And Then She Found Me-Chapter 37 PG 58 13/11/17 - Page 5

Chapter 7: 5 Steps Back

A loud banging noise caused Khushi to shoot out of her slumber. She rubbed her eyes as she made her way out of the bedroom. Arnav was slamming her kitchen cabinet doors.
"Cant find a damn this in this apartment." He spoke aloud knowing that Khushi was listening.
"Before I have to buy a new kitchen, can you please tell me what you're looking for?" Spoke an irritated Khushi rubbing the sleep from her eyes. 'Nice way to start my day Laad Governor.' She saw the he was still shirtless. As he reached and opened the cupboard doors she couldn't help but notice his toned body flexing with the each movement. Each line and curve of the muscle perfect. Khushi blushed as she gawped at his wash board abs and his broad chest. His big strong arms and toned back. His perfect jaw line was highlighted by his slight stuble and his pouting lips where inviting her to desire things she had never imagined before. Then she drew her attention to his most beautiful features, his eyes. They were full of confusion and a hint of humour in them. Khushi tilted her head to one side as she tried to figure out what could be so amusing.

Arnav stood in the kitchen, at the counter pouring him self some cornflakes when he caught sight of Khushi. She was standing there rubbing her eyes with her hair out and in her pyjamas. Arnav had only ever seen her in salwars. On the odd occasion when she was working at home he had seen her in jeans and shirt and on special occasions in a saree. But today she was in a vest top and shorts with bed socks. 'Cute' Arnav thought. His eyes trailed up her beautifuly carved legs to her slender hourglass figure. The vest clung to her body emphasising her flat stomach and womanly curves. 'Dammit! What are you doing!' Arnav scolded himself as he lowered his gaze. Arnav looked back up at her unable to resist himself, to find she was doing the same thing. 'Is she actually checking me out?' He turned to return the cornflake box back to its place, hoping that his movement would shake her out of her thought but when he turned back around he found that her eyes were lingering on his lips and then in his eyes. Her cheecks were rosy were red. It felt as though he could feel the warmth of her cheeks under his fingertips. She tilted her head to one side, confused. 'She's checking me out, and she's confused? This girl...' Arnav made a move and sat down at the stool at the counter top.
"I will take a picture for you Khushi. Then you can stare at me all you want in your own leisure. Or if you have captured enough of me in your imagination you can do a painting. But for now you ought to get ready for work. Other wise you'll blame me for making you late" He said holding her gaze with out blinking. She snapped out of the trance at the sound of his voice.
"D-d-don't flatter your self Raizada, I-I-I was just sleeping... with my eyes open... it's not like a got much of it last night." She wish she hadn't mentioned the last part. He looked away tearing a gaze from the barely clad goddess before him.
"Khushi, go get dressed." His voice didn't show any hurt but instead full of authority, he was warning her. Khushi stood there stunned looking down at her self.
"Hai Devi Maiyya!" She gasped as she turned a brighter shade of red and ran back into her room. A small smile danced on Arnav's lips.Khushi slammed her door shut and leaned against it.

"What's wrong with you Khushi Kumari Gupta!? Well it would be easier to ask what's right. Why do you always make a fool of yourself in front him? Well you make a fool of your self all the time but more so when he is around. Just get a grip woman! And what were you doing staring at him like he's some kind of meat! Hai Devi maiyya what are you saying you're a pure vegetarian! And besides why does a business man need to be so ripped and muscular, it can't be that hard to lift a pen and sign papers! It must be to scare his employees and clients." Khushi saw the image of him, shirtless in her kitchen, fear was far from the emotion she felt whilst watching him
"Argh stop it stop it stop it! Stop thinking about that Laad Govenor!" She quickly grabbed some clothes and headed for the shower.

***

"Khushi, Khushi?" She herd him call as she was getting changed.
"Ji?"
"Open the door first."
"Wait, why? Whats wrong?"
"Khushi, I'm not going to stand here talking to this door." Her heart began to race a little at the thought of him being on the other side of the door whilst she was getting changed. A door she had never locked. She liked to think that she knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't misbehave. But her instincts reminded her of what he was capable of. She quickly threw on her clothes and hurried to the door.
"Kya hua? Were you looking for something? Why are you still...would it hurt to put on a shirt?" She spoke all at once. He breathed in the sweet scent of her strawberry shampoo that wafted the air around him.
"Shut up Khushi." He said annoyed, partly of her being right and partly for the way she made him feel. Khushi gasped.
"Why should I shut up? It's not like what I am saying isn't the truth...walking around nangu pangu app ko sharaam nahi aathi?"
"Enough Khushi, I said shut up" He spoke through his teeth bringing his face closer to hers. Before a little smirk appeard on the corner of his lips.
"I remember you complaining a few days ago that I always cover myself up and half an hour ago it seemed to me you were enjoying the view." Khushi's heart began to beat that familiar beat as he took a step closer. He enjoyed the look of bewilderment in her eyes, how they traced his lips and how her own were quivering ever so slightly. He took a calculated step back before he got carried away. "Don't you think if I had a fresh shirt I would be wearing it by now? I wore that shirt to the office yesterday. I was going to ask you to go get me a shirt from home or-" He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He pulled out a black shiny credit card.
"Go buy one for me." He waved the card in front of Khushi's face. "Go."
"Mr Arnav Singh Raizada, I am not your minion. Why don't you just go home!"
"Di rang this morning when she couldn't find me, I told her I had left for work early." The mentioning of Di bought to light the events of the previous night. Something both of them were trying to put off.
"You're ok, right?" Khushi asked fiddling with the end of her duppata.
" I will be once you go and get me a shirt." His voice stern. Khushi turned into her room and headed to her cupboard.

"What the- Gupta where are you going, your not going to find anything in-" Khushi took out a green package she had wrapped for his birthday from her wardrobe and shoved it against his chest.
"Here! Now go and change." Arnav looked at the parcel.
"Jaiye." She tried to sound as firm as possible. He pushed passed her and made his way into her bedroom. "Where do you think you're going? Go change in the other room there's bathroom there aswell." He looked at her reflection in the mirror, his signature brow raised.
"In Buaji's room. I don't think so. Besides what's the problem? I am putting clothes on, not taking them off." He unwrapped the parcel finding a baby blue shirt and matching tie. He threw the clothes onto the bed and went into the bathroom to freshen up.

Khushi combed through her hair adjusted her duppata and got her bag ready. She went outside and folded the duvet, collected the scattered pillows and put them back into the cupboard. She found his white shirt flung across the back of the sofa. As she began to fold the shirt she couldn't stop thinking about the night before. She couldn't forget the pain she saw in his eyes, the pain he was so good at hiding. All morning he had been behaving as though nothing had happened.
"Gupta?" He said clicking his fingers before her lost eyes.
"Are you ok? And I don't want a sarcastic or patronising answer. I want to know the truth, and well I know apart of you is not ok but I need to know if you're ok, for now?" Her eyes were ridden with concern. 'How isit possible for her to care so much after the way I treat her. ' Arnav thought as he felt as himself loosing himself in the depths of her bright light eyes.
"I'll drive you to work." Khushi didn't argue knowing that she would have a chance to dig deeper once they were in the car.

***

"Arnavji-" the awkwardness led Khushi to revert back to her formal ways. Arnav was driving at a strangely slow pace, and neither of them had said a word. Just as she was about to speak he cut her off.
"Thanks." He looked at Khushi as he spoke. Khushi smiled. She was glad that he was willing to talk about the matter with out further persuasion.
"I wouldn't have picked the colour but it's not bad. When did you get this? How did you know my size?"
"Keep your eyes on the road" Khushi retorted. "You're thanking me for the shirt? Seriously? Arnav just talk to me. After everything-" But he cut her off.
"After what Khushi? What happened? Nothing. Nothing happened. There is nothing to tell anyone. Do you understand me?" His words were dictated like an army general. She was hurt. Hurt that he thought she would tell anyone. Hurt that maybe he didn't trust her as much as she liked to think he did.

Arnav wanted to hate her. Hate her for how she made him feel. Hate her for making him vulnerable. Hate her for making him face his past. But most of all he wanted to hate her for being the only person who can now break him. But he couldn't, he knew it would be impossible for him to stay away from her knowing she is the only thing holding him together.
"I would never tell anyone Arnav." The hurt evident in her voice as she looked out the passenger window. She tired to discreetly wipe the tear rolling down her cheek. But Arnav caught sight of this.
"Khushi, Khushi look at-"
"You said that you break off the engagement if I said so. Did you mean it? When you said that you wanted to make this work was that a lie? Because I cant live a lie. I know you don't love me, but if you don't trust me then leave me. I want my ticket out." Tears ran down her face uncontrollably as she vented her frustrations.
"What the hell Gupta, you can't just call quits whenever you feel like it, this is our marriage not a game of monolopy!." Arnav had pulled over round the corner from the school gates.
"Arnav Singh Raizada, when have the priniciples of marriage become so important to you? Why are you insisting on binding us in this meaningless relationship? For a brief moment I thought that maybe it would be ok, that we would be able to work this out as friends as companions and who knows what the future holds once we understand each other. But now I know you will never let that happen. The minute you realise that someone is about to figure you out you shut them down. All you know how to do is use people, and once you've got what your-"
"ENOUGH!" His face was inches away from hers. She tired to move back in her seat, finding that she had no where to go.
"How dare you Khushi Kumari Gupta, you don't know a damn thing about me so don't you dare judge me. You couldn't walk a mile in my shoes and see the things that I have seen and still allow people like you in my life. As for trust, then it is something that you earn. It's not a bonus for the diamond that's on your finger." His voice stabbed each part of her body like a butcher knife. She quickly reached over and opened the car door and unbuckled her seatbelt.
"I don't ever want to see your face again!" She spoke through tears and tried shut the door with as much force as possible. "Rakshas rakshas rakshas!" She cursed under breath and she tried to compose herself before walking into the school gates. She thought that they had taken a step forward in the right direction only to have taken ten steps. 'Is this how its always going to be? Is this my life now? A constant battle with the beast. '

Arnav sat in his car for what felt like a life time. It was all over now. He wouldn't be able to break the engagement off, he had given his word. But any hope of a real relationship was lost. He stood in the same place he was one month ago. Tied to a woman who hated him. She didn't even want to see his face. 'And she's right to. What the hell was I thinking! "people like you" what is that even suppose to mean? If only more people were like her the world would be a better place.' Arnav kept going over every detail of the past couple of days. The fight two mornings ago, her turning up at his home, her being there for him and his family. Her phone call to check up on him, their first non-official date. Her taking him in during middle of night, her accepting him as a friend. 'Enough Arnav. That's it you will no longer think of this girl. She doesn't want to see you so be it. All you seem to do is hurt her when you're around her so it's just best if you stay away from her. This is nothing more than a compromise you will not let her get to you like this. She is just a girl. She is a nobody.' His phone began to ring. "Yes Aaman, I am just on my way. The evening meetings that I cancelled last week...yeh...put them back on."

Once in school and with her pupils Khushi was able to push the burden that was Arnav Singh Raizada to the back of her mind. But it was there constant, waiting to weigh her down, to crush her beneath him. This was Khushi, the girl who always embraced life no matter what it threw at her, she lived her life to fullest. But today she just wanted to be numb. She didn't want to feel anything. And for the most part that is what she did until she got back to her apartment that evening.
"Hai re nandkisore, tum aagayi sankha devi."
"Buaji!" Khushi exclaimed with relief at the tought of no longer being alone in her apartment. She ran into her aunts arms no longer able to hold back the tears.
"Khushi, ooh titalia whats wrong?!" Buaji gentley shook Khushi by the shoulders.
"I really missed you Bua." She wiped the tears and went to get her self some water.
"I told you to come with me but no. You insisted on staying here. I don't understand why you can't just help your father with his business like your sister." Buaji and and Khushi disscused at length her aunts visit back home and the well being of Khushi's parents. Khushi felt better after hearing about her parents. She wished they also moved to Delhi but she knew they would never leave Lucknow. She felt very home sick listening to buaji gossip about the neighbours, of her time spend with Khushi's mum and eating the famous jalebis. Khushi rested her head on buaji's lap and closed her eyes. She imagined that she was sleeping on her mothers lap.
"Eh thitaliya, Arnav bitwa kasa hai?" Khushi didn't open her eyes. She didn't want to cry again. Even the thought of his name stabbed her.
"Voh teek hain. I have some marking to do I'll be in my room." Khushi left before the subject could be discussed further.

***

She sat on the rocking chair in her bedroom, her eyes drifting between her phone and the view out of her bedroom window. She didn't know why she was expecting him to call. It was past 11 o'clock but she couldn't bring her self to sleep. 'What if he comes and buaji answers the door? Or we just don't hear him knock?...voh nahin aayenge. And even if he does I don't want to see him! I don't want to see him or speak to him. Not now not ever!' Khushi switched off her mobile phone and then went outside to disconnect the landline. She stopped and stared at the sofa. She imagined him sitting there with his head leaning back, eyes closed. She could hear his voice "Khushi". What was it about the way he said her name that gave her the butterflies. The buzzer didn't ring that night. Or the night after.