Chapter 12
Shalini's eyes were transfixed on the screen in front of her, for a moment she couldn't believe what she was seeing. Her priceless dream, her most cherished desire was finally taking up shape and her eyes refused to blink even for a second fearing that they might miss out on something that was shalini's life. Her lips quivered on their own looking at those tiny pair of hand and legs, still in a state of daze she didn't know how to reassure herself that all this was for real, her baby was breathing before her.
Shalini was not the only one in a state of bemusement, the real mother of the child was feeling just the same, in fact much more. She could vaguely see the life breathing inside her on the computer screen. It was no more a piece of flesh instead his features could be outlined fuzzily. She knew she had transformed from a woman to a mother but today she was actually witnessing that transformation and she didn't have words to describe what she was feeling. Surprised, confused, bewildered, awestruck, anxious and a lot more. Blinking her eyes slowly she assured herself that she wasn't dreaming. A thin film of moisture appeared in her eyes as she recalled that night, the night that was different from all the nights that she'd ever spent , the night that had engulfed some tender emotions which she didn't even know existed within her and all that had transpired in that night was now before her and it was just beautiful.
Life could be so lovely she'd never imagined. She missed him, she wished he was here today with her. Biting her lower lip in a smile her eyes moved towards shalini, she saw the ecstasy radiating from shalini's face as she stared at the image of the baby. Feeling her gaze, shalini turned her head to look at khushi and murmured softly with a trembling smile," my..baby".
The pleasure, the happiness and the delight which khushi was experiencing just a few seconds back began to vanish rapidly as the bitter truth, the actual reality came and hit her with full force. She was the mother only till the child remained inside her, once the child would open his eyes in this world then he would see shalini as his mother and not her. she'd be a thing of the past, gone and forgotten. Inhaling hard, shutting her eyes and pressing her lips firmly she realized once again how short lived her moment of joy was.
Pushing back the tears that were threatening to escape along with the frivolous emotions that were attempting to overpower her, she opened her eyes and saw shalini one more time but this time under a different light. No doubt both of them were poles apart and disagreed on more than one occasion and khushi didn't think she'd right to judge the lady standing before her on the roles that she'd performed so far but one thing that she could bet her life with was that shalini truly craved for this child.
Shalini may not care a damn about things and people around her but would fight against all odds just for the sake of this child. The hunger, the desperation in her eyes to have this child couldn't be ignored by anyone not even him. Whenever it came to the baby, shalini always came across as a totally transformed person, although the baby was growing inside khushi's womb but the maternal instincts could be easily experienced by shalini, such was the connection or relation that she shared with the unborn, something that made khushi only content and happy.
The tears of bliss in shalini's eyes were not fake, they were cent percent genuine. Even though after delivering the baby, khushi would never get an opportunity to mother her baby, as she was never meant to do so, still she was satisfied with the fact that she would be leaving her baby in safe hands, in the hands of someone who would truly truly shower motherly affection on her baby and in the end that's all that really mattered.
Stretching the corners of her lips, khushi nodded her head slightly, yes indeed the baby belonged to shalini.
The doctor, rubbed the transducer on khushi's belly and monitored the fetal growth, placenta location and umbilical chord, as well as baby's general health and anatomy, however her brows furrowed on detecting something on the screen. Pursing her lips, the doctor switched off the monitor.
" everything is fine?" shalini asked anxiously.
" hmm ..yeah." The doctor replied without meeting shalini's eyes and turned around to move towards the table. khushi sat up and slowly brought her legs down to stand, shalini came forward and held her carefully.
" but doctor..sometimes I experience acute pain and feel weak too." khushi inquired holding her belly.
Shalini silently gauged doctors facial expressions as she replied," khushi to avoid weaknesses eat healthy and rest properly. As far as pain is concerned I can't prescribe pain killers but you can use hot water bag."
khushi shook her head quietly, taking pain killers during pregnancy might harm the baby. She glanced at shalini and pointed towards the washroom, " di, I'll just come."
As soon as the washroom's door closed, shalini slowly folded her arms before her chest and asked the doctor in a no nonsense tone," is everything really alright ?"
the doctor lifted her head from the file, gulped the lump in her throat before answering," yes..and no..."
shalini's arms came down and her face began to lose color on hearing what the doctor had to say.
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Arnav studied the design of the shopping complex placed before him then went through the various quotations sent by qualified contractors. It was a huge project where the investors had a lot at stake, he didn't wish anything to go wrong hence every step needed to be thought and well planned in advance before being put into execution. He saw both the ladies returning after visiting the doctor, lifting his gaze he asked shalini," so what does the doctor have to say?"
shalini composed herself and parted her lips to reply but before she could answer, khushi interrupted and said cheerfully, " there's nothing to worry, all is good ." He nodded his head and went back to studying the designs.
khushi stood behind him and craned her neck to see what he was digging his eyes into.
" what's this ?" she asked knitting her brows, he didn't bother to reply and remained silent. Looking over her shoulder she raised her brows expecting shalini to answer her.
" it's the design of the shopping complex that we're setting up."
" huh" responded khushi and shrugged her shoulders.
What kind of a reaction was that? Supriya wondered, there was nothing amusing about it.
" what does this huh mean ?"
khushi with that dry look on her face pulled a dining chair to make herself comfortable then realized he was still sitting there, so preferred to stay on her feet.
" ratnagiri is a small place ..what's the point in making a shopping complex here ..build something more useful ." The whole idea of making such a big shopping complex in this small underdeveloped place didn't appeal to her ever.
Shalini shot her a cold gaze, this was one of the most ambitious projects they had ever taken up and would reap huge profits, what did this chit of a girl know about business?
" then suggest something better." shalini titled her head slightly and glared at her. Till now khushi had gotten pretty used to these stares and threatening tones, never cared about them earlier and now was no different.
" school for children ." khushi suggested confidently.
" there's already a school here." Shalini informed her while pursing her lips.
" so what ? Build a bigger school a college or something for higher education." khushi herself never went to a proper school maybe that's why she valued education so much. Shalini shook her head in disbelief, where was this whole conversation heading? Now she had to convince someone like khushi before moving ahead with this plan? It was simply ridiculous and uncalled for.
" khushi don't interfere into matters that don't concern you.."
" she's made a valid point ." He intervened, His hard commanding voice made both of them realize that he too was present. Shalini stopped in the middle and for a moment forgot what she was saying. He was agreeing with khushi? She looked at him in surprise.
" but arnav this project is more profitable and beneficial ."
" how profitable and beneficial this project is I know better ." His words were crisp and clear, she couldn't fool with him. He was well aware that this was more of a commercial project rather than a charitable one, it would benefit him and the investors more than the people around. The fruits of this project would reach the masses but indirectly. He always held social benefit over personal one and proper schooling would definitely help the children of ratnagiri.
khushi's eyes glittered on seeing him understand her point of view, she chirped in once more to prove that her idea was far more sensible.
" this education can also help the children in getting better jobs .. making a better future for themselves ." The excitement in her voice was not to put somebody down and earn brownie points from him but deep down she believed or thought had she been educated things might have been quite different.
He nodded his head in approval whereas shalini felt like banging hers against the wall, stuck between two selfless and charitable souls she didn't know how to stop this nonsense.
" oh arnav, we can discuss all this later ..let me show you something more important ." Saying so she hurriedly took out a CD and played it on his lap top.
Arnav gave her a confused look before glancing at the screen. It was khushi's ultra sound CD. His creased brows slowly ironed out and his lips opened slightly. He gazed at shalini for reassurance, was he really thinking and watching correctly? She smiled and blinked her eyes in confirmation.
The news of him going to become a father had broken long time back but it had still not sunk in, probably he didn't allow it to. However now while seeing the images of a child not any child but his child the thing was finally penetrating within him. His own flesh and blood was taking a shape, something that he'd desired for so long was now actually getting fulfilled. His throat went dry and he gulped before raising his lashes to look at the woman who was carrying his child. A sense of gratitude swept through his body.
khushi's eyes flickered seeing happiness swimming in his eyes. A fleeting smile tugged his lips and she was glad that somewhere she was the reason behind it.
Noticing his mind wander elsewhere, shalini heaved a sigh of relief, one down and one more to go.
" khushi it's time for you to have milk ." Shalini ordered and reminded her at the same time. Nodding a yes khushi left for the kitchen.
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The sun was slowly going down the horizon. As it went down the blazing light of the sun became dull and it looked like a huge disc of orange and yellow. The evenings and nights were getting cooler. Sitting on the swing khushi hung the shawl loosely around her shoulders. Before sipping the hot milk she preferred to hold the steel glass in her palms for some more time to warm her hands. The sky was beautiful. The dull light of the sun somehow illuminated everything around. Closing her eyes she inhaled the pleasant breeze and the sweet smell of the flowers in the garden. Images of the baby still so fresh played in her mind. She was too engrossed in relishing the moment to notice that someone was watching her closely. Feeling some weight beside her, she fluttered her eye lids and turned her head. When did he come?
She gazed into his dark pools for sometime before standing up abruptly. He signaled his hand, asking her to sit down. There was silence between them with neither letting a word out. Bringing the glass close to her mouth she began slurping the hot milk. He stared blankly at the plants in the distance, what brought him here, he himself didn't know but he just felt like being with her.
" it would have been great had you also come along with us to the hospital ." He looked in her direction, her tone was filled with excitement. He shook his head slowly, maybe he should have been there but shalini never ever asked him to accompany them, why blame her, he himself never showed any interest in all this. His reluctance in accepting that some other woman was bearing his child was the prime reason behind his non participation.
" you know today doctor made me hear his heartbeat ..dhakh dhakh...it was unbelievable ." His gaze dropped at her hand that was placed on her abdomen, the place where his child was breathing. He turned his head once again, his heart too had stopped beating or had missed several beats when he'd seen that CD a few minutes back.
Seeing him not utter a word she asked surprisingly," are you upset?" the pure joy in his eyes that was so evident in his eyes sometime back, why was it fading now? Sighing deeply he pondered over her simple question, was he upset?
While watching the tiny image of his baby he was first surprised and then happy only happy, there was no other emotion or thought running through his body. The moment was truly blissful but then that didn't last long, his over powerful guilt had come to haunt him again.
" no I'm happy ..but."
" but ? but what ?" she didn't understand what was preventing him from enjoying this phase.
" one moment my eyes are glittering with joy but the next moment that night begins to prick my same eyes." That night and those moments still continued to overshadow all the moments that followed thereafter including this one. Only God knew when he would be able to forget and forgive himself for that night. Indeed it was difficult to overlook what had happened in the past but still she hoped that he stopped blaming himself for everything, when he was really not at fault.
" you're still blaming yourself for that night?"
" shouldn't I?" He didn't need to think twice before questioning her, what he did was a mistake even though he was coaxed to do it but then that didn't allow him to feel less guilty.
Now like him she also stared blankly. " what happened that night between us only we are aware of, other than us nobody else can't even imagine what actually happened."
Pain trickled with every word that came out of her mouth making him look at her closely. He saw her moving her hand over belly. That night he wasn't hungry or lusty for her nor had they made love how could they when there was no love, they barely knew each other but they still connected at an emotional and painful level. It was a culmination of two lost and painful souls and this baby was a proof of that.
" arnav ji ..you've paid a very price for this blissful moment. Now when it's there don't let it go."
She was right, just to bring this joy into his life he'd lost a lot that night and now instead of rejoicing he was mourning over what had gone. Glancing into his deep dark eyes she attempted to trace that happiness which he was forcefully depriving himself of.
" feel the happiness of this moment ." she said without tearing her eyes away making his soften and moisten slightly. He wanted to believe her, he wanted to experience this joy.
" is it that easy?" he was unsure whether he could to that, happiness always played hide and seek with him, he didn't know whether he could seek it this time.
" it's not that difficult as well." She replied earnestly, all he needed was to give himself and happiness a second chance.
Pursing his lips he let out a suppressed smile and titled his head slightly, now he knew exactly why he was here with her. She was the only one who actually understood him, in fact a lot more than he himself did.
" khushi, in your eyes can I ever be wrong ?"
seeing him feel better brought a small smile on her lips as well and she shook her head vigorously, nope, he could never be wrong.
" you know you're slightly mad?"
" what SLIGHTLY MAD?" her eyes widened in shock," I'm FULLY mad." She declared with pride making him chuckle.
" okay arnav ji forget all this, tell me what do you want boy or girl ?" she asked wriggling her brows in exhilaration.
His lips stretched a bit as a mixture of nervousness and anticipation of what future held for him began to float in his eyes.
" girl." his lips let out the wish softly.
" because a girl is more close to her father ?" With gleam running in her eyes she shot back as if she'd caught hold of the hidden motive behind his sweet wish. Yeah maybe that was the reason but there was a little more as to why he desired to have a girl and not a boy.
" but girls get married and go away." She reminded him thoughtfully.
She was not wrong, daughters leave one day while sons stay back but then what did he have to offer to his son? sons usually step into their fathers shoes some day in fact every father wishes the same but he didn't want his son to follow the suit. Examining his open palms carefully he replied," my hands are soaked in blood. I don't want to give my son such a gruesome and life threatening life." he would prefer to love his daughter to death and hand her over to someone suitable one day and spend his life alone rather than see his blood getting part of this bloody family business.
The atmosphere that had become a lot lighter turned different once again. Both became silent.
The sun had finally dipped down, it was getting darker and quieter. Rising to his feet he glanced in her direction, bending slightly he lifted her shawl that was dropping from her shoulder and covered her securely before walking away.
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Looking down from her bedroom's window, shalini's fingers curled up in a fist on seeing how the evening was setting in the garden. The exact conversation between the two of them was far from audible however whatever was visible pricked her eyes tremendously. Filling her lungs with frenzy fresh air she tugged the curtain hard and blocked her view. She grabbed the rocking chair and stopped it from moving before sitting on it. Closing her eyes her mind played the events of the past as the chair began to rock to and fro.
Arnav thrashing nikhil and supporting khushi without caring a damn about the people around, almost on the verge of blurting out the truth...khushi daring to foil her shopping complex project and arnav agreeing with her. The doctor's words rang in her ears creating a storm inside her. Things were changing, circumstances were changing, people were changing so were their personalities and between all these changes she had no say at all.
For some time she'd chosen to ignore all this but not anymore. Gripping the armrests firmly she brought the chair to a halt and sat up with fury spitting from her eyes. No, this was not done! She'd reached so far she couldn't let things slip from her hands like sand. She was an undisputed winner and would always remain one. Nobody dared to cross her paths...ever! Scrunching her nose she sprang up and pushed back the chair. She'd never lost and had got everything that she aspired for...this time was no different. Before this darkness swallowed all her dreams and desires she had to set these varying things, circumstances, people and their personalities right.
Thanks for reading
Rose
Music Corner
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