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She was back. He didn't care how or why, but she was here again. They were somehow under the shower in his bathroom, and all he could think was how much he wanted her. She looked up at him and he held her face and looked at her lips, turmoil within him, passion and need fighting for release. She was holding him tight, the dark was enclosing them under the sharp sting of water drenching them both.
He woke up bathed in sweat, startled, his heart pounding so hard he could barely breath. What was that? He had had shadowy dreams before, but this had another feel. He had the details of her dress before his eyes--wasn't that the dress she'd worn the day of the party? The day he had been given a drink and had blanked out? Had. . .had something happened that day? Nah, surely not, wouldn't she have said? He remembered she'd been upset the next day--and damn! He'd told her he didn't remember anything. He didn't, not really. Maybe it was just his imagination, just a dream.
As he came out of the bathroom a little later, Sharad was standing in the room. "Not going jogging today either, Guru?"
"Don't feel like it."
"At least shave. Bhayanak lag rahe ho. Missing her?"
Usually he denied it, but today it was too raw for him to disparage his feelings and pretend. "Sharad," he started, and then thought, but what do I ask him? How would he know anyway. "Nothing. Why're you here?"
"Jogging?" Sharad reminded him. "Come on, come with me, you'll feel better."
"I'm fine," he said distractedly.
Yuvraj was looking for his blue shirt. Why he wanted that he didn't know, but he wanted it. He yelled for Ramesh. "Kahan hai woh blue shirt--woh white lines ithar aur collar pe, woh walla? Pata hai kaunsa?"
"Ha, bhaiyya, jo aap party ke din pehne the--poora gila tha."
"Gila? Kyun, baarish hui thi kya?"
"Nahi, bhaiyya," Ramesh felt shy to go into the scene in the hall, but bhaiiyya would barso on him otherwise. "Aap bole. . . aap bole ke didi ki vajah se. . ."
"Kab bola?"
"Woh hall mein, jab aap unko chhor hee nahi rahe the." His voice faded, and he backed away at the look on Yuvraj's face.
"Sharad." Sharad was again busy on his phone, hardly paying attention. "SHARAD!" he yelled, shaking him, "Were you in the hall on the party day when Ramesh says I said Suhani got me wet?"
"I was there. So was everyone else. You forgot, but I don't think any of us who saw you will ever forget. I thought of telling you, but bhabhi said to leave it. She was so dejected."
"What. . .what happened? What did I do?"
"You wouldn't leave her. Sab ke saamne aise behave kar rahe the ki maano tum bedroom mein akele ho. Unke pairo pe gire tum ki tumhe chhod ke na jaaye. Unhe kaha ki unke bin tum akele par jaate ho. Jo kaha woh chhoro, your face, the way you held her, your look, hamme toh dekhte bhi lajja aa rahi thi. Sab dikh gaya hame, Guru, par tum ho ki gadhe ke gadhe rahe."
"Why didn't you tell me? Aur, did Suhani tell you anything else? How was I wet?"
"You were both wet. You said unki vajah se, aur kachhu hame nahi pata. Aisi baat hum bhabhi se nahi poochh sakat. Aur tum toh bhulakkar ban ke baith gaye."
What had happened? If his 'dream' was a memory, how much had he hurt her by forgetting? How long could he deny that he had such strong feelings for her--and not just physical--that life without her was devoid of any joy or interest. And she was gone.
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