*From To Sathish* - Thread 3 - Page 51

Redemption-chapter 55

"The things we share with each other are deeply felt from within our hearts that neither of us will ever forget. For the gifts that are priceless are the ones that are heartfelt; their roots are within our soul. They are the greatest gifts, of all." ? Ellen J. Barrier

Commissioner Rakesh looked at Rudran " I know you already answered the question as to what motivated you to join the police academy,but i repeat the question again for i feel there is something else driving you that is a force more than human or it could be something darker and lesser than human."

Rudran " Human.sir,being human and all this glorification about us humans is all bull shit.Humans are as bad or even worse than the worst of predators.You don't find any other species involving or indulging in the atrocities that we human species commit on each other.But to answer your question and since i promised i would answer them all honestly,yes there is something that motivates me and has been the force that has brought me here to this point of my life.When i was five years old,i lost my twin brother."

Rakesh's eye brows met each other as he frowned in thought " Lost and by that you mean he died of some disease or sickness."

Rudran " if only that had been the case,then maybe i wouldn't be meeting you today or probably ever.If my brother had died because of an illness or even an accident,then the life of me and my family would have been a different story all together.No,we lost him and we never found him."

Rakesh sighed in sadness and recognised the tragedy that happens on a daily basis all over the world when children fall prey to all kinds of predators.Babies are stolen from hospitals to be sold and children are kidnapped and sold into slavery,bonded labor and turned into beggars with their eyes blinded and tongues cut out.


Rudran's eyes filled with tears and they slowly dropped onto the table and wiping them " my parents were really rich and they spent a lot of money in trying to find my brother Bhairav but it was a lost cause.the police went to extreme limits and yet it remained a mystery and it remains thus to this date."

Rakesh menon reached out and patted Rudran's hand " I am really sorry for your loss.But now that i have heard your story i have to confess that i dont think it is the reason why you became a police officer and swore to protect and defend."

Rudran looked at him blankly and rakesh smiled " don't get me wrong for i mean you no insult by my observation.What i mean is that you would have became a cop even if you had been an only son to your parents.Trust me when i say this for my years in service have given me an instinct about people and it has never failed me to date.You dear sir,were born to protect and defend and you will remain a protector of all that is good until your last breath.I have seen some of your types and frankly speaking they scare me to death because nothing stands in their way.But i havent seen your kind for a long time and i doubt if many are there in our armed forces."

" Today,becoming a policeman is a way out of poverty for the backward classes and as for those who become officers they start off well and soon become soft and diverted.Maybe our armed forces are slightly better off for they are insulated from all the crap that civilian life throws up in our way but even there the standards are gone and unless there is real tension or a state of emergency,we have sank into mediocrity."

Rudran nodded " I agree sir,totally agree and it has become a problem for our superior officers to keep our soldiers motivated and in top shape."

Just as Rudran was about to continue,they were interrupted by the arrival of ACP Balarman who informed the commissioner that the press and tv crews had arrived and were waiting outside for a report from him.

Police commissioner rakesh looked at both of them " report,what they want is juicy news so that they can splash all over their channels proudly proclaiming,breaking news and you heard it here first.what bullshit."

The ringtone was an old malayalam song and rakesh sheepishly reached into his pocket " sorry gentlemen,my wife does all this crazy stuff for i really have no clue as to how to operate this damn instrument.i know how to make calls and receive calls.that is it.settings,apps and stuff like that i leave it to my wife."

Police commissioner rakesh looked at the number and the name and swore " god,it is the chief secretary.wonder what he wants now.news must have leaked about the attack on the hospital here.excuse me while i talk to him."

Rakesh slashed across the screen and " hello sir,rakesh here."

Rudran and Acp balaraman looked at each other while rakesh menon answered " yes sir,okay sir,but sir and finally " will do sir.good night."

Commissioner rakesh placed the phone into his pocket and looked at both of them " well gentlemen.i have been informed to keep everything under lid and hand over the case to some official from RAW,Research and Analysis Wing who happens to be here in the city and is going to be here any moment.well,mr.rudran looks like you are not answerable to me anymore and you have to face the onslaught of questions from this group and i heard that they are a scary lot."

The elevators opened quietly and they opened directly into the cafeteria and this was a service elevator used only by the staff and maintenance crew of the hospital.

All three of them looked up to see the tall figure of Sujinder khanna,1980 batch of Indian Police Service and the current chief of Research and Analysis Wing walking quickly towards them.

ACP Balaraman and Rudran immediately stood erect and saluted the higher officer who nodded to them.

Sujinder khanna thrust out his hand to rakesh and said " hello mr.rakesh.I am sujinder from Research and Analysis Wing.

Rakesh menon took the extended hand and both shook exchanging warm greetings.

Then sujinder khanna threw his arm around Rudran's shoulder and looked at both the chennai police officers " I hope our tiger here has not been giving you too much trouble."

Sujinder took a look at the blood stains on rudran's shirt " well,my man,you cannot walk around with all this bloodstained clothes,scaring people to death.So go wash up and rest for a while and i will finish up here."

Rudran saluted both sujinder khanna and Rakesh menon and walked away towards his mothers room.

Sujinder khanna looked at rakesh " you know what my dear fellow.There have been many great minds who have led our intelligence dept but Rudran,boy that young man is a genius and is going to take our dept to even greater heights.I just hope he lives long enough for trouble seems to find him even if he tries to avoid it."

All three,Acp balaraman,rakesh menon and sujinder khanna looked at rudran as he walked away and all of their hearts filled with pride and joy.

Redemption-chapter 56


"There are moments when i wish i could roll back the clock and take all the sadness away, but i have a feeling that if i did, the joy would be gone as well. So i take the memories as they come, accepting them all, letting them guide me whenever i can."? Nicholas Sparks

Clear and present danger

Commissioner Rakesh looked at Sujinder khanna,the head of RAW " okay.my orders have been given and i am okay with that although usually jurisdiction becomes a pissing contest between department heads.But national interests and security supercedes all that and i have no issues with handing over this case to you."

Sujinder khanna " a thorough gentleman.I thank you for your co-operation and i have just one request i need to make of you.I happen to be in the city for the Prime minister is flying in tomorow to meet your chief minister and so i came a few days earlier just to check out the security arrangements and also talk a few important people about matters that are very vital to our nation."

Sujinder khanna looked around and then his eyes caught sight of ACP Balaraman but then they came back and rested on Rakesh menon " if you are going to talk to the press,please do not divulge any details of what happened here until i am finished.Just tell them that there was an attack on some patient due to some rivalry and that your dept is conducting a thorough investigation and only after that can any details be given out."

He paused for a second " Rakesh,the reason this case has come to our dept is because nearly half a dozen AK47's were found in the parking lot of that dhaba and rudran collected all of them and handed it over to our army intelligence wing.He did not have time to dismantle the c4 explosive that was strapped under the vehicle in which the two children were in.I am telling you these details because i respect you and like you said our country's interests are more important than solving the deaths of a few criminals."

Commissioner Rakesh nodded his appreciation and then looked at sujinder khanna but seemed to change his mind and whispered " never mind for it does not matter."

Sujinder " it is okay rakesh.If rudran trusts you and his dear friend mr.balaraman here then you have my complete trust.So go on and ask what ever it was that you were about to ask."

Rakesh " Rudran,he is a cop in the delhi dept and is also a top ranking officer in the army intelligence.I wonder how that works."

Sujinder took a deep breath and sighed loudly " Brother,i have just one word and that is " Chakravyuh " and that is all i can talk about for even i know very little about it.But let me just add a few words to it.I as the chief of RAW report to the home minister and only on rare occasions make an appointment and see the Prime minister.But Rudran is part of " Chakravyuh " and reports directly to the Prime minister.And that's it,that is all i can tell you about that organisation and it operates on its own cutting through all barriers,government or civilian.You have heard of CIA,MOSSAD,KGB and MI5.Well " Chakravyuh " is more or less like them and works with them in lots of intricate situations but their common goal is stopping Global terrorism and cutting of its limbs when and where they are found."

Sujinder looked at both rakesh and balaraman " for a few years now,we have been picking up rumors of a secret terrorist group based in south east asia and that it is gearing up to launch some kind of major attack on indian soil.But that is all we know as of now and although we have used all our intelligence resources and have yet to find any clues about them or their activities.That is why this case is such a vital break for right now Rudran himself has become the target and those that are after him slipped up in that parking lot.now that we have their guns,we are going to try and trace where they came from and then probably we will know to a certain extent where the threat is originating from."

Commissioner rakesh looked at sujinder " but rudran as bait.what if something happens to him ?"

Sujinder khanna " rakesh, we are totally aware of that but then this is how the game is played.And before you start worrying about rudran,count how many people he has dispatched to the other side since he came to chennai nearly a week ago.I think nearly 20 or more.So don't worry about rudran for he can take care of himself and we are also there to protect our men.That's why,first thing tomorrow we will be shifting rudran's mother to our army headquarters in meenambakkam and place her in a VIP villa and under the best security that this country can offer.That is the least we can do to a man,a real hero who has dedicated himself to the fight against all that is bad and evil."

Sujinder khanna chuckled happily " listen guys,this is what rudran told me of the current situation.You must have heard of the african buffalo and seen it on our national geographic documentaries.The african buffalo,although a quiet vegetarian is one of the most feared animal in the world.See,what is does when it knows it is being hunted is,it will lead the hunters away deep into the bush and then vanishing away among the thick cover,it will slowly,silently circle back and come behind its hunters who are totally oblivious to its presence behind them.And then it launches a merciless attack and then there is no stopping it.Rudran is doing that and he is leading his attackers,drawing them away from the dark where they lay hidden and into the light where we can see for ourselves who or what the threat we are facing is."


After sujinder had left,Commissioner rakesh looked at ACP balaraman " did you hear all that.and we call ourselves cops,protectors and defenders.After hearing what they are doing in this country i feel ashamed to call myself a cop."

Rakesh looked at balaraman " bala,i am not in the mood to meet the press and tv crews.so handle them and just go about it the way mr.sujinder advised us.Keep it calm and keep it simple and come and meet me tomorrow morning.good night."

ACP balaraman saluted his boss " goodnight sir."

Hi,

I felt it would be nice to know and understand the characters who come and go in rudrans life and in this story.It makes for a more personal connection with the tale and it makes the reading more interesting and emotional.

Long ago,in the summer of 2000 when i started to act in the weekly tv serial 'manthira vaasal ' little did i know what i was getting into.

After shooting in jaipur and in chennai for nearly three weeks,kutty padmini,producer of the show called me personally to inform me that the serial would begin its telecast the coming wednesday in the 8.30 pm slot.She then went on to make a request and that was changing my role and character in the serial.

See,i was cast as the quiet villian in the serial and there was another gentleman called ravishankar who was supposed to play the hero and the romantic interest of the heroine.

But kutty padmini informed me that they wanted me to play both the roles of good and bad and well that is how it started.To this date,ravishankar blames me for his career never taking off.But also admits that i kind of did a better job.

Two weeks after the serial started its telecast,i started getting mobbed,questioned and generally people stopped to say hi,hello and only then i started realising how addictive tv and films can be and also books and stories.

More emotions,more talks,more sharing,more burdens unburdened and more of the characters revealing their fears and flaws makes us realise that everyone is vulnerable and breakable.

I wish you all the very best in life and saying that i hope to write better,much better.Be well.

Redemption-chapter 57

"The person in life that you will always be with the most, is yourself. Because even when you are with others, you are still with yourself, too! When you wake up in the morning, you are with yourself, laying in bed at night you are with yourself, walking down the street in the sunlight you are with yourself.What kind of person do you want to walk down the street with? What kind of person do you want to wake up in the morning with? What kind of person do you want to see at the end of the day before you fall asleep? Because that person is yourself, and it's your responsibility to be that person you want to be with. I know I want to spend my life with a person who knows how to let things go, who's not full of hate, who's able to smile and be carefree. So that's who I have to be." C. JoyBell C.

The scariest thing,the single most important thought which of late has been haunting me is that one day i will wake up and realise that i wasted away,wasted away time,precious time which is precious life.It scares the living daylights out of me that one day after my time is over,something or someone will put a slide show or a video recording of my life and vividly display to my horror the new meaning for the word waste and that means my life.

An anger,a roar,a cry of desperation bubbles from my soul and erupts as tears down my cheeks and my fists are clenched in anger and i lament silently 'what is it,what do you want,what more can i do ' and i know it is my mind throwing up all these questions and doubts and then my pride and ego join forces with my need for solitude and peace,a need which borders on craziness,psycho tendencies and they scream ' don't i deserve peace,can't i live out my life in solitary confinement' and so the struggle continues.


CLEANING UP

When a crime happens,the scene of the crime is cordoned off and is not released until the investigation is over.But the hospital was one of the top ranking institution in the state,leave alone in the country and a whole floor cordoned off is not good for business or its image.

The phone lines were kept busy throughout the night and finally orders came down from the top brass that the third floor had to be released for its duties and this was further complicated because the case now rested in the hands of the central intelligence bureau and not in the hands of the city police.But thankfully they coordinated well since both their bosses,Sujinder and Rakesh had agreed to work in harmony.

Since the local RAW presence was very minimal,they took the help of the city police's forensic teams and every inch was photographed and videos were shot to.Most importantly all the security camera footage drives were removed from the premises and Kannan the hospital security chief could do nothing about it and frankly did not want anything to do with it and just wanted his hospital to go back to normal.

Assistant commissioner Balaraman met the tv crews and newspapers journalists and issued a statement on behalf of the dept and the govt.

He looked at them calmly although inside his heart was skipping beats for he was scared that he might just slip up and utter some truth or be cornered by some of the journalists who were pretty good at that and since that was their job.So he decided that he would just make a statement and take just a few,very few questions and then run and hide.

" I am ACP Balaraman of the crime department.I know all of you have lots of questions but if you can be patient and kindly wait until i finish what i have to say,then maybe i will answer a few of your questions.okay."

" Earlier this evening we were called by the hospital security who reported hearing shots being fired on the third floor.We immediately rushed our patrol cars and also brought our special armed commando group and took control of the room.We carefully searched and cleared the entire hospital for threats of any kinds and am happy to say that there is no problem right now and the situation is under control.Upon examining the facts we have come to the conclusion that some personal rivalry was the cause for the crime and that is all we know for now.You will know more when we know more and until then this dept will continue its investigation in a thorough manner.Thank you."


Hands shot up,voice yelled at their top of their voices,bodies jostled and all that could be heard was " ACP sir,ACP sir."


Balaraman raised both his hands gesturing the crowd of journalists to calm down and it took several minutes for them to calm down.

The first question was from sun tv " sir,how many people are dead and how many more are injured and do we know their identities."

Acp balaraman was sweating bullets and thought to himself " oh shit,i should have cleared this with the boss and now i am stuck with this bloody crowd."

Then suddenly he remembered rudran and a voice kind of whispered " truth,nothing but the truth.why should we shy away from the truth however sad and brutal it is.let the people know what kind of world we are living in and what kind of monsters live among us."

Acp balaraman flashed a brilliant smile and jumped in " Eight people are dead,two nurses of the hospital staff,five unknown criminals and one elderly gentleman.Let me add to that by saying that i believe the old man who was killed today was responsible for saving the lives of many others who were in the hospital."


The second question was from Jaya tv " sir,two nurses have been killed along with the old man who you just mentioned.But what about the other five men,who killed them and have the killers escaped."


Acp Balaraman did not hesitate even for a second " All five men were criminals and professional killers for hire and i am proud to say that they were all shot dead by a very brave officer of this department.But that is all i can tell you now for that is all i know for sure.By tomorrow we will have more details and they will be made known to the public.Thank you.good night."

Redemption-chapter 58


"It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being."? John Joseph Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love

Chennai police commissioner Rakesh menon was lost in his thoughts about the attack on the hospital and was so deep into his memories of the time he became an IPS officer that it took the drivers gentle whisper to bring him back to reality and he slowly got down of his vehicle and stared at the passage leading into his large house.

He looked at the constable who was his driver and smiled at him " Thank you Ram.good night."

Police constable Ramakrishnan saluted rakesh and mumbled surprisingly " Good night sir."

Rakesh nodded and wearily went into his house and after placing his handgun in the locker of his study went into the bedroom and quietly opened the door for he did not want to disturb his wife who was fast asleep.
He slipped out of the clothes he was wearing and slipped into his favourite faded tee and cotton pants and then tip toed out of the room into his study.

Although tired,sleep was some time away from taking him into its comforting arms and so he poured a small glass of scotch and taking a sip of it sat down on the old,rickety cane chair which protested with groans as if telling him that it too needed retirement for its bones and limbs were aching with old age.

Rakesh patted the old chair " soon old chap,soon.you and me can both retire and for me it will be pension and clubs but for you,it is off to some vague place that all you old furniture go to.I hope you find the peace that is so hard to find these days."

Taking a larger sip,he slowly leaned back on the chair and placed the glass next to him and reaching for the stereo player remote,pressed a button and the tunes of Chopin and his most wonderful compositions called nocturnes filled the small space of the study.

Then the soft,loving and familiar arms of his wife slowly encircled him and he felt her kisses on his head.
She came and sat on his lap and then taking the glass of scotch took a sip and made a face " no ice or water."

She gently touched the face of her husband and let her fingers travel through his hair " What commissioner,what seems to be the problem."

Rakesh shook his head and looked up at his wife " Sorry if i woke you from your sleep.i tried to be as quiet as possible but i guess i must have made some noise.sorry again."

Rakesh's wife sharada planted a wet kiss on her husbands lips and then snuggled into him like a small child.

She listened to her husbands heart " I am waiting for i know you are going to talk since your heartbeat has already started the story.so whenever you are ready to talk i am ready to listen."

Rakesh smiled and hugged her tightly and closer to him and both felt they were one and not two.

" There is just no fooling you or escaping your instincts.But there is no story and i am sorry to disappoint you there."

Sharada smiled into his chest and slapping his arm " Now who is lying.you know there must be a law to punish lying police officers,especially commissioners."

A few quiet moments later,sharada felt the hot tears slide down onto her face and she quickly sat up and stared into rakesh's face " okay mister,you better talk or i might have to use force on you.Bloody hell,the last time i saw tears in your eyes were when you father passed away and that was nearly ten years ago."

" Not ten years but twelve years ago " rakesh said as he gently wiped the tears from his eyes and then reaching for the glass of scotch,took a larger sip and placed it back on the small teak table.

Rakesh looked into sharada's eyes " Am i good to you ? do you think i am a good human being.Have i been a good police officer ?"

Sharada protested " wait,wait just a minute for i can handle only one question at a time.And i have just one answer to all your three questions and that is a big yes."

Rakesh smiled shyly and then let out a deep sigh " For the first time in my life i met a man who i think is a genuine hero and for the first time in my life i wished that i could be somebody else other than myself and do the things he is doing."

Sharada slowly got up off her husbands lap and taking a glass from the mini bar,poured herself a small measure of scotch and then bent down and took a bottle of water from the small fridge and poured some into her glass.She then pulled another old cane chair and sat opposite her husband.

Rakesh took his glass and clinked it against his wife's glass and said " cheers my dear woman."

Sharada smiled " okay boy,now out with what is on your mind.who is this person who has created this storm in your mind.and by the way,let me tell you right now that i want my husband to remain as he is and as he was when i met him all those years ago."

Rakesh smiled " all those years ago.yes,i remember the day i became an IPS officer and how when i saluted the national flag,my heart and my whole body filled with pride and i was thinking how i am going to do a better job than others and help this country and its people.All those years ago and all that pride and arrogance has now diluted and i remain just a shadow of what i thought i was.I look back now and wonder if i could have done better and know now and realise now that i should have done better."

Sharada menon " Of course you have done a great job and let me tell you right now that there is no such thing as perfection or the right move for we all do what we can do in the given circumstances and situation.And yet you have prevailed and done a fantastic job with your career and although it has been an uphill climb,fighting against corrupt superiors,corrupt ministers and arrogant men who buy and sell their souls and other souls on a whim and fancy.So please stop torturing yourself and most importantly stop comparing yourself with this person you have met and tell me more about him.

Rakesh menon looked at his wife and then stared into the darkness outside the window " His name is rudran and whenever i try to describe him or think of him,only these words come into my mind."

Sharada menon arched her left eyebrow " well,what are those words."

Commissioner rakesh looked at his wife " Heaven and hell."

Sharada slowly got up and standing close to rakesh gently held him in her arms " Listen old man for i will tell you just this once.you are my hero.you are my everything.I want you to remember that always and most importantly even after i am gone."

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
'cause I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

And when...
When the night falls on you, baby
You're feeling all alone
You won't be on your own
I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

I'll stand by you by The Pretenders

Redemption-chapter 59

Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.-Rabindranath Tagore

Once upon a time, long, long ago in China, there were two friends, one who played the harp skillfully and one who listened skillfully. When the one played about a mountain, the other would say, "I can see the mountain before me." When the instrument called forth a storm and the calm that followed, the one who listened would say, "Yes, I am battered and then released and breathed easily upon." When the notes rippled water, the one who listened would cry out, "Yes, I hear and see the stream, the waterfall, the wave." They grew so together. They were one mind, heart, flesh and hope. Inseparable.

Then the listener died. After a long period of mourning, the musician went back to playing. But the music was flat, dead and lifeless. The form and the skill remained, but the spirit had fled. He could not play no matter how much he practiced, no matter how often other listeners begged him to perform and suggested that he go on with his life.

The musician went back to his home and took down all his musical instruments -harps, violins, guitars, mandolins " and cut their strings. He never played again. Since that time the cutting of harp strings has always been a sign of intimate friendship.


Death and now a new chapter

Rudran was lost in a deep sleep as he lay in his mothers bed and maybe he slept so peacefully for he felt that the sheets were the gentle embrace of his mothers loving arms .But he woke instantly with feet on the ground,alert and ready when his ears picked up the first gentle knock on the door.

He opened the door in total confidence for he knew there were men guarding his room and sadashivam's room in where his mother and babu were spending the night.

Yet,not taking any chances and with his right hand holding his hand gun behind his back he opened the door with his left and shielding his body behind the door and saw it was the same doctor he and commissioner rakesh menon had met in the ICU last night.

The doctor looked at him with lot of anxiety " Mr.rudran,sorry for disturbing you but my patient is awake and she is insisting that she meets you and she means business.I am just worried that all this tension and worry might harm her heart for she came out of surgery just yesterday.So although i don't approve of it maybe it is better if you just meet her and talk to her and find out what she wants.But please,dont stay for more than a few minutes for it is not good for her health."

Rudran nodded and told him he would be there in a few minutes and after shutting the door,hurriedly shaved,showered and slipped into the spare clothes he had left in his mother's room.He tucked his handgun into its holster and strapped it to his belt and not wanting to draw any kind of attention to himself he let his shirt hang loose which felt strange for he always tucked in his tee or be it his shirt.

He walked quickly towards the other wing of the floor where the ICU was and removing his sandals entered the confines of recovery and walked towards the last cot in which mrs.kamalam sadashivam was lying in.

Her round fair face,circled by black and grey of hair that announced itself that it was in its mid or late sixties lit up with the bright smile that flashed from one ear to another ear.Her smile automatically brought and reflected its power and love on rudrans lips as they too reciprocated with a smile of love yet tinged with pain and suffering.

Kamalam pointed to a chair that had been placed next to her and she patted one arm of the chair and indicated to rudran to sit down.

Rudran calmly sat down and old and young stared at each other.And then kamalam reached out for rudrans's hands and he took hers and gently clasped it and bowed in acknowledgement and whispered " I cannot thank him so i will thank you.I am forever in your debt.Please forgive me for i am the reason that he is no more.I don't know how to express my grief and sorrow but let me promise you that if there is ever a need,all you have to do is call and i will be there.I swear this on my life and i swear this in honor of mr.sadashivam."

Kamalam looked into his eyes " sir,you are mistaken for it is me and shivam who have to thank you."

Rudran hurriedly " ma'am,please call me rudran."

Kamalam smiled " rudran,i wish i could describe the excitement and happiness when he spoke about you.He kept going on and on about the fact that you reminded him of someone and a promise made long ago.Honestly,i have no idea what he was going on and on about but one thing was clear to me and that was that he had the same kind of glow he had when he went away on an adventure trip a few years ago.he came back totally transformed and a completely different person than who he was before he left on that trip,chasing some origins of some old and faded paintings."

Then she looked here and there and " rudran,please could you open the cupboard and fetch a blue color folder that is there."

Rudran got up and crossing the room,opened the built in cupboard and found the blue folder on the top shelf and brought it back and gave it to kamalam who brushed it away saying " no,they belong to you.if you open the folder you will find two envelopes marked A and B.Shivam told me to tell you that you should open the envelope marked A when you reach madurai and then open the envelope marked B when you reach the destination."

Rudran was confused and looked at kamalam " madurai,but why would i be going to madurai."

Kamalam looked at him pleadingly and with tears in her eyes " Madurai,for he said that is where it all began and that is where the truth lies and that is where he wants his ashes to be scattered.I do not know more and all i am telling you is what he told me."

Rudran looked at kamalam and knew that the lady was telling the truth and yet " scatter his ashes.But surely you must have a son or someone else in your family to do that.But why me for this sacred ritual."

Kamalam wiped her eyes with the white bed sheet that covered her " yes,i have a daughter called malati who lives in America and that will be the next thing i will be doing and that is to inform her.But i don't want shivam to lie in some cooler in some government hospital all alone wrapped in some plain white sheets.poor man,he would feel very embarrassed about it and it breaks my heart to know that he would be cold and frozen and lonely.I think his soul would jump and fly in joy if you went and saw him and looked after his final departure."

Kamalam took rudran's hands " please,will you do what is being asked from you.will you fulfill shivams last wish?"

Rudran gently kissed kamalam's hands and smiled softly " ma'am,i will do it.for someone who gave his life to protect my family i will do more and even give my life in return and it still will not suffice.i promise you."

The strong held the weak and the light entered the darkness of the soul and so it begins,the voyage to madurai.


I am Rudran.I am here.I have always been here.I am fire and i am also water. I am hell and i am also heaven and i will bring peace to you.

The boy who went into the dark and came back with light.

Redemption-chapter 60

Tears are sometimes an inappropriate response to death.When a life has been lived completely honestly,
completely successfully, or just completely,the correct response to death's perfect punctuation mark is a smile.

Death.The journey to some place beyond our imagination.The journey hopefully to a better place than this life of misery.
Tears roll down.Tears flow down and fall on our hurting breasts which thuds,skips and plods on in pain,a numb pain,a pain of solitude.You stand transfixed as you stare at the cold,stiff body in rigor.A body once full of vigor and a body which lay next to your body and one which made love to you countless times.Now it lies in the loneliness and ugliness of death and the smell of decay makes you wonder " is this the body whose fragrance drove me crazy."


Final frontier

Chennai police commissioner was in his study,sipping a cup of coffee when his cell phone rang and he answered it with a weary 'hello.'

Rudran ' good morning sir,this is Rudran.I hope i am not disturbing you.'

Rakesh smiled ' no,mr,rudran,you are not disturbing me and good morning to you too.'

Rudran hesitated for a few seconds ' sir, i need you approval to release the body of mr.sadashivam who is in the government hospital morgue so i can take care of the funeral arrangements.'

Rakesh ' Rudran,the case and everything pertaining to is now under your departments care and authority.So,you don't need my permission for the release of the dead body.'

Rudran ' sir,only you and a few of us know what the situation is regarding this case and i don't want to break protocol and thus revealing our involvement in this case for it will surely lead to complications.'

Rakesh thought about it and knew that rudran was right 'yes.okay,i will make the calls and see that the body is ready for release in the next few hours.have you decided where you are going to do the cremation?'

Rudran ' well,the besantnagar crematorium is the nearest one.so i thought i would do the cremation there.'

Rakesh absorbed this info ' but rudran,the morgue is in royapettah and there are a couple of crematoriums nearby.so why do you want to do it in besantnagar.'

Rudran 'you are right sir.But after the release of the body,i plan to take it back to global hospitals,so that mrs.kamalam sadashivam can say a proper goodbye and from there reaching besantnagar will be easier for me to go.that is why i chose besantnagar.'

Rakesh ' right.that is really kind and thoughtful of you.i will tell you what,i will call up the besantnagar crematorium and ask them to be prepared to help you,no matter what time you go there.will that be okay?'

Rudran ' thank you sir,thank you very much.i really appreciate the help.'

Rakesh ' it is okay rudran for that is the least we can do to help a person who sacrificed his life to save other lives.all the best and take care.'

It was nearly 11.00 am when Rudran reached global hospitals and getting out of the car he asked the undertaker driver to go park behind the hospital where it was quiet,private and away from the public's eye.He quickly walked towards the hospital and went straight to the cabin of kannan,the hospital security chief who jumped a few feet in a hurry to stand up and salute rudran.

Rudran riased his hand 'Kannan,you are not in service anymore and so you don't have to salute me.'

Kannan ' sir,this salute is for a hero i met yesterday.This salute is for you,for the police officer you are and for the man you are.This salute is for all the 30 years i served as a sub-inspector in the department and never had a chance to salute an higher officer of your standards.'

Rudran ' thank you.i am really moved and humbled for the respect you have for me.Please,i need a small favor from you.'

Kannan came around the desk 'iyya,not one favor but ask me a million favors i will gladly do them for you.tell me sir,what do you want?'


Rudran explained to kannan that he had brought sadashivams body to the hospital so that his wife would say her final goodbyes to him and was that okay with him and the hospital.

Kannan ' sir,this is not a favor and it is my duty to honor such a brave soul.please give me a few minutes and i will handle it.'

Rudran told him that he was going up to meet mrs.sadashivam and bring her down quietly to the back of the hospital and he would come down in about ten to twenty minutes.

Rudran left Kannan and getting into the elevator reached the third floor and first checked on his mother and Babu and then went to the ICU ward and went inside to meet mrs.kamalam sadashivam.

The head nurse of the ICU department informed Rudran that mrs.kamalam was doing very well and after finishing her breakfast and taking a small nap was awake and it would be okay to visit her.

Rudran thanked her and slowly came to the bed in which Kamalam was in and she had been raised up so she was neither up or down but in a limbo and yet comfortable position.The machines that monitored the health and vital signs of its patients were the only ones making a strange kind of music in the silence and comfortable chillness of the ward.

Kamalam looked at Rudran and her eyes asked the question which her quivering lips could not do but mumble incoherently and yet he caught the pleas and smiling sadly shook his head ' no,not till you have said goodbye.'

Kamalam 'goodbye,say goodbye.but how while i am stuck here and he must be all alone in some freezer somehwere.'

Rudran took her hand and gently squeezed it ' no,he is not somewhere but right here in the hospital waiting for you to come and send him home.'

Kamalam's whole body went deathly still in shock and pain ' here.he is not gone yet.he is here waiting for me.bloody stupid old man.He knew better than to go without me giving him permission.'

The door of the ICU opened and the chief doctor and the one who was caring for Kamalam came in pushing a wheelchair and looked at her ' well ma'am,you are recovering just fine and were due for a small walk and so let us go for a ride.'

They helped kamalam out from the bed and slowly and carefully made her sit in the wheelchair and then they descended down the floors and wheeled her out to the rear portion of the hospital.

Both kamalam and Rudran were surprised to see the entire staff of the hospital lined up in two neat rows and rudran slowly wheeled kamalam to the vehicle in which sadashivam's body was kept in.But as per his request,the undertakers had lifted the cooler box in which the brave soul's body lay in and had placed it on the ground.

Kamalam's sobs slowly tore through the silence of the sad air that filled the place and soon many of the staff members started crying for sadashivam in the past week had interacted with all of them and always had a kind smile and word for all of them and had left a lasting impression in their hearts.

Kamalam with rudran's strong hands helping her slowly got up from the wheelchair and came towards the box in which sadashivam was in and looked at him with a smile.Rudran asked the undertakers to remove the top of the box and after it was removed looked at kamalam and stepped back.

Kamalam smiled and mumbled a thank you and stepped closer to the box and leaning on top of the box, stared at her husbands face as the tears from her soul poured and bathed his face.

' Thank you shivam.Thank you for everything and i hope it is not too long before we meet again.I love you so much and i am going to miss every moment of the remaining time i have left.who will tease me about the murrukus and seedai that i eat while i am watching super singer and other programmes.who will teach me astronomy and who will teach me about sani and saturn.'

Rudran came closer to kamalam and held her just as she was about to collapse in despair.He helped her sit down in her wheelchair and then stood erect and saluted her as kannan and all the security staff joined in and saluted her .

Kamalam held rudran's hands and looked into his eyes ' thank you child' and then turning to her husbands body' mr.shivam,you have my permission to leave.take care.'

Rudran waited until kamalam was wheeled away and was about to leave when he saw Babu coming quickly towards him.

Babu looked at him ' i thought i would be late in saying my good byes.'

Babu stood over sadashivam and folding his hands,bent his head and chanted a few sacred verses from Thevaram.

A few minutes later with Rudran driving ahead of them,the undertaker's van followed and both headed towards the crematorium in Besantnagar.


Missing someone gets easier everyday.
Because, even though it is one day further
from the last time you saw each other,
it is one day closer to the next time you will

WHAT IF-THE CURSE OF THE CURSED

At about 2.00 pm on Saturday afternoon,a close friend of mine called me and asked me if i had spoken to seeni aka srinivasan achari.And when i said no,he went on to inform me that Sekar anna,seeni's elder brother had succumbed to his ailing lung problem and had passed away at 11.45 am earlier that day in Apollo hospitals,Poonamallee.

I waited for a couple of hours and then called seeni to tell him how sorry i was to hear his elder brother had passed away.

Sekar anna was 60 and had held various posts in the AIADMK party like his brother Mani who was no more and was gone because he had committed suicide much before the year 1986,when i met seeni and his family for the first time.Sekar anna was a soft spoken man,although too laid back for a career in politics and from my little knowledge,drank well and smoked a lot and like adding fuel to a fire,the food in seeni's house was high cholestrol,pure non vegetarian and the whole family led a very sedentary life style

Yesterday being sunday,i went there by about 6.00 am and spent a couple of hours with the family as cries,muffled sobs filled the air and dry and bloodshot eyes of periya Anni and the other women in the family stared at the cooler box in which lay sekar anna,with a peaceful expression and i wondered about it for Raji,aka rajendra prasad,sekar anna's younger brother but older to seeni had passed away in february 2014 and i had seen the very same and serene expression on his face.

I went there so early for i had a wedding to attend near porur at about 9.00 a.m and just as i was about to leave,i bumper into seeni who had gone home to shave and shower and come back fresh to get going with all the work that death brings with its coldness.And some of them are arranging more chairs,coffee and tea for those who come to pay their condolences and many a time i wonder if many come just to sit and enjoy a quiet cup of tea when they are in no way connected to the dead or the family.Then there is going to the burial ground and getting a time slot for the cremation and then calling for the men who preside over the rituals and such activities.With the AIADMK being the ruling party,i guess everything would go smoothly without a hitch and the dead body would be safely delivered to the crematorium for its blazing fire and all i and the rest had to do was compose and fix a sad expression on our faces and join the procession to the final frontier.

I hugged seeni and we both looked at each other and i asked him how he was holding up for he didn't look like he was doing very well.

Seeni shrugged his shoulders and said ' soon it will be my time and i hope you are there to get things done.'

I looked at him with a naughty smile,no more of an evil smirk and promised that i would safely deliver him to the fire.

Seeni shook his head ' i am the last one remaining and my diabetes is out of control as is my smoking.'

Then he went on and listed out how death had been visiting them regularly the past ten years.

Seeni was the last and the eighth child for his parents,Mariappa achari and Jagajothi ammal.Mani,vijaya,shekar,Naagu akka,Raji and there had been two other children who had died in infancy.

Mani had died at his own hands.vijaya akka due to jaundice,naagu akka due to cancer,raji due to heart failure,shekar anna due to some pulmonary condition.And add to the list,seenis brother-in-law,that is naagu akka's husband who fell off a building last year and both his sons who had died just before naagu akkas demise and add to that seenis mother,and add to that a few cousin brothers and sisters and probably now you will begin to understand the dread that filled seenis soul as it filled mine when i hear him recount all that.

Seeni looked at me ' satishu,something is haunting us,some curse has been following us and i don't think it is going to stop with me and i have a feeling it is not going to stop at all.'

From those haunting and soul chilling words will come a story from me and it will come after i gather a few more facts and figures.

But it will come after i finish with Redemption.

As always i wish you and your families the best of everything.

Lots of love.satish

This was very sad news and dreadful to read, Satish.
I don't know what to say...

Please accept my deepest condolences for your dear friend's loss.
May the departed soul rest in peace.

Your friend must truly appreciate your presence and support at this time of mourning.
I hope he stays motivated to control his diabetes and his smoking before it is too late.
But most importantly, I hope he has the serenity to accept the things he cannot change, have the courage to change the things he can and possess the wisdom to differentiate between the two.

My prayers and thoughts are with your friend's family at this difficult time.

And I'm looking forward to reading Ch. 61 of Redemption soon.
Take care.

Hers is another gem of a story from my friend sanjay and i share this with all of you for he is such a brilliant writer.

BRAHMS

Brahms couldn't possibly be his real name, though that was how he was universally known. When asked about the origin of his name, he would insist that Brahms was his given name - "This is how my parents named me and this is who I am" he would aver. This was generally considered bunkum because he was an Indian from an orthodox brahmin family, living in India and Brahms was obviously a western name. However, no amount of prodding or even threatening would make him change his story and this resulted in a lot of speculation among his friends.

His uncle Seshu knew the actual story behind the name of course and at every opportunity he would be pestered to divulge the details. Usually, Seshu would just respond ambiguously with " I don't know... Why don't you ask him yourself? I am sure he can explain better than I".

But one rainy day, when we were all huddled up in his house drinking piping hot tea and bajjis, he seemed to be in a loquacious mood and upon mild encouragement and a brief nod from Brahms himself, he gave us his version. This is what he had to say.

I guess I will have to take you back to the very early 60's. Keshav Acharya, Brahms' father, got married to his pretty wife Janaki -correct me if I am wrong, Brahms- in February 1961. Keshav, being the lone son among the 12 children in his family, the marriage was a very big function. After all, Keshav was their only hope for the propagation of the Acharya lineage.

In those days, a typical wedding used to be 3 days long, but this being a special wedding, it stretched for nearly 5 days. Friends and relatives came in hordes from all over the country, some of them it is said, from as far away as Rangoon. A huge choultry was hired for the occasion and a team of 15 cooks were employed non-stop to provide feasts, 3 times a day. The function is, I believe, still talked about among that generation.

There were great expectations among the people and even before the marriage was solemnized, Keshav's relatives were heard speculating on the number of sons he would produce. The anticipation for the first born son of Keshav was palpable - for would he not be the first born son of a first born son of a first born son? Would such a son not bring glory to the Acharya clan?

And obviously everyone wanted in on it. Even before the marriage was solemnized, different factions started campaigning hard to ensure that their favourite forefather's name would be chosen as the name for this as yet unborn, nay, as yet conceived son. The virtues and exploits of the forefathers were bandied about and much heated discussions ensued. By the third day of the wedding, things reached a head and there was open war among the various factions, punctuated only by feasting.

All this must have put serious pressure on Keshav and Janaki, the poor newly-marrieds. On the last day of the ceremony, as the wedding couple were about to embark on the traditional 15-day pilgrimage to pay their respects to all the family deities, Keshav announced that he was disgusted with the behaviour of all the people present and hence had decided to postpone the planned birth of his first child by 2 years. And if they did not stop bickering immediately, he swore he would pray at every temple for the first born to be a girl! You should have been there to see the stunned silence that ensued. Keshav's father, even today attributes at least 3 heart-attacks among the people assembled there that day, to that incident.

After the couple departed, Keshav's father was roundly admonished for having begotten an unruly, ill-mannered brat. I am sure, had there been enough time, the mob would have thrashed the poor man. But there were trains and buses to be caught and hence the crowd dissipated quickly, leaving him to ponder over the future of his clan.

Keshav's parents hoped and prayed that youth and libido would make him forget the threat soon. But, Keshav seemed to be made of sterner stuff, as you shall soon see. Upon the newly weds' return from the pilgrimage, the family allocated the young couple a large bedroom with an attached bathroom (not very common in those days mind you) and a lot of privacy in one corner of the sprawling house. Everything appeared normal except that Keshav made a couple of visits to the Doctor's. On being queried, he brushed it off saying it was nothing, and since the Doctor was not the regular family Doctor, no one became any wiser.

However, from then on, every month, for about ten days, Keshav would sleep in the Verandah and not in his bedroom with his wife. The first time, everyone assumed it was one of those tiffs between the couple and made it a point not to notice it. When the same thing happened the next month and the next, Keshav's parents cottoned on to the situation. Gentle prodding with "Why are you doing this, my son" was responded to with a gruff "you know why. Don't ask me". Much cajoling and crying took place, but to no avail and eventually the parents had to reconcile to the fact that their son was not going to be shaken in his resolve for the stipulated 2 years.

This went on for exactly 2 years, at the end of which Keshav quietly stopped sleeping in the verandah. His parents breathed a collective sigh of relief and clandestinely [for who knew what Keshav would do if he were to find out] started praying for their much awaited grandson. Six months went by and there was no sign of any pregnancy despite strategically timed walk-bys by the parents confirming that there was frequent and feverish action behind closed doors. While nobody was brave enough to question Keshav, his mother took Janaki aside and asked "Is everything going fine? why are you not in a state where you cannot have a head bath?" - a convoluted way of asking "why are you not pregnant yet?". Janaki, being unaware of such euphemisms, initially innocently responded with "why? why cannot I have a head bath?". Couple of more oblique tries to find out resulted in more confusion until, in exasperation, Keshav's mother mustered up her courage and said "Despite all the noisy action at night, why are you not pregnant yet?". Janaki apparently just turned beet red and shrugged her shoulders and not another word could be pried out of the shy lass' mouth.

A year went by and other relatives started asking "yenna, oru puzhu, poochi kaanum?" - literally meaning "why is there no sign of any worms or insects" - again a euphemism for "Where's the zygote?". By this time, Keshav and Janaki were also getting worried and you could see that on their faces. Their nightly activities became more frenzied and noisier but the results remained unchanged. Finally, Keshav suggested that they probably should see the Doctor. So Janaki was promptly taken to the Doctor. Keshav, of course, did not go, because in our chauvinistic society, there was not question of anything being wrong with the man. The Doctor took Janaki's pulse and blood pressure and declared that there seemed nothing wrong with her and that they should continue to try and leave the rest to the almighty. Janaki came back and conveyed the sage advice of the Doctor to Keshav and they went back to the bedroom with more vigour and resolve.

By now, it was nearly four years since their marriage and people started saying that it was all Keshav's fault for having put silly conditions in the beginning and the only way out was to pray to their family deity for the boon of a bonny boy baby. So started another four years of humping nights and prayerful days. Keshav and Janaki visited the family deity regularly and when that did not bear fruit, no pun intended, they started casting their nets wider and started visiting other temples. No Gods were spared - Ganesha, Brahma, Shiva and Vishnu in every avatar were prayed to, even bachelor Gods Anjaneya, and Aiyappa were not left out. In exasperation, they even approached Buddha, Mahaveera and Sai baba. All to no avail and the advice and antics of the people in the house became more and more ludicrous. On the advice of elders and priests, they started tying pieces of cloth on all the Bodhi trees around the city as this was supposed to be a sure route to successful procreation. When even that did not change the situation, they started tying pieces of gold embroidered silk on Banyan trees, peepal trees and even neem trees. By the end of the eighth year, they had visited over 300 temples and trees.

Finally, when everyone had all but given up, Janaki became pregnant. There was much rejoicing and telegrams were sent back and forth and the house started taking on a festive atmosphere. It was like a veil of gloom had been suddenly lifted in a flash.

While usually, the girl is sent back to her parents' house till the delivery, in this case, they did not want to take any chances and kept her where she was. She was treated like a queen and fed milk and ghee, fine fruits and even saffron, said to make the baby fair and beautiful, not that you could ever guess seeing him now. Eventually, some 9 years after marriage, Janaki gave birth to our man here.

A son. All the prayers and strange antics had finally produced the best of results. Now came the tough decision - What to name the baby? All thoughts of naming him after one of his illustrious ancestors were thrown out of the window. "Was this baby not a boon of the Gods? Therefore he should be rightly named after a God", declare Keshav's father. But wait, which God? Of all the Gods and demigods prayed to, who finally granted the boon? How to find out?

No definitive answers were forthcoming and so the priest was consulted and, being politically savvy and diplomatic, he suggested "Why don't you name the boy after all of them you prayed to". Of course, this was impractical because then the boy would have a name that was hundreds of words long!

Keshav being fairly orderly in nature, decided that he would start with the complete list and based on various criteria would eliminate names until a reasonably sized list of, say, 5 Gods was arrived at. The original list was really over 100 names long. Many of the names were of different avatars of the same god, but even after eliminating duplicates the list still had over 50 names.

First the lesser know ammans (Goddesses) such as Peeli amman and Mundakanni amman were eliminated, probably with a quick prayer beseeching them not to take it too personally. Brahma, though one of the all-powerful trinity and creator of all we see, has never held sway over the minds of people and no stories of curses and retribution are associated with him, so without too many worries his name was struck off the list. Laxmi and Saraswathi, the Goddess for wealth and learning respectively, being obviously names for girls, those names were also eased out. Ganesha, the elephant headed God was a great favourite of the entire acharya clan, but poor chap, being too lovable and nice cost him his place in the top five.

After further deliberations and taking into account the vengeful or benign nature of various remaining Gods, the final list was arrived at. The Gods that made it were

Balaji, an avatar of Vishnu, headquartered in Tirupathi, Rama, again an avatar of Vishnu, but hey, one couldn't go wrong with that, Maheshwara, another name for Shiva, pretty much selected himself, for who can leave the great linga or phallus out of any list instrumental in the birth of a baby, Aiyappa, supposedly the son of two men, Vishnu and Shiva (according to one version) known to be generous with his boons and more importantly given to fits of rage, and finally, Hanuman, again a fiery character.

In the honourable mention section remained Sai baba of Shiridi, a man revered as God by both Hindus and Muslims, and Keshav did not have the heart to leave him out of the final list as he, above all, deserved a place in the list.

Thus the baby was named Balaji Rama Aiyappa Hanumana Maheshwara Sai.

Not only was a broad cross-section of the Gods appeased, but naming a child after one or more Gods had other benefits. As you all know, it is considered very good for one's future lives if one were to call out Gods name many times each day. So every time the boy was called, God's name was automatically invoked resulting in the constant ticking of the punya counter. Thus all the family members made it a point to call the child by his various names thereby ensuring that all the Gods were evenly addressed. This caused a lot of confusion among neighbours and strangers, but our boy here seemed unperturbed. Like a puppy, he responded to all names, I guess, by the tone of voice rather than the actual name!

It was very happy times then and everyone was in the best of spirits. Our man here, though late in arriving, grewing up fast. By the time he was two, he had become the most mischievous and precocious child in the entire neighbourhood. Soon he became quite a handful and there was always trouble wherever he went. Precious vases were broken, plants were uprooted and general mayhem reigned at home. No amount of shouting and scolding seemed to affect his behavior. In fact, it seemed like the more they shouted, the more boisterous he became. Soon, you could hear "Balaji you dog, come here", "Sai, you rascal, how many times have I told you not to do that" and much worse.

Time went by, as it is wont to, and on his 4th birthday, it was decided to conduct the sacred thread ceremony for the boy and at that time, the family priest was again called for. He came and was quite shocked by the name calling going on that day. He called Keshav and his father aside and said "I know it is good to invoke the names of Gods regularly, like you all are doing. I am also sure that our Gods are omniscient and understand when you are addressing them and when you are referring to the boy, but do you think it is prudent to constantly juxtapose the names of Gods with names of animals and body parts? After all, you know how vengeful some of our Gods can be sometimes - God forgive me for saying this". This had a profound effect on everyone and after much turmoil, hand wringing and nearly non-stop obeisance in front of the deities in question, it was decided that along with the thread ceremony, a new naming ceremony would also be conducted wherein the boy's name would be shortened to contain only the first letters of each of his names. And thus he was named Brahms that day and he has been called only by that name from that day on. And that's that, ended Uncle Seshu.

Brahms said "I told you all so" and left the room.