like a rag doll in her pretty pink outfit. She looked at him annoyed. He took off his coat and knelt beside her. He put it across her shoulders. She gave him a stony look. He was amused. Even in this state, she was rebelling. She neither wanted his advice nor his help. She sat curled up, her knees to her chest. He told her to not to be stubborn and invite death. He slyly reminded her that she wanted to die for her country. Why die of exposure to cold then? She gnashed her teeth and tucked into the coat. He gave his lopsided smile. She looked away. She hated him. She hated every part of him, especially his quick brain, his glib tongue and his cold heart. Oooooh! She just hated him. She was cold and uncomfortable. She felt miserable. Raj looked at her and wondered what sweet thoughts were racing through her head. They were certainly not praising him that was for sure. From her expressive face he could make out that she was finding a quick way of slitting his throat. He took out his decanter. A swig of liquor would do him good. It would give him courage to face her ire. No, not really. She didn't get under his skin the way she had earlier. Maybe he had got used to her and kind of liked the cheeky banter that she always started. She silently looked at him from time to time. He offered her the flask. She made a face and turned her face away. He told her she could help herself to some and left the bottle close to her. She maybe embarrassed to drink in front of him. He left the room assuring her that he would try and find some help in this wilderness.
Kranti was left alone. The rain showed no signs of letting up. She was alone and her bones seemed to have turned to ice. She eyed the bottle. Would it help? She was hesitant. She had never drunk this stuff before. She trembled as the wind blew through the window. It chilled her further. She grabbed that bottle, unscrewed the lid and took a tentative sip. Ugh! What the devil was this? It burnt down her throat and was bitter to the core. Why did men like to have it? A slow burning started up. She began to feel warm. She gulped down some more. It was working wonders on her. The chill slowly left her body. She threw the decanter on the hay beside her. It was almost over. She smiled. She felt she was sailing smoothly amongst clouds. She took a deep breath. Her lids dropped.
She heard a footfall. Who was it? Oh it was Raj. He looked at her dubiously. Why was he always so harsh with her? Making snide remarks and taunting her. It made her resolute in giving it back to him. She would never give in to his dares. His nonchalance, his arrogance and his snobbishness were the hallmarks of his character. God! She didn't want to analyse him. She was in such a good mood. She smiled and rested her head back on the soft ledge. Raj noticed the change in her. What had the silly thing done? He picked up the empty flask. She had polished it off ! That was okay. There had been just enough to make her warm, not drunk. That is why he had left her alone with it. It was the first time she had tasted alcohol. She was sheltered and typically Indian. Not like those ladies he had sometimes gone out with in London. He asked her if she liked the taste. He needed to keep her talking so that she could sober up. She was tipsy he could see that. She looked at him and smiled. His eyes remained glued to her face. She looked so different. Her smile was the first genuine one he had seen on her. It transformed her face. She seemed soft and innocent. That pink dress certainly complimented her. She touched his sleeve. He looked down at her, his eyebrow raised. It was bitter, she confided, just like he was. She lightly punched his arm and giggled. Oh! This was great. Alcohol was making her talk. He was eager to hear all her secrets. That blackguard !!!!!
She suddenly sprang up. She wanted to go out in the rain and get wet. Dear God, another Indian trait. Why were they always fascinated by the rain? She was already wet. How much wetter did she want to get? He pulled her back. But she tore her arm away and ran to the door. He tried calling her back. H warned her that she would become ill if she exposed herself to rain again. But she was off and made her way to the rope bridge. He shook his head. He realised he would have to go after her and forcibly fetch her back. She was in the centre of the ropeway twirling round with her hands outstretched, thoroughly enjoying the feel of water beating down on her. He caught her arm and guided her back to the shack. But she pulled him back. She slipped on the wood when he caught her arms. He pulled her close to steady her. She looked up at him. Her dark eyes were glowing. Water was cascading down their faces. He looked at her mesmerised. The sound of falling rain and the shoosh of the wind made sweet music. She was enchanted. She was so close to him. She raised her arms and twined them round his neck. She laid her head on his shoulder. He pulled her closer and put his cheek on her hair. He picked her up in his arms and retraced his steps back to the shack.
He put her down on the hay. He took some hay and started a fire. He sat with her supine in his arms. He rubbed her hands to warm them. She raised her eyes to his. She couldn't read his eyes at all. She could see the desire in them. Her heart stepped up its beat. She opened her mouth to say something. But no words came out. She felt so warm now and so safe. No one had held her like this. No one had ever put his arms around her. She had never felt any human touch of comfort except for Nirmal didi. Her breath caught and her eyes filled with tears. Her arms were around his waist. She wanted to stay like this forever and ever. She wanted to hold on to him, to lean on him and stay with him like this. His hand came up to cup her cheek and stroke away her fears. She gasped at his gentleness. She moved away from him and sat up. He was drawn to her like a magnet. He caught her shoulders and pulled her slowly back to him. He pushed her hair away from her neck. She had such a slender swan-like neck. Jewellery always sat well on her collar bones and enhanced this feature. He didn't realise he had studied her so closely in the past. He pulled away her dupatta and touched her shoulders. She shivered. He put his lips to kiss away those whip marks from her body. She turned to him, like a beaten child to its rescuer. She burrowed into him. She too wanted him to wipe away her pain, her misgivings and her past. He pushed her back on the dry grass. She looped her hand in his. He caught it in a firm grip as if in promise to never let go. Passions flared and they were caught in a web of desire that neither wanted to break away from. The flames of the fire flickered and rose, spreading heat throughout the room. The storm raged on outside but the tempest within the shack was just as fierce. The rain began to lessen and the clouds slowly cleared.
It was dawn but the sun was not up. It was still dark and Kranti felt some movement. A male arm was holding her close. Raj!! His face was close to hers. He was fast asleep. He always looked like a baby when sleeping. No worries on his face. She sucked in quick breaths. She gingerly moved away. Suddenly all the events of the previous night unfolded in front of her. She covered her mouth to smother a soft cry. She was aghast. Dear God!!! What had she done? She had given herself to the man whom she hated the most. How could she have done so? Didn't she remember what he stood for? Her tauji's face swam in front of her eyes. She felt disgusted with herself. Why did her mind not function yesterday? Oh yes, it was that damn drink he had plied her with. She had not been in her senses. He had tricked her. He had deliberately done this to her. He and that rogue friend of his. She stood at the window and looked out. Tears rolled down her cheeks. How would she ever be able to live with herself? She could clearly remember how wantonly she had held him, how she had urged him on. She hadn't protested because insanity had gripped her. She had forgotten everything but that moment, and she had lived for it. He had been tender with her and that had been her downfall. She couldn't believe she had been so weak in the flesh. Oh what was she going to do? What was to become of her? She hiccupped.
Raj turned in his sleep and felt the empty space beside him. He awoke with a start. Where was she? He saw her standing near the window with her back to him. Her shoulders were shaking. Was she crying? He sprang off the bed of hay and went to her. He touched her shoulder and called her name. She jerked away from him as if burnt. Stay away from me she cried. Why did you do this? Why did you take advantage of the situation? Why didn't you just let be me? All the accusations tumbled out. Good grief ! Raj thought. This is not what he had expected. He tried to placate her. But she wouldn't listen. She was heart-broken. He couldn't understand. He told her he had done nothing deliberately. Things just happened. He knew she was an eager partner yesterday. But today he didn't remind her of that. He knew it was a sensitive issue. He thought that a door had opened and that their relationship would move forward from there. He was all for it. He wanted Kranti to be a part of his life. She told him she found both him and his touch loathsome. He could see a bubble of hysteria rise within her. She was trying to erase his touch by throwing water on her body. He felt so inadequate. It had been so beautiful last night. Something he never fathomed would happen to him. Kranti meant something to him. She had become all important to him. He wanted her to be with him, laugh with him, sit with him, talk with him and spend her entire life with him. Why this sudden obsession? Because of one night? He shook his head. There had always been an underlying attraction for her. Her quick wit, her disdain, her courage and her principles were the objects of his open derision and secret admiration. He had done her wrong, he now knew that.
He told her that they would be leaving. They reached the circuit house where Sanjay and Nirmal were waiting. He couldn't say anything. He just informed them that they would be leaving. Kranti was in the bathroom while he packed the clothes. He sat on the edge of the bed. He fingered her favourite blue suit. A roar of pain exploded inside him. He whispered to himself – I am not like that Kranti, trust me. He knew she would never trust him. He had a lot of work to do. He had to soothe her. He had to win over her confidence. And for that he had to change. He had to learn to put her above him. He had to learn to provide her with surety of trust, of belief in him. It was a long and winding road. The road to win her trust, to win her love. But he would do it no matter how rough the terrain was.
They were in the car. She was quiet and subdued. She looked out of the window. She stifled a sob. But he heard it and he closed his eyes momentarily. He realised she was alone and confused. The only thing she would show him was her anger and her hatred. He had to learn how to deal with it. He wanted a relationship with her and he would have to lead the way. He would navigate no matter how thick the fog and how tiresome the journey. But he promised himself that he would get there….. with her of course.
She felt her being was seared with hopelessness. She had abandoned caution last night and had earnestly followed where he had led. Everything had been perfect. Why then did she feel regret? Why was she being pulled in two directions? Why did she want to cling on to her past when her future could be full of promises? Why was she attracted to this one man who had caused her the greatest amount of heartbreak? Why couldn't she have the simple joys like any other wife? Why couldn't she have met Raj under different circumstances? Her head was bent, her eyes downcast. If only things had been different. If only …… if only………
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Anupamaa
Bengali Shows
Shiv Shakti
