Love and Hate

Vanraj ~ The man she believes she passionately hates. This man is the one whom she fell in love deeply with the moment she knew what love is. She loved him every step of the way and vied to get an approving nod from him. The very definition of 'love' in her dictionary was first defined by him. So deep was her love for him that she overlooked every single abuse that he threw her way. A smile, an approving nod, a word spoken kindly by him... those were the ones that she cherished deeply. It looks like only those are the moments she even remembers. The 26 years she was with him that seems to have been her coping mechanism. When he betrayed her, the definition was shaken. For the first time, she saw the real truth of what was happening around her. Now, here's where she first stumbled. She believed she passionately hated him when she just couldn't let him go. She should have taken help at this point and talked to someone who would show her clearly and plainly what her reality was. She didn't do that and stayed by him. To convince herself that she truly hates him, she got a divorce. Of course she must hate him, why else she would have ever signed the paper. She satisfied herself with these words but never let go of him. Those words 'ek kaagaz ke tukde' just proves my theory that she never unloved him. Maybe it was a habit for her to love him... A habit, she had acquired over the years with him. She never needed him to acknowledge then and it made no difference to her that he lived with another woman noe. She subconsciously loved him though she loudly claimed otherwise. She never could bear him get hurt (his hand accident), never could bear him sad(him unhappy with Kavya), never could bear his loss(the Cafe loss). After divorce, Vanraj took a lot more notice of her than he ever did when they were married. When they were married, he took decisions for the kids and barely acknowledged her importance. But when they separated, he started communicating with her for their children. For a woman who acknowledged even a nod as love, this would have been a great gesture. Here again, had she communicated with someone, she would have understood the reality. But she didn't and to convince herself that she hated him truly, she stood up to him. The man who always barely noticed her because she was so submissive now feeling the difference, started noticing her more often. This seems to have given her a sense of authority. Her 'hatred' gave her more power and control than her 'love'. Although his opinions, his feelings never ceased to matter for her, she truly believes she hates him. 26 years with him, she stayed however much he abused her. Never once thought of running away. Yet she believes she passionately hates him.

Anuj ~ The man she believes she is deeply in love with. This man is the one who actually cared about her and showed her a different definition of love. He gave her more than she ever asked for. She never wanted what he gave her in the first place. All she wanted was someone to talk to after a bad brawl with Vanraj. She honestly was looking for friendship and not love at all. But then she got to know of his love and Vanraj let her go. It was at this point that she started to believe she was in love. That day she proposed to him alone, she subconsciously took Vanraj's hand in hers as she would do in the past. The dholida, dadi dance was because she was confused. She believed totally that she loved him but somehow she never could put him first. Then the grand proposal was ofcourse another way to convince herself, him and everyone that she was truly in love with him. She truly believed she was in love with him. Not once did she wantedly hate him or anything. It's just that her love for him was totally different than what it was for Vanraj. She believes through and through that this is love. Adopting choti was a way to show she loved him when she really wasn't ready. She tried to do everything to prove to  herself that she really does love him. She even tried staying away from her family albeit for a few hours. But it wasnt enough when her heart never truly could belong to him. The reason she walked away is again according to her a proof of this love. She believes she loved him very much to let him go the minute he was unhappy with her. She never tried to fight for herself... she just gave up. That's because she truly believed she loved him deeply. Even now she believes she love him that's why she is letting him go. Her actions resemble losing a good friend and not a partner. When you lose a good friend, you cry... a lot maybe but you keep yourself occupied with other things. Like she is occupied celebrating, having fun and all that. 

On the whole, I believe, she needs counseling to let her understand what exactly is happening in her mind. She needs to come to reality and understand whom she loves and who is just a friend. If she wants to move forward, she needs to know the truth else she is going to keep failing miserably in all her relationships. Be it Anuj, Yashdeep or any other man.

P.S: I know the show writers have never given this much thought to the characters feelings. Just a random rambling from my side.

P.P.S: This post is only about my perspective on Anupama's feelings. I am not a fan of Anuj right now or think his 26 years love was a great sacrifice. He was obsessed with her. That's what I believe.

P.P.P.S: I rooted a lot for Anupama and honestly loved her more than Anuj. This post is me trying to empathize a little with her though I cannot tolerate her character now.

Tel me if kagaaz ke tukde  pe rishta  khatm  nahi  Jo jaate then why anupama  marry anuj  .

Agsr kaagaz,ke tukde se rishta  khatm nahi ho jaata to phir divorce  ke liye apply  karna  court  mein jaate hue dikhana  phir  wahan judge  ke samne sigh karna itna sub khuch kyon dikhaya

Rishta  khatm  nahi karna to kaagaz ke tukde pe sign  karne ki bhi kya  jaroorat  thi  

In serial  they have show when anupama  applied for divorce  then judge  Gave 6 month time to both  anupama  and vanraj  whether they want reconcile  in 6 month  

Divorce  case  wapas kyon  nahi liya agar rishta  khatm  nahi karna ths 

To in 6 month  mein  rishton  ki.baat yaad kyon nahi aayi phir 6 month baad  kyon divorce  sigh karte hue dikhaya 

Chalo  Maan lete hai anupama  ko vanraj  se pyaar  hai she still  love him  but sawal yeh hai phir writer anupamaa  ko divorce  file karte hue divorce  sign karte hue kyon dikhaya itna duniya bhar ki divorce  nautanki  dikhane ki kya jaroorat  thi 

Waise bhi jub kinjal  ne poocha  ki jub vanraj  ka accident  hua  tha tub aapko kaisa  kaha tha anupama  say kagaz ke tukde pe sign  kar Dene rishta  khatm  nahi ho jaata 

But  fact yeh ki vanraj  ka accident  dec 2020 le last week  mein  hua tha aur anupama. Ne divorce  file Kiya,  middle  week  of jan 2021 and then judge  Gave 6 month time then june mei divorce  

Matlab  jub vanraj  ka accident  hua us time  anupama  ne kisi  kaagaz,ke tukde  pe sigh hi nahi kita 

She  sigh kaagaz ka tukda after 2 week  from  vanraj  accident  

To accident  me time kaagaz ke tukde khatm  nahi ho jaate yeh baat  kidhsr se aayi 

Phir  kaagaz  ke tukde  pe rishta, khatm  nahi ho jaata  to anupama  ne kavya  se vanraj  ki shaadi  hone kaise di 

Koi sense nahi in sub baaton  ka bus  sleeping  mode kkuch bhi writer  log likh dete hai 

From what I have noticed is that anupama is a confused character 

Writers are confused with anupam character they don't know what to write for anupama since they are so obessed with Shah's they forget their FL

Beautifully summed up.

Anupama seems to be in a daze.

The daze about herself, of her love and her life, is ALL a consequence of everything she has heard as a taunt from Leela and Vanraj. They said she cannot doing anything but cook, she took to dancing, they said she could always only be a homebody and not go out to work, she wanted to work, just look at her jobs, she worked until she got the job, after that, she never pursued any of them, they said she couldnt find a guy who would love her and marry her, she did, they said you cant stay away from them, she did for 5 years.

Even in the 5 years that she had no jimmedari ke matke, she did NOTHING pursue her dreams of Amreeka, she just wanted to survive by staying within the 4 walls. YouTube channel seemed the most probably option.

She perhaps only ever wanted to prove herself worthy of them, to prove she could be everything they always wanted. She is only trying to justify her actions and just doesn't realise anything else. Hell, she never listened to even Kanta and her brother. She let everyone be abused because she believed Leela and Hansmukh to hold a reverence she cannot think beyond.

The day the daze clears, realisation of what she has done with her and others will drown her in guilt.

Amazing Tiana. Beautifully echoed my thoughts. I could not have worded it better.

I still feel she has to start loving herself first. After the divorce, she should have left that house and accepted her as she was. She should have worked on what she finds herself lacking in. I feel she associates her identity with motherhood a lot. 

If only she had accepted herself as she was and loved her ownself, she would have known what Anuj was to her. She let the whole Shah clan demean her and still considers them as her family. But she won't tolerate Shahs being humiliated by anyone. How can one let that happen to one own self? You can take Anupama out of Shah but you can't take Shah out of her. 
The worst thing is she enables all the abuses on herself. 

Anupamaa's whole point of marrying Anuj was that she had convinced herself and was trying to show the world that he is everything Vanraj isn't.

Not just the cheating part, but he will not criticize her and try to fix her like Vanraj did and she can do as she pleases.

That's where she lost track. She assumed that every thing that she is doing is right and when Anuj tried to stop her for anything, gently or firmly, her mind flared up that if she is gonna be criticized in this marriage as well then what's the point.

Anuj has always been for her what she wanted Vanraj to be, so anything else in him would never have bee  acceptable for her.

Right word is "Trauma."

Anupamaa is the walking/talking definition of trauma. Even without the intention and without the understanding of trauma, writers reduced Anupamaa's character as a passive victim who is stuck in never ending cycle of abuse.

Because in reality traumatized individuals do understand their trauma to some extent. Of course it takes all kinds of support, professional help and socio-economic strength to come out of it. 

And Nope. Counseling won't work with Anupamaa. She needs therapies. Lots of different varieties. And years of it.

But she is a middle aged woman. She also needs to find a suitable job. One which makes her financially independent, also gives her a solid identity.

Whatever they have shown initially was good actually. But her idea of opening a five star hotel was not viable. She needed to open Dhaba where she could recruits housewives. with Anuj's guidance and support in 5 years time, she could have become a successful businesswoman. 

It should have been a wonderful example of a woman reclaiming her identity.

Good employment ki definition: jo aapke past experiences ko ridicule nahi kare balki use count kare. Lekin aapko usi role me reduce na kare. Aapko Growth ka mauka de. Both at a personal level and at socio-financial level.

Showing a woman is learning Classical Dance (jisme wo kachhi hai, proper training aur experience nahi hai) at the age of 50 is not a good example of her chasing a career. Ek umar ke baad Dance/Music seekhna is only a hobby and rather an expensive one which not everyone can afford.

Also... Of course rich and well-connected log apne half baked talent se profit kama lete hain. Lekin it is not a realistic dream for someone like Anupama.

Instead she should have used her Dance to her other women bond with each other and give them a chance to breakout from their mould and do things for themselves only.

What i feel is anupama was in revenge mode with vanraj and hence gave divorce in anger and to spite him married anuj kapadiya 

This happens in real life too

If my boy friend/grirl friend leaves me for another person than just to spite that human you will get a new boy friend or girl friend fast and even if you do not really love them you act extra loving just to make your ex BF/GF jealous 

I have seen this happen in college and offices in real life 

OR if your boy friend betrays you to spite him you marry first boy your parents show to you in anger. Just to give your ex boy friend message see you are not only one i have other admirers or those who like me 

Anupama has done the same okkk she loved vanraj very much like crazy when he betrayed her with kavya 

So to spite vanraj purposely she married anuj kapadiya 

She never really loved anuj or wanted to marry him ever in life 

Above that hasmukh and samar and kinjal and nandini were after her to marry marry marry anuj so she did 

Final straw was vanraj in hospital telling her he loves you accept t meri maa and move forward in life

Till vanraj never asked her she never even accepted her feeling for anuj or thought about anuj as partner 

That is why so easily she left anuj and CA one fine day and walked off 

That is why she took him for granted and used his money huis wealth his bungalow his company to benefit shahs 

Ideally no wife will allow relatives to take advantage of husband wealth and business they will safegaurd their hubby from their greedy relatives 

I would never accept my parents or siblings or their kids taking advantage of my hubby wealth or property etc i will put my foot down any good spouse will do that not allow huby and his family wealth exploitation by their mayka 

But anupama allowed all that because she never love anuj like spouse or his family like in laws 

For anupama love is only vanraj and his family her in laws(not mayka thats name she gave so society do not ask her ques) 

Originally posted by: nivi26

Right word is "Trauma."

Anupamaa is the walking/talking definition of trauma. Even without the intention and without the understanding of trauma, writers reduced Anupamaa's character as a passive victim who is stuck in never ending cycle of abuse.

Because in reality traumatized individuals do understand their trauma to some extent. Of course it takes all kinds of support, professional help and socio-economic strength to come out of it. 

And Nope. Counseling won't work with Anupamaa. She needs therapies. Lots of different varieties. And years of it.

But she is a middle aged woman. She also needs to find a suitable job. One which makes her financially independent, also gives her a solid identity.

Whatever they have shown initially was good actually. But her idea of opening a five star hotel was not viable. She needed to open Dhaba where she could recruits housewives. with Anuj's guidance and support in 5 years time, she could have become a successful businesswoman. 

It should have been a wonderful example of a woman reclaiming her identity.

Good employment ki definition: jo aapke past experiences ko ridicule nahi kare balki use count kare. Lekin aapko usi role me reduce na kare. Aapko Growth ka mauka de. Both at a personal level and at socio-financial level.

Showing a woman is learning Classical Dance (jisme wo kachhi hai, proper training aur experience nahi hai) at the age of 50 is not a good example of her chasing a career. Ek umar ke baad Dance/Music seekhna is only a hobby and rather an expensive one which not everyone can afford.

Also... Of course rich and well-connected log apne half baked talent se profit kama lete hain. Lekin it is not a realistic dream for someone like Anupama.

Instead she should have used her Dance to her other women bond with each other and give them a chance to breakout from their mould and do things for themselves only.

That is whole issue

Getting independent involves lot of hard work and attempts 

Like for normal human he should pass 10th than 12th than BE/MBBS/degree than masters degree ME/MD/Msc etc  through very hard work and get 80-90% to get those degree 

Than attend written exams in company and interviews than pass them (you may give 10 written test and interviews get only one job) 

Than you get a job the hard way that too you are lowest trainee engineer or fresher doctor and from there you raise the ranks in 10 years after hard work you become a project manager or technical architect or doctor with specialization in heart or cancer etc only than you start getting benefits of studying BE/Mtech/MBBS/MD. 

You have to do hard work from age of 5 years to 25 years just to get a degree than job even in job for 10 to 15 years you put 14 hours work a day than reach a manager or senior post with good salary only than you are considered success

And if you are a girl apart from working 14 hours in company you have to come cook and take care of aged parents, hubby, kids etc no rest at all. Its not a joke at all to work 12-14 hours in company and come home cook, take care of aged and kids etc which many indian women do (or even usa women but they work 8 hours a day )

Even in school/college girls come home and do house work than study unlike boys in india. Whether you study MBBS/BE you do house work if you are indian girl at home  

Anupama says shes done lot of work 26 years at home honestly work she does all girls so plus work in office 12-14 hours  a day in india in USA 8 hours work (in It company/hospitals) 

But anupama has not done all this directly she got owner of multi million dollar company thanks to anuj kapadiya 

No education required no interview no experience no written test no hard work at all

Even spice and chutney same no hard work at all to get job 

Than no one values such jobs or puts effor 

And no one respects such ppl too in company or life 

Those who have got jobs hard way commoners know how much hard it is competition whether to get MBBS/BE/MTech seat in indian colleges or even US like MIT etc and how much marks and effort required to finish a degree in good marks than get a job on own without influence and to maintain that job and go up lader in life 

Its not a joke required 3 decades of hard work from 5 years till 35 years just to reach some respectable post in life (without any influence on capability only) 

There is lot of politics and under cutting not onluy in office but college too. You have to face all that and go up in life its not easy like anupama suddenly get hotel business sudden become CEO or owner of multi million company of others hard work 

Originally posted by: nivi26

Right word is "Trauma."

Anupamaa is the walking/talking definition of trauma. Even without the intention and without the understanding of trauma, writers reduced Anupamaa's character as a passive victim who is stuck in never ending cycle of abuse.

Because in reality traumatized individuals do understand their trauma to some extent. Of course it takes all kinds of support, professional help and socio-economic strength to come out of it. 

And Nope. Counseling won't work with Anupamaa. She needs therapies. Lots of different varieties. And years of it.

But she is a middle aged woman. She also needs to find a suitable job. One which makes her financially independent, also gives her a solid identity.

Whatever they have shown initially was good actually. But her idea of opening a five star hotel was not viable. She needed to open Dhaba where she could recruits housewives. with Anuj's guidance and support in 5 years time, she could have become a successful businesswoman. 

It should have been a wonderful example of a woman reclaiming her identity.

Good employment ki definition: jo aapke past experiences ko ridicule nahi kare balki use count kare. Lekin aapko usi role me reduce na kare. Aapko Growth ka mauka de. Both at a personal level and at socio-financial level.

Showing a woman is learning Classical Dance (jisme wo kachhi hai, proper training aur experience nahi hai) at the age of 50 is not a good example of her chasing a career. Ek umar ke baad Dance/Music seekhna is only a hobby and rather an expensive one which not everyone can afford.

Also... Of course rich and well-connected log apne half baked talent se profit kama lete hain. Lekin it is not a realistic dream for someone like Anupama.

Instead she should have used her Dance to her other women bond with each other and give them a chance to breakout from their mould and do things for themselves only.

As we are seeing her now I don’t think that there was any trauma involved. She was very happy in her marriage. It was only Vanraj betrayal And I think it was not only betrayal but Kavya was still in the picture. If Vanraj had a ONS like toshu she would have forgave him but Kavya was still in front of her. 

Samar and Nandini started dance classes for her and she was doing good in that but then also she was spending more time on Vanraj restaurant then her dance classes. She abandoned dance classes just like that or more accurately it was Samar and Nandini later Dimpy running it. 

Sometimes she victimised herself that she had done lots of house work for 26 years but this is the most our mums and aunt done their whole life and still doing. She said she didn’t had any outside life because she was busy in house work but according to me she didn’t know how to manage thinks. She is always all over the place.

Now also she got her busy in household work of Kinjal’s house. If this was in real life she would have got fired long ago. Simply she is not working women material she is totally housewife material. She can’t take professional life seriously. With her divorce she had to step out for work. Some of her well wishes make her dream big without looking at her personality and now she is in some type of illusion that she is the best in everything. Anuj also contributed in this with saying again n again 

MERI ANU KABHI GALAT NAHI HO SAKTI 

KAISE KAR LETI HO ITNA SAB 

MERI ANU HAMESHA SAHI HOTI HAI Etc.

 All of this feed into her illusions and now she truly believe this. 

Now if we see it is only Vanraj who knows her real capabilities and sometimes shows her mirror about that but her illusion are so strong. 

If we she before Anuj entry she was somewhat normal who knew her limits but after that she became delusional who thinks that she is best in everything. 

I think that she need to realise her true capabilities and come out of her illusion but after 5 years leap I think that this is also impossible. This illusion is her lifeline if she came out of it she has no where to go. She don’t have a home now. No one literally no one loves her enough.