I have had to rebuild my relationship with my father: Shruti Haasan

Kamal Haasan is not just a great artiste, he is also a great father in the eyes of his older daughter Shruti Haasan.

His face may communicate his deadpan humour and strictness, but five minutes into being with the father and daughter together and you know how much he loves his daughter, who may be amongst the very few people around him who can take liberties with him, though never crossing the line of respect for her father whom she calls Bapuji. He is not just super bright and evolved, but as a father, he is unconventional, liberal-minded and honest, who has always treated Shruti like a boy and adult allowing her to make her mistakes and take her decisions.

Excerpts from their first ever joint interview together.

Kamal, any memories from the time Shruti was born?

Just around the time she was born, I had lost all my money due to the various alimony settlements with Vani that I had to pay and had to restart with a zero bank balance. My father thought, because of that, I should not have a complex, so he started calling Shruti a 'Millionheiress'. It was a sort of his goodwill cheer. I was living suddenly in a rented house, which I was not used to, but fortunately my career was in great shape. Life was suddenly a wake-up call for me, but at that time to make a decision in my career to not be enamoured by money was a strange thing that happened to me.

Shruti: I remember once bapuji was making a film in which he was way above his budget. We had a very big house at that time and we were growing up and he said, 'Shruti, I am making this movie for which we need a lot of money and we may have to live in a flat. Is it okay with you?' And I remember I said, 'If you are there, it's okay.'

Kamal, what is Shruti like?

I see a lot of my strengths and weaknesses in her. She is quick to take umbrage and retort to insult. It's there in my 79-year-old brother too and was there in my father as well, who would never let a remark that is off-key go without being challenged. That could lead to a lot of trouble instead of grinning sheepishly and pretending not to understand, that would be a good way out of the situation, but the good thing is that you will be liked for your honesty. I don't remember myself to be a forefront fighter, but when pushed to a point with a wall behind me, there is only one way forward. Later you can call it a Rambo syndrome, but I never regret it as it comes naturally to me and in my mind, that is the only way. And most of the time I wait for that choice only to remain, so you keep on fighting till all options are exhausted. Shruti suddenly likes to make up stories. And that should not be mistaken for lying. Lying is when you are trying to escape out of something, but she is trying to build something for no reason at all. For instance, she would be going to school and suddenly while having her milk, she would look sad and when you asked her, she would say, 'They don't give me milk' when in reality, after getting into the car, she would throw the milk out of the window and tell the driver that if he told me, she would jump out of the car. I was like her too. I would have a fight in school and while I could have chosen to not tell anyone about it, I would come back home and tell a story as the fight was so good. I would tell my sister, 'There were these two nasty boys fighting' and she would ask, 'Where were you?' I would say, 'I was just watching.' Till next day when while bathing me, she would discover my nose bleeding. I would go with my friend and colleague RC Sakthi, who made me a screenplay writer for story narrations when I was 17 and if I was someday stuck with RC not being there, I would be narrating my original story but would say that I saw it in an English film so that they would listen to me, otherwise they would not. I later found out that actually most writers did that. And that is why I always say that while honesty may not be a great policy, it's a great luxury, as not all can afford it.

Are there things about Shruti you want to improve?

She is coming to that and she will very soon get bored of pretending to be the doe-eyed, innocent person. She will have to shed it. I was like that too till I was 26, when I shed it. A few of my friends would say don't do that, it looks like it's overacting and arrogance. And I would say, 'Oh it's showing so much!' It happens when you are failing or you think that you are failing.You can actually fail and still feel successful. Now I have understood that there cannot be a forward movement without some kind of a tear. We will have to keep exercising. The answer to your constant joint pain is constant movement. So I have realised that it's not about lying down and saying it's either this or I will kill myself. I will fight it through and I knew when I was 31 that I had chosen this path.

Has your relationship changed with her over the years?

Yes of course. Every year it changes. I remember Shruti in the crook of my arms, her legs dangling, head to foot exactly in my elbow to palm. I would carry her like that and it would also serve as my exercise and she liked it very much. From there, it has changed to today having philosophical discussions on life. Now we can even talk in codes because we quickly understand what we are saying and don't need to even get into long conversations, though we talk quite often.

What don't you like about yourself at 60? So many things, but why would I confess?

It is a cliche that don't lose your temper as it will destroy everything, but isn't one of your great Gods 'Rudra' a destroyer? That Rudra should be there in you. Sometimes we equate anger to destructive physical violence, but anger need not be martial. Who says that Ahimsa is not fuelled by anger? You mean to say that Gandhiji was not angry about anything? He stored his anger and contained it. You must have anger as rightful wrath is what makes you create your own ethical standards.

Do you like any of Shruti's films?

No, I don't think she has done her worth so far and I know that she won't take offence to my saying this, so I can say that she has not realised her worth yet. I would rather cheer her in the right direction than cheer her for what she has done.

Even though you are clearly so attached to her, the fact is that she left with her mother Sarika when she was just 15. And while I can understand that you and her mother had differences, did it trouble you that you were not able to fulfill a father's duty?

Shruti and I had that conversation at Lands End Hotel (called Hotel Regent at that time). Her mother was not well and we had put her up for recovery inside the hotel room converted to look like a hospital, as staying in a hospital for three months would have been uncomfortable for her. So I took Shruti for a walk and I said, 'Sorry for rushing you into growing up. This is what it is and you have to grow up. You are losing three years of your teens, think of it like that. I can't help it. I am sorry.' I think we both had tears in our eyes and I was holding her and that's life. But I could feel that she understood.

Shruti, at that time did you hold it against your father?

No, as I really felt that they should not be together, though I had different grievances.

Kamal: Also she wasn't sure as the facts were not given to her fully by either. I didn't explain too much as explaining myself would have tilted her balance, which I didn't want to do. If I was a villain in her piece at that time, it's okay as I knew it's not a permanent piece as it wasn't going to be etched on rock. And it's good that I waited.

Shruti: In between, we didn't have a good equation and I had many unanswered questions and I had to rebuild my relationship with him. Around that time, I went to LA.

Kamal: She had time to think and it all fell into place and then during conversations, she discovered old truths that sounded new to her.

Shruti: And we forged a new relationship. I was learning music and papa always wants me to get back to music and writing.

Kamal: Not that we had any premonition, but Shruti means 'music'. But we knew that music will be a part of her life. Like my father, who was a lawyer, and knew nothing about music, but that doesn't mean that he could not appreciate it and he taught all his children music.

Kamal, you are an atheist while Shruti is a staunch believer. Do you have a view on that?

I am not the opposite of theism. I am right in the middle of those non-believers and believers. It's not even about being agnostic or nastik. Why would I take a name given to me by my opposition? I am just a rationalist. I owe this licence to Shruti that my father gave me. My father was much more of a temple-goer than Shruti can ever be.

Shruti: I think it's in my blood because of him only, as my earliest memories are going to the Mylapore temple with him.

Kamal: As a matter of fact, in the beginning Shruti wanted to appease me and would talk as if she was not a believer. When we were going through the financial trouble, Akshara knew about it even though she was just five. It was troubling her too much and one day she came to me and said, 'I want to pray.' I said, 'Okay.' She said, 'I want a God in the house and I want to pray to him and I want to bring a God in our house.' I said, 'Okay.' She asked, 'Do you know how to pray to God?' I said, 'Yes.' She said, I want to learn how to pray to make money.' So I wrote it down for her and she would sit in one corner and pray. Now on the contrary, Akshara has switched roles.

Would you like Shruti to get married?

You are asking the wrong person. My advice is like her God. I will not intervene till her God asks for sacrifice. Then I will tell her, don't give human sacrifice for God. You better lose your God. And I feel the same thing towards giving any human sacrifice for any institution, be it religious or marriage. If it impedes your pursuit of happiness, lose it.

Shruti: We have a relationship where I can openly speak to him, but there are certain lines which I will never cross with my father. Having said that, we have had our discussions and he is always like be happy and if you are not, no amount of putting it on paper and promising it in front of God or doing it in front of witnesses is going to save that.

Kamal: My father was happily married for 50 years. And I love kids and would love to have grandchildren and tell Shruti that how she produces them is her problem. But you say this after having your share of relationships with women in your life? Let me talk in a very male tone. If you are talking about scores, mine is the lowest amongst my peers. Numbers don't matter to me, it's always about commitment for me. I have never had one-night stands ever. It can't work for me and that way I am like a woman as they too are troubled with that. That way, if you look at the numbers, that's all there is to my life. I could keep a relationship with Mr Balachander for all my life. I have had a bad relationship with my mother, but there is nothing called a divorce with her.

With your father, it's always about unconditional love. Only with your wife, you talk this language. If she introduces a man to me and says he is like a dad to her, will I break our relationship?

No. I will probably make him my best friend. But that can never happen with a wife introducing you to another man, unless it is in the Mahabharat, may be.