*From To Sathish* - Thread 3 - Page 8

Death of a child and death of his childhood
Sometime during my 3rd or 4th std i kept getting beaten by my aunts for bringing back the lunch which was packed for me.I guess it was wrong of me to do so.But i had a very valid and simple reason for doing so.The lemon rice or sometimes curd rice,our cook Babu packed for us used to spoil and smell and yes it probably will match viveks dialogue about kovai sarala " enna,moonu naal moodi vecha biriyani thorantha mathiri naatham varuthu " very aptly.
Well things took a turn for the worse and little did i know that my elders had planned something terrible for me,just in case i came back with the lunch packed for me.Another reason was that in those times i was so active playing cricket,ghilli and marbles that i sometimes really forgot to have my lunch and sometimes used my bus money of 25 paisa to buy a butter biscuit and a banana.

Well yours faithfully turned up home and my aunts,cook and one cousin sister ambushed me,tore away my clothes and left me naked on the street and locked the gate and doors.Yes,truly scary and yet every word i write is true.It was about 4 in the evening and i stayed naked,crying huddling behind a bush near the gate of our house.It was sometime at about 6.30 that the paalkaara amma came and covered me with her saree and abused my people and well i was dragged in,ears boxed and time passed on.

There are lot of incidents like this in my life and now you can understand why i write with so much sadness and why the sadness of others and the death of others,particularly suicides affect me thus.


an orphans tale,piece by piece

CODE WORD
There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".
This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word.
Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, Your wife fell three times this week."

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and have sex for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.
The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10 pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents. Come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girls parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still in deep prayer with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend finally leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist..."

Hi Satish,

What can I say on reading about your childhood stories...

I forgot to mention...I saw "Kanchana 2" yesterday...

Chapter 29

When mahatma gandhi was shot, in his dying moments he whispered hey ram,hey ram and for this there are many witnesses and it goes to show the man's convictions and beliefs. When we stand by what we believe in and when we stand by those to whom we have given our pledge, trust and friendship, then we should stand tall and fight even if it is against god.


There is a crucifix that hangs on a wall in my house and it was gifted to me by my little brother sanjay who married a Christian lady by the name of penny. They had come to chennai just after their wedding in 1999 and while here i took them to the velanganni church just down the road from my house. Funnily enough,the first christian friend i had was in my 2nd std and his name was penny too and he belonged to an anglo indian family.Christ and christians have been a part of my life for a very long time and i have always had a soft corner for jesus for i feel terrible for the things that were done to him or supposedly done to him.I know little of the bible and much less of christianity.I believe in jesus and i do not believe in the rituals or practices of christianity. period and the same goes for my religion,hinduism too.I have spent a lot of time and in my thoughts have visualised the moments leading up to jesus being crucified and thanks to some of the films about him i have a lot to visualise about.




Fire cannot burn me for i burn hotter than the fire

The yellow moon floated in the dark sky and hung around the palace of kulashekara pandyan for it too wanted to know what was going to happen.
The king and queen stood staring at the flowing vaigai and they stood in silence for both knew that the night was meant for their souls than the sleep that the king needed very badly.

Amudhavalli stood next to her husband " are you sure about what you announced in the court to us and the emissary from the chola kingdom and is your mind really made up ? '

Kulashekaran nodded his head quietly and turned to his left and looked at his queen and raising her chin " are you disappointed with this man of yours ? "

Amudhavalli eyes shivered with tears and hurriedly covered his mouth with her fingers and said " please,don't ever say that again.You are my king,my husband and also my best friend and above all you are my guru,for in you and in your actions i have become a better person.I have spent days asking myself if i was good enough for you and spent days thinking if i should get you married again so that you can have a son to rule after you."

Kulashekaran looked at his queen " foolish woman,why would you waste time thus and hurt yourself about petty matters such as a son and kingdom.I have loved no one else from the time i laid eyes on you and i cannot ever bear to think of giving this soul and sharing my body with another woman.With the moon over us i swear to you that until my last breath i am yours and will die yours. But we will leave all that aside now and we will talk about what happened today,for i know that there are many things that are not clear for you."

Amudhavalli " don't you realise that you have put yourself in danger and maybe the whole kingdom in danger with your action?"

" Yes,but i have more trust in the chola emperor than i have in myself and i don't think that our land or people are in any danger from him.for if i had thought that for even a second then i wouldn't have made my intentions clear in the court to the emissary."

She knew the answer and yet she posed it to him " why, why now and not later,when the signs reveal the time like our minister nikantan had predicted "

Kulashekaran sighed loudly and turned to look at the moon " from the time i knew that pandyan blood ran in me and from the time i bathed in the vaigai river i have felt like a free bird.This land i walk on,the air that i breathe and the water that i drink is all that i know and have known.and to live under the control of the cholas has finally made me realise that i should either live as a free bird or not live at all.I have had enough of their dominance and have decided to face the consequences alone. that is why i am going to go and wait for them in the coronation hall.i am going to remove my crown and am going to become an ordinary citizen and walk away from it all.maybe i might go on a long pilgrimage and search for the answers that have been plaguing my mind."


Amudhavalli " what about me? what will i do, for another person might become king or nominated as a king but what will become of me.for can another husband rule me ? "

Kulashekaran turned to his love " If you are willing and if you really want then you could come with me and we will leave together and go live somewhere faraway.I wanted to ask you about it but i did not know if i had the right to do so and to ask such a big thing of you.I am not scared of pain,hunger or of living life as an ordinary man.but my heart would break if you should suffer even the slightest of hurt.'

Amudhavalli raised a single eyebrow " how selfish you are for you only think of what will hurt you.but did you stop to think of how painful or hurtful it would be for me to see you suffer.but yes,i will come with you and i want to come with you.if i leave you alone,i doubt if you will be able to look after yourself and will be able to ward off all the surpanakis that might throw themselves at you."

Kulashekaran's eyes filled with tears and he looked at her " you think too much of this poor man and i am sure i will disappoint you."

Amudhavalli gently wiped the tears from the kings eyes and looked at the moon " maybe, but i hope that you will not disappoint me tonight for at this moment i want to be with my man and with my lover."

Kulashekaran " what,only this moment and not the rest of our lives.for i have been thinking of making love to you forever."

Saying this he tenderly covered her mouth with his and they kissed deeply and stood under the moonlight as the spirits passed between them.They made love and both realised that is was different and more intense than it had been before for more of their soul and more of their thoughts were united with their bodies and they made love as on and moved in one rhythm.

The yellow moon slowly hid itself behind the clouds as if to give the lovers privacy,but peeked once in a while to bear witness to a great love story that would soon end in a tragedy and would be lost to history as have many stories of many great lovers for nobody witnessed them to record them.But they are there and the elements of nature are the sole witnesses and that will do.


Lips dont have to touch and caress
our bodies dont have to unite in passion
our sweat need not run like streams and mingle as one
our hearts dont have to beat as one
for my thoughts are filled with you
as i hope your thoughts are filled with me
bodies will tire but can the mind tire
weak maybe and it will seek
your mind for strength and for solace
even if you go,you remain in me
and will remain until i go
the land i walk on is the bed of our love
the rose flowers i caress is your lips
the fruits i stroke are your breasts
and the trees i hug is your body
the leaves that fall and also shade me
is your long black hair
so even alone and far away i still love
and make love to you


"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close."
Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets

Chapter 30


"Despite our human intelligence, we are very much like our friends in the wild; the world we live in is a survival of the fittest. But to this I say, let the fittest survive! Survival is overrated. We're alive; we die. How long we survive for is of little significance. Our true significance lies not in the endless comparing of ourselves to one another, trying to see who is the fittest, using scales of evaluation and meaning that differ in the heart and mind of every individual; no - it lies in our deeds alone with the time we have."? A.J. Darkholme, Rise of the Morningstar

Sometimes, just before i get out of bed, say between 2.30 a.m and 3.00 a.m i lie still and let the darkness cover my wide open eyes and i whisper a prayer,i beckon the source of all this energy and life.I talk to this source and ask it to watch over me and my loved ones.But importantly i ask it, the purpose of all this creation and the ensuing drama.
One day driving my car i turned left with my turn indicator on and a bike turned into me.i asked him why he was riding like this and in the wrong lane and most importantly i asked him why he was taking a risk with his life.i asked him if there was no one waiting for him at home. i told him it would be easy to die but miserable to lose limbs or be bedridden for life. he looked at me shrugged his shoulders and went on his way saying you think too much.



Lord of the Land

"You are here to make a difference, to either improve the world or worsen it. And whether or not you consciously choose to, you will accomplish one or the other." Richelle E. Goodrich


A month passed quickly since the moon had borne witness to the night of passions between kulashekaran and amudhavalli and now they sat on the ground in the coronation hall,side by side.They sat, the king and queen without their gold and silk and they sat dressed in cheap and plain clothes.Yet no one would mistake them both for anyone but the king and queen.

The land quivered and dust storms rose like brown pillars over madurai as the mighty kulothunga cholan entered madurai with his vast army.He ordered his generals to halt outside madurai and entered the sacred and ancient city with just 100 men on horses and together they marched into the city.Onlookers were mesmerised by the power that the mighty chola king radiated and they feared for their king's life.But every man,woman and child had been ordered to stand down and let the matters be sorted by the king and queen and so they stood lining the streets that led to the coronation hall.

Kulothunga cholan's eyes did not miss anything and he noticed the sadness that filled every pandyan's eyes and he sighed in despair for he was confused as to why the king had refused to pay taxes which were due to them.But he was confident that he could reason with kulashekaran and make him see reason for he did not want to go to war again and against somebody who had already been beaten.

Although in his 50's the mighty king jumped of his horse like a young man and swiftly entered the grand coronation hall of the pandyan kings. He had heard many great stories about the grandeur of the hall and yet none of them did justice to the beauty and great craftsmanship with which the monument had been lovingly built. Each wall told the story and lineage of the pandyan dynasty in colorful paintings and the lord of the mountains, nataraja danced with his consort in most of them. Kulothungan stood and admired each of them and then his eyes located the king and queen sitting calmly on the bare ground and he hurried towards them.
He had last met kulashekaran on the outskirts of thanjavur when he and his mighty army were on the way to ceylon to put down a revolt by their warring tribes.


Kulothungan stood before the king and queen and sat down majestically on the chair that was provided for him.He sat staring at them and then sipped the coconut water that was given to him and turned his full attention to the couple before him.

Kulothungan " king of the pandyas,i was on my way leading my army into battle against the hosyalas and i was informed about this new development of your refusal to pay taxes to us.I thought that i would let one of my army generals handle this in the appropriate manner but then decided that i wanted to meet you and see your beautiful kingdom for it has been such a long time since i have been here. Your ancestors have been under our rule for a long, long time and your refusal now to pay taxes poses a new problem and i wanted to sort it out peacefully without any bloodshed. But seeing you and the queen here in these clothes and sitting on the ground makes me wonder about what is going on here.So tell me what is the problem and why are refusing to pay taxes which rightfully belong to us."

Kulashekara pandyan looked at the chola king " Mighty king,i refused to pay taxes simply because i cannot make that decision anymore for i am no longer king.I decided that since i am just an ordinary citizen i will let the matters of the court be decided by one who is king and by one who rules us."

Kulothangan sat still staring at the king and queen and " so you are not the king anymore and can i know why this abrupt decision by you."

Kulashekaran " i refuse to pay taxes simply because i am tired of being a slave to your rule and i want my people to make up their mind whether they want to be slaves or not."

Kulothungan " My dear kulashekaran,you think you are the only person who thinks the way he thinks,i am sorry to disappoint you for i too thought about all this and about the world and in the end decided to do what needs to be done.You abandoning your kingdom is not going to help anyone,not even you for what do you think will happen to your people and to your land if a honest and decent person does not rule it.listen to me carefully for at least under my rule and the under the rule of my ancestors,your kingdom has had a peaceful life and no war has been fought.Yes,i do agree that men have been called up from your kingdom to fight under my command.But if i win and triumph it only means more for the whole of the empire."

Kulashekaran " my lord, you are wiser than me and yet you talk about war and conquests as if it is a childish game. Don't you think the land would be more happier if all of us lived as friends and went about as human beings and rather than slaves and as enemies."

" In a perfect world what you say might work and maybe this kind of world might come about in the distant future. But now, right now if i even blink an eye and rest for a second my kingdom and my people will be swallowed by enemies who are waiting to pounce on me. i don't have time for all this spiritual nonsense and childish dreams for i have a larger responsibility to my people. Have you stopped to think for just a second as to what chaos might ensue if there is no king in your land."

Kulashekaran shook his head and replied " i now worry for my soul. I am now thinking about how i will go to meet my maker. Happiness.peace,chaos,king,country do not matter for they are just bondages to be binded to."

The chola emperor stood up and looked at the king and queen and sighed deeply " i am tired with all this travel and i am going to go bathe in the river and pay homage to the god that sees and understands everything.I will see you tommorrow morning at first light and i expect better from you for these answers will not do."

The chola king kulothungan left and kulashekaran and amudhavalli sat quietly as the day passed into twilight and the dark of the night crept in over madurai and with it evil omens crept in for the next day would bring shame,tears and death.

"Situations seem to happen to people, but in reality, they unfold from deeper karmic causes. The universe unfolds to itself, bringing to bear any cause that needs to be included. Don't take this process personally. The working out of cause and effect is eternal. You are part of this rising and falling that never ends, and only by riding the wave can you ensure that the waves don't drown you. The ego takes everything personally, leaving no room for higher guidance or purpose. If you can, realize that a cosmic plan is unfolding and appreciate the incredibly woven tapestry for what it is, a design of unparalleled marvel."
Deepak Chopra, The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life


Aaru Manamae Aaru, Antha Aandavan Kattalai Aaru..
Aaru Manamae Aaru, Antha Aandavan Kattalai Aaru.
Aasai, Kobam, Kalavu Kolbavan Pesa Therintha Mirugam..
Anbu, Nandri, Karunai Kondavan Manitha Vadivil Deivam..
Ithil Mirugam nbathu Kalla Manam..
Uyar Deivam nbathu Pillai Manam..
Intha Aaru Kattalai Arintha Manathu
Andavan Vaazhum Vellai Manam..
Andavan Vaazhum Vellai Manam..