*From To Sathish* - Thread 3 - Page 6

SUICIDE,DEATH AND THE LIVING AND WALKING DEAD

There is no dignity in death.There was no dignity in life and to end that pain and suffering the act of suicide is done.I stood one among many from the tv industry and as they loaded the late balaji yadav's body in an old stretcher i thought,well couldn't they have at least bought a clean stretcher.And on cue,one person asked me ' sir,body entha hospitalukku kondu poraanga ' and i said sorry,i am not sure and then on cue from a settu kadai or maarvadi kadai a old song drifted and i looked up into the afternoon sky and i stood in the white,burning light and the eye lids closed and the red of my blood filtered in the skin and i was touched.The sound waves of the hindi song that touched me sang sadly and sang rightly.it sang the philosophy of life.

chal akelaa, chal akelaa, chal akelaa
teraa melaa peechhe chhootaa raahee chal akelaa
hajaaro meel lanbe raasate, tuz ko bulaate
yahaa dukhade sahane ke waasate tuz ko bulaate
hai kaun saa wo insaan yahaa par jisane dukh naa zelaa


The mind is a prison and you are a prisoner in it,for life and many try to escape it by numbing themselves with alcohol,drugs and violence.But yours humbly escapes from it with words and more words.

Everybody wants to go to heaven
But nobody wants to die

A few people i had worked with and most importantly a few directors now,who were assistant directors then and who worked with balaji in roja came up and looked me in the eye.Two of them had spent their entire adult life interacting with balaji and i could see their fear and i could see their frozen limbs just as i had seen the frozen legs of balaji but they were frozen in rigor mortis.

I hugged them tightly and said it will be okay and that he was in peace now.Both cried and i stood and let them cry for sometimes it is the beat thing to do.My spirit left my body and floated and it cried ghostly tears for my physical body just cannot cry for the ducts dried up long ago.I told them that i was there and told them to call me if they felt i could be of help.

One director said balaji was a coward,another said he did this when he was totally drunk and just to spite his wife with whom he quaralled on a hourly and daily basis.most said he was drunk most of the time and the man's story had ended on a logical and predictable end.



Think now and think calmly and slowly for some or most of us live our lives in rigor.Yes,alive and dead at the same time.

Satish, I am deeply sorry to hear about the sudden death of late Balaji Yadav.

In its worst nightmare, people will come rushing, crying and panicking to the hospital...hoping the doctor would perform some last-minute miracle to save their loved one. But the truth is...it's just too late by then. This serious concern should have happened years ago...

The other day, an ambulance officer brought in a drunk mother to the hospital who passed out on the floor of her house. Her husband abandoned her a few months ago and I was told her house smelt of alcohol. Empty bottles were found near her body. Luckily for her two small children, she didn't die. The ambulance officer said when he broke into her house, he found her 4-year old daughter feeding the crying infant with a milk bottle that was lying on the floor. Can you imagine such a situation? Where the carer of a tiny infant is not the alcoholic mother, but a 4 year old sibling...too young to understand that her mother is drunk or might even be dead?!

In today's modern family, it is a norm to have more than one tv set in the household. We can afford it, we enjoy watching different channels...and we like our space and privacy while watching our favourite tv show. In my household, my husband and I agreed that we would have only one tv in the house. And it would stay in the living room. Not in the bedroom.

Having a tv in the bedroom can lead to its own invisible gap between two people. One wants to sleep, the other wants to watch tv...one wants to watch one channel, the other wants to watch another channel...one wants to reduce the volume so they can sleep, the other wants to raise the volume so they can laugh and enjoy...one is so stubborn in what they want to watch, that the other leaves the bedroom and goes to the living room to watch what they want to see!

Again, it all comes down to family networks.

Of course, all of this is written in retrospect after watching so many tragedies unfold before my own eyes. I can only hope people will learn from others mistakes...and help each other to move on.

Grandmother says... Carrots, Eggs, or Coffee; "Which are you?"

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and

the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, "Tell me what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they got soft.She then asked her to take an egg and break it.

After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked. "What's the point,grandmother?"

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity--boiling water--but each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her granddaughter.

"When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?

Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?

---AUTHOR UNKNOWN "

Hi,
I wish all of you and your families a Happy tamil new year.I wish you and your families the very best and lots of love.Be well.


"Words are a pretext. It is the inner bond that draws one person to another, not words." Rumi

"Do you know what you are?
You are a manuscript o' a divine letter.
You are a mirror reflecting a noble face.
This universe is not outside of you.
Look inside yourself;
everything that you want,
you are already that."
Rumi,

Chapter 27


"It's not that we have to quit this life one day, but it's how many things we have to quit all at once: music, laughter,the physics of falling leaves, automobiles, holding hands,the scent of rain, the concept of subway trains... if only one could leave this life slowly!" Roman Payne, Rooftop Soliloquy

The tree of life has time in its tall body and the days are the leaves.They fall,each leaf and one never notices each leaf falling from the green cover that hides the ones drying and breaking off to reach the cold and hard ground.Somewhere and at a certain point one realises that the green of youth is slowly giving way to the dark and dry colors of death and the end of life.I stand before the tree of my soul and watch in rapture the motion of each life and each day passing and spiralling towards me and yet every passing second is locked into my mind and in the last moment,hopefully i can relive every memory once more.Sadly every death of a loved one is mixed with that of a happy memory as life,happiness and death are mixed,bound and ground into each other.we are mortal,mere mortals and our birth and death are the banks of a river to which we travel,to and fro.Yes,some are alive and go to death and some who were born to sadness and death travel to birth in the form of love and new loved ones.Be here,be near,be now and no matter how or what,do not let me go even if i do so in a moment of madness or sadness.



Spring blossoms and first blood


Azhagan lay on the leaves with his head on avini's lap and he stared intently at the night sky.The stars were like pearls on a dark maidens skin and they beckoned to him.He smiled to himself and tenderly touched his mothers cheek and said ' mother,what are those white dots in the sky and why do they twinkle so ' ?

Avini running her fingers through her sons curly hair ' they are stars my beautiful one and there is one for each of us.They twinkle for it is their way of telling us that they see everything and will watch over you and me '.

Azhagan tried counting the stars and tiring of it slowly drifted away to a deep sleep.In his sleep his dreams were full of stars,light and lot of blood.But then he saw a pair of feet running away from him and followed it for his soul asked him to and led him behind them.The feet had golden anklets and they made soft tinkling noises but they also ran through puddles of blood and yet azhagan ran behind the feet for he knew that somehow they were part of him.The feet stopped and turned towards him and azhagan woke up in a start hearing the lion roar in the forest,alerting him of strangers that did not belong to their land.

At just six years,azhagan was already tall for his age and strong and absolutely fearless.He woke up swiftly and silently and vanished into the darkness of the forest where the huge lion waited for him.Both ran up the mountain to get a better view of who it was that were trespassing their village land and even in the dark of the night,azhagan's eyes saw more clearly than the lion and they blazed with a strange light.He turned to the lion and whispered ' soldiers from the chola kingdom and they are roaming the territories looking for young men who will be forced to fight the war on their side and also here to loot temples of their gold and other valuables '.

The lion rumbled in its throat and looked sideways at azhagan and swatted him with its huge paw as if warning him to stay put while it went about taking care of the intruders.Azhagan shook his head angrily,implying that he would not stay put and the lion gazed into his eyes and warned him again as if to say that he was not ready yet and also to tell him that his time would come and would come soon.

Quietly on padded feet the lion raced down and into the forest.Azhagan stood and watched as a few inutes later a loud roar shattered the darkness of the night and it was soon lost in the screams of people dying and those who ran for their dear lives.the village was alive and awake now and the villagers stood on guard,old men and old women and they knew it would be over soon.for just as the screams rose into the night it died and silence once more wrapped itself with the dark as lovers do and the villagers knew and azhagan knew that the lion,the forest and the night had not spared the intruders.

The light of the day came and avini gently told azhagan to stay back with her and not follow the villagers for they had work,lots of dirty work that needed to be done.The villagers went into the forest to clean it of the stains and the memories of the night and to remove any traces left behind.Deep holes were dug and in them the bodies of the soldiers were dropped and the soil covered them and the villagers covered the soil with leaves and lives that were in the night were just memories in the day.


Azhagan's senses alerted him and he turned from his mother to see a soldier coming towards them.He was bloody with deep wounds and and yet life hung in him as did vengeance in his soul and he wanted to wreak it on the blind woman and child.He stumbled towards the child who boldly came forward and in the forest the lion moved faster than light and sped towards its responsibility.


The soldier raised his sword and screaming the name of Kulothunga Cholan ran towards the little boy but he died before taking a few steps.for in a split second the boy had jumped towards him and just as the huge form of a lion jumped on him from the side.like fire from the forest and like a streak of lightning from the skies the soldier was wrapped and killed and death came to him in two forms and he watched in amazement as life slipped away from him the incredible sight of a lion standing over him roaring in anger and that of a boy whose eyes blazed with a strange light.

I am Azhagan.I am the son of Avini.I am fire and i am water. I am hell and i am heaven and i will bring peace to you.


Even a life-long prosperity is but one cup of wine
A life of forty-nine years is passed in a dream;
I know not what life is, nor death.
Year in year out-all but a dream.
Both Heaven and Hell are left behind;
I stand in the moonlit dawn,
Free from clouds of attachment.

Uesugi Kenshin-1530-1578

Hi Satish and Spain,

Hi Meena,

Today is a gentle reminder of Vaishnavi's passing as it is her 9th death anniversary.

ANEGAN

I saw anegan yesterday afternoon and i smiled and cried for dhanush put a smile by his performance and i cried seeing karthik as he is now and compared to as he was then in the 80's and early 90's

Mouna raagam,agni natchathiram,kizhakku vaasal were films made memorable by the story and more so by the performances of karthik.To see that bubbly,romantic and a great actor in his present physical state matching wits with dhanush of today,i realised that even great actors slide and fall hard on their backsides.What booze,drugs and an unhealthy lifestyle can do to a body can be seen in the actor karthik of today.Forget losing hair and becoming bald,but looking unhealthy,now that is a no,no.The soft voice,the hand movements and miming of actions as one performs was praised and lauded as the highlights of karthik and in the 80's everyone said that he had surpassed his dad in the acting department and would go on to great things.

But lust after sex,lust after booze and then drugs and into that throw in producers that lined up like pimps after a hot,new and fresh piece of flesh,the deadly cocktail sucked karthik into a vortex that descended and dragged him into hell.Power corrupts and nothing corrupts like absolute power and the affection of the film going public is absolute power.

All of us want to be in the limelight.all of us want to be on top and placed on a pedestal and worshipped and praised but only a few withdraw from it and prefer to stay in the dark and go about their work.

When the tv serial anandham was being hailed as a hit and when lot of co-artistes were going about to small towns to dance and perform in stages set up in street corners and in marriage halls and making a few thousand bucks,i turned a blind eye and turned my back on it.I remember my co-star kamlesh asking me to join them for a performance and i said sorry da,but it is not my cup of tea.They decided that i was acting like a snob and i was too big for my boots.well snob and snooty aside,i knew i just could not go up and dance for a few thousand rupees and not in some street corner or for the sake of public who were aching to see their favourite tv actors in the flesh and too take pics with them.I don't know but it never interested me and no,i never judged any of my pals for doing that.


Dhanush strides through the movie like a giant and even if predictable acting and sometimes copying mannerisms from his father-in-law does tend to jar a bit,i think dhanush is going to play a huge role in the future and well being of tamil cinema.

Simbu aka silambarasan is another talented person but his head is so much up his backside and so full of himself that he will never achieve his potential,unless he forgets the title " little superstar " and goes about his work honestly and most importantly earning the trust of his producers and directors.

The lead female in the film is there for her white skin and fresh face and her lip pouts and apart from the awesome cinematography of the genius K.V. ANAND,there is nothing more but dhanush,dhanush and more of dhanush.