Arshi FF: Destined To Love #2 LINK TO#3 Pg151 - Page 62

Chapter 28

Khushi stood before the mirror and glanced at her reflection. Her eyes moved from top to bottom, scanning herself. She was wearing small earrings, a chain and the sari that were not hers, they belonged to shalini, given her for the time she was staying with her. A sense of uneasiness swept through her entire body. And then there was this baby kicking which was hers only until it stayed within her, there after it would move onto shalini. So in a nut shell there was nothing on and inside her that she could claim as hers and the thought made her cringe. In fact it angered her to no extent.

Opening the cupboard, she grabbed a sari, it was old and faded but it was hers. She immediately changed into it then snatched the chain from her neck and pulled out the earrings, it hurt her but she didn't care. She didn't wish to use anything that belonged to someone else. Folding the sari and picking up the jewellery she headed to shalini's room to return them.

She halted at the door step and pushed the already ajar door, slightly more with one hand. She raised her foot to step in as she was used to of entering the room unannounced but today her foot couldn't dare to cross the threshold. The sight in front of her froze her to the spot. Shalini's sari had slipped from her shoulder and was now lazily hanging on her arm while Abhi was leaning behind, with his mouth just inches away from her nape and his fingers pulling the strings of her blouse. khushi's jaw dropped, her eyes widened in disbelief and she felt every drop of blood drained out of her body. No, this could not be true!

After undoing the strings of her blouse that had got entangled, he stepped back and decided to leave the room to let her change. He stopped at the entrance and found the sari and some jewelry that khushi had been wearing, scattered on the floor. He picked up everything and wondered, was she here, Then why didn't he see her? and if she had come to return these things then why didn't she place them on the couch, why had they been crumbled and dropped carelessly? Shaking his head he kept the sari and other belongings on the couch and went out to look for her.

He walked down the empty hall, she was no where to be seen when his gaze fell on her room which was shut firmly. He shrugged his shoulders, maybe she was taking a quick nap before the dinner. Turning on his heel he thought of strolling in the garden.

khushi flopped on the bed and buried her face in the pillow as tears streamed down her cheeks. Her mind could not block the events of the day, the marital vows indicating how hollow and inconsequential her marriage was, the guests casting pity and sympathetic glances at her and wondering about the future of the baby that she was carrying although she could silence them but the truth was so bitter that she herself had to remain tightlipped and then shalini holding and leaning against him posing as a perfect couple and he too behaving as though this was all normal and not even once caring to be on the side of the one who was pregnant with his child! If all this wasn't enough then the image of both of them being so intimate was pricking her eyes.

No, this was wrong, how could this happen to her? how could he do this to her? the images of the last two days spent with him, flooded her mind and she smiled through her tears. How close had to they got in those moments were she laid her heart bare before him, where there was contentment and peace, where they both were themselves, where they were beginning to confront the feelings they had for each other and most importantly they were even succumbing to those feelings. Then why was all this happening? why shalini had to come back and ruin her happiness? Why reality struck her as a tight slap across her face? Her heart was screaming in agony as she banged her fist against the bed in frustration.

The tears dried slowly and she blinked her eyes. No, there was nothing wrong and if at all there was anything or anybody wrong then it was she! The emotions that she harbored for him were wrong. The fact that she fell for a married man was wrong. The dreams that would never come true, still she dared to accommodate them in her eyes was wrong. When reality was crystal clear, the roles expected out of all of them were well defined still she overlooked them, followed her heart blindly and messed up every relation...that was wrong.

Fresh tears began to glisten her eyes, the time spent with him, irrespective of how beautiful it was, was just a fraction of her life and not her entire life. She could not stretch those moments over her remaining life. He was someone else's and would never be hers! His wife had all the rights over him and he had every single right to get close to her...there was nothing wrong in what she saw, on the other hand what they were about to do in the kitchen in the morning was ..wrong. What she was desiring or expecting out of him was wrong. She was carrying his child and would leave after its birth, that was the only relation that she was sharing with him. A relation that had no name, a relation that couldn't be acknowledged in public, a relation that nobody was proud of and a relation that had no life and future!

Her heart shattered into a million pieces and she closed her eyes as tears trickled down, wetting her pillow.

*****************************************

She felt being moved by somebody, opening her eyes she found shalini standing and nudging her shoulder to wake her up.

"khushi get up and eat something ."

khushi rubbed her aching eyes and stretched herself, while thinking about all this probably she had drifted off to sleep. Shalini frowned on seeing her puffy eyes and asked dryly," you're okay ?" she nodded her head slowly and replied after lowering her face," yeah ..just a little tired." She paused for a moment and thought dining out with him was not a good idea, with him sitting in the middle, she and shalini on his either sides , she wasn't sure she could control her emotions, especially now and feared that she might end up getting teary. At this hour she wasn't strong enough to face him.

" di , I'll eat here." With that she climbed out of the bed to get the dinner for herself but shalini stopped her and told her not to exert herself, she would get the tray for her.

He glanced at the empty dining chair on his left, where was she? He had hardly seen her after they came back home. Tearing a piece of chapatti he asked softly," khushi ...she's eaten ?" shalini lifted her head from the plate and nodded.

Perhaps she was too tired to come out. He gazed at her room, the door was still shut, he remembered the time when she poked her head out of the room just to ensure that he was eating well. He smiled slightly and shook his head at the memory.

khushi stared blankly at the ceiling above, sleep was wandering far away, refusing to invade her doe eyes . Placing her hand over her large belly she wondered, what had she done with her life, till some months back, life was so simple, indeed it was not much to her liking but still it was not complicated like it was now. She was here to spend a night with him, bear his child and then walk away with the money after handing over the child to them...only three well edged out tasks were involved in this deal, nothing more was required, especially getting emotionally involved but she failed miserably to carry out these tasks. What was the need to get emotionally connected to him and the baby when she clearly knew that both of them didn't belong to her...eventually she had to leave them forever! Did she forget that in the middle? Even if she had forgotten or chosen to ignore, there was laxmi to remind her, only if she had listened to her. At every step laxmi had warned her, stopped her and made her see the actual situation...but she didn't listen to her and preferred to follow her heart blindly, so much so that she could no longer contain her feelings for him, feelings that she had hidden deep down in her heart came to the forefront in these last two days where she had made it pretty obvious how much she was fond of him, how much she was drawn to him and how much she depended on him.

Why didn't she pay heed to her rational mind and laxmi's words, why she had to tread this path that had no destination? If for once she had curbed and suppressed her emotions then today her heart would not have been tormented like this. She let out a defeated sigh, she had no one to blame except herself for her heart break.

She turned her neck to the bedside clock, it was way past midnight and she was only tired but not sleepy. Opening the door that was closed since evening, she finally stepped out to have some water. While heading towards the kitchen she stopped in her tracks, he was sleeping on the sofa in the hall, she paused for a moment, his eyes were shut, she glanced at him briefly before turning around to get water. She took out a water bottle from the fridge , yanked her head back and began having water directly from the bottle without bothering to pour some in a glass.

" you're awake ." His husky voice from behind startled her, gazing over her shoulder she found him leaning against the door with his arms crossed before his chest. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, closed the lid of the bottle and without meeting his eyes replied bitterly," yes after sleeping all this while now I'm finally awake." Her dreamy life didn't last long and now she was wide awake, ready to face reality. His brows furrowed on listening to her, what did she imply by that and why was she so lost and disturbed.

" is something wrong ?" he asked with concern but she didn't say anything. His probing eyes studied her face that was impassive and willing to give away nothing. She showed him the bottle and said," came here to fetch water ." Then walked past him to her room, leaving him confused.

He was not sleeping with shalini, as far as she remembered he always slept on the couch or in the hall in RM but never shared the bed with his wife and here too he was doing the same. They were distant, she concluded. Pulling the duvet up to her chin she thought, maybe she had overreacted on seeing them close in their room early in the evening. They weren't doing something that she assumed or probably even if they were then it shouldn't have bothered her, it was none of her business, what they shared was their private life and she was not part of it.

She turned sideways and her mind questioned, did it please her on seeing him dozing off on the couch instead of in shalini's room? She chewed her lower lip, her heart had the answer but she didn't wish to give it away instead pushed her mind to what laxmi had said to her some time back. Was she really coming between them? The fact that they didn't come across as a happily married couple, was she the reason behind it? she did come in between them but that was for one night to give him a child, after that she didn't really attempt to get close to him or distance him from his wife. He was shameful of his act, was drowning himself in alcohol and wallowing in self pity. She only tried to bring him out of darkness and lift the burden of guilt from his heart, so that he could be happy...that was it, she didn't do anything more or something that could jeopardize his marriage. The realization made her feel slightly better, she wasn't a home breaker.

The relief was however only temporary until her mind popped up another question, if she really wished to see him happy then why didn't she attempt to bridge the gap between him and shalini, it wasn't that she couldn't see that he was lonely and needed his life partner badly. Instead of developing a personal, friendly relation with him, why didn't she try to mend his relation with his wife? After all she knew that ultimately he would have to spend the rest of his life with shalini and the child so it would have been better had she attempted to smoothen out the wrinkles in their relationship. She let out a frustrated sigh and closed her eyes in fury as her heart defended her by screaming that she was here only to give this childless couple a baby and not sort out their marital discords. How they handled their relationship was not her concern and she had no right to interfere!

With that she shut her over working mind along with the bedside lamp and concentrated on sleeping. Today was a horrible day that had emotionally exhausted her to fullest and now she couldn't bear more.

********************************

Sipping on his black coffee, he peered through the morning newspaper, she was still confined to her room, what was wrong with her, was she sick? He decided to check on her by pushing the ajar door. She sat on the bed with folded knees and was engrossed in knitting something. A smile crept his lips as he stood at the edge of the bed, towering on her and watching her maneuver the knitting needles so easily, was it that simple he wondered.

Through her lowered lashes she noticed his presence but didn't raise her head to acknowledge it and continued rolling the blue woolen ball. Maybe she was too busy to notice him, he took a step forward, she curled her toes and shifted awkwardly in her sitting position.

" you had breakfast?"

"hmm."

He glanced around and found an empty glass of milk along with a plate kept on the bedside table. Once again she had food in bed, why was she confining herself to these four walls? Something was troubling her but what exactly he couldn't figure out and on top of that she was hardly speaking.

There was silence in the room with none of them initiating a conversation, he was always introvert and reserved but today she too decided to keep her mouth shut and behave as though he was not around. Slipping his hands in his pockets, he tilted his head to one side and quietly watched her knit. It was all new and interesting for him when she scrunched her face and winced in pain.

" what happened ?" he asked worriedly. She shook her head, nothing serious and kept her hand on her stomach before saying," he kicked ."

The baby was kicking her maybe this whole silence for no reason was getting on its nerves. He grinned at her and said," he's getting naughty ." She too stretched her lips in a tight smile and nodded her head in agreement.

" in this blue cap he'll look more naughty ...blue suits boys a lot."

She stilled her fingers after hearing his words, what was he thinking that like shalini even she was hoping for a boy child, honestly speaking she only wished for a healthy child though some where in the corner of her heart she wanted his desire to have a girl fulfilled but then these things were not in her hands.

She picked up a bag that contained the clothes she had finished knitting and emptied its contents before him. Pink, red, green colored socks and caps dropped on the bed and she said," it could be a girl too."

Stooping down he caressed the caps and socks with his slender fingers, firstly,he was amazed that in this short period she had managed to knit so much and secondly he wasn't disappointed on seeing her with the blue cap as she was thinking, a boy would be equally welcomed but it felt really nice to know that she had kept his desire to have a girl child in mind.

At last she had broken her silence, it was difficult for him to see her grim and quiet. He liked the chirpy and full of life khushi, instead of the silent brooding one that had returned yesterday from the wedding function.

" yesterday you appeared quite lost and upset ..you didn't even come out for dinner ." There was something definitely wrong somewhere and he couldn't push that thought away from his mind. He wanted to know what had happened during the wedding that had made her sad and gloomy. She pressed her lips hard, so much had happened yesterday that she didn't know where to start from, as though her whole world had turned upside down leaving her stunned and speechless. In one moment she was jolted from her slumber and made to see things differently. Dreams were broken, relationships lost their color and feelings were given a reality check. There were so much that she was turning a blind eye and deaf ear to but now she could no longer afford to do so. She realized her follies and the fact that how hollow and farfetched her desires were.

She raised her head and glanced at him, the most important lesson that she learnt was that, he belonged to someone else, he could never ever be his and no matter how heart breaking it would be for her but she had to maintain distance with him...they had no future together! Lowering her gaze, she got out of the bed to leave when he blocked her way.

" you haven't answered ." He had asked her something, how could she avoid him and just go away without answering him. What the hell was wrong with her, why was she behaving as though he was a stranger? His eyes were boring into hers demanding a reply.

She rolled her eyes and said," arnav ji I need to take my medicine ." With that she left the room without giving him a second look. She gazed around for her medical kit and found it on the dining table, taking out her iron tablet she had it with a glass of water. This water was much needed to calm her nerves, her heart was pounding hard, once again she had angered and disappointed him and she hated herself for that.

" khushi, I'm going to the market , you want to come ?" shalini asked from behind. She thought for a moment, yes she wanted to get out of this house, away from him to clear out her mind. The atmosphere was getting heavy and suffocating for her and she badly needed some fresh air.

" yes." She replied. When she turned around, shalini was picking up her purse while he had come out of the room and was standing near the sofa. She avoided his gaze, straightened her sari to prepare herself to go out.

" arnav let's go."

The words surprised her, she looked up in his direction, was he also coming along? Shalini turned to look at khushi who was rooted to her spot.

" what?" shalini questioned, why wasn't she moving?

khush licked her dry lips before replying," I think I'll stay back ." Both abhi and shalini knitted their brows, a minute back she was ready to go and now all of a sudden she wanted to stay back?

" but you just said yes, then?" a confused shalini asked her.

khushi coiled the edge of her sari around her finger and said dryly," I don't need anything from the market then what's the point in going ." She no longer wished to come in between them. It was their life and she was not a part of it.

He pursed his lips and glared at her, as soon as she knew that he was coming she stepped back, since yesterday she was avoiding him and now he could see that clearly.

" with nobody here you want to stay all alone?" he asked through clenched teeth.

He was getting mad at her, she was aware but she couldn't change that, she was helpless. She knew exactly the feelings and emotions that were overpowering his heart, she had experienced the same a few months back when she'd fallen for him, when she couldn't see and think beyond him, when her life revolved around him (it still did),when life was meaningless and empty without him. And when her rebellious heart was unwilling to listen to laxmi's warnings, that what she was doing was nothing less than a blunder.

She'd suffered a heartbreak because of her overwhelming love for him. It was extremely painful and she didn't want him to go through the same. She could see where his heart was heading but he couldn't see where his life was heading.

She gulped the lump formed inside her throat and without meeting his intense gaze she said," laxmi mausi , is returning today. She'll be with me." She knew she was hurting him but she had no other option, she had to keep him away from herself, the more he came close the more it would pain him in the future. She only wished to see him happy and for that if she had to annoy him today, she would do that.

Shalini nodded her head in agreement, yes, laxmi would rejoin in some time, so it wouldn't harm if khushi stayed back at home.

" fine then..we'll leave."

arnav wasn't convinced with her reasoning, he was still angry at her indifferent behavior but more than that he was frustrated that he didn't know the reason behind her indifference. Shooting her one more hard glare, he turned on his heel and walked off sulking.

Thanks for reading

Rose