SwaSan OS: Dyuta Parva/ Karna Parva Day 16.

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Cogito_Ergo_Sum

@Cogito_Ergo_Sum

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Posted: 9 years ago

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Cogito_Ergo_Sum

@Cogito_Ergo_Sum

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Posted: 9 years ago

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Sakura24

@Sakura24

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+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

Res...need to comment after a good sleep.

Un-res

hey Viji...

I am ecstatic about three things,

Firstly the mere fact that you wrote something like this is so good. Secondly you dedicated it to me! God, when your favorite write dedicates one of their most amazing works to you that feeling is out of the world, thirdly I am the first to comment!😃 Wow, just had a very late night and here is the pay off for all my hard work!...Viji this truly is a gem!

Coming to the writing, you know my love for Mahabarat analogies, I was just stunned at the way you drew a connection between Yudhishtira, staking his all, to Durga Prasad losing the wealth to Ragini, the concept here is perfect.

In fact when I watched those episodes the same thought struck me, as to how the family remained mute viewers not much unlike the royal court of Kavravas when this great injustice took place. Of how blind Durga Prasad has become in his deep love for his family that he just handed the entire fate of his clan to a evil hand, just like that! I can seriously see A yudhishtir bond by his word in him, more than the wise old Bhisma I used to envision.

Then our common interest, the brother of the king and the father of the king but never the king himself or the kingmaker, Ram. The subtle way you put forward his view is mind blowing, simply amazing. I really admire your way of exploring a character right from where their foundations were laid. It is such a vast approach in knowing a persons set of thoughts.

You build up the perfect image of a Laxman only named Ram, here. A younger brother who looks up to his eldest, with a god-like, devotion and the clash between that brother and the father who holds his son in very admiring eyes was pitch perfect here!

The way swara moved through out the piece, her bond with Ram, then her bond...or rather strained bond with Sanskar was aptly put. I really liked Ram's one thought here, that she always puts his son first where he and his wife had failed miserably. It was a nice punch amides all the witty arrows you managed to shoot. Ram holding his DIL in a position of respect is so Ram-ish, he knows to respect more than love.

Ragini here is more reptilian than she was in any of your fics before. I guess this is where our second interest comes😉 I adore that slithery, hissing and spitting image of hers, the perfect, sly villain she is! But what I adore the most is the way she knows how to pick up her battles wisely, the way she stepped back when she realized she is reaching a dead end by that path. It is a quality I admire in villains, their presence of mind.

Lakshya...oh, your hatred for him mirrored once more here. Neither you nor I can ever tolerate him a complete changed mature man can we? In our writing he always appear to be a toddler in a body of a giant, always trying to get his favorite toy one way or the other.

I kept the sweetest to taste in the end. Ah, Sanskar! Your Sanskar is always a man of many shades, in fact he is a total spectrum! The pain, the fear of getting his heart broken again blinding him against Swara's continuous declarations of love was perfectly portrayed here. My heart wrenched at some places for both of them, but mostly I felt a bitter sweet pain while reading Sanskar's thoughts.

Then the battle. You know how much I adore verbal, intellectual battles than of those with physical damages involved. So you picked up the partnership firm? Your logic here is pure gold my dear, I've never felt so thrilled in my entire life that I was almost smirking as I read it. What captured me here was one single word spoken in the almighty voice of Sanskar Ram Prasad Maheshwari, 'Enough!' truly this man does radiate power that one can hardly breath in his presence!

The subtle ending to the MU was so heart warming, Swara's clear indication of filling her maang in front of him was just the right touch there. I really adore that last smile shared through the mirror, so softly romantic.

All in all, this has made its place in my heart, I can't love you anymore than I already do for writing this...but I wish I could!

Stay blessed, keep writing!😊

Edited by Sakura24 - 9 years ago

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--Anna--

@--Anna--

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 9 years ago

Hey Viji,

Merry Christmas to you and your family and here's wishing the very best for you as always. 🤗

I really should apologize for being the first one to reserve on your OS and always the last one to unreserve. I did read the OS the day I reserved, but have been MIA from the forum and really busy at work. More so, this OS needed much thought before I could comment.

Frankly, I am amazed at the parallel you have drawn between Mahabharat and what has happened in Swaragini. I loved the reference to the story and I could draw the parallel by myself. What Durgaprasad did was very similar to what Yudhishtra did. Durgaprasad gave away everything without once considering how his immediate family or his brother's family would feel about it. I understand his reasons were honorable at the moment, to save his loving wife and his good for nothing son, but now it is painfully bothersome. But oh well!

I loved how you have explored Ram Prasad's character. I am actually appalled at why Ram Prasad has no role in the show? He is a good character - and once in a while when he does stand up to his wife, he impresses me. I wish the creatives could explore this character more in detail like you have done. I love how you have explained the brother's bond in their childhood, it kind of does explain why Ram Prasad goes by everything that his elder brother decides. Also, I was happy to read that he felt guilty for what happened with Sanskaar and deemed it unfair. Unlike the show where Sujata shifts sides like a chameleon, I would like something similar to happen in the show where the father son bond is explored more, instead of Durgaprasad and Sanskaar bond. (Cannot even tell you, how I hate Durgaprasad for not confronting his own demons from the past and letting his family suffer - no matter how insulting it might be) Loved Swara and Ram Prasad's bond, beautiful! I wish for Sanskaar and Ram Prasad to come together for once and bring Swara back home with all the respect.

Awww Swara and Sanskaar! My two babies! I can see how both of them are in tremendous pain and are pining for each other - but loved how you have explored Swara here. Swara taking the help of Ram Prasad to solve the family issues and even get to Sanskaar - very commendable. I think after yesterday's episode, I was talking to Lann and Nitzy and I said the same thing. Swara should not take her plans to Sanskaar directly, he will not appreciate them because he feels he has been betrayed. She needs to seek someone else's help and yes, why not the father in law? Also, I would like if Swara would keep her missions separate and her love for Sanskaar a little away from the family missions, that would help Sanskaar see her feelings more properly.

The plan they came up with was brilliant and I loved how Sanskaar took the lead and blackmailed Ragini into shutting down her nonsense. Oh! How I have been waiting for someone in the show to have the guts to pull that CD out and let her know how they can too show Ragini her place. I am SO glad you did that and I am glad Swara did not interrupt and say anything in favor of Ragini like she always does. Was very very impressed by this part. Is it me or because we are drawing parallels to the Mahabharat, here Sanskaar takes the role of Arjun and Swara takes the role of Lord Krishan, his saarthi? I mean she did guide him and bring about the plan in motion while he believed in it, appreciated it and executed it with finesse. 😉

The SwaSan scene were Sanskaar thinks that Swara has signed the papers - his suppressed pain came to the fore and the scene was painfully beautiful. I can imagine the relief he must have felt when he saw that those were property deeds and not the divorce papers. Swara's confession and the speech in the end - Wow! I wish Swara could do and say something similar and win Sanskaar over with confidence instead of her rona dhona. I think I liked was the fact that they are taking it slow, the trusting thing. I wish Sanskaar and Swara have a conversation about this and Swara first decides to be friends with Sanskaar and then take the next step in her relationship with him. Too much pace in love - not good. Also Sanskaar needs time to believe in Swara - it cannot come that soon to him after how she acted against him and their friendship. So slow and steady is the way to go. 😉

Lovely OS Viji! You know how big a fan I am of your work already and I was indeed in awe of the sheer brilliance this OS is. Please do keep writing more and more because I love your work so much! And do think of a book - because I need you in my library collection. You are a natural at this!

Love always,

Anna

Edited by --Anna-- - 9 years ago

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Cogito_Ergo_Sum

@Cogito_Ergo_Sum

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: Sakura24
Res...need to comment after a good sleep.

Good Night Saku. 😊 I'm hitting bed too--way past my usual bedtime! Catch you tomorrow dear...

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Shivani Priyam Kumar

@Meself

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

Hello Viji! I hope I am not wrong here! Well Mahabharat has always been my favourite epic as far as I can remember and I am a huge admirer of that brilliant, blazing and feisty queen Draupadi. No woman defines feminism as she does. Probably the reason why I ran to this OS was the title itself. The Dutya Sabha were the Kauravas tried to humiliate the fire-born and ultimately brought havoc to themselves!

I have to make a confession that I absolutely hate and detest the storyline but the characters have been woven intricately to lend a saving grace to otherwise a really old bottle of wine. I just finished reading the OS and I couldn't help but draw comparisons from that great, great epic. Ram Prasad reminds me of Vidur. He was an intelligent man, a wise one, someone who could have prevented the war and of course the shameful and heinous act of Vastraharan had he intervened at time and had others listened to him. This one man seems to be knowingly it all, trying to prevent it all and then failing in the cut-out roles of a brother and a father. His guilt at not having saved his son a heartache some five years ago, his pain at seeing him go through a similar pain now and his helplessness at the turn of events that humiliate his daughter-in-law...all scream how horribly he is breaking every now and then. I am afraid he will be reduced to being another Vidur...lamenting at the massive loss that his family will soon go through.

Sanskar is the reminiscence of Mahanayak Arjun. And no, don't take it as a praise of sorts...it is not easy to carry that title of being the best. You gave to cleave yourself continuously to keep that image, that fortress intact. Arjun had sacrificed so much, maybe more that what he could afford, to gain the title of being the Mahanayak in the saga that was drenched in blood. He forced to share the woman he loved, lost his child, committed a sin unknowingly and braved curses from divine and yet stood firm. Sanskar is so much like the man we talk in absentia. He has been slapped with heart wrenching tragedy, he has seen the woman he loved go beyond his reach, he has lost his hope and yet stands firm on the solid ground. Poor thing doesn't even have the luxury of breaking down because how can Arjun breakdown? He has to hold his Gaandeeva and draw blood even if that slits his own throat. There is no backing out now.

Apart from these two there is Swara who is an interesting mixture of varied odds. No I won't compare her to my Draupadi for she isn't. Not everyone can be that fiercely right and not everyone can be called Krishnaa the beloved of the God himself, but yes she is Chitrangada. Fierce, bold and yet insecure about what her future holds and if it holds anything substantial at all! Her self-flagellation and inability to love herself for who she is seems to be the one constant that is putting up a refusal for change. I have a distant cousin who Swara reminds me of, every time that I see her. A broken family and unquenchable thirst for love eventually does that to you. You run behind a mirage hoping against hope that it would transform itself into reality only to realise that it was your stupidity and that in doing so you destroyed perhaps that one thing that was so very dear to you.

I really appreciate your writing that constantly drew parallels between something that I adore with all my heart and the characters that I have come to like with an intensity that I myself didn't knew was possible. Rest of the characters I won't talk about for they literally make me go "dafaq"!!! Especially Ragini! This was a brilliantly written grey character that Tejaswi destroyed for me! I am kind of glad that she is moving away from the project, playing a grey character is certainly not her cup of tea. She should have taken a cue from Rashmi Desai who played Tapasya in Uttran. Now thats how you pull a grey character off! I want a better performer to fill Ragini's shoe!

Anyways this was a pretty piece! I see the sequel is Karna-centric...well not a character that I am fond of but would nevertheless give it a try if that is spun in your beautiful words.

~XOXO

-S

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PRACHI

@prachi_vrushan

Rocker

Posted: 9 years ago

omg this was awesome
jst beautiful
i loved ram's character here
their plan was superb
chalo atlast there is not a mu now

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foresight

@foresight

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

you have a knack for blending mahabharta into this beautifully. dp and ap do remind me of dhrutrashtra and gandhari - blind in their love for their son (DP gave property away from ragini for AP, laksh and cover himself; but never realised the same pain when ram and sujata must have gone through it on sanskar's exile). ragini and dadi joining them to complete kauravas. ram and his family as pandas. uttara is sadly karna stuck with laksh sometimes in wrong doing. swara as arjun unclear many times though courageous, and cannot fight ragini many a times despite her wrong doings because she is family, or where she fights her always forgives her quickly as well. she doesnt alway have clarity when it comes to gadodia family or most of MM was. sanskar as krishna. i feel he is more suited for that though he has played his share of arjun as well. but as it stands today i feel he is the one who see it all and lets somethings play as destiny foretells. he sometimes hides the sun to kill the enemy only to later reveal the day hadn't ended - in short some not so right things for the greater good - burning shawl. he isn't as conflicted about fighting kaurava components as arjun was, he knows you sometimes must do it.

anyway mahabharat aside, loved how you got swara to realise the real issue and put it to sanskar in the right words. in the serial, swara loses track/focus and her words to sanskar often cause problems than solutions. you put them together with words that describe what they truly feel and want...in the right way

and brilliant portrayal of ram. he is the forgotten hero who could actually be used better in the serial. you have done a brilliant job in delivering him to us.

finally your quotes of love, absolutely fantastic and so true for the current situation

weil written OS as only a wonderful writer can deliver 👏

Edited by foresight - 9 years ago

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Vianna

@BookWormV

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Posted: 9 years ago

Res

Unres:

Hey Viji,

Another beautifully written one shot.! Absolutely fabulous concept. Really loved the way you portrayed Ram Prasad. Very well done there. The way you have shown the bond between Ram Prasad and Durga Prasad is fantastic. Your start where you mentioned that although his name is Ram he is more like Laxman was so apt and beautifully worded. Hats off.! His thoughts on how he had failed Sanskaar once and did not want to do that again even if it meant going against his 'Bhaisa'. 👏 Absolutely splendid.! :)

Part 2 was the Swara centric portion. You have always been able to portray her feelings so well yaar, it has always made me feel good after watching the dreadful episodes they are showing. :) Thank you f or that. I loved this one line that you have written - And she wasn't Swara Sanskaar Maheshwari for nothing, she would find a way to do it. Absolutely loved this one sentence. It really shows how well she can read Sanskaar and with that hope she is not going to give up. :)

Part 3 was probably the best part. This one part touched me to the core: Ram Prasad was overjoyed that finally there was someone who was putting his son first something that he or his wife was unable to do. Gosh, Viji I loved this part so very much. This statement just reflected the sad and happy part of Sanskaar's life where no one had stood up for him and now finally someone was. It was too good! :) And let's not forget the awesome 'I have decided to learn something from my husband'! Bulls eye! Nothing could have surprised Sanskaar more than that.
And finally the counter attack to Ragini's blackmailing and that stupidity happening on the show. Very well shown, with the loophole and everything. Thanks for giving these people some brains to realise they have a full confession CD which is a big big evidence against Ragini. God only knows why the creatives have conveniently forgotten this crucial aspect.

Part 4: Thank you so much for the beautiful end. Seriously, thank you for not making it a happily ever after so fast. That last paragraph did complete justice to the whole one shot. Truly it did. Fantastic end.!

Awaiting the possible sequel with anticipation.!
I'm travelling so had a lot of time writing down this comment. Just realised how long it is. Anyways, Happy Christmas and have a Swasanlicious New Year! :)

-V

Edited by bwvianna - 9 years ago

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maaneetfan

@maaneetfan

Navigator

Posted: 9 years ago

#10

Viji viji viji...how do u do it??? U r truly a mine of flowing thoughts and beautiful words tht weave such pictures in one's mind!!!!

Its just so wonderfully written ...i sply love ur characterisation of Ram prasad...he is still such an enigma in the show...m glad u tried to explore his personality here.

Oh the descriptions of both sanskaar n swara's feelings. ..literally i could feel them myself!!!! Each one's pain and then hope flaring at the slightest possibility. ..such deep love fr each other...sigh...

A very intelligent loophole discovered and acted on!!! Hmmph Ragini makes me hate her so much I wish they could do something to oust her completely! !!!

Such a sweet ending. .eyes saying it all fr the 2 soulmates...can't wait for u to b bck frm ur holidays and write the possible sequel.

Enjoy! !!!

Love Tasneem