*From To Sathish* - Thread 3 - Page 100

JANNAL ORAM-32

Both of them sat quietly at the table and watched as their elder daughter went about lighting the lamp and standing before her favourite god Ganesha with folded hands and her lips whispered a prayer.Jeeva had been doing this and following the same routine from the time she was in her 2nd std.

2nd std and to be exact, it had started during her quarterly exams when she had suddenly realised that she was a bit weak in mathematics and that numbers kind of spun her head in confusion and she had come and sat on her mothers lap " amma kamakshi,this subject called maths is killing me and i need your help."

Kamakshi who was cutting some vegetables sighed and depositing a soft kiss on her daughters cheek " Listen,kamakshi has given away all her powers to her son ganesha and so it is him who you have to be asking for help and not only for maths but whenever you have any problems for he is the best when it comes to removing obstacles for he is the greatest teacher as of now."

Jeeva looked at her mother " what about mani,my dad? Isn't he smart too?"

Kamakshi thought for a second " no,i am sorry mr.ganesh is slightly higher up in the office and also holds an higher posting."

Jeeva looked at her totally confused and then slowly walked to the tiny gods room which was actually a small cupboard of two large shelves and opening the door stared at the tiny pink idol of lord ganesh and something clicked and connected them both.For from that day onwards,she never failed to stand before her favourite god and whisper her prayers to him.


Kamakshi looked at mani who with folded hands pleaded silently to leave him be out of the talk and went back to reading his paper although both his wife and eldest daughter knew that it was all pretence and in reality he was as eager to know about his daughters previous evening.

" It rained pretty heavily last night jeeva.I hope you and suja don't catch a cold although you were the one who was totally drenched."

Jeeva opened her eyes and smiled at her god and winked at him " boss,our mother kamakshi has started her fishing expedition and i better go and pacify her before she goes mad with the suspense."

Jeeva threw her hands around her dads neck and pecked softly on both his cheeks " mani kanna,how are you doing today?"

Mani gently held her hands and kissing her palms " now that i have gotten my quota of morning kisses i will be better,much better baby."

Jeeva deliberately avoided her mother and sat at the table and kamakshi in frustration went into the kitchen and brought out two plates and a bowl with a lid and jeeva opening it saw the steaming,soft milky white Appams and squealed in delight and squealed more as her mother brought out a big vessel filled with sweet coconut milk.

Jeeva held her mothers hand and dragged her close and made her sit on her lap " Sweetie,what is the special occasion? don't tell me you are pregnant again?"

All of them burst out laughing and jeeva gently took her mothers hands and placing soft kisses in her palms,looked at her dad " appa mani,i think her palms are softer and sweeter than her appams and thengai paal."

Jeeva gently bit her mothers fingers and looking at her eyes " Chellam,guess who i met yesterday?"

Kamakshi jumped out of jeevas lap and went and sat on her husbands lap " Who? please and also don't leave behind any bit of news of your evening also.I have stopped watching all these stupid tv serials for all of them in all the channels looks the same and more or less have the same story.che,so boring baby.I think i am going to start reading again and maybe even take up a correspondence course or something to while away the time."

Jeeva took a bite of coconut milk soaked appam and sighed dreamily and closed her eyes relishing the taste of the breakfast and raman came into her thoughts and kissed her lips and left her wondering which was sweeter,his kisses or her mothers appams.

Opening her eyes she looked at her dad and mum " I met mr.mohan yesterday evening."

Both of them " Mohan,who is mohan and what is so big about you meeting him?"

Well oldies,mohan is sujas,come on,stop acting,suja's you know who."

Both mani and kamakshi nearly jumped out of their chairs " seriously.great.how is he and where did you meet him? was it at the beach from where you called me last evening?"

Jeeva's expression became very serious and seeing it both mani and kamakshi became worried and kept looking at her.

Jeeva took a few more bites of appam and looked up at them " I met him at the police station."

The blood drained out of both her parents faces and with both their mouths hung open in shock " Police station.But why police station.Oh my god,is he some kind of criminal or some rowdy type."

Jeeva started laughing and she laughed loudly and the sound of her laughter ran all around their small house and filled it with positive vibration and lit up the house with a beautiful aura.

The door opened loudly and suja yawning and scratching her head came and stood near the table " What wrong with the three of you? Cant you keep the noise down."

Then she looked at the table and at jeeva gulping her breakfast " What,appams and coconut milk.You thieves,gangsters and you are eating without asking me to join you both."

Running into the kitchen,suja came back with a plate and sitting down piled it full of appams and then drowned it with coconut milk and without even a hesitation began to stuff herself with the delicious breakfast.

Jeeva loudly " MA'am,did you brush your teeth" and suja shook her head " did you at least brush your teeth last night?" and suja again shook her head to indicate no.

Jeeva got up from the table " baby,if you go on like this,you wont have any teeth by the time you are 40 and we all know your craving for sweets."

Washing her plate quickly,jeeva went into their bedroom to place a bindi on her forehead and kamakshi grabbed suja's hand " Mohan,your boy friend is mohan and what was he doing in the police station."

Suja looked at her parents with her mouth stuffed with breakfast and mumbled something and then seeing that her parents could not make sense of what she had just said,swallowed and looked at them calmly " Yes,his name is mohan and he is also doing his internship in the same hospital.He was dropping me back when a cyclist ran into us and after admitting him into the hospital for a safety checkup we went to the police station to report the accident and also file a complaint for insurance purposes."

Both her parents mani and kamakshi heaved a sigh of relief and then suja leaned forward " guess who i met yesterday,our ladys better half."

All three looked at the door of the bedroom and seeing it shut,huddled together and mani hurriedly and softly " is he a nice person.is he good looking and what does he do?"

Suja closed her eyes and pretended to think and remember and opening her eyes with a smile in them " He looks very old for jeeva and also very serious looking.He is totally bald and is also short and fat and also dark complexioned.But i think he is very well off and runs some departmental store somewhere in the city."

This description of jeevas male friend was like the roof caving on top of their heads and mani and kamakshi sank sadly into their chairs.

Suja got up with her plate and looked at both of them seriously " But i have to admit that when compared to my mohan,he is much better looking."

This information was like another bombshell for both the parents and kamakshi's eyes brimmed with tears and hearing jeeva coming out quickly wiped her eyes with the edge of her saree and pretended something had fallen into her eye.

Jeeva removing her hand,softly blew into her eye " better now baby " and then looking at suja " sweetie,i think it is time you brought mohan home and officially introduced him to the family."

Seeing her shocked sisters face " Don't worry,raman will be here too."

Jeeva said bye and left the house and suja looking at her parents " appa,amma,his name is raman.actually he should he should be called kuttai and sottai raman.God help all of you."

She ran into the room with a smile for she didnt want her parents to see that she was joking and playing with them.

Mani gently patted kamakshis shoulder " looks are not important and what is important is whether he can be a good husband to jeeva and love her like we do."

Just as jeeva was nearing the bus stand,her mobile rang with raman's call and she answered it happily " Hi" and raman replied hi and then told her that he was on the way and he would drop her and take off to the office for his boss had called him about a new and very important case.

" Raman,please,you dont have to come all the way to parrys just to drop me and then drive back to egmore.It will be too much trouble and in this traffic it is just an headache."

" jeeva,my whole day will be made better by just seeing you and don't worry about me going back to egmore all alone for your smell and fragrance will fill my car and keep me company."

Raman arrived in his car a few minutes later and jeeva getting into it looked at him " advocate sir,keep yourself free for you are coming over to my place today evening."

" okay ma'am,your orders are my command.I will be there by seven.Is that okay sweetie?"

Jeeva nodded " you are beautiful raman and my life has become beautiful because of you in it."

" No,you beautiful woman,not me for it is all you" said raman and both of them looked at each other and another day and another chapter of their love story ends and begins.

"To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us. Timothy J. Keller, The Meaning of Marriage

Sometimes just a line of words which i stumble upon and happen to read raises me from a stupor,a chasm that i have fallen into for those words i feel also have risen from the womb of darkness,pain and confusion about this life and reach out to me and caress and cajole me to do better,breathe and live better.

This poem by Rudyard kipling is such a gem and it is title IF

Eternal struggle"Life is like a sandwich!

Birth as one slice,
and death as the other.
What you put in-between
the slices is up to you.

Is your sandwich tasty or sour?


This topic has to begin with the mention about my daily struggle as i step out of the house and that time is usually anywhere between 5 and 5.30 am.As always my mind has the days workout routine mapped out so as to not waste too much time thinking and pondering which makes me lose my drive and then it always ends with me sneaking away from the gym and rushing off to meet my doggy pals and also bake and bask in the morning sunlight.

The summer months beginning from april to august pose the biggest challenges and they torture me on a daily basis.Just as i am driving down to the gym from home it also coincides with the time when the sun is waking up and peeking over the eastern horizon of the bay of bengal and as always it is a stunning sight to see the lights streaking through the clouds and putting up a spectacular show.My soul skips a beat and stopping my car,i get out with my camera phone and walk up to the shore and wait breathlessly for a few good shots.One of the reasons i do that is so that i can share those pics of the morning sun over besant nagar with my loved ones who dwell far away on distant continents and are separated from chennai by distant oceans.The simple thought that i can send them a bit of light,sight and sounds via whatsapp so that it will make a difference in their lives is what wins that eternal struggle and i use the word eternal for now in my middle age it is a tug between body and soul.

The body is my house in which my soul dwells and i hate to admit that my soul that soars with the rising sun always wins over and by the time the sun is up and his day's portfolio safely captured and storedin my phones memory card,it is nearly 6.00 am and then i talk to myself " bro,gymukku poganuma" and this has become a constant thing offlate and i dont blame the magnificient sunrise for that.

The thing is,that by 6.30 the gym begins to fill up with members and also fill up with body odour from two legged specimens who i think have never heard of deodorants and who smell far worse than my furry four legged pals.
And honestly,i think this mindset that i have to be at the gym when it opens and finish my workout as quickly as possible and then get away to the beach is a pretty powerful motivation.

I think my soul is slowly winning the battle with my mortal body and so i have to get smart now and think of various ways to keep both body and mind in balance and also fight this slowing metabolism that ageing brings.

But in the end,there is only one sunrise and many hours where i can run,workout in the gym and so the soul wins hands down in the end.I also cajole and console my body by telling it that at nearly 50 year of age,nobody is keen on seeing you barebody and so don't worry too much about gym and physique as long as you are healthy and don't have too much of a tummy.

Slowing metabolism has found its anchor and made its foundations in my face cheeks and my butt and my favourite curd rice and potato fry combo is not helping in the least and add to the curd rice,juicy mangoes " god help me for i whisper,screw the tummy and bummy and just hog bro"

I had always felt that i was stranded at the crossroads but off late a calm,a sense of peace seems to be settling in and i have stopped looking back to the past and now my eyes are only glued to the front and the present and the journey that lies ahead.

One step satish,one breath at a time bro and make it count and at the same time keep your eyes and ears open for the hands and sands of the eternal countdown.No fear and with arms wide open i embrace this moment and yes today as i did yesterday i will greet the sun and fill my soul with its light,with the sand between my toes and all the while the salty waves wash them away,again and again.Love satish

falling

Every leaf,dry or green falling to the earth is a moment
a life spent,a purpose done and now it tumbles,floats down to the
outstretched arms and power of gravity that seek it from down below
every leaf that detaches from the highs and the lows of the trees
from where it once called home spins,floats,rotates,near or far
it falls down on the soil from where with great toil rose the tree
that carried it and nurtured it

Every leaf is a life and i see the gathered dry and brown leaves
as fallen lives,some gone too soon and yet
sometime which makes you whisper bitchily
never too late for him or her to have gone

Like the water,like soil,like the light of the distant sun
i want to permeate into the roots and the trunk and rise
to the branches and spread to the new leaves and shoots
and watch,waiting to see the tree as its leaf leaves
as do many of its leaves

I see the sap ooze from the trunk,i see the gum from the
cut branch and wonder if the gash is crying in pain or in fear

do the tears have to flow out of eyes
does blood have to flow red for us to see it and recognise the pain

green grass and out come my feet out from the shoes
and if slippers,they are flung away and in glee
tall tree,big branches and shade i stand still
lay an arm or embrace it with both arms and feel the hum

life,precious life and so many precious sights
like then when i was a foot and a half tall
and now five feet and more tall
i still sit and try to see the grass grow
still take pleasure as the dew bends its tiny stalks
and winks and blinks and they look like tears of the grass
sad or happy and i think not and only of joy

The rain falls and the air blooms with fragrance
and i wonder why deos and perfumes are not made thus
or at least room and car fresheners
for it would be a heady delight to smell the earth
from where we all stem and flow out of its birth

earths bowels or earths womb in the end is a tomb
but from her i came and into her i go
and as one soul and billions of molecules i will
travel through all life

Inside and outside


Time and life spent penning thoughts of my journey
is also debiting that which otherwise threatens to crest the brim
memories,emotions,lost loved ones and they creep to the edge
and so often i write and lay down my thoughts in rambled scribble
adjusting them random flows which are laid like the letters in scrabble
the thoughts i write for sometimes they tend to flow out in tears
and man i am just cannot give in to an exhibition of my fears
overload,overcome,overburdened and over top they flow
and are finally channeled down the fingers into the keyboard

as the letter are typed out i smile happily
for when i used to put pen to paper it was a disaster
since my handwriting was so bad and it never changed
from the time i learnt to write as a five year old lad

All that i want to say seems better shaped and sculpted
when they are laid down in poems or articles
for all that i want to say never ever comes out properly via my lips

so i write,i sing and i dance and also talk
through my thoughts on my desktop
and keep hoping against hope that they my thoughts and emotions
get as much as likes as my outer skin and features
for i think they are more beautiful than what lies outside
them thoughts,them needs and memories

so each day is spent walking through the house of my soul
opening one room at a time and letting one hope and fear out
for they threaten to overflow in a flood and reach my tears


as the eternal struggle and the eternal yearning for likes
and addiction for acceptance by peers and nears and dears
once again reflects in my body and in my soul
for both are laid near naked on my page
words for those that can really see and know
and my face that see and remain unknown

What If-The return 15


DIG Arivuselvam and ponni the female lab stood watching the vehicles leave and man looked at dog " Ponni,i think we are better off without all those clowns and i guess we make a far better team.I am here and i will protect you and don't worry too much for my trusted Inspector loganathan will soon be here."

His mobile phone rang and seeing it was his boss DGP Ashok kumar,Arivuselvam answered " sir."

" What the hell is happening there arivu? for i am hearing and seeing about this case in all the news channels and i have to call you up to find out instead of you reporting to me."

" sir,i am sorry sir.I was waiting for the moment when i had all the details in my hand and then i would have called you and reported sir.But,i am not following you when you mentioned news channels for i am here in the forest and have not been near a tv since early morning.So,please tell me what is going on?"

DGP Ashok kumar trusted Arivuselvam more than himself for he knew the mettle and true character of the man and that it was beyond any doubt or stain and yet getting a call from the Chief Secretary Thirumathi Girija Vaithiyanathan IAS who was the chief executive officer responsible for issuing orders on behalf of Government demanding to know what the hell was going on in kodaikanal for the hill station was featured in all the nations news channels with the video of the body in the tree.

Arivuselvam groaned in anger and frustration " sir,if one of our men has leaked it then i will personally see them to their early retirement that very moment.But i guess we will come to that decision later.Sir,give me an hour and i will get down to the bottom of this matter."

DGP Ashok kumar " Arivu,i am not worried about that man for i am worried about what is going to transpire tomorrow morning at the forest."

DIG Arivuselvam thought for a second " crap sir,this bloody case might just finish our careers if not ruin it beyond repair.I guess by tomorrow morning by first light this whole place will be crawling with reporters and tv crews and newspaper journalists for they will not miss such a juicy murder and can milk this case for a few weeks with ratings in mind."

Tiredly DGP ashok kumar " arivu,what are you going to do man?"

" simple sir.After i finish my conversation with you i am going to call Assistant commissioner Natraj who handles the armed police battalion and request him to send the entire team to this spot.With the help of father james gunaseelan i will see to their living quarters all though it will be just for a day or two and with them as protection i will go about solving the case of this strange murder."

DGP Ashok sighed in moment of peace " Just handle it arivu and please don't let this spill over and tarnish our careers although honestly speaking i am not worried about mine but yours my boy."

" sir,it will not come to that and i swear i will not let it go to that extent.I will talk to you tomorrow morning and update you with what is happening here.Don't worry sir.It will be all right sir."

" All right arivu.Good night."

With the call ended,Arivuselvam immediately called Assistant commissioner Natraj " Mr.natraj,please send one armed battalion immediately to kodaikanal and i mean immediately.I have already spoke to the DGP and he will also be calling you to confirm it.Now get on with it for we don't have much time."

The next call was to the cyber crime division in madurai and it was answered by Inspector Dilip " Cyber cell division,Inspector dilip speaking,how can i help you?"

" Dilip,this is DIG Arivuselvam here.Where is Mr.shekar?"

Dilip " sir the assistant commissioner is attending a family function.Please tell me sir how i can help you?"

" Dilip,i am here in kodaikanal investigating the case of the missing father and whose body we found high above in the trees.Some stupid person has uploaded it on to you tube.I want you to find out who it was and get back to me as quickly as possible."

" sir,it might take a few hours or even more.Is that all right sir."

" no problem dilip.Just get back to me the moment you get the IP address and the person behind it."


Away from the road that led through the forest and to the tree where the body was found,Mani quietly went about making scratches using stones so that it would mislead the police and make them think it was some wild animal that actually killed the priest.

But like that popular saying in tamil " MUZHU POOSANIKAI SOTHULE MARAIKA MUDIYUMA" ( you cannot hide a full pumpkin in a bowl of rice) it was too little and too late and soon mani would realise that he should have kept away from the crime scene for the case got stranger and stranger and the man who was investigating was getting mentally stronger and stronger and in the end mani's hasty interference although done with good intentions was like the other popular tamil saying Ciru nunalum than vayaal kedum meaning Even the tiny frog is spoilt by its mouth - because its noise invites snakes.

JANNAL ORAM-33 -a moment of love

Anyone who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselvesUnknown

Being inside a car is like being inside your own space,a mini private space and you can talk,breathe and listen to the other breathe without the hindrances of pollution from outside be it noise or be it air.

Jeeva watched the outside world quietly crawl by as they crossed the length of mount road while inside the car with the AC on and raman besides her felt like a different realm.

" Raman,i wish we could just keep driving with this moment and never stop,never.I want this moment to last as long as possible."

Raman just smiled and nodded for she had taken the words out of his soul and there was nothing to add to it for she had captured his thoughts and the beauty of the moment in simple and plain english.

Jeeva looked at him " this is what i find most beautiful of you.This acceptance and the need not to add or top my moods and its words.This power you give enables me to breathe better and just remain who i am and not who you want me to be."

Raman looked at her and a smile again played on his lips and he looked at her fondly and also kept his eyes on the traffic for it was slowly beginning to fill up and the pace of their car got slower and slower.

" What i meant was that falling in love,being in love is all beautiful but i have seen with my own eyes how manipulative people can get in their relationships.Using the power of love,one always tries to change how the other person thinks,dresses,eats and even lives their life and all done so subtly that soon you realise that the person who you fell in love with is not the same person anymore and soon you yourself are not the same person and then hate,hatred fills up and the rot sets in."

" Raman,i need you to do something for me and i want you to do it only if you are ready and also comfortable with it" said jeeva and raman " Okay.what is it?"

" I have asked suja to bring mohan home today evening to meet my parents and i was wondering if you could be there too.Anytime after 7.00 pm will do."

She looked at him and watched as his face reflected his days shedule as he raced through it,pored over it and then he smiled and looked at her " I will be there jeeva and it will be my pleasure to meet your parents."

" Thank you raman.You just made my day."

" jeeva,you are sure suja will be okay with me being there today evening."

Raman caught her expression " what i meant was,will she be comfortable with me around for i guess this is the first time that mohan is coming home and also the first time that he is going to meet your parents.So,i was just wondering for they both are the priority as of this moment."

She took his hand which was shifting gears and gently kissed it " You are so thoughtful and think of everything but my beautiful lover,you are also coming home as the eldest son-in-law,married or not married and you will take your rightful place that has been booked in advance."

Raman now genuinely confused " What,ma'am you lost me there."

" where were you raman? where were you all this time and away from me? The more i am with you,the more i wish that we had known each other from our childhood.I wish we had been neighbours and had gone to the same school and to the same college and had spent all our time with each other."

Raman shook his head " Wow,jeeva that is just beautiful.You should begin to write down these moments as poems."

" I wish i could but it is you who sits in my soul and sings and thinks these thoughts.So actually you are the poet."

He watched with passion and fascination at her fingers as she reached to the music player and pressed the power button and the popular song from mani ratnam's alaipayuthe filled the car and she leaned back and went back to staring at him.

Snehithane Snehithane Ragasiya Snehithane
Chinnach Chinnathaay Koarikkaigal Sevikodu Snehithane
Ithae Azhutham Azhutham Ithae Anaippu Anaippu
Vaazhvin Ellai Varai Vendum Vendum
Vaazhvin Ellai Varai Vendum Vendumae


Love is a feeling, a feeling of happiness. Love is powerful, too powerful to play with. This feeling is strange and hard to describe, but when you fall in love, you will know it inside.Unknown