Friends, let me bypass the full first six minutes of the episode yesterday where Maham was taunting Jodha about her nightly sojourns, and deriving immense satisfaction at seeing a dejected Jalal following her. Let's also leave aside the self-congratulatory stuff that Maham was saying to herself for driving a wedge between Jalal and Jodha.
Let's get straight to the point about how Jalal is feeling. For the whole episode yesterday spoke to me of Jalal's feelings.
Without blaming Jodha for the cause of it, I feel deeply for Jalal's pain after seeing yesterday's episode. I feel his pain like I feel my own pain. Yesterday I wrote a lot about why I will not blame Jodha for keeping her secrets and vachans, so I won't focus so much on Jodha today. But what exactly ails Jalal? What is his angst really that was so palpable in almost every scene of yesterday's episode?
Part of the problem that Jalal seemed to face was not knowing exactly what was the pain he felt. The episode itself took Jalal on a journey through the different aspects of his pain, meeting different people who tried to help him by throwing light for him on his real issue with Jodha.
- Was it the fact that Jodha was going out every night to meet a stranger whom he didn't recognise?
No it wasn't really ... he trusted her to do everything for a good reason, as he himself said.
- Was it the fact that people like Maham were making him feel small that his wife was betraying him with another man?
No that was not the issue either ... for Maham is clearly becoming less and less important in his life these days, and he has started leaning more on his own mother Hamida.
- Was it extreme concern for Jodha's safety that was eating him up?
Not that too ... for how long would it take for him to send a posse of sipahis behind her without her knowing?
- Was it the fact that despite his trusting Jodha so much, she was not trusting him back?
Even though he liked to use the heavy word of "trustlessness" as his reason for angst against Jodha, I think he knew heart-of-hearts it was not even about her lack of trust in him.
For my detailed analysis, I want to cover the whole of Jalal's journey yesterday through his pain, and also add my comments on what I think the situation is heading for ...
Jalal with Atga
It is early morning, the dawn after the deep night when Jalal had dressed as a sipahi and followed Jodha on her sudden midnight sojourn to meet Sujamal in a different place by the riverside. Jalal is deep in thought in his room, memories of the previous night coming and going like flashbacks in his mind. His thoughts are repetitive: "Who was that man who was meeting Jodha Begum? Why didn't she tell me anything about him? Is she under some pressure? Or is she becoming the shikar of some saazish?"
Just then Atga Khan walks in with news for Jalal. He says "Asy ou had asked I investigated that hut behind the mandir. There was nothing we got there. Sometimes it is said a beggar stays there for the night. But even he was not there last night." Atga had to repeat the sentence twice to break Jalal's reverie.
"How would anyone be there in that hut, when that man was at the riverside meeting Jodha Begum?" Jalal thought to himself. He then told Atga "Thank you Atga Saab. This is all I wanted to know. You can go now."
The loyal Atga did not go away immediately. He could sense the disturbed mind of Jalal and taking on an almost parental role, he told Jalal "I am sorry to intrude, Shahenshah, but you look to be in distress ... you can share your problems with me if you like. Perhaps I can help you?"
Jalal sits up and still wearing a look of deep seriousness says "There are some things that one has to face alone, whether he is a fakir or a Badshah. He cannot share these matters with others." Atga understands and then takes leave.
But a suddenly determined Jalal picks up his shamsheer. He plans to do just what he always does when he wants to shed the disturbance in his mind. He determines to do some ferocious swordfighting practice to work the angst out of his system.
Jalal with Jodha
Near the place where he normally practises his swordfighting, Jodha is doing her routine Tulsi puja. She spots her husband there making exaggerated practice moves, trying to control his anger. Jodha senses that there is extra violence in him today. Her eyes as she looks at him seem to know that he is in pain due to her secretiveness, but again her position does not allow her much room to soothe his sorrows. She tells Moti "Let me go and give the Shahehshah the aarti and prasad". I guess she is hoping her presence with these offerings will slightly calm him?
She goes close to him and says the word "Shahehnshah ..." making him turn around with his swordblade swishing. The sword comes to a standstill at her neck, making her gasp. But the expression on his face looks more angry than the blade of his sword. His eyes seems to be saying to her "How canyou do this to me?"
She continues to stare steadfastly into his eyes, and he then lowers his gaze with a bit of remorse for betraying his anger. But his demeanour is still offhand with her. She expects him to take the aarti, but he makes her wait, as he splashes cold water on his face as if to cool off and give her a few moments of extra tension. Then he finds he has to at last turn back towards her.
He takes the aarti from the plate she offers and then accepts the prasad, and eats it, and all the while his eyes are staring into hers. Then he says with the faintest tinge of sarcasm "You look very tired Jodha Begum. Did you not sleep well last night also?"
Her eyes do not falter. She looks straight at him with the full force of her innocence and says " I was thinking about you." "What about me?" he asks. "I feel there is still a grave danger to your life" she says. He raises his chin in defiance and says "Yes I know. Just recently your brother Sujamal has attacked me." She tries to correct his impression. "You don't understand. There is someone in this palace with bad designs on you." He replies "Benazir has gone, Abul Mali has left Agra, now who is left to cause me danger Jodha Begum? " "But your enemies are not done with, isn't it?" asks Jodha. He decides to twist hher words. "So you mean, Jodha Begum, that the ones I think of as close to me may be my enemies?" "Yes" she replies, her head bowed down "there is someone like that in this palace ..." But before she can finish her sentence, he says "A Shahenshah has enemies everywhere." Jodha becomes plaintive. "You are not taking this matter seriously" she says. "I have got use to it by now Jodha Begum. The ones I think of as close to me end up doing "peet pe war" upon me" he says ruefully and then he adds a bit sarcastically "Thanks for warning me" and he turns away from her and goes away leaving her wondering if the ulterior message of this whole conversation was about her.
Jalal with Hamida
In a later scene, Hamida is knitting in her room, probably with a little "future waaris" in mind, when a very dejected Jalal walks in. She is however not getting her stitches right and she says to him "Look how much trouble I am having with this." He replies to her with double-meaning "If something is beyond your understanding, why don't you just let it go?" "But how can I let it go" she replies, "this is a a viraaasat given to me by your grandmother and it's my duty to move it down to the next generation. But,my son, why are you looking so dejected today?" she asks as she sees his crestfallen face.
He sits down at her feet and puts his head in her lap. "What is the matter. Tell me" she says with some concern. "What has made my son so distressed?'
"Ammijaan, why is it so difficult to understand women?" says Jalal. His mother asks "Why, what is the matter?" "No I am just asking " he replies ... but then he continues "Ammijaan what if I place a lot of trust in another, is it not her duty also to reciprocate my trust?" "It is surely so" says Hamida. Jalal continues "But if that person does not repay my trust, then what am I to do?"
Hamida then launches into a beautiful essay on trust for the consoling of her son. She says "This trust is such a delicate thing. There can be circumstances in life where the other person may want to repay your trust but finds themselves unable to do so. It could be due to some majboori, or even due to some fear." Jalal eyes register all that she is saying as if it's all new to him.
Hamida then continues "In such cases, it becomes your duty to try and find out why the person close to you is not telling the full truth. And if a reason is not found, then you have to wait. When the right time comes, if that other person respects you, they will themselves tell you everything. My son, in this world, to get anything you have to give something. And to get trust you have to give trust. But tell me, who are you talking about?"
Jalal raises his head from her lap, his eyes deep in thought about what his mother's advice. The Amer music starts playing in the background. "There is someone very close to me, whom I placed a lot of trust in .." he says. "But you are saying there is no other route for me now but to wait. So, okay then. And thanks Ammijaan, that you gave some peace with your words."
As he is about to take leave, his mother kisses his forehead and he then turns to go - when Moti enters with aninvite for them all to please attend the harem sabha as Jodha has an announcement to make. Jalal is invited too. He looks quizzically for a moment at Moti, wondering what this is all about. He then leaves, but Hamida remains behind with her eyes clouded with worry. "Who is Jalal thinking about? Ruq is close to him, but there's also Maham, Salima and Jodha ... who among them has made Jalal so distressed?' she wonders to herself.
Jalal at the harem
All the important ladies are assembled at the harem when Jalal is announced in. He enters with a frown and seats himself. He then asks Jodha to say her piece. Jodha stuns him with an announcement that she wants to resign. She says she has done whatever she thought was important for the harem, and would like to nominate Ruq as the best person for the job.
Jalal looks a bit whacked by this turn of events, and I think he suspects that Jodha is withdrawing from the harem in order to give more time for her "other preoccupations". His expression turns a bit cold towards her.
Ruq immediately reads this announcement as Jodha accepting her own incompetence, while other ladies say they have chosen Jodha and she cannot leave. "I request the Shahenshah to please relieve me of my duties and name Ruq to look after the harem" Jodha says as Jalal gives her a sarcastic look.
Ruq demurs, not wanting the harem responsibilities, but Jodha says ""I have some other important work of my own, I cannot take on this load too". That makes Jalal angry. He bites out at her "Other resposibilities cannot be an excuse for this. If they are to take you away from these responsibilities of the harem, you should never have stood for elections. This is not some game or pastim we are playing here with the duties of the harem."
"It was not my intention to hurt you, Shahenshah" Jodha says. "Khair, " he replies, "I have no wish to argue against your decision. I accept your resignation. In any case Ruq looks after the harem better than you."
Jodha bears this insult with a steely face. As she has told Moti earlier, she wants to focus on catching the real culprit who may be plotting an attack on Jalal and the harem is a distraction she can do without. But she wasn't able tell that to Jalal, and so she had to take his insults as par for the course.
Jalal in the precap
Jalal is in the garden drinking and listening to music, when Jodha comes there and says she wants to talk to him. But he is determined not to make it easy for her. His anger with her is still simmering. His eyes are narrowed at her as he says with disdain "I just started enjoying some music here ... but anyway, takhliya ..." He dismisses all his surrounding sipahiis and after staring away from her for a long time, then looks at her expectantly for what she is going to say.
She immediately seats herself opposite to him, but he is quick to say to her with cool imperiousness and arrogance "I never gave you permission to sit, Jodha Begum." She is startled by his sudden lack of courtesy and can sense his latent anger. He eyes widen with fear.
My comments on all these scenes of Jalal above:
Friends, throughout this episode, in all of the five scenes above, Jalal was with different people ... but on the slow boil. His anger with Jodha , instigated by her secret meetings with the stranger he saw her with, is simmering away waiting to come to a head and have a spectacular blowout. We can all feel that tension in the air. Atga, Hamida and the ladies of the harem could feel that. And I am sure even Jodha could feel that.
Through these five scenes above we saw a pattern of inner turmoil, and inability to handle it, emerge in Jalal step by step.
- With Atga, he felt some distress in himself but was unready to talk about it. He wanted to privately nurse his inner tumult. He was remembering and rehashing all the flashbacks of Jodha with that man - and stoking his own anger.
- He then met with Jodha near the Tulsi plant and got a chance to show his sarcasm at her. He spoke in innuendo about how the ones closest to him seemed to be the ones ready to backstab him. It seemed fortunate to him that Jodha was talking about treacherous close ones in his family - because he seemed to want to see her also as one of the treacherous ones. But try as he might, Jalal I think was unable to sustain his anger and sarcasm at Jodha. He was unable to call her actions a "treachery" for he himself knew that he was over-reacting and carrying his irritation with her too far. Her injury to his heart was certainly not of the "treachery" class! He needed perspective and a way to handle his pain, but he didn't know how.
- After much thought, he went (not to his usual venomous anti-Jodha Badi Ammi) but this time to his kind and wise Jodha-loving Ammijaan! He put his head in her lap like a little lost boy and asked her what he should do if he trusted someone so close to him, and yet they did not seem to trust him in return. His mother advised patience and healing in the fullness of time. But even that perhaps didn't sound so right. For it was easier said than done to wait in patience.
- At the harem and later in the garden he found himself biting at Jodha, insulting her, showing his own arrogance and trying to make her feel small. The feelings inside were not willing to wait .. they were already beginning to give expression to themselves and pouring out of him as if he couldn't control them. But I doubt if that gave him enough satisfaction either. Mere arrogance and sarcasm was not going to help him feel spent and able to think again.
Will Jalal go back to being the jallad? No, I wouldn't say that at all. He is just smarting under the fact that the one he loves isn't seeming to love back in "equal measure". For if there was that equal love, would she not want to bare her heart to him and tell him everything?
What does Jalal need to do? He needs to just vent and let out the pent up emotions!
I think it will take a blowout from him to clear the cobwebs from his mind and show him that he was not wounded by betrayal, treachery, under-handedness, backstabbing or any of those heavy words. He will discover the truth, that he was wounded by the simple act of her not being ready to share her troubles with him, take him into her confidence.
He will discover that it was such a superficial hurt - but it hurt him a lot because he had learnt to love her and trust her so much that the loneliness and rejection he felt from her non-reciprocity was taking on the dimensions of a major inner wound for him!
And what does Jodha need to do to help him here (knowing she can't help him by telling her secret out to him yet)? She too needs to allow him to vent and not take it too personally. She needs to give him a helping hand to pour it all out and bear it with grace when he spews venom at her.
There's a beautiful quote just apt for these two people now. "Love is being able to bite your tongue when he wants to tear his hair out". Jodha needs to bite her tongue and take his verbal lashings as a different expression of his love, in a situation where she too is unable to do anything else to help him.
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