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Chapter 6: Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder.
We were again attending one of our fancy UNESCO summit dinners. Sometimes these elaborate arrangements made me jittery, I know the cause is great and so is the organization, and in these few years I have worked hard enough to earn my place among these people here - I probably didn't look out of place here, but I definitely felt that way. Gliding along in dressy formals with a glass of champagne in my hand, I felt too scared to face the mirror, lest a different person looked back at me. But as we all know, it really was unavoidable - not attending them wasn't even an option.
So here we were at Goa Taj Vivanta - for the summit dinner and I was talking to this old gentlemen from communications about work, when he introduced me to this man who was the architect with the contract of renovating our Mumbai office. I saw him and took two steps back unconsciously. He however smiled at me in greeting.
"Hello Ms. Arora, it's been quite some time now isn't it?"
"H..Hi Viren, how are you?"
Judging by my uncomfortable facial expression, the gentlemen left us to each other's company in a short while. I was looking down at my feet most of the time while the men were talking, but now when we were left to ourselves, I finally decided to look up at him. He was looking at me with a gentle, understanding smile - I both hated and loved that smile - I hated it because it made me guilty for never really reciprocating to his feelings and loved it cause, somewhere it gave me assurance, that someone was there who understood me, would take care of me, someone I can fall back on. He made me feel like he was family, only if I could be his lover too.
"It's okay Pragya, trust me. Calm down now." And another reassuring smile that relaxed my terse muscles already. He seemed to notice the change, then he asked me in the same old humorous way, the same thing he had asked me in numerous other occasions.
"Champagne again? Look, no one's noticing, swap glasses. Mine is empty now"
I couldn't help but smile in the same silly giggly way all over again.
"Maybe we should go behind that pillar? Just to play safe you know"
"Good idea, follow me."
Once we swapped glasses, I nodded a thank-you to him and smiled at him more casually than I did so far. He smiled back, and while we were walking away from the pillar, I bumped into Abhi.
"Woho chashmish, watch out! Oh, how would you, where are your glasses?" he grinned cheekily. And was smirking and checking me out with a soft whistle.
"Lens" I replied in irritation with gritted teeth.
"Clearly not your thing, clearly your obnoxious glasses suit you better" he whispered softly, still checking me out.
"I agree with you about the glasses suiting her more, but not at all are they obnoxious Pragya" came Viren's swift reply from behind me, as I felt his arms around my shoulder.
Abhi didn't respond. He looked at Viren once and then he looked into my eyes - I could feel the blankness of my own eyes in his - and then his vision settled on my shoulder where rested Viren's arm.
"Hello Abhi, I am Viren. If I may say so, I am a big fan of yours"
Abhi ignored his extended hand and stared at me for a second more, then he looked at Viren's pleasantly confused face and nodded with a slight smile and left us.
"Weird guy, that one. I thought after years of handling fans, he'd be less shy"
"He's not shy ---"
But before I could finish, a waiter came with a refill of my champagne and without thinking much, I took it.
"Pragya, slow down okay, else you will get me drunk before dinner" grinned Viren.
I heard him, but I wasn't listening. My eyes were on the retreating figure of Abhi who had now settled himself in the bar opposite. He was sitting hunched with his back towards us, he turned back once to look at Viren and me, and then turned around and ordered his drinks. I don't know why, but I felt, his foul mood was my doing - my being with Viren was bothering him - Though that shouldn't be the case, but I don't know if that was even the case, or that was what I dearly wanted him to show, but that was what I definitely thought it to be. I needed to move away from Viren, but how could I? After I shamelessly accepted his help one more time, without apologizing for the past? Yes, I did apologize before, but it never felt enough. I turned to Viren, with increasing agitation.
"I am sorry Viren"
"Relax Pragya, I was joking. You can take as many refills"
"No, it's not that Viren."
"I am sorry about our past"
"Enough Pragya, we have talked about this before. I have put it behind us"
"No Viren please listen to me. I am sorry. I led you to the notion that I loved you. I am sorry. I am leading you again today - I know I am Viren - I can see hope in your eyes already - I am sorry. Viren I am never this selfish around anyone, but I don't how I pull out the devil inside me whenever I am around you. I am indulging you, but I will end up breaking your heart again - I don't want to do that. I am sorry Viren - "
"Pragya, calm down, and --"
""no you listen to me. I care for you. You are family. Only, I wish I could love you more than a friend. I..I had seen the engagement ring in your pocket that day Viren - I wasn't unaware of how strongly you felt for me when I left you. I should be blamed. You should hold me responsible - and here I am taking favours from you and smiling like all that didn't happen - I should go away. Yes, I think that's the best thing to do"
I was about to turn around and leave, when my eyes fell on Abhi, who was looking at me from the other end of the hall, his brows were furrowed and he looked at me accusingly, he didn't like it that I was still with Viren - I was leaving anyway, but then Viren caught me by my elbow and turned me to face him - while turning around I only got a glimpse of Abhi's ashen face.
"No Pragya, please stay back and listen to me. He said, while he still had a firm grip over my hand. Before I could protest, he pulled me behind the pillar - and if I wasn't mistaken, I thought I heard a glass shatter from the other side of the hall.
I didn't pay heed, I followed Viren, and looked at him questioningly.
"Pragya, please don't blame yourself for the past - I have truly forgiven you - and know this, that everything happens for a cause - and after all this time, I think I finally understand what you mean by I am family to you but you don't love me that way - I feel the same for you Pragya - Because now, I have found the true love of my life - Yes Pragya, I am engaged." And then came that smile, which comforted me in every situation.
"Oh. Congratulations Viren" was all I could muster in surprise. But I was truly happy from the core of my heart that no more was there a complication between us. I had won Viren forever. I was very happy for Viren, my one true friend. He then surprised me with a warm friendly hug, to which I responded with equal enthusiasm, and while we were at it, I saw Abhi cross us - he stared at me for a moment. His expressions were difficult to read. Then he walked away and if I noticed right, I thought I saw his right palm bandaged.
***
I had tried calling Abhi a number of times that night, but he never received my call. I was apprehensive to tell him how casual mine and Viren's hug was - that he was engaged and happy - that I was happy for him - but Abhi wouldn't respond.
The next day however, he called me back. He cited that he had crashed early the night before and hence he didn't take my call. What disturbed me was he sounded unnecessarily cheerful - maybe I was overthinking, maybe Abhi didn't care, maybe he didn't need an explanation at all - I thanked my stars that he didn't pick up the call last night, else I would have embarrassed us both with my incoherent rambling. Oh, but the injury? I enquired, and he told me it was there from earlier, he had got it from strumming a sharp guitar string - he added that I didn't notice earlier because, I was probably busy - well he wasn't wrong, seeing Viren there, indeed got my mind off things.
***
It was two days after returning from the Goa summit - Viren had called me for dinner. He wanted me to meet his fiance. I was very eager myself, we had gone to GastroPub to meet her, but unfortunately she couldn't make it at the last moment - Viren and I were stuck with each other. When Viren suddenly produced an envelope with various wedding card templates - he jokingly told me that he and his fiance had shortlisted a few but, they could reach a unanimous decision to finalise one amongst the shortlisted ones. He requested me to take a pick - we were generally having a good time selecting and rejecting wedding card templates when I felt a gruff hand on my shoulder.
"Hello there Pragya, selecting wedding cards are we, how sweet" came Abhi's voice from behind. I froze. And the only word that sang out loud in my mind was MISUNDERSTANDING'
"Hi Abhi, no actually -" I began as I turned to look at his face. But he was smiling radiantly, and I still don't know why, it infuriated me. He thought I was selecting my wedding card with VIren here, and here he was happily encouraging me? Why won't he? teased another part of my brain. Why should it make any difference to him? And again, why was it disturbing me? So, I put on a calm face and changed my sentence mid-way.
"Yes, Abhi - here, why don't you help us too?" " You don't mind right Viren?" I asked turning to Viren.
"Of course not Pragya, please join us Abhi!" retorted Viren politely.
"No buddy, actually I am here with a date tonight. I wish I could help, but you know..gotta go" he smiled and nodded at him, then he glanced at me once and left us on our own. From that point, every card I looked at looked ugly.
After an hour and half's effort, we decided to give up on finalizing the card and ate our dinner quietly. Then Viren dropped me home and left. Sitting on my couch in a near dark room, I was surprised to find hot tears in my eyes. Why was I crying? Why did Abhi's indifference bother me? What the hell Pragya! It's been five damn years! I was never the one, remember? I was sitting on the couch, it was past midnight, as I repeatedly tried convincing myself. And then to my surprise the doorbell rang. I was surprised. I cautiously opened the door a little bit.
"Abhi?"
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