*From To Sathish* - Thread 3 - Page 53

Seasonal change

It is five in the morning and it is as if the very air is in mourning
The cold,the chill of the months that sing their hurrah in the end of the year
singing their tunes of november,december and the birth of january
are gone and have given way to the heat and the beat of the new year's summer
sticky,sweaty and clogging heat that makes my limbs feel
as if the earth's gravity has doubled,trebled to the gravity of the gas giants
all the water i drank to beat the humidity find their way out of my body
as rivulets of sweat pour from my head and join other rivulets all over my body
even the birds are quiet,beaten to subdued lamentations as they feel the change
now in february,the cold and relief of the last months seem so far away
and yet december and january seem just there,so tantalisingly close
that i stretch my arms as if to bring them back,pleading them to stay
stay,nay and so it is left but to foray,head,sweat into the days of heat
and probably they are chorusing to the dark and cool days of winter
in the lyrics of the king " beat it,beat it,just beat it,beat it
and singing their own chorus " heat it,heat it,just heat it,heat it
so the season of the mighty sun is here on a long lease
and the cold of the gentle winters seem like a subtle tease
like the eyes and lips of a beautiful woman you see here and there
promising so much and yet all you see of her is a glimpse
always teasing and yet also always leaving and passing you by

Redemption 66

Here comes the rain again
Falling on my head like a memory
Falling on my head like a new emotion
I want to walk in the open wind
I want to talk like lovers do
I want to dive into your ocean
Is it raining with you

So baby talk to me
Like lovers do
Walk with me
Like lovers do
Talk to me
Like lovers do

I want to breathe in the open wind
I want to kiss like lovers do
I want to dive into your ocean
Is it raining with you

So baby talk to me
Like lovers do

"Here Comes The Rain Again" by EURYTHMICS


He went over the wall like a monkey scampers up a tree and jumped over the wall onto the mound of sand that was piled up against it on the other side.Landing softly he smiled to himself and thought it would be a wonderful place to play hide and seek with his twin brother.But his parents had told them very strictly that they could not play in the newly dug up place and that they would get a thrashing if they were caught breaking the rules.
He slowly slid down the huge pile of sand and rubble and found the consequences of all the noises that had been going on from morning to evening for the past few weeks.Like moths attracted to light they had gone up to their terrace and had watched in fascination as huge beasts of machines clawed the ground and dug deep wounds in it.
He sat still as watched the maze of pathways which had been dug up and on which soon a new multi storey building would be built,towering over their property.

The darkness of the foundation was a bit eerie but that didnt stop him and he jumped deep into the belly of the foundation which must have been nearly ten feet deep.He looked back to the wall of his house and imagined the curve of the ball as it arced over the wall and where it could have landed.Slowly getting his bearings he entered the maze and just ten feet into it,something primeval,a primtive instinct warned him that he was not alone but it was too late.Even as the hands closed around his throat and started squeezing the life out of him,his only thoughts were of his brother and how worried he would be.He fought with strength beyond his tender years for he fought not for his life but to stay alive to be with his brother.But it was in vain and the light faded and vanished.


My soul is a bleeding gash

Tears from rudran's eyes slowly danced their way to the edge of his chin and they hung there as if in doubt to leave his skin and maybe hung in fear of dropping down on to the table and splatter themselves silly.

Rudran wiped his tears and smiled " bloody hell,there i go crying like a sissy when ever i talk about my brother.I am sorry renuka,sorry for subjecting you to this sorry tale of mine.'

Renu looked at him with immense sadness ' but how could your brother just have disappeared like that,vanishing into thin air.That is impossible.somebody must have seen something'

Rudran nodded ' just like you,the police really did their best for there was tremendous pressure on them since my dad was a big shot those days and was well connected with the govt.But like the mystery it is today,it was a mystery then and remains a naked and unhealed wound in my soul.'

'Is that why you became a cop and doing what you are doing ?'

Rudran tilted his head ' maybe,maybe not but both me and bhairav were always talking about cops,army and pilots.so even if he was here there is a high probability that we both would have become cops or joined the army.'

'I am so sorry for your loss rudran.I cannot even begin to imagine the trauma that you must have gone through then.'

'No renu,not only then but every moment from then to this moment and until my breath lives this body,the pain of losing him will be my constant companion.'

' But rudran,how can you go on remembering and torturing yourself over something which happened so long ago.Don't you think it is time you let him go and bring yourself peace to live your life normally.'

Rudran looked at her and smiled ' never and i mean never.I don't want to let him go for that means i will be gone too.But i know for certain that someday i will find out what really happened to bhairav and then after settling scores i might have a chance at living a normal life.'

It was totally dark outside but the soft,yellow,Led lights on the ceiling of the cafe day shone all over the place and bathed them gently with its muted colors.

Rudran gently took renukas hands ' Renu,i am broken man inside.I carry too much rage and vengeance in my soul to give you any kind of chance to live a normal life and you will realise that you will be in the darkness with me for that is where i dwell as do most broken souls who have been ravaged by tragedy and loss at an early age.I am not sure if i will ever change and i am not sure if i want to at all.'

' You are a nice person,a beautiful woman who has so much to offer to another but not me.I know you feel strongly about me for i am not blind and surely not that dead to not notice you and what you do to me.'

Renuka was about to say something when the waitress who had served them discreetly coughed and softly whispered ' would you like to order something else ?'

Both knew that they had to vacate their places for slowly the place was beginning to fill up and Rudran looked at the waitress and requested her to bring the bill which she readily placed on their table.

Stepping outside renuka called her drivers mobile and asked him to head home and informed him that she would be travelling with her friend.

Rudran looked at her and then both quietly walked towards their car and found the huge dog sitting next to their vehicle in the same place where he had been when they had last seen him.

He opened the rear door and in jumped the dog and sat quietly looking at both of them as if urging them both to get in.

Inside the car,rudran turned to renuka to say something and she gently placed her fingers of her right hand on his lips and shook her head ' no sorrys,no apologies and no need for excuses.okay.Trust me for i understand and someday i hope you will understand too.'

She leaned over and cupping his face with both hands,gently planted a soft kiss on his forehead and both stayed lost in the moment and these are the moments when trust,comfort are the first seeds that are sown and would bloom as true love.A love to die for and this tender and gentle gesture sealed their bond and two broken halves became one as they closed on themselves and shut themselves from the world outside.

"Love is a chemical reaction, but it cannot be fully understood or defined by science. And though a body cannot exist without a soul, it too cannot be fully understood or defined by science.
Love is the most powerful form of energy, but science cannot decipher its elements. Yet the best cure for a sick soul is love, but even the most advanced physician cannot prescribe it as medicine."
Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

Redemption-chapter 67

"Falling in love is very real, but I used to shake my head when people talked about soul mates, poor deluded individuals grasping at some supernatural ideal not intended for mortals but sounded pretty in a poetry book. Then, we met, and everything changed, the cynic has become the converted, the sceptic, an ardent zealot."
? E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly


Love,what is this feeling of love and how do you describe to someone that you are in love.Something happens,something incredible happens when you fall in love and you are in that state called love.But wait being in love,falling in love,feeling love for someone else is all so close to your faith,spirituality and the topic of god,the realm of mysterious feelings and emotions.

Falling in love,being together in that love and living a life full of love.Well love is the common factor but if you pause and think and look back you will realise that your own feelings,emotions and the stormy thoughts when you found yourself in love,found that you were tremendously attracted to him or her was so different than when you actually consummated the love and it culminated in marriage and children.

There are various states and stages of love and everyone at some point in their life think back to that time,the first moment they laid their eyes on the object of their affection,the pining,the aching and so much more.The first kiss,making out,making love is all good and yet that state before all that,that first moments when you stopped breathing for a second because loves arrows had finally met their mark on you are the greatest moments and after that,pretty much everything is ---------------------- fill in the blanks with your love.


Changes

Rudran came to a halt outside the huge mansion of Kandaswamy mudaliyar and switching off the engine turned to look at Renuka who smiled and looked down at her hands which were bunching up the ends of dupatta into a small ball.

She looked up to see rudran watching her hands and slowly let go of the cloth which heaved a sigh of relief and spread itself in relief after being squeezed by its owner for so long.

Rudran did not want the moment to end and yet the day and the days of the past few weeks were finally taking a toll on both his body and mind.

She knew she had to go and she also that he had to go but she could not drag herself away from him and not after spending so much personal time with him.But more than that she felt she needed to be next to him,protecting him,caring for him and soothing his tired body and mind.

'Rudran,do you want to come in for a cup of coffee.'

He had never felt so strong and yet so weak and he had never ever felt so many emotions that the day in her presence had evoked in him and he desperately wanted to be with her.

' No,renuka.Not today.sorry.'

Renuka nodded ' i understand you must be tired.well then, i will take leave of you.call me when you have the time.'

She got out of the car and then reached back again into the car and ruffled the huge dog's head who whined gently and licked her hand.

" oh,by the way rudran.when are you leaving to madurai?'

Rudran let out a deep sigh ' i was thinking of leaving tomorrow.But i doubt if it will be possible for i have to shift my mother to a safer place and only after that can i think of going to madurai.'

Renuka's lips opened and the words blurted out before she could process them ' if you are going,then i would like to come along with you.we could take the BMW or any other car in my dads garage.'

Rudran had wanted to ask her if she wanted to accompany him on the trip to madurai and here she was voicing his exact thoughts ' but,won't your dad mind? i mean not the car but you coming along with me.'

Renuka laughed and then reached in and gently touched rudran's cheek and just as she removed her hand,her fingers softly grazed his lips and the fire of passion reached out and engulfed both of them.

'good night then and call me when you are ready to leave and i will let you know when you can come and pick me up.'


She stood watching until rudrans car left the private road that led to their house and joined the main road and
disappeared from view but he was now safely locked in her soul and her every step back into the house felt like she was walking on quicksand.

Renuka entered the house and nearly bumped into her dad who was carrying a tray with a teapot and few cups.

Father and daughter looked at each other and Renu smiled at her dad and was about to go to her room when kandaswamy ' Renuma,is everything okay?'

Renuka heard her dad but her thoughts were somewhere else and then realising he was still standing there looking at her,she hurriedly ' appa,sorry,did you say something?'

Kandaswamy mudaliyar ' I asked you if everything was okay and if you wanted to join us for a cup of tea in the gardem.'

' Yes,let me go have a bath first and then i will join you both.ten minutes.'

Kandaswamy stood watching his child walk away to her room and then he made his way to the garden where anuradha sat watching the lights of chennai drive away the dark of the night.

She looked up at Kandaswamy ' I thought i saw our black bmw drive into the garage.Has renu come back?'

Placing the tray down on the marble table,kandaswamy nodded and went about pouring tea into the cups and then gave one to anuradha who took it and then looked at him quizzically and he returned her look with a shrug and a look of worry on his face.

Anuradha looked at Kandaswamy 'ennapa aachu,why do you look so worried?'

Kandaswamy mudaliayar placed his cup on the table and looked at Anu ' love is such a beautiful thing,such a beautiful experience and yet when it comes down to mundane and cliched life,you have to stop,ponder and decide if it is all worth it.one has to decide between love and life.'

Anuradha too placed her cup down and took a few seconds to stare at kandaswamy ' what is going on and who are you talking about?'

Kandaswamy mudaliyar looked at Anuradha ' Renu,i am talking about our renuma.she is in love.'

Anuradha nearly jumped out of the chair in excitement 'what are you saying? our renu has found someone.who,when?'

Kandaswamy mudaliayar ' She has found the best man in the world to fall in love with but who also i think is most unsuitable for her.'

Anuradha was totally clueless to his cryptic words ' sorry kanda,but you are confusing me and also scaring me a little.'

In her room even the act of taking off her clothes felt new to her as she slipped out them and then entering the cubicle turned on the shower gently,adjusting the hot and cold knobs of the shower to lukewarm and the water cascaded onto her,drenching her from head to toe and they whispered his name and every drop of water were like his kisses,his hot wet kisses all over his body and she felt the lukewarm water run through her breasts and she imagined his strong hands gently grazing her,teasing her as the water ran down her and she moaned and groaned in pleasure and enjoyed the ecstasy of being in love.

Renu opened her eyes as she realised the passion of love coursing and racing through her body and she whispered ' i will die for you,i will live for you and only you for i love you and simply because now i know what the word love means.I love you rudran.'

Mazhai Varum Arikuri, En Vizhigalil Theriyuthey
Manam Indru Nanaiyuthey, Ithu Enna Kaathala Saathala?
Pazhagiya Kaalangal, En Paarvayil Viriyuthey
Paathaigal Nazhuvuthey, Ithu Aeno Aeno?

All the gold cannot match the feeling when you have someone to hold
All the gold cannot help when your soul is full of mold
Forget all that you were told and be bold
and venture on to the highway of life
even if you have been stabbed many times by many a knife
life is a misery full of strife
yet all that is forgotten as you watch the sun rise burning gold
and embraces you in its fold
in its light,in its might,in its sight i give in meekly without a fight

On my wall

Dark brown,parched skin with a texture hard as stone
It lies across the wall exposed to elements down to its bone
Its fellow kith and kin stand high and mighty waving their limbs
and green clothes waving their right now,gone tomorrow immortality
The stunted,now dead,once alive tree is shorn of its limbs and green locks
and it lays on the wall ignored by me and those who inhabit the cement coops
A green vine,slender as a worm has finally worked its way up the dead tree
and like a green viper or a mamba working their way up to the birds nest
this single vine has now spread multiple limbs of bright green and has
embraced the dark dead tree and using the dead one as its crutch
has now popped its slender,wavy head over the wall
i see buds,tender shoots in them and i keep whispering ' go vine,keep going'
the dead tree has come alive in its death and still serves a purpose
and i take the lesson and imbibe it for maybe it is the purpose
even in death and in stoic silence the crutch remains
a fallen one against the wall,dead but still stands tall
for it lives even in death,still serving,still full of purpose

To the skies

This is the only life i know,this avatar of mine,this sometimes ordeal,sometimes joyous flight of fancy that flies among the stars burning,blazing and then burnt out it falls like a shooting star burnt by the very earths atmosphere.

This is the only time i will have of this only life and maybe that is why i have given wings to this fancies,this figments of fiction and paranormal for the mundane and cliched life is so boring that i lose myself in stories of heroes and voyages across the universe.

This mind right now is the only one in my possession,the only soul and only song i can sing and like those tiny colorful,tweeting ones trapped,locked in a cage i too tweet for i have no physical wings to soar like the eagle up,high in the clouds.So i fly,i fight,i wage war in the characters of mine and i transcend this mortal and boring life among my tribe and among my species and am born again anew in new characters.

I wish,i really wish i could take you all to the fantastic visions and realms i travel to,soar to for many a time after i have finished writing i read and realise that the writings have not done justice to my flights of fancy.But i will keep on,keeping on for i know one day that this vivid imagination will bear fruit and will carve,sculpt something nice,something important but still something that will bring joy and a tender smile on those who read my soul and the song that this caged bird tweets.