*From To Sathish* - Thread 3 - Page 52

Redemption-chapter 61


There are times when the mind goes blank or simply shuts itself down when the stimuli is too much to bear.Traumatic incidents trigger stress and strain and most just slip into another world of their own making and some just shut shop and pull out the plug.Worse still are people who come back from wars and battles where they witnessed and took park in killing and maiming and these leave such stress and strain that the very fabric of their mind tears or is totally damaged.

Rudran was too well trained and had seen enough of killing and death for him to give in to trauma and the resulting damage to his functioning and yet the sacrifice of sadashivam had affected him deeply and it only made him think more of Bhairav and how much he missed his brother.

The traffic on OMR was bad and it was slow going although people gave way seeing the undertakers vehicle.Rudran was using his rear view mirror and wondered if people gave way hastily to undertakers vehicles and ambulances not out of good but just to get out of death and its various guises.As these thoughts swam around his mind,his cell phone rang and it Rudran saw it was an unknown number and after letting it ring a few times,found his hand reaching out and pressing the green button.

Rudran answered the call with a hello and was surprised to hear Renu's voice greeting him with a ' hi rudran.'

Rudran was silent for a split second and in that moment his thoughts were ' the one person who i did not want to talk to on this sad day for i did not want to burden her with all these tragic events from yesterday and here she is calling me.'

Rudran 'Good morning ma'am.How are you and is everything okay?'

Renu laughed and Rudran smiled at the beautiful noise which broke the somber and sober mood that had enveloped him from last night.

Renuka ' i should be the one asking you that.I hope you and your mother are fine for i was watching the news and they were reporting about the attack on global hospitals.I told dad this but he was flying out to Mumbai for an important meeting and did not have time to say anything else but that people should be more worried about the condition of the attackers.I was really worried about you and that is why i took your number from dad and decided to call you.'

Rudran's heart whispered ' i am glad you called' but his lips formed ' i am fine but i am kind of busy right now so can i call you back later when i am free.'

Renuka was silent as her heart whispered ' you make time for everything else' and yet her lips spoke ' sorry,i didn't mean to disturb you or drag you away from work.Call me when you find time.bye.'

Rudran sensed the hurt in her voice and realised it was not fair on his part and definitely not in his nature to be rude and to deliberately offend someone.

Rudran ' I am sorry renuka but it is not work that i am busy with right now.But i am heading towards the Besantnagar crematorium for a friends funeral.I did not want to tell you that, for i felt it would be unfair to burden you with news like that.'

' where are you right now?'

Rudran in frustration ' stuck in traffic on OMR and still about half an hour away from besantnagar.'

Silence filled their mobile connection although she was thinking and he was wondering what she was thinking and their mind connection was communicating and finally Renu softly whispered ' do you want me to join you there at the crematorium ?'

Rudran's lips blurted out what his heart wanted and the words were out before his mind could process them 'yes.And only if you are free.'

Renuka ' No problem,i will see you there and in all probability i will reach ahead of you i think.'

' Thank you.see you there.'

Rudran placed the phone back on the passenger seat and felt a weight being lifted of his shoulder and for the first time in many a year,he just went with the flow of his soul rather than work with his precise and logical mind.

Redemption-chapter 62


"When people die they are sometimes put into coffins, which means that they don't mix with the earth for a very long time until the wood of the coffin rots.

But Mother was cremated. This means that she was put into a coffin and burned and ground up and turned into ash and smoke. I do not know what happens to the ash and I couldn't ask at the crematorium because I didn't go to the funeral. But the smoke goes out of the chimney and into the air and sometimes I look up and I think that there are molecules of Mother up there, or in clouds over Africa or the Antarctic, or coming down as rain in the rain forests in Brazil, or snow somewhere."? Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

Long ago

When someone important to you dies,when someone you really loved dies, you expect something,some change in the web of life.But no, nothing changes.the sun rises,the sun sets,the moon rises,the moon sets,summer gives way to rain and cold and then summer comes back.But wait for there is a change and that change is in you. You are the world and the world is what you make of it. Here today, gone tomorrow.

Sadashivam stood next to Pallavi and few others as a priest chanted some shlokas and Sadashivam wondered ' a whole lot of good it is going to do now, for the dead stay dead and take their life and secrets with them.It was a simple and brief ceremony and Prabhakar was put on a tray and pushed into electric hell.sadashivam saw,orange,hot orange and wondered what it would do to the old man's body and suddenly panicked thinking 'what if the man is not dead and wakes up inside as the fire consumes him alive.' He shivered with these morbid thoughts and pallavi looked at him suddenly and asked him if he was okay and Sadashivam smiled gently and said yes.

They stood under a Neem tree and a crow cawed nonstop and both looked up and then looked at each other and shook their heads.The crow flew off leaving them in peace and sadashivam said ' for a minute there i thought about myself and thought about death and lost my mind.'

Inside and deep inside the electric crematorium the heat was doing its job of reducing the body to ashes and bits of white bone.It did its job without any questions asked and went about in fiery rage and handing out remains for people to cry over and disperse in air and water. Ha,ha,ha so in the end we came from the elements and in the end we go back to the elements, as one and united in atoms and molecules.

Pallavi smiled ' death is our destiny,death is the true end and the last ride of our life to some place beyond,an unknown horizon and even if we try to give it a miss,it will not miss us,it will not leave us behind.' Chapter 6-The boy who went into the dark and came back with light.



Rudran saw that there had been tremendous changes in the crematorium,starting from the wide entrance which led them into massive courtyard shaded by large trees.Rudran got out of the car and looked around and felt a strange peace fill his soul and thought philosophically " at least the doors and the insides of this place is much larger than the cruel souls that live among us."

He then saw the huge black BMW parked there and as he stared at it wondering if it was Renuka's car,she got out and Rudran knew he was lost in her and lost forever.Dressed in a simple white kurta and pyjama and a white dupatta draped around her shoulders,renuka walked towards,floated towards him and each footstep she took,Rudrans heartbeat matched it and he could hear it thud,boom inside his ribcage.

Rudran watched in a trance like state as wisps of orphaned hair flew off her head and surrounded her like a halo and he could not take his eyes from the curves of her breasts and her waist as they dropped down to her long legs and they took on more beauty as they settled on her feet and now rudran understood why thousands of poets sang poems of only love and broken love and why love dominated this world.

He looked away and pretended to search for something inside the car for he needed those seconds to compose his frail heart and weakened senses that were invincible in acts of war but frail and weak in the art of love and all the time rudran kept wondering at how his mind stayed steady and had never flailed when it had faced so many dangerous criminals and yet here he was not in charge of his thoughts when it came to Renuka and was trembling at the very sight of her.

Rudran knew then that the armor of work and discipline that he had covered himself had been invaded and that he had fighting a losing battle.

But Renuka was her usual calm and collected self and she seemed to exhibit none of the symptoms that rudran feared he might be expressing and both exchanged hellos and the renu put her hand out and with a smile ' hi,i am renuka.nice meeting you.' and that broke the ice for the moment and rudran took her hand and squeezing it gently ' i am rudran and it is a pleasure meeting you.'

But their world was brought back to earth and to this world by the man in charge of the crematorium who stood in reverence ' saar,iyya sonaaru.No problem saar.you please sit down and i take care of everything saar.'

Rudran extended his hand ' thank you.i am rudran.'

The man shyly took the hand and shaking it ' i myself gopal.full working name gopalakrishnan.'

The man then hurriedly yelled out for the men who were waiting for his signal and four of them rushed towards the undertaker's vehicle and then gently lifted out the ice box and placed it on the ground.

Gopal looked at the vehicle,then at rudran and then around as if he was searching for someone or something and wondering what he wanted,rudran ' mr.gopal,can i help you ?'


Gopal uncomfortably ' no saar,no help only i looking for man to do the final pooja and chanting shlokams.'

Rudran immediately realised the blunder and looked at renuka and both looked at gopal who ' no problem saar,i calling someone and they will be coming soon.you please sit saar and i get both you and madam kaapi.'

But then a soft and a sweet voice entered their conversation ' Rudran,you dont have to worry for it has been taken care of.'

Rudran looked at the person who stood next to them and his eyes took in the form of a very old man, and yet his face and body seemed to vibrate with the vigor of youthful strength,no this was strength from knowledge and from meditation.

Rudran stepped closer to him and with folded hands 'vanakkam,iyaa,who are you?'

The old man's face lit up with a bright smile and he gently held rudrans hands ' iyaa,my name is Palam swamy.'

And then he turned to two others, a man and a woman both in their sixties and beckoned to them to come closer and meet rudran.

He looked at rudran and pointed to the lady first ' this lady is pallavi,daughter of mr.prabhakar a very famous painter and both were very good friends with shivam.This is parthasarathy,a colleague of shivam when he worked at IIT,CHENNAI.We have all come to pay our respects to shivam and wish him a goodbye.'

Rudran was at a loss for words and Palam swamy smilingly ' you are wondering how it is that we know about shivams passing when the whole case has been kept top secret.well,the information came from someone who cared for shivam very much and that is all i can tell you right now.But i am sure that you will learn more when you reach madurai.'

Rudran stood still taking in all the information and then realised that these were very deep waters and that there lay secrets beyond his knowledge and current understanding of them.

' you said that it was taken care of and i wonder if we can begin this process,i mean the cremation.'

Palam swamy nodded ' Shivam always wanted a very simple ritual for his funeral and so i have arranged a gentleman from the arya samaj to do the needful.come,let us bear our friend one last time.'

Then they gently lifted sadashivam's body out of the cold box he was in and rudran and palam swamy lifted the front portion while pallavi and parthasarathy lifted the rear portion of the bamboo bed shivam lay in and walked into the crematorium.

The man from the arya samaj chanted sanskrit shlokas and then sprinkled holy ganga water on shivams body and then from a small cover,took handfuls of soil mixed with petals and other fragrant stuff and sprinkled it all over shivams body.

Rudran found these simple rites strangely peaceful,simple and more relevant than the extravagant and noise polluting tamil funerals,where people,wailed,danced totally drunk and burst crackers that more or less woke the dead man from his peaceful and eternal sleep.

Rudran was lost in his thoughts for they went back to Bhairav and he wondered where his brother was at least where his mortal remains lay all alone waiting for him to come and collect them and to be surrendered properly,lovingly and in total peace.

Rudran did not even realise that tears were streaming down his cheeks and only came back when he felt renukas hand take his left hand and held it gently.

Quickly wiping his tears,he looked at renuka and saw that she and everybody else were looking behind them.

Wondering what they were all staring at,Rudran turned around and was taken aback to see a huge dog walking towards them.

Not knowing what to make of the dog,he looked at his companions and then at gopal and the men who worked at the crematorium as if asking them whose dog that was.

But from their expressions he could understand that even they had no clue or knowledge about the dog and then palam swamy whispered ' rudran,not to worry for that is BUDDHA and he was a close friend of shivam.I guess he has come to pay his respects for his dead friend.

Rudran including,everyone there stared as the huge dog came up and sat between them and looked up at the body of shivam.

The arya samaj man realising that the dog was not a threat continued his chanting and then folded his hands in respect and bowed to shivam.

Then suddenly the dog stood up and went towards the body of shivam and standing on its hind legs gently nudged his hand and licked it and then raising its muzzle towards the skies,howled once but the howl lasted for nearly half a minute.

The sound of the howl travelled through everybody and it touched rudran and he felt a jolt of electricity run through his body and he looked into the huge dogs eyes as it turned and stared at him and it twinkled and rudran for a second thought he saw a flare of green light,deep in its eyes and man and beast were connected and were one.

I am Rudran.I am here.I have always been here.I am fire and i am water. I am hell and i am also heaven and i will bring peace to you.

The boy who went into the dark and came back with light.

FUNERAL BLUES

There are certain instances in life when one needs to keep his silence or at least try to maintain silence and one of the most important instance is when you are in close confines with death and its rituals.

We go,stand quietly and mostly that is because we don't know what to say or at least forget at that instance to come up with comforting words with which to soothe the person who has lost someone dear and just when we try to think of something,muster up courage and walk up to them,you suddenly see the whole room is full of people and they are all watching you.well,next to death or as most say,speaking in public,before strangers,on stage,scares people more than dying.

I have many a times held the persons hands and told them to be brave,to be thankful that we had time with the dead soul and looking back i see that i have as the rest,done that only in total privacy.Offlate,with the burden of limelight and a slightly known personality.it has become even more difficult to really talk to a family member and console them for eyes and ears hang on to your every movement.so i just go act dumb and mute and like everyone else,look up to the ceiling as if i can find something interesting there and then find a spot in some hidden corner and become invisible.

What becomes a burden is when you have to be somewhere else and you have to walk out with everyone's eyes burning your back,probably thinking ' traitor,judas,brutus' leaving the dead person all alone on his voyage.well,i do have a fertile imagination and maybe all this is my conjuring.

But if you have some close friends there,then it is a totally different scenario and you can launch into conversations about everything else but the person lying cold and dead inside the chilled box.

Then there is the next chasm to be crossed and that is after the body has been sent into the flames,you have to wait for an hour,that is if the gods are smiling on you or more if the devil is stalking you.

Starting with the house where you go to pay your respects and condolences,then you drive to the crematorium,then you wait for a slot,yes sometimes it can be two or three hours of waiting and then the waiting for the body to turn to ashes.

sometimes,hoping against hopes you wish that the dead would mysteriously wake up from some deep sleep and yawning ,sit up and look at everyone there and ask ' what the heck is going on?'

It never ceases to amaze me that a whole person,dead or alive is sent in and an hour later comes to you,hot and steaming in a small clay pot,covered with some cheap cloth.

Morbid you can accuse me,but i just call myself healthily curious of morbid and unhealthy things that others have no time for or simply too scared to ask or talk about.

This takes me back to my schooldays in krishnaswamy matriculation school,sterling road,nungambakkam,where we had a crematorium just behind our compound wall.

I took it upon one day to pay a visit to the land of the dead and see the sights and during the half an hour lunch break,i scaled the near ten foot wall and jumped down into the burial ground (those days,my climbing skills would have put primates to shame).

I think some of the quietest and calmest places in this world are the places of dead and spending even a little time there puts life into its perspective.Here now,this moment,gone the next or you are going.Actually from the time we come out,we have started going in.Into a box,into a pit,onto a tray,well we are going and there is no denying it.

After a few minutes of walking around,i found this grinning skull,clean with no morsel,sorry,with no yucky stuff hanging or sticking to it and it lay there grinning with a nice set of teeth that would have dentists go " bravo,bravo" and i picked it up and well brought it back to the classroom.

Well,my class girls screamed and brought the house down as girls of that age do,be it for a skull or a cockroach and the boys,they took turns touching the skull albeit gingerly and i was the man,the hero of the moment and the moment lasted a few minutes and soon thunder and lightning in the form of my class teacher and principal descended and it played out with a few canings and wringing of th hands with curses from the faculty ' what are we going to do with this rotten apple and the other apples that torment us so.'

I make exceptions,selfish exceptions to a few who are dear to me and i hang around until the end and the end is the ashes being dispersed in the sea nearby.

Redemption-chapter 63

"One day you meet someone and for some inexplicable reason, you feel more connected to this stranger than anyone else--closer to them than your closest family. Perhaps this person carries within them an angel,one sent to you for some higher purpose; to teach you an important lesson or to keep you safe during a perilous time. What you must do is trust in them even if they come hand in hand with pain or suffering,the reason for their presence will become clear in due time."

Though here is a word of warning,you may grow to love this person but remember they are not yours to keep. Their purpose isn't to save you but to show you how to save yourself. And once this is fulfilled the halo lifts and the angel leaves their body as the person exits your life.
They will be a stranger to you once more.Lang Leav, Love & Misadventure



A WAR IS COMING

There is a sense of inevitability,a sense of true deep loss as your loved one is placed on the tray and you know at that moment that there is no coming back for them for they are placed on that blackened,burnt metal tray that will slide into the roaring heat,colored orange and writhing,dancing like thousand entities,deformed,misshapen wisps of flames that will curl their slender,hot arms on the body that is offered to them.

Rudran stood transfixed and at the same time wondered how many bodies that tray saw on a daily basis and then realised that at that moment of death,caste,color,creed,rich,poor,old,young,infant,strong,weak did not matter for only death mattered and as his soul lay drowned in these vaguely spiritual thoughts,he felt the gentle and loving touch of renuka as she threw her left arm around him.

Rudran looked at her and then at palam swamy ' i still don't know why shivam did what he did or what he thought he owed me and i probably never will.'

Palam swamy ' shivam was a warrior,a man marked for a higher purpose although it came late in his life.But you will learn more when you reach madurai and all your questions will be answered.'

Rudran looked at the old man curiously ' Madurai,but how did you know that he wanted his ashes to be dispersed somewhere there.'

Palam swamy ' shivam,me and a few others had a grand adventure a few years back.And let me not forget,our Buddha here for he was part of that epic voyage.But that is something you have to find out yourself.'

Gopal the man in charge of the crematorium came up to Rudran ' saar,it will take about an hour before we can give you the ash.So,you can all come and wait in my office.Shall i order some coffee saar?'

Rudran smiled gently and with respect ' no mr.gopal,we are all right.Please carry on with your work and we will go and wait outside.'

The salty air of the bengal sea whizzed through the neem and paalai trees that stood like sentinels with multiple arms and they seemed to form a canopy over the crematorium and shielded the life and earth below from the sun high in the blue sky.

The air gently blew on them and palam swamy looked at everyone 'He is in peace,real peace that is so hard to find while we live our mortal lives and i can feel it in every bit of ash and smoke that is flying towards the heavens.'

Rudran,renuka and all of them looked up and saw the towering chimney spew the remains high into the skies and all of them said their own private and personal goodbyes.

Rudran looked at the huge dog which lay next to them half asleep and then at Palam swamy ' what about this dog,what is going to happen to him?'

Palam swamy looked at rudran 'That is a dog and then again much more than just a dog.'

Rudran 'dog and more than a dog.I am sorry but what does that statement mean.'

Palam swamy ' It means that there is great danger pursuing you and that you will be needing all the help you will get.That dog coming now at this time and just when shivam has sacrificed himself all means that you that there are dark forces arranging themselves against you and that means you are going into a great battle.Please forgive me for that is all i can sense right now and the rest i guess you will find out soon enough.'

Rudran looked at Renu who shrugged her shoulders and both shared the same incredulous expression at these prophetic words from the old man.

Palam swamy looked at Rudran ' sir,a war has been raging between light and dark,a great war between good and evil and if this dog has chosen you then it has chosen you for the right reason.'

Rudran was about to say something,but palam swamy raised his hand 'rudran,did shivam tell you anything when you both met in the hospital.'

Rudran nodded ' we just met once in the hospital cafeteria and we spoke very briefly.He said something as if he recognised me from somewhere else,but i have no clue as to what he meant and frankly speaking he must have got his facts mixed up.'

Palam swamy patiently ' please,humor us and just repeat the words in the exact manner shivam said them.please.'

Rudran cleared his throat and then with a shy smile as if he felt a bit foolish saying them " i am sorry sir,but i meant no offence.It is just that you remind me of a person who i know very well and sadly he is no more.you have an uncanny resemblance to him and that is why i could not take my eyes of you for it was like seeing him again,which frankly is highly impossible.just like him,you too are a protector.what a co-incidence".

Rudran looked at Palam swamy and everyone else 'those were the words and i have repeated them exactly as he spoke them.'

Parthasarathy looked at pallavi ' a few years back,shivam called me regarding some paintings and he requested my help in carbon dating them.'

Pallavi's eyebrows shot up sky high and her mouth opened in shock and memory 'wait a minute,they can't be the same paintings that he tracked its origins to madurai and to some village outside it.'

Rudran could not understand what these old people were going on about ' sir,iyaa,what are you all going on about for i am not following one word.'

Palam swamy's eyes twinkled and he spoke to himself ' the light from the source has returned.i wonder what kind of hell it has come seeking to vanquish.'

Rudran's keen ears picked up the words light and hell and he looked at palam swamy ' what did you just say? light,hell'

He,renuka,pallavi and parthasarathy stared at palam swamy for answers and he looked at them and then looked up at the sun in the blue sky and it blazed brightly down on them and on our blue planet.

A long time ago

The mighty warrior was reduced to a bumbling and frightened boy as he saw what had been done to the one he loved the most and would never love anyone again as he did her.He gently put his arms under her and placed her on his lap and whispered " mother,mother i have come back.I am here and i am scared and don't know what to do.Please dont leave me alone for i will be truly lost without you and will follow you for i have no purpose or will without you by my side."

The eyes flickered open in her blood streaked face and avini saw the light of azhagan and felt his strong arms around her and tried to speak,but the blood from her throat spilled out of her mouth and she coughed and nearly choked with it.

Avini whispered " azhaga,my son,don't be scared for you are not alone and will never be.Take care of yourself my child.I know i don't have much time so let me thank you for coming into my womb and bringing life and light into my life.Thank you my son.I am truly blessed and the only thing that saddens me is that i have never been able to see you with my eyes and now i go with that one wish left unfulfilled.But then i guess one cannot wish for everything good to happen to only them."

Azhagan screamed in pain and the green light that had died down when he had sat besides his mother now rose like bonfire and it entered avinis body.the green fire took hold of her body and entered her soul and it worked magic on her and now even her eyes shone with the strange green light.

Avini felt the pulse of power from her sons body and she recognised the familiar touch and time fell away and her mind raced back in time to the genesis of her and azhagan.

The world was black but the world of avini and azhagan was green and jade in color and she feebly blinked and opened her eyes and she saw the beautiful face of her son and her heart broke as she his eyes full of tears and fear.

Avini smiled " i see you azhaga.i see you are the light,the same light that entered my body.You are more beautiful than i thought and imagined you would be.Listen to me my son for you are not alone and were never alone.There are forces and lights that will protect you and guide you when you call for them.I love you my son.I have loved you,thought about you and loved you more when you came into my body.Please don't worry and cry for me for i die happily now with your face as my last memory.azhaga.'

That was the last word that slipped out of avini's lips as the life slipped out from her broken body.

Azhagan stopped crying for he did not and could not understand or comprehend the fact that his mother was no more.His body frozen in fear and pain trembled uncontrollably and then the rage and anger took over him and now the dark of the night was lit with the strange green light that rivaled the white of the morning sun.

I am a boy born to a blind mother and she called me azhagan and although people have called me by many names, my heart skips a beat when i am called azhagan for it reminds me of the times with my mother.

I am azhagan,i am kavin and i will sing my story if you will lend your ears.it is a long one and so take these hands of my mind and listen to my tale.

I am fire and i am water. I am hell and i am heaven and i will bring peace to you.

The boy who went into the dark and came back with light.

Redemption-chapter 64

The present is imperfectly layered on the past; it does not conform flawlessly at every point. Things fall and die and their decay creates new layers, thickening the surface crust and adding another thin membrane to cover what lies beneath, new worlds resting on the remains of the old. Day upon day, year upon year, century upon century, layers are added and the imperfections multiply. The past never truly dies. It is there, waiting, just below the surface of the now. We stumble into it occasionally, all of us, through remembrance and recall. We summon to mind former lovers, lost children, departed parents, the wonder of a single day when we captured, however briefly, the ineffable, fleeting beauty of the world. These are our memories. We hold them close and call them ours, and we can find them when we need them.

But sometimes that choice is made for us: a piece of the present simply falls away, and the past is exposed like old bone. Afterward, nothing can ever be the same again, and we are forced to reassess the form of what we believed to be true in the light of new revelations about its substance. The truth is revealed by a misstep and the fleeting sense that something beneath our feet rings false. The past bubbles out like molten lava, and lives turn to ash in its path.
This is a honeycomb world. Our actions echo through its depths. JOHN CONNOLLY


GENESIS-IN THE BEGINNING



Long ago,very very long ago in the skies over north india a great and bloody battle was waged and it went on for many months.The people living under those skies were very primitve in knowledge and in their way of life and lived in crude shelters fashioned out of branches,leaves and also made their homes in caves,deep inside the mountains.

The huge explosions,lights and fire in the skies attracted the few who lived in the forests and near the foothills of the mountains and the spectacle in the skies drew them far and wide as if they were being summoned by a great force and they answered the call.Men and women who normally lived far away from each other and who fought and killed each other on sight gathered under the skies to gawk in fear and marvel at the huge objects that hung in the skies.

Then they saw an object fall from the sky on top of a nearby mountain and they all rushed to see what it was.They found a giant nearly seven feet or more in height lying on the rocks bleeding green and yet his eyes and body gave out a strange green aura.

The people of the earth knew that the man was dying from his wounds and yet something forced them to go near him.Few of the older people who had a little knowledge about leaves that healed their wounds,ran and picked these strange leaves and flowers and crushing them with stones and their bare hands,took the paste and applied it on the wounds of this strange giant who had fallen from the sky.

Many went back to their places from where they had come from,but many stayed back and made their new homes there around the mountain.One of the reason why they stayed back was the sudden appearance of huge lion that climbed the mountain and sat watch over the fallen giant.For all the people who knew death and mayhem from the lions that lived in the forests,this was a strange turn of events.But they also knew that this lion was different from the normal lions for this one was much bigger and looked a lot stronger.But the one thing that differentiated this lion that sat watch over the fallen giant was the strange green light that flared from its eyes.

For nearly twenty days the giant lay unconscious and then one night when the moon was full and bright he sat up and looked at all of them.He struggled and with difficulty removed the strange armor that was wrapped around his body and everyone saw that he was more or less like them but just bigger and stronger.

They saw one more thing on his left thigh,strange markings of circles and dots and but for that he was very much like them in the way his body and face was shaped

The stranger sat on the rock and looked at all of them and then closing his eyes spoke to them in their minds.

They knew he posed no danger for them and they also understood that he had come from the skies and would protect them in times of need and when they were faced with the gravest of dangers.He taught them various skills in the fields of language,construction and medicine but the most important thing he taught them was the spirituality of silence and the visions of a world beyond their land.

They understood from his silence that one should approach him only to seek knowledge and help when it was beyond their reach.He taught them the concept of light and dark,good and evil and most importantly the presence of heaven and hell in their very own souls.They learnt more and more and realised that everything was a matter of their own choice and that good and bad was the result of their own actions.

Many of the people took this knowledge and started farming and living in villages but a few of them realised that he had more important things to teach them and those were matters of soul and matters of peace.They stayed in the very spot where they had found him and revived him and they began a cult which worshipped the man from the skies.

Lot of the people who thronged to his presence felt he was too strict and too stern and went away in fear and loathing, whispering that they wanted a more benevolent and kind god,who would do as they please.But the few who faithfully remained by his side knew that all misery rose from wants and needs and bondages.

He was the first to come from the skies and they called him THE MOUNTAIN GOD and all those who came in his footsteps carried the mark that the first one carried and his followers called his kin The guardians,The protectors.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUIyKCZ1QgQ

One day work with director Gautham menon for AGSAR PAINTS

KAAPI O KAAPI

I don't go out much but for work,drive down to the library and sometimes when i have to shop for essentials like when my shirts,tees and jeans start showing wear and tear or when the clothes themselves come in my dreams and haunt me,pleading to let them go in peace.

But even rarer is finding me alone in some coffee shop,sipping coffee all by myself. But there are times when i have to meet someone from the film world for discussions on work and then if i am early,i find a corner for myself and sometimes order a cup of caffeine and stare at the world around me.

I look,you bet i look but i don't stare or lech for that was beyond me then and well beyond me now.But once or twice my eyes have met,locked,stared and exchanged moments and then back to staring at the menu card and trying to mug it as if there is going to be an exam based on the menu items.

Eyes and the power of sight is a very powerful sense for unless you are a master at disguising your thoughts,they always betray your soul and heart and for an expressive mug such as mine,i am betrayed very often and people always tell me that i am a bad liar and can never lie with a straight face.

I looked up at the waitress,smiled and thanked her for the coffee and sipping it looked around the cafe day,wondering who else could be haunting the place at 11.00 am in the morning and well she stared back and stupid me didn't even realize that she was staring back,when honestly i was staring in the woman's general direction,blankly,looking but nothing was registering.when i caught her staring and i stared back,i immediately looked back wondering if anyone was behind me catching her attention and finding only the wall,hurriedly looked back and i saw the shake of her head and read her mind " god,you are such an idiot or worse, zero watt bulb."

Well,the brave man that i am,i let her think i was a bulb and continued to mug the menu card and never looked and the minutes felt like and hour and then my nobile rang and the person i was waiting for told me he would be there in another fifteen to twenty minutes.

And then i slowly looked up and there was the woman and she kept staring and not knowing what to do i flashed a brilliantly shy smile(in my dreams) which must have looked like the expression of a monkey which has unwittingly taken a bite of a green chilly.

Anyway,the episode ended with the arrival of the person i was supposed to meet and the arrival of the person who the woman was waiting for and amidst the next twenty or so minutes, i sneakingly peeked a glance at the woman across the floor and man,once again got caught sight aduchufying and though funny it left me smiling to myself.

KAAKA O KAAKA

The colors of the vegetation although not as brilliant and as colorful as the ones you see in pics,videos of foreign places,exotic places is still breathtaking in chennai.

It is february now and the neem tree has been shedding leaves,raining them over my street and all over my car and the birds too have been doing the same and every morning i curse them as i wash my car and they look down on me from their high and vantage points in the trees and caw and caw ' where are our biscuits,you idiot.'

I caw,no screech in choicy tamil words which might make a sangam pulavar wonder if i am talking tamil or some other strange lingo and tell them to hold their horses when i should have been beseeching them to hold their bowels.

Sometimes i stand and stare and off late it is most of the time when i see a family of leaves suddenly spin like ballet dancers in weird and vivid movements and they rise and fall and sometimes take off on a stroll and all dressed in uniforms of brown and yellow they leave me,receding in the distance and i whisper that they are off to school for studies or whatever it is they do,where ever it is to the place they go.

A few weeks ago,the dew that covered the body of my car was moisture enough to wipe it clean of cawing crows and dust of the mother earth.But the past few days the cold of the last few months is giving way to the heat of the coming summer.

Another year has gone and though sometimes i have my head buried like an ostrich in the sand,i do wake up,lift my head and sigh with the gone year,the going year and the passing time.

I sat and watched my classmates and i wondered,30 years gone since we left school and there was talk about children and even marriage and i looked at them with love and affection as the memories raced back to the times when they were kids themselves and adulthood and topics such as marriage was far away.

Life and the passing off it is a beautiful experience and i realise now that like tv shows,like the stories in films my life and my memories are a story too and that i am playing one of the lead roles in it.

Rather than new year resolutions or resolutions people make when they meet death which has taken someone close to them,which invariably are lost like the water that is held in our palms i wake,i rise resolutely to resolutions for the coming day.

Resolute to resolve life and its machinations i rise with the dark when only the moon and stars reign in the skies only to see them fade,burnt away with the more resolute sun who rises and never wavers from his duty.

I smile,amused to death about my resolutions and go back to cleaning my car from its colors of the springs and splatters gifted by the flying potty machines and it is back to staring at the leaves,back to running around to catch that grey,black feather that spins,floats down from up above.

I look and wonder what if it is an angel whose feather is floating down as a sign of better things,better times and then the whisper of the splatter awakens me to reality and it is back to screeching in choicy tamil words that would make my fisher women friends proud of me and it back to black crows playing musical chairs on the barren branches of the neem tree.

Like the neem tree who knows she is going to get new,green clothes,i know life is going to be good,better and also know that summer will go bringing spring and winter and that nothing is constant,nothing is permanent but for those damn crows.

And now things have gotten better for the wine red hyundai verna has become the new target of the birds and although the neighbour is a north indian i heard him screech " otha kaaka."

I started to write chapter 65 and thought i would dwell on the first arrows that the god of love shoots at a soul or two souls and then my thoughts as did my writings ran away from me and soon kaapi and kaaka stories came alive.

Kaapi came from an experience two weeks ago and kaaka came from a couple of days ago when i met up with my classmates and well,that is that.

So it is back to new thoughts for chapter 65 and i hope my thoughts don't run away again.

Redemption-chapter 65


"You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won't mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever... connections are made with the heart, not the tongue."? C. JoyBell C.

I think i was born talking but somewhere along the way i stopped talking.I still do talk but then it is only with people whom i know and trust and never open my mouth other than to deliver the standard,boring and cliched cursory replies to strangers and to vaguely known and seen people.People who try to make conversations go away shaking their heads having come to decision that i am an antisocial element,an uptight and sidumoonji person.Thank god for that and you have to see the sigh and smile of relief that really shines on my face when i see the backs of them and more smiles when i see them giving me a wide berth and vanishing into thin air.

Rudran looked at the huge dog and it looked at back at rudran and renuka and all three looked at each other.

A small clay pot filled with the still warm ash of sadashivam was handed over to Rudran by gopal who refused to take the money rudran tried to give him and instead said he was happy to have been of assistance to them.

Both Pallavi and Parthasarathy bid them all goodbye and left but not before pallavi requested rudran to meet up with her someday and tell her what all happened.

Rudran said he would,all the time wondering what the lady expected him to tell her, when he was going to madurai just to disperse the remains of sadashivam.

Palam swamy knelt and gently stroked the dog and it appeared to rudran that he whispered something to the dog and yet his keen ears could not pick up what the old man was saying to the huge dog.

Palam swamy looked at rudran and renuka ' so,it is goodbye for now although i am very sure that we will be meeting up very soon.' and with a twinkle in his eye took leave of them and went his way in the same mysterious way he had come.

It was just three of them now and rudran turned to renuka ' do you want to have a cup of coffee for i am going to have two cups,two big cups and let today wash over me slowly as i absorb everything that has been said and importantly that which has not been said.'

Renuka nodded ' yes,a coffee sounds really good' and opening the rear passenger door looked at the dog who sat up and jumped in with his mouth open in a huge smile and then sat in the front passenger seat.

Rudran got into the drivers seat and looked at renuka who had caught his glance at her black bmw ' dont worry the driver will follow us.'


After just a few minutes,they found a Cafe coffee day and drove into its car parking area which was more or like a bike parking area and luckily found a space and it was just enough to park their car.

After getting out rudran and renuka noticed that the dog sat by the car like a statue as if telling them that he would watch over the car and the remains of shivam and wanted them to go ahead with their coffee time.

Renuka looked at rudran ' god i hope nobody is stupid enough to touch your car for i am sure that dog will make a meal of him.'

Saying this she started laughing and rudran joined in with her laughter and the dog as if aware that the joke was on him seemed to enjoy the attention and grunted deeply.

Since it was still 5.00 p.m and early in the day,the place was relatively empty they easily found a quiet table for two and ordered two regular coffees and then suddenly realising that they were together,all alone fell silent and stared hard at the table,the menu card,the world outside and everywhere else but at each other.

Rudran ' you know renuka,until a few years back,woodlands drive in and rathna cafe were the places to go if you wanted a good coffee,hot idlis and vadais.But now you have so many coffee joints like these on every road in every area and i wonder how they break even,for look around and it is just you and me and few others here and there.'

Renuka looked at him ' rudran,i don't think you get out much or you must have been gone from chennai for a very long time.Take a look at the menu card and tell me what you think of the prices that is listed boldy there and don't panic and confused with all the names of things that are on offer in the menu card.'

Rudran picked up the menu card and after quickly scanning the prices of the various coffees and pastries that were available,slowly put down the card and looked at renuka with astonishment ' nothing is below 80 rs and even a small bottle of water is listed as 75 rs.wow,what is going on?'

'These joints are flocked by people more for their air conditioned sanctuary and the privacy they offer than for the food that is served by them.I will bet you anything that compared to the coffee they serve here,you will find better tasting coffee in the small restaurants carrying the tail name of BHAVAN.These places are for mostly people to get together,to talk,chat and spend some quiet time with each other.'

Rudran 'well,you are right when you say it is a quiet and right place for a chat.'

Then realising that he was speaking too much he clamped down and renuka could see him visibly trying to cloak himself with his usual demeanour of silence.

'You know rudran,i turned thirty a few years ago and unlike most women did not feel the urge or panic to get married and have children which a womans basic instinct tells us to and drive us to.It is not because i am against marriage but just that i didn't feel that urge as i never met anybody who i thought would be that perfect match for me.'

Renuka looked at rudran and her mind whispered " until now,until i met you.I don't know anything about you and yet i feel i have been waiting for you all my life."

Rudran looked at renuka ' you said something."

Renuka shook her head innocently ' no,why do you ask.'

Rudran stared into renukas eyes and although she felt certain that he could read her every thought bravely looked back,egging him on to read her completely and understand her feelings for him.

'Ma'am,please don't get me wrong.'

Renuka raised her hand and with a gentle but firm smile ' rudran please,the instant you use the word ma'am, i know it is the trained cop,the rules and regualtions rudran who is talking and not the one who was here earlier.so you don't get me wrong when i ask you to talk from your heart.Honestly i don't mind you addressing me as ma'am but i do mind the thought process behind it.'

Rudran looked down at the cup of coffee and when he continued to look at it,renuka gently reached across the table and using the spoon tapped him on his right hand which was holding the cup.

'hello sir,please come back here from where ever it is you are.I am sorry if i offended you but look at it from my side.We have known each other for some time now and although i have asked you many a time to call me by my name and which you do sometimes and yet slip back to being this person who you always are.why is that? where did that rudran who was here earlier in the day gone to ?'

Rudran absorbed all that she told him and understood that what she had just said was all true ' renuka,forget me being a cop.Take a normal person,your average normal person and you will find that they are not always the same person you think they are.they have their moods,their masks and sometimes you wonder if the person is suffering from a split-personality disorder.'

Renuka ' that is normal and that is something which i and everyone understands about each other and actually i probably am like that most of the times.But what i am talking about when it comes to you is that you knowingly or unknowingly retreat deep into yourself,cloaking yourself,hiding yourself,your true self.why is that?'

Then realising that she had spoken too much,too fast hurriedly looked away and both remained silent for a long time and stared out at the world which was going dark in a hurry and the yellow light of the street lamps was beginning to take over casting weird and abstract shadows.

Renuka waited for rudran to speak and then gently ' is there someone else in your life?'

Rudran laughed to himself and it nearly brought tears to renuka's eyes as she saw the years fall away and she a younger rudran in his smiles and laughter.

'someone else in my life.yes and no.'

Renuka puzzled ' yes and no.'

Rudran looked at renuka and she could see the tremendous struggle in his eyes and with immense understanding she reached out again and covered his hand with both her hands 'rudran,first and foremost i am your friend.You can tell me anything,confide your deepest thoughts and fears,talk about your darkest fears and i will listen and understand and will never judge you.And again i will not judge you,even if you do not talk and remain as you are and i will still accept you,respect you and love you the same.'

Then realising what she had just said,renuka shrugged her shoulders ' well,had to say it.I used the word love for i have no other word with which to describe this tremendous emotion i feel when i think of you and am with you.But that is me and what i think and feel.But if you don't mind me asking,could you explain your yes and no answer.'

Rudran laughed and the laugh slowly vanished and something dark descended into his eyes and he whispered " There is no one in my life and that is when it comes to the context of your question and i know you were referring to another woman.But yes,there is someone in my life,who has been with me from the beginning and although he is gone,he still is.For i am him and he is me.'

Renuka looked lost and could not make sense of what rudran had just said ' who is this person you are talking about rudran.'

Rudran looked at her ' Bhairav.My brother's name is Bhairav.'