"I think that the best kind of change, is the change that comes from the inside and begins its way out until it emerges on the outside; a change that is born underneath then continues and spreads until it has reached the surface. That's a true change. A powerful change. And I have found that while we are emerging, changing into something glorious; it is actually us becoming who we really are. A water lily is born underneath the water, inside the soil at the bottom of the river or lake. And the water lily has always been a water lily for that whole time that it was sprouting out of the wet soil, reaching up through the dark water towards the sunlight, stretching and grasping for the surface; where it then buds and blooms on the outside in the sunshine.
- C. Joybell C
Did you people miss me? I'm not going to continue if you didn't. Well, that was a lie, anyway, so let me start by saying I've totally forgotten how to pen down topics now. Lol.
I haven't seen the show in quite a while now but today, GAAH, my emotions are all over the place after a long time because I'm just slayed and I can't find a better word to describe it. Slayed, yes.
MY BOY MADE ME SO SO SO PROUD! I cannot begin to explain my joy.
You might be wondering what exactly did he do that was so gigantic?
He was happy. Now what about his happiness is so monumental?
I don't know. I don't know, man. All I can recall from my memory is Manik Malhotra the man who knew nothing about true happiness. Not about this kind of happiness that shows on his face and makes his countenance glow, not this kind of assured happiness that blooms from within.
All I remember is a guy so lost and lonely.
Of the depth of his insecurities and his despair.
Of the wounds he had and the marks he carried.
Of all his burdens and of all his scars.
I remember how unsure he was about the world.
Hiding his naivety and fears behind a mask of cynical indifference.
All I remember is his wary steps toward the path of love.
All I remember is a gaping black hole that swirled round and round his heart when he stepped into her world.
That is it, her world.
There worlds were never alike. For him, she was always the queen of light, living among colors and hope and smiles. She was beautiful and optimistic, she was everything he wasn't.
And he reigned in the darkness; the only color familiar to him was black. That was about it. He was comfortable in here; the black hid his flaws so easily. The black shielded his fears and the boy whose growth halted somewhere in between and then was locked away.
He stepped in her world because she lured him in, she made so many promises with her smile and her light, she showed him how some risks are worth taking. How their love was a risk worth taking.
And love. Love, the word that made appearances in his nightmare.
Because love was nothing but an illusion, what was love even?
Pyaar toh sirf mazaak tha.
And what would he know about love? all he had for love in lunch was a mother bent on ruining his life and deals that destroyed an innocent part of him forever, and all he had for love in dinner was a silent dining table and a father miles away.
All he had for love was manipulation.
All he had for love was destruction.
All he had for love was the auction of his emotions.
All he had for love was a circus where he was asked to perform without fail.
And in those cementing years, love taught a little boy, what it could.
It taught him to hate and detest and survive.
It taught him to never believe in the allure of it.
Give and take.
Taught him? it taught him nothing.
It crushed him completely.
It crushed all hope inside him completely.
Love was forbidden.
Love didn't exist.
And then he stepped into her world, he took that one step of courage it needed, he wanted to be her everything, but he was so oblivious so confused in her space. But she soothed him with her touches, when he didn't understand she calmed him with her words, when he was agitated, she rubbed the creases of his forehead with her loving fingers, she showed him so much love, so so much of it he was full of it.
And then he broke down. She didn't trust him. How could she not? She believed in the monster he wasn't.
He retreated back in his shell because damnit it hurt so much. He was lost in her world, he sought his darkness but all there was, every street in her country where he tried to take refuge, he found her damn light.
He wanted to hate and hurt and be who he was meant to be, he tried battling love with savage and brutal words and actions but he'd lost it all.
He felt like a sinking ship. You know how a person feels when a ship's drowning in the depths of blue bit by bit and the water's filling every corner? He ran everywhere, trying to find a place where her hope wasn't crashing like determined tides, but there was no place where the water wasn't present, no room to hide, it filled him, and he sank in it, in her love and it engulfed him.
Sometimes your heart needs to be torn open and your wounds to be scratched and undone. Because they've never healed, not really. And then blood seeps out of them, it hurts so much, so much that you wish you hadn't let them out to the world, you had kept them hidden, but then you find those wounds treated, you find magic in their healing, you find the slashes and cuts closing up, and you find the pain gone, leaving you healed.
This boy who couldn't bear saying the word out loud, this boy for whom love was trust, for whom love was a condition because he couldn't have borne for it to be out of bounds which he couldn't control, this boy who defied and denied the word, this boy who believed that true love didn't exist, this boy who was insecure about it, and it made chills run down his spine, this boy embraced it today.
He was bursting with it, he was so full of it, the glow on his face couldn't have been mistaken.
"Yeh pyaar nahi hai."
"Tender care, not love."
"Who said I love you? I hate you."
"Tum nahi bologi? Toh main bolta hoon. I love."
I love you.
He loves her.
And that's not the best part.
The best part is that he cannot wait to tell it to her.
The best part is that it has completely transformed him.
The best part is that the assurance is
"Life mein itni problems kyun hain? Why can't life be normal?"
"But Manik, after every downhill there's the uphill na."
And today she was asking for assurance, today she felt a bit unsteady, she's the one needing hope, she's the one repeating his words.
And today, he, Manik Malhotra, who never believed in any of it, smiles at her, a smile that speaks of a love that could seize the world with its power, a smile that lights up every corner of his dark heart, he smiles at her and gives her hope, he smiles at her and gives her assurance and tells her that they'll only have the best now, they're together, nothing else matters, they'll always be together, everything's going to be perfect. She will sing, she has to sing.
Today the assurance of his love is guding her hope. Today he's battling every single object that's coming between her light and her. Today he's giving his girl everything she desires and deserves.
Today he's making sure that nothing comes in between her happiness and them.
And today he's happy.
He's happy because he's so full of her love. he's happy because he's perfect for her'
He's happy because she loves him for who he is.
He's happy because hum humesha saath rahenge.'
He's happy because damn her fate and love and fireflies.
Damn them all because, he believes it all.
He loves her.
That's enough.
And he'll be damned if he'll ever let her be hurt and feel, even remotely, the doubts that have shadowed half his life.
He'd battle the world for her, he'll battle anything.
Because, he loves her.
And damn it if he doesn't want to shout it.
He's found his happy place, his security, his future.
Damn the world if anyone tries to take it away.
Her hope wins.
And so does he.
Within her hope, in the arms of their love.
"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever"
- Nicholas Sparks
P.S. Genie Ma, nobody would understand my happiness more than you because I know how much you've tolerated my rants about this and how much I've screamed for this, and damn, moist eyes and a heart full of pride. MY BOY'S MAKING ME SO PROUD! I'M SO PROUD TO SAY I LOVE HIM! MY BEAUTIFUL ADORABLE BABY! I'm so proud to be his fan :'))
P.P.S Cabir & Maa ka K3G so not cool. It's ky2 not Saas bahu aur beta part 2. DUH.
P.P.P.S this got long and is so crappy but forgive me, haven't written anything in a while and then there are emotions. T__T
Rida.😳
Anupamaa
