Chapter 7
Sugni entered her apartment as she sat on the new sofa in a daze. Her mind going over the conversation she just had with Vickram. The way he told her he would respect her wishes this time. The look on his face, it was heartbreaking, she had no idea who she was hurting for herself, him maybe both. She was honest enough with herself to admit, that apart from that one lie, Vickram had never ever said something he did not meanFor a moment just for a moment she wished things were different and she could say yes to him. The old Sugni in her would have. But she could not, she had more important matters at hand other than her desires and her wants. Her baby came first in the scheme of things. But still...She missed him.. He was the missing part to her heart.
Unconsciously her fingers went to her lips, as she closed her eyes and remembered...
"So you came!" Vickram said as Sugni walked into the deserted playground. At this time of day, no one would be here, and it would give them some privacy according to him to talk. Sugni was still feeling weird about his confession that he loved her. She never really thought of him in that manner.
All she knew is that since she met him, she got a good feeling about him. He was different unlike all the other Thakurs around here. He was kind, understanding, he never used his power to make others feel small.
From the first day she met him, as she took the task to pick him up from the train station, and ended up mistaking him for someone else and putting him out making him walk the rest of the way. The fact that he did not punish her for it spoke volumes to her, in a place where these Thakurs think you look at them wrong they would punish you.
Not only that but he first time he saved her from those two drunk Thakurs and all the time since. He never looked down on her, and he never looked at her in that uncomfortable way the others did, as though she was something to be eaten.
Sometimes she would forget herself and say some things that were embarrassing or even down right insulting to his kind, yet he never took offence to it. She referred to him as her "Thakur Mallick" because in a short time her respect for him was not out of who he was or his status but of his genuineness as a human.
Then he shocked her yesterday by telling her he had a confession for her and that he was in love with her. At first she thought he was joking, but then she realized he was serious. She told him she never really thought about love and did not even think that way about him. He asked her to think about it, and he would wait for her answer in the park here today.
Sugni spent the entire night tossing and turning, she had no idea what to say. She felt nervous and flustered; she had butterflies in her stomach. She never thought about love really, unless it was something she saw in movies on the rear occasion she watched them, She did not even know what that was. But now the thought was there.
She knew she liked him a lot, but love?. Sugni walked slowly into the park as she made her way to where he was standing. Nervously wringing her hands. She did not have to come here, but she did, because for some reason she could not stay away.
"Thank you Sugni..." He said as she looked at him.
"For what?" She asked.
For coming, I take it as a sign you do feel the same way to?" he asked.
"Sugn looked at the floor, she could feel her cheeks getting warm, she wanted to look at him but for some reason she could not.
"I-I don't know..." She whispered, as she shrugged. "Thakur Mallick I never thought of it, about any one or y-you..."
"Then why are you here?" he asked. "You did not have to , if you did not I would have taken your answer to be no." He said.
"Well I ...Um..I.." She swallowed flustered.
"It's because some where you do feel it na..." he said. As he took her hand in his, and began walking towards the benches. His hand felt warm and comforting..
Taking a seat next to him still holding her hand, as she looked at the lawn. She could feel his eyes on her. The butterflies in her stomach working overtime.
"Sugni?"
"Huh.?."
"Do you have anything to say about this, any questions?" He said.
She shook her head.
"No..." She shrugged again.
"wow...the girl who talks a mile a minute at a loss for words...I never thought I would see that!" He said.
"What do you want me to say...I mean I never expected you to say that and ...and this whole thing is just weird...it feels strange... I mean you..You are a Thakur and me I am just a bedni, we are nothing...I mean.."
"no Sugni ..you are not just a Bedni, I don't see a bedni when I look at you." He said . Sugni looked at him then.
"You don't..."
"No...Sugni we can't control where we were born, you can't change it. But underneath all the class, status and everything else, we are just human. Just as we cannot control that, we cannot control whom we fall in love with. Sugni you are like unlike any one I ever met, you approach each day as though it is an adventure, you never let your circumstances bring you down, and you never dwell on it. Sometimes I wonder how you do that. You are a wonderful person, who still manages to care about other people. You are frank , candid honest. Being around you makes me happy, seeing you sad makes me sad. When I am away from you ...I somehow end up thinking about you. I just want you to be happy, and if I am the one to make you happy then I would count myself a very lucky man indeed!." He said.
Sugni Stared at him not sure what to say, she was speechless, touched and could not believe he thought that way about her.
"What do you think of me? He asked
What do you mean?" She answered.
" I mean I just told you how I felt, it's only fair you tell me...what you think..."
"Me..." She blushed ."I don't know, you nice...you're the kindness person I know, your different from most of the others around here. You have always helped me if I needed it. You have a good heart. And you...um...well you don't look like all the dotiwala's and mushtachwalas ..old Thakurs..." She laughed. As he chuckled.
Well maybe I'll grow one one day!" he said Sugni made a face.
"no.no...that would not suite you..." she said. "I mean...sorry.." She looked down again sometimes, she really spoke without thinking.
Vickram placed his hands on her chin and raised her face to look at him.
" Oh you don't like it? it's ok... Sugni, there is nothing you can't say to me" he smiled . as she smiled back. Sugni looked at him, as the butterflies in her stomach at it again, this time her heart beat joined in. Looking into his eyes , like she was paralyzed for a moment, she could not move if she wanted to..
"You look so beautiful right now.." he said softly.
Slowly Vickram bent his head, bringing his face closer to hers as his lips touched hers. For a moment the world stopped as she did not think she was breathing. She felt as though electric curents were passing through her. It was a strange feeling, her first kiss, , weird but in a good way.
Until her brain kicked in and told her this was not right. He was a Thakur, and she knew they only had one agenda when it came to bedni's...
She pushed him away as she stood up...
"No..No this is not right..!" She said her breathing still shallow as she went back to wringing her hands again.
"Sugni...I am sorry I did'nt mean to scare you..I was just..."
"no..you did'nt bu"but it is wrong...". She said.
"It's not Sugni... " He said coming to stand in front of her.
"Sugni...when you love someone, when you have strong feelings for someone, you sometimes want to express it with more than words." He said.
She shook her head..."that is not true...when a Thakur dose a bedni's Sardakhi it is not because he loves her...is it?" she said.
"There is a difference Sugni...The difference is when you love someone, you respect their feeling and decisions in the matter, you would not want to cause them harm or hurt., and you don't do it for selfish reasons, but as an expression of how you both feel about each other."
"I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I really am but Sugni I would never do anything to hurt you, you know that right." He said as he took her hand in his again looking at her intently.
"Sugni you do you trust me?.
Sugni looked at him. She did trust him..
She may not know what love is, but at that moment, looking at him, this had to be love. It was a heady feeling yet scary one. She did not trust others lightly, in her own house, she knew they would not think twice about selling her off, if the offer was good. Vickram was different her heart said it. He loved her.
She nodded her head. Her eyes filling with tears for some reason she did not know, she was not sad.
"You're safe with me." He said. As he wiped her cheeks.
You promise?..."She asked, she was about to take a big step , her nervousness was growing.
"I promise." He said as he hugged her. "I love you..."
"I"I love you to Thakur Mallick." Sugni whispered as she rested her head on his chest.
"Mummy?" Shanti said shaking her mother. Snapping Sugni out of her walk down memory lane.
Sugni looked at her daughter. "Hmmm?"
"Why are you crying.? What's wrong mummy." She asked worriedly.
"Nothing baby...I'am just.feeling sad." She said.
"Why" She asked concerned as she climbed onto he mother,'s lap and hugged her, comforting her as she was whenever she got scared or sad.
Sugni Hugged her daughter, for a moment drawing comfort from her, as she let her herself grieve for what was lost .
"Don't cry! What is wrong mummy?" what made you sad?" She asked.
"I - I lost something...and ... I am sad cause it's gone.." she said cryptically.
"What did you lose?' She asked
"Oh...something I had a long time ago..." She said.
you lost it when you went outside?" She said.
Sugni nodded. "Well it is dark out... maybe you will find it in the daylight...remember when I lost my doll, but I found it in the kitchen ...I was sad but then when I got it I was happy again...you will find it back I am sure." She said.
"Thank you baby..." Sugni said , as she smiled at her little girl. She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath.
"I am ok...I have you.." She said as she hugged her
"Come on. Let's get you to bed huh..." she said as she got up. She needed to pull herself together and be strong in the moment. That was how she learned to cope, and not dwell on the past but in the present moment.
The next few days were hard; it was as though she lost him all over again. True to his word, she no longer saw any sign of him or his car. He did promise and so far, he lived up to it. She threw herself into her work, and her child. Thankfully, she had a lot to keep her busy.
Shanti was her saving grace as she came home from school one evening excitedly informing her mother she had to participate in a school play, and needed to get the costumes. She was going to play a fairy!. Sugni had three weeks to come up with payments for the costumes, and as she learned, she had to start saving now.
It was good to see her adjusting to her environment. Shanti was more or less like her name, a quite child. The Thakurs never had any kids, so she was always by herself, she would play by herself contently. Now that she was in school, she was the same way shy, quite. But it seemed she was excited about being a part of the program, Sugni was wondering if that was changing
Sugni was just on her lunch break when she her phone rang. "hello?" she answered
"Hello Ms. Mathur?
"yes?" She answered.
" I am calling from little angles elementary... Your daughter, Shanti, she collapsed in class a few minutes ago , while there were rehersing for the play. The ambulance is here and they are taking her to the hospital...Ma'am can you get down to The Local Area hospital...
What! Sugni..said shocked... "how did this happen??"
"Her teacher is with her, she will explain it to you, but you have to get down there as soon as possible."
"o-ok I am on my way..." OH God what has happened? Sugni thought frantic.
She grabbed her bag as and as she quickly found Mrs. Flam and told her what had happened.
Within a few minutes, Sugni was walking through the hospital doors. She spotted Shanti's teacher in the waiting room and went straight to her.
"Ms. B. Hello, what happened?" She asked the young teacher.
"Oh Ms. Mathur... thank God you are here, well we were in calss practicing for the play. We were lerning a dance routine. She was ok...then suddenly in the middle of it she just fainted. First I thought she was exhausted or something...but she would not get up after the school nurse tried to revive her...So we called the ambulance and they brought her here."
"Where is she?"
"She is in the examining room. Come...I'll take you." Sugni followed the teacher. To the back where her daughter was being examined.
"Doctor...Shanti's mother is here." She informed the doctor.
"Hmm...be right there..."
The doctor said... after a few minutes he moved the curtain and stepped aside.
Sugni was shocked to see her daughter lying there looking pale and she was hooked up to some machine that was beeping.
She walked up to her.
"Mummy...I want to go home... I am scared," Shanti said as her eyes filled with tears on seeing her mother.
"Yes baby I know...It'll be ok..." She said as she leaned over her and hugged her. She was scared to.
Edited by Vinnie79 - 11 years ago
Anupamaa
