Hello everyone!
Posting a short story on ArMan that I had written some time back. The story is in three parts- all of which have been posted at one go. But first, the introduction.
In the serial, Manav and Archana met when they were 31 and 26 respectively. They were more mature, responsible and collected about their feelings, and had sort of wisened up. And I couldn't help wondering, what if Manav and Archana had not met so late? What if they had met each other when they were younger, more impulsive, coming across feelings of infatuation, attraction and genuine liking for the first time in their lives and struggling to understand and accept it ( just like it happens with most of us) even as they tried to behave like the adults they were supposed to be. How would their love story have progressed, keeping in mind the passion, playfulness and innocence of that age, traits of their characters, and the fact that they did not have normal lives themselves?
This story focuses on an 18 year old Archana and her first crush in life. Don't be shocked now, what is wrong? We all do have a crush in life, don't we?- on a TV star, filmstar, a teacher or a classmate, right? Even the quietest ones, the most sober ones get attracted to someone- though they might not admit it. Our dear old Archana (sorry, not old- YOUNG) is no exception- she also fell head over heels for someone.
Who was he? And how did it go? Read on!
(Source of inspiration: Title song of Pavitra Rishta, A Wednesday- the movie, and this:
PEHLA NASHA..
It was already 5.30 pm. An 18 year old beautiful girl pushed a lock of hair anxiously behind her ear as she waited for the traffic to clear so that she could reach the station on time. Unfortunately for her, the traffic showed no signs of clearing up. She bit her lip as she looked at her watch again, and wrung her duppatta in frustration. Would she miss her train today?
She opened her purse. "How much, Dada?"
"The traffic will clear in two minutes sister.." said the autowallah.
"I don't have two minutes," she said in a slightly insolent voice. Her friend Swati, who was accompanying her that day, made a face. "Oh Archu, the sun hasn't set yet, it's still so sunny, why do you want to walk in this heat, there is a local to Thane every fifteen minutes, we can take the next one.."
"I don't want to be late," said Archana. "I'm going."
"Wait, I'm coming along," her friend said, getting out of the auto, shielding her eyes from the sun. Together they crossed the traffic and after walking with quick steps, entered the station through the back gate. Archana looked at the clock again. 17:35.. good!
Hardly had they entered the station when the 17.35 local bound for Thane entered. Together they went near the stairs, entering the ladies section of the compartment that nearly always alighted there. That was the beauty of the Mumbai locals, thought Archana with a smile. You got so used to them, you knew where the ladies compartment would alight, where the seats would be empty and where there would be rush. Best thing was, the regular passengers somewhat stuck to their routine- stood in the same place, boarded the same compartment that came there at the fixed time, even sat in the same seats as far as possible, and that gave a sort of discipline to the whole system. Travelling in this local for the last 3 months now, she was familiar, at least on the face, with most of the Aunties and little children who boarded this same local every day, for office or school. She never talked to them, but somehow that connection of being co-passengers was there. Many times she did not have to ask them to shift or make space for her to sit. The moment she entered, she would just nod or make a sign towards a particular Aunty, who would then give her seat to Archana only while leaving the train, thus reserving it for her. Everyone here was busy in his/her own world and no one invaded the other's space, yet there was an unspoken language through which everyone talked, and which suited them all.
Thankgod for this organised routine- she thought to herself- otherwise she would never be able to see him daily.
Her eyes scanned for him on the other side of the compartment, through the iron mesh separating the ladies and general section. He must be there, she thought to herself. She knew he boarded this same local every evening, and she knew he usually boarded this compartment.
Ah!- there he was! A wave of relief ran through her. She had not missed him after all.
He didn't notice her at first. He was sitting with a friend of his, laughing at some joke his friend had cracked. Both of them were too busy in conversation to notice her. But her eyes were only on him, she waited, waited, waited, until finally..
He turned.. looked around a little, scanning through the crowd. Finally he noticed her looking at him. She straightened up immediately, as his lips curved into an adorable smile, accompanied by a small nod of the head, a symbolic 'Hello'.
Her heart lit up. She controlled her excitement, and smiled back sweetly at him, nodding her head in response. He then went back to chatting with the person next to him, while Archana sighed and looked to see where Swati was standing.
Swati was staring at her with a sour face. "Tell the truth, you made me walk in the sun so that you could ogle at him, right?"
Archana felt sheepish. "Rubbish!" she said dismissively. "I didn't want to be late for school, that's it."
"Yeah yeah.." said Swati sarcastically. "As if I believe you. Archu, you are crazy to be playing this stupid game with him."
Archana turned away, her ears red. She didn't care if it was stupid of not, but she liked it. She had liked it since the day it had all started.
*****************************flashback******************************
"Ouch!!" protested Archana, as a bunch of men entered the compartment roughly. Uncomfortably she looked at the crowd around her, lamenting at the fact that she had not entered into the ladies compartment just next to this section. But then how was she to know? It was the first time she had taken this particular evening local- she had already been late and had boarded the first coach she could climb in the moving train while looking for the ladies compartment- her Vinod Dada was in the next compartment. It would take some time to adjust, she thought, maybe once she started travelling by this local every day, as she was supposed to do in a few days, it would not seem so difficult.
"You will get used to it"- she remembered her Aai's words sometime earlier, when Archana had spoken about how nervous she was.
She sighed at herself, thinking of the meeting and the questions she had to face in a few minutes from then. Suddenly something (or rather someone) nudged her. She was taken aback and tried to look at who was the one supposedly eve-teasing. But she hadn't turned before someone blocked her out and the nudging elbow was gone. Instead, she found herself looking into a pair of soft eyes, his big strong hand holding the iron bars, his arm shielding her from any more meandering elbows and hands. She looked at him with a sense of gratitude and thankfulness.
He didn't say anything. Somehow there was no need to and she found herself even more grateful for that- cos speaking would have made the matter more embarassing for her. He simply smiled. An adorable smile it was, the understanding seemingly getting reflected in his soft eyes, and she didn't realise when she was responding too. There was no conversation, but throughout the journey, he shielded her, giving nasty looks to those who tried to come close to her and she felt very thankful to him for the same. She would have liked to say something to him, but unfortunately, the crowd pushed both out of them out of the train as soon as their station came, and she lost the chance.
Life continued from there, just like earlier. She accompanied her brother Vinod to the night school where both of them were going to enquire about the various courses offered. Yes- she hadn't completed her schooling. Her mother's ill health, inadequate financial means to keep a nurse, and the lack of someone to shoulder household responsibilities had led her to give up her studies at an early age.The temporary setup had ended up continuing for years.
But things were different now. Her brother had finished his graduation and got a good job. And the first thing he had decided after getting a job was to send 18 year old Archana back to school. After all, now that he earned, they could easily keep a household help to run the house and nurse Aai when the others weren't at home. Archana had lost crucial years of her life in working for the house, he had reasoned. Now it was a chance for her to get back on track.
The family members had supported the decision wholeheartedly, but Archana had been nervous. How could she go back amidst the 13 year olds and study in VIIIth class, she had thought. The children would tease her to no end. Besides, was it really important for her to attend a day school now and take a year to finish every grade?
They had understood. And hence Vinod Dada had offered her a second solution- evening tuitions at a school for elder people, which would offer an accelerated course to help her cover up all that she had missed, so that she could catch up faster and attend college later on. There would be others like her and she wouldn't be uncomfortable, he had explained.
It was to the night school that she and Vinod were going right now, cos the night school opened at this time. She could hear Vinod talking to her, saying that it was by this local now that she was supposed to come everyday, and that she would have to get a railway pass made for herself. She nodded at what he said, but her mind was lost, remembering her saviour on the train and their encounter. She smiled as her mind replayed the scene again and again.
*****************flashback ends***********************
Three months had passed since that day, and till date that was all that existed between Archana and 'him'- a smile. Every day they saw each other on the train, and everyday a customary quiet hello and a smile was what they exchanged. They never talked to each other, never exchanged numbers, she didn't even know what his name was. Their silent communication everyday was the only thing that had connected them in these 3 months- and how!
In the beginning, Archana had often thought that it was just a once-in-a-while thing; that he would forget it, and so would she. But she had been taken aback (and pleasantly surprised) when he had turned to look at her through the iron mesh (between the general and ladies section) the second day, and smiled at her courteously. She had responded back, with butterflies in her stomach, and a glowing heart. She had been apprehensive cos it had been her first day to school, but this gesture had kept her fears aside for some time. The next day, she had gazed at him, wondering whether he would acknowledge her again, and had not been disappointed. Each day thereon, without fail, he looked for her in the compartment, and this was the silent way in which they talked. As she slowly got accustomed to her new ritual, studies and school, she got used to seeing him on the train as well, and saying hello in that simple, sweet, silent way.
Earlier Archana had just looked upon it as an amusing, sweet gesture which made her feel a little relaxed each evening when she went to school alone, but she didn't realise when she got besotted by this co-passenger of hers. That smile was adorable, she noticed how his eyes narrowed and became smaller when his lips curved up that way and a twinkle came up in his eyes- a genuine smile, it had something in it that made her feel that the person must be equally genuine in real life- yes, she admitted this was blind thinking now, but she couldn't help it! She still remembered their first meeting and his honest, transparent eyes. Those eyes seemed to have a story of their own- she would think dreamily. She could not deny that he was extremely good looking, and though he dressed simply in check shirts and jeans with his messy hair, he still had a boyish charm and looked handsome, especially from close quarters. She blushed every time she remembered how he had helped her on her first day, arriving like a knight in shining armour to bail her out. She remembered those big, strong arms around her, shielding her from the male crowd on the train. She didn't know what attracted her most to him- the romantic ideas behind their first meeting, the fact that he seemed to be a helpful, decent guy, his eyes, his smile, his good looks, or something else..
Oh dear- she often wondered- was she in love?
No she wasn't- she told herself firmly in her wiser moments. And if she was, then it wasn't right, period! He was just a co-passenger on the train! She had no idea what sort of guy he was, what work he did, what was his nature- nothing! Even at 18, having seen her Aai Baba's loving and understanding relationship and her Dada and Vahini's mismatched pair, she had reasoned out that youthful infatuations shouldn't be mistaken to be love, or depended on to imagine a future ahead. That too in today's day and age- when trusting anyone blindly could be dangerous! The fact at the end of the day was, whatever she felt for him- it was not worth depending on. She couldn't say he was her true love, or the best guy in the world simply bcos of good looks or a winning smile or cos of one incident when he had helped her out. At the end of the day, the truth simply was that though she wanted to believe that he was a good person, she had nothing to really support her claims strongly, she didn't know him well. Her infatuation was not strong enough to help her overcome her inhibitions of common sense and family values and start talking to a total stranger.
But oh that smile!- she thought, drifting again into lalaland.
Pehla nasha, pehla khumaar..
Naya pyaar hai, naya intezaar..
Kar lun main kya apnahar
Aye mere bekraar, mere dil-e-bekraar.. Tu hi bata..
Pehla nasha.. pehla khumaar..
*****************************************
When Swati had joined her new college about 3 months ago (about the same time Archana had joined her school), then in the initial days, their seniors had rounded them up for a small 'introductory session', since ragging was now prohibited in most colleges of Mumbai. Her friends had gathered together and they had unanimously decided that if pressed to mention about their first 'crush' (a commonly asked question), they would all take the name of the same guy to avoid getting in trouble or being ribbed in future. Swati had later related the incident to her, and Archana hadn't been able to stop herself from thinking that if SHE had been arm twisted to tell the name of HER crush, then whose name she would have taken. Archana had left school in her eighth standard and so, for many years, had a limited circle since she usually stayed and worked at home. As such she knew very few guys other than those who were part of her family or her extended family.. except for him. She blushed as she thought about it, scolded and chided herself, reminded herself that Aai would be horrified if she came to know of her romantic ideas, but still, she could not stop thinking of her special co-passenger as she thought of the idea of a special someone who made her insides flutter. Somehow no one else she knew fitted into the 'crush' category. Just remembering his face and his expressions brought a warm feeling within her every time. She hadn't felt similarily about any other guy, ever. She didn't know whether or not it was healthy (and normal) to think of all this at the age of 18 and she didn't have anyone to talk to about all this too. Her Aai for one, would never understand. Her school going sisters were too young and would be horrified.
As time passed by, she realized something: The fact that she didn't have anyone to whom she could talk freely only reminded her of the void in her life, which her Aai, her sisters and even the rest of the family had not been able to fulfill. Swati was her friend, but somehow, her background and her education sometimes made it difficult for Archana to talk to Swati as well- most people always assumed Archana to be an idiot simply cos she wasn't educated. Most people felt it was right for them to get judgemental about her, and she being docile and not the sort to take offence, never argued back. Many times that made her feel uncomfortable about expressing her feelings in front of them, and this was one of those occasions, when she wanted someone to talk to, and yet had no one..
She didn't know why she never went and straightaway talked to him- no wait, she knew it. This was not what had been imbibed and drilled into her by her conservative Aai, who was so overprotective and hyper. Talking to a guy (that too a stranger) all alone was not something she had done till now. And then again, she was apprehensive: What if he did not turn out to be the way she had imagined him to be? What if he did not like her- a semi educated girl who was so traditional and simple? What if he showed a little too openly that he had no interest in her? Wouldn't it all ruin the special 'something' they shared now? Would she be able to bear it? Would she like someone else after that? Even worse- what if he had understood her obvious drooling over him.. how would he react to it.. god forbid, would he try and take advantage of it..?
Sigh! She really needed someone to talk to. This infatuation was going nowhere.
She often used to imagine what sort of person he would be, how he would approach her one day, how she would talk if he did that and so on. She knew she was building castles in the air- but still, it was difficult to get rid of his thoughts, especially cos she didn't have much to occupy her time these days- the new maid did the work in the house, and Archana herself was coping well with the school work as well. She had been told by the teachers at her school to delve into some light reading to improve her English, and she couldn't help thinking about him when she read a romantic classic novel, or watched cheesy romantic shows like Iss pyaar ko main kya naam dun. All of it had started influencing her dreams as well. Lately she had had a dream, in which she, dressed in a pretty white full length dress, her beautiful hair half open, sat waiting for him, and he, dressed in black clothes and looking like a perfect prince, approached her and bent on one knee, pleading her to dance with him. She shied away at first, then tried to explain that she didn't know how to dance, but he cajoled her to trust him, his eyes and calm smile working their magic on her yet again, and she agreed, following which they danced all around the smoke (or whatever it was) with the romantic track, 'O re Piya' in the background, both of them lost in each other. In the end, he bent down on one knee again and kissed her hand tenderly, and she couldn't do anything except sigh and blush.. and then..
And then the stupid alarm clock had gone off! Pfft! The dream had ended, but had left her blushing and giggling. She longed to know more about him, and had asked her new friend circle at her school, for advice. They were people ranging in ages, some quite elder to her, some of her own age, and she liked talking to them and had gradually come to trust them. They had been very interested in her story, and had even travelled in train once with her to see 'her guy'.
******************flashback begins****************
"You know, I'm fed up of you!" said Tanya. "I love you and want anything that makes you happy, you are my baby, but it doesn't mean you won't listen to me at all!!"
"What do you want?" asked Archana.
"Talk to him." Said Tanya, with a glint in her eyes. "I'm sure he is a very special guy, just for you.."
Archana looked horrified. "You're being a cheesy romantic Tanya, just like always! Aai will be livid if she comes to know.. and then, it isn't right.."
Bonne sighed. "Archana, firstly, you must realise there is nothing to feel ashamed or scared if you have started developing feelings or are infatuated by someone. At this age, it's absolutely normal!"
Anshi intervened. "Actually it's better to keep a distance in such cases.. who knows he is just enjoying your attention, being a Krishna amongst the gopis.."
Niki jumped in. "Well, I didn't notice him smiling at any other girl than Archana! Let's give him the benefit of doubt, what say?"
Nisha chuckled at Niki's defence. "This is the first time you've seen him today, lol! You don't even know him!"
"Hehe.. umm.. I don't know.. such a sweet guy cannot be wrong, that's all.. hehehe.. anyways, I want to explore the romantic potential behind this, this is a good idea for a story!!!"
"Yeah don't blame the poor guy!" echoed Lunza. "Erm.. Archana, does he wear similar shirts everyday, with three top buttons open?"
Archana nodded.
"Well, then if you don't talk to him soon, I'm inviting him for a coffee date for myself!!"
Jia gave an evil look to Lunza. "And I'm getting ready to ruin your coffee date.. he's either Archu's or mine!!! Buzz off!!"
Archana was horrified. "What kind of friends are you all?" she whined. "Not one person can give me good advice! I want to talk to him too and know him more, but how? You know such bad things come in the papers everyday.. *clears throat* Plus I'm too nervous to talk to him alone anyway. And then again I don't want to get involved only to back out later, in case he doesn't come across like what I had imagined him to be, or if Aai disapproves or if he is not interested.. so far he hasn't given any signs himself.. I don't know if at all anything will come out of it.. My people are conservative.. and.. I'm not very appealing.. am I.. not even educated.. will he like me?" she asked, nervously making knots of her dupatta.
"Hmm.." said Ashu, looking up from her phone. "Do you want me to find out more about him?"
Everyone glared at her.
"What? I'm confident of my stalking skills, that is all."
"Oh don't you worry!" said Sharon to Archana. "You are a lovely lovely girl! I'm sure any boy would be pleased to have you."
Poppy nodded excitedly. "You are lovely, he is sexy!" Archana went red. "And I am already getting positive vibes from him!" said Karen dreamily. "He seems to be the decent type since he hasn't done anything wrong all these days? Not even one wrong gesture?"
Archana nodded. "He just greets me every day in the train." Karen persisted. "Then why not talk?"
TB intervened. "Ladies, please! Let's not get carried away.. Archu, you know him better than all of us. You have observed his habits, you know what sort he seems to be. And to know about how much potential all this holds, you will HAVE to talk to him, otherwise you won't be able to know him well as a person. As long as you talk to him in a public place, not privately, and do not give out any personal details or contact address in the beginning, I gather you will be quite safe. Later, depending on the impression he gives, you can decide whether or not to meet him again."
"But what if he isn't like what I had imagined him to be? What if he doesn't like me? Won't it ruin this little fantasy that I have?"
"Well, you will have to face it one day anyway." Said Bonne. "Today, tomorrow, someday. At least try and seek answers to the questions in your mind. If he is not the sort you dreamt about, you will understand at least that it is time to move on."
The ideas found support from most people. Archana was left thinking.
********************flashback ends****************
Every day for two weeks thereon, she saw him in the train, and every day she would try to bolster up courage to meet him. She would try to analyse him carefully, she would try to grasp little nuances which would help her start a topic for conversation. Was he Maharashtrian? It seemed so, and she hoped he was.. her Aai would never agree to an inter-state alliance..
She blushed. I'm thinking of too far.. she told herself.
He seemed to be of a modest background, she thought, observing how he repeated his shirts every 3-4 days. Was he working? It seemed so- he always used to take the same fixed local every day. Maybe his office/college, or wherever he worked/studied, ended at this time, and he returned home in the evening. Hmm.. so what would be his age- 20? 22? Not older than 24, she hoped.
She observed people who travelled with him sometimes, his friends. Were they decent? Well, they seemed so. And she had never seen him smoke or behave in a rowdy manner. For that matter, she had never seen him arguing on the train with his co-passengers either. He seemed soft spoken and used to talk politely with those who sat next to him.
All of what she observed made her feel that it would not be wrong to extend a hand of friendship towards him, and get to know him properly, so that she could analyse her feelings. But then again, who knew, maybe she noticed only the good points in him cos she wanted him to be like that, maybe her mind subconsciously failed to notice his flaws. Well, she couldn't wait anymore, she thought. The more she observed him, responded to his gestures, the stronger the urge grew to know him more, so that she could confront her feelings.
"You're being silly Archana," Swati would tell her time and again, shaking her head hopelessly as she watched Archana waiting for a smile from him. "Has he ever shown even a wee bit of interest in you, apart from these customary silent hello's? Has he ever tried to know your name? Ever tried to talk to you? Believe me when I say that guys are more outgoing in such matters. But has he taken a single step forward? No na! Then why are you so head over heels over him and seeking out possibilities?"
"But he looks for me every day in the train.." protested Archana weakly.
"He probably just enjoys you drooling over him. All guys do that. There is nothing more to it than that.." said Swati. Archana had nothing to say on the issue. "I understand that such things happen at this age, but it's time you grow out of this infatuation of yours Archana, ignore those who keep you egging on to talk to him- they're just excited by the prospect of a romantic story ahead, but you must understand that it is important to be realistic. You can't just go and talk to a stranger you don't know from Adam and lose everything for him! Concentrate on your studies for now, that is more important. As it is you've lost a lot in life. Don't throw away this second precious opportunity, especially when your brother is spending so much on you. Rather than thinking of whether to talk to him or not, concentrate on studies." Swati's words made Archana feel ashamed of herself.
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Anupamaa
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
