*From To Sathish*-Sathish's new movie Info & Pics pg20! - Page 54

KISS AT YOUR OWN PERIL

When i was kid in the times of doordarshan programmes,two flowers touching and rubbing each other meant that the adults were smooching and sucking faces.Many a time i wondered if they were actually kissing behind the flowers and desperately wanted the flowers to move away.It is like that joke about a guy who goes to see a film everyday after work and the guy at the counter asks him,man arn't you tired of seeing this crap film.The guy replies " i know the film is bad but there i a scene where the heroine is taking a bath and she is about to drop her clothes and just then a train passes by.so i am coming everyday in the hope that the train might not come and i can actually see the actress nude" now what do you make of that.

Back in school days even the harmless word as reproductive organs or genitals made the girls blush and they turned pink and red (even those with dark skin) and the boys always had something to stare at in the ceiling or outside the walls.And there was a time when my dog tony tried humping my leg and i thought he was practicing some sort of yoga or trying out some stretching exercise.Well today we know what doggy style or down dog is,at least some do i think.

But the world has changed and mother nature has put in lot of checks and measures in place to limit the growth of mankind and the scariest checkmate is being HIV POSITIVE.Well by the time i started donating blood disposable syringes and other stuff were in place.Not those huge syringes sticking out of metal tubes and the doctor would omniously remove it from some boiling tube and then go behind you.Well i remember peeing myself when i was about four years old and forget that i did not have any padding or cushions in my booty but just bones sticking out and the doctor stuck the needle into the bone and recollecting it now i think he was trying to steal some bone marrow,but marrow from my arse.come now.

Times were when one got AIDS by having sex or through blood transfusion.but now you can get it from kissing.so what next condoms for the mouth.God i really would like to get my hands on that bas***d who humped a monkey in africa.Wonder if he or that monkey is still around.Was it a male or a female monkey i wonder.Sorry i get side tracked by these gender details.But here is a write up about kissing and aids.

Words stolen from a website called GO ASK ALICE.

For many, kissing is one of the joys of life " plus kissing someone deeply is hot, hot, hot! And you want to be safe, as well. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) considers open-mouth kissing low-risk for transmitting HIV, especially if both partners are without sores or cuts on the mouth or lips. Saliva has certain proteins that make it an extremely poor carrier of HIV. As a result, kissing, sucking, and licking the lips, mouth, and tongue are basically safe.

Blood, however, is an ideal carrier for HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, and if anybody's blood enters the equation (or a mouth), things can get more complicated. The CDC has reported one case that suggests a woman contracted HIV through exposure to her partner's contaminated blood during open-mouth kissing. If an infected partner has blood in his or her mouth, an open-mouth kiss could lead to transmission of the virus through the other partner's mucous membrane lining the inside of the mouth. If the receiving partner has mouth or lip abrasions (i.e., serious gum disease, cuts, open sores, cold sores), the virus has a better chance of being absorbed. Since extended periods of oral exploration can potentially damage the mouth and lips, causing such abrasions, the CDC recommends against open-mouthed kissing with an HIV-positive partner.

Wow,the world is truly up the shit creek without a paddle and i guess soon we will be carrying cards hanging around our necks which declare us aids free or hepatitis free.

I saw the film the wolf of wall street and got such an overdose of tits and butts that i dont think i will need to see any of that for a couple of decades.More than two hours of film which shows sex,sex and more sex.They should have named the film engelbert humperdinck.God forgive me for that name belongs to a famous singer but why the heck does it sound like the name of a guy who acts in a po*n film.Names like galloping gerard,hard harold or stiff stanley.Seriously what were that singers parents thinking when they named their son engelbert humperdinck.What a hump of a name.

Rukku my model coordinator and also a dear pal of mine called me one day and told me about this ad which the agency wanted me to do.So i said what is it about.She said it is general health tablet which adds vigour and stamina.I said okay and asked her the concept.She said it is about a husband coming back from the office and his wife reaches out to him and he says i am tired and falls asleep.this happens for some time and then she gives him this tablet and he reaches to her and the lights go dim.They end the ad showing a black stallion running fast on the beach.I said oh and asked her why the black stallion and she replied for endurance and etc.Then the woman started laughing and laughing and i did my favourite horse whinny whinny noise.To this day whenever she sees me all rukku has to do is snort and she ends up rolling on the ground in laughter.Well my modelling career has a few downs when for money i modelled for poompuhar vest and briefs and another ad called cityman undergarments.Not my moment of glory but must say i did get involved and posed well.But all that stopped when seeing those ads i got a call from a rather famous undie company but i could not do it for they said as per the ad i must add stuff to make my package look bigger.And my reply was am i modelling for an undie ad or am i potential bridegroom for a female elephant.Needless to say that did not work out but i did bug my wife for many a month about stuff like packages until she kneed me to make it bigger.

Originally posted by: s.satishkumar

And my reply was am i modelling for an undie ad or am i potential bridegroom for a female elephant.

Ramanujan movie pictures:

VOTE BANK-LOOT BANK

Once long ago when i was still innocent as to the workings and machinations of this adult world i happened to scan the school application form.As my eyes were scanning the posers and questions which demanded knowledge about me i stopped and halted at religion and then continued for i now really hit a speed breaker called caste and stuff like that.Well i did not know then but to this day the information my elders gave me was puzzling and weird.Backward class,yup me and my family belong to the backward class according to the government.Not that it matters but honestly i think well into the 21st century,do we really need to ask children what religion they or caste they belong to.

It has died down but until a few years ago everybody predicted that india would become a superpower and that it is a sleeping tiger waiting for the time to rise and growl.Sleeping tiger, my arse,more like a rat in coma.Who are we fooling but ourselves when we talk about India and its accomplishments.If you ruffle through the pages of indian history one can read and understand that back then,many thousands of years ago people from outside this land we call india have entered,hunted,pillaged,massacred us and looted us.Many stumbled and went back happy with a bit of loot but come the Mughal empire and then the arrival of the British empire we were over run and still live in their shadow and legacy.

In the time spent on the beach with some of my ancient pals,some who went to school with mahatma gandhi and even some older souls who witnessed the birth of jesus i have sometimes touched this topic of caste and religion.See most of my pals in besant nagar are either iyers or iyengars and i think some of them are friendly with me because of my tv actor status or just out of nervousness and in fear that i might elope with their aathukaaris.In your dreams for most of them are as ancient as the egyptian pharoahs.But the few times this topic of religion has come up i have come to realise that most of them can tolerate christians and christianity but they just hate the religion of islam.

For most hindus the temple is a sanctuary,a refuge,a rest house to stop and visit and discuss with god whom they consider their only true friend and ally.For a select few the temple is to check out other things and you might wonder how i have come to this conclusion.Well i am a psychic,okay i came to this conclusion simply by judging the person and the clothes he or she is wearing.I have seen adult men in their sixties walk in wearing their khaki shorts and polo t-shirts and thankfully not those kind of khaki shorts which police used to wear a few decades ago.Now that summer is here probably many cops will be wishing they wore those kind of shorts.Starched khakis standing stiff with the grand canyon between their legs and all i used to think those days coming back from school on the bus was what if something ran up that poor cops shorts.Well i know how he felt for i felt that way during my final years in Besant arundale.My bus used to pick me up near aspirin gardens,kilpauk and run its course via shenoy nagar,amjikarai and nungambakkam.Now amjikarai means pachaiyappas college and those guys used to regularly rag me about my kurta and pyjama school uniform.I often used to hear comments like " itho paaruda intha paavatha, thoongi elunthu appadiye schooluku poran." See like that punch line in padaiyappa i in reality have another face which i dont show to the public or use that face and look only in dire circumstances.No,No, i have this paavam look,a paavam expression which will make most humans shed tears and that was my weapon when faced with these ragging college boys from pachaiyappas and a few stragglers from loyola college who used to keep mum until ega theater and get off near sterling road.So if any of my class mates are reading this,that is the reason why i started wearing jeans and other vague clothes during my 12th std.

But coming back to the topic of hindus,temples and muslims there lie open scars and wounds which have yet to heal in many hindus minds.The destruction of many temples,hundreds of famous temples have left behind an instinct about muslims and the hatred lies just beneath the skin waiting to erupt.No that we indians need an excuse to erupt.When news that former prime minister indira gandhi had been assassinated hit the streets thousands of sikhs,innocent sikhs were killed and brutalised.There has been no justice or a reckoning about that.Then one can imagine what mayhem and atrocities must have happened during partition of india and pakistan.Centuries of hatred which lay hidden under the control of britain finally came erupting like a volcano and thousands lay dead.But that is then and the godhra riots and mumbai riots are current and now.

I lay the blame squarely at the door of our government mostly the impotent congress and its cabinet of inefficient ministers.When will the wounds heal and why should they even heal i think and ask of you when on national television i see pakistani terrorists like kasab walking on our land shooting my people.it does not matter whether they are hindus,muslims or christians.

The general elections are here and the result will most probably be like the mental and physical state of most indians.Hung but unable to rise,sorry for that comparison.But with a billion people and vast amount of natural resources we are still in a comatose state simple because we lack self respect and dignity.We are more interested in branded clothes,cell phones bigger than arms and legs with HDTV recording,cars bigger than buses,partying at the most happening places.And yet there is a soul left,remnants of a glorious dream and vision called india.If only every citizen considered himself a leader and started living the right way then yes the sky is the limit for us.

I wish my old bones are around to see all the changes which i wish for happening in this country.But as long as we are dependent on gulf oil we will remain slaves to pakistani and taliban sponsored terrorism and will not be able to do a damn thing.For if the oil from the gulf stops flowing then i guess this nation will grind to a halt.So innocent hindus and muslims will keep dying until the government decide enough is enough and go to war with pakistan.

Forward class,backward class,minority,hindu,muslim,christian, i think these personal details should not be asked for in any application for school or college admission.Merit yes only merit should dictate all our choices and the only quota should be left for physically handicapped people who should be given desk jobs and not jobs where they have to walk around.God please,if any of you have been to banks like TNSC BANK then you will understand my grouse.

Brain drain is a word that was used some years ago but is not in vogue now for there are no brains left to drain.Sadly many brilliant brains left india just because they were brahmins and denied seats in prestigious colleges.Yes and see now all of those brilliant brains are american and british citizens working in places like NASA,MICROSOFT to name a few.So whose loss is it,theirs or ours.This country is not at a crossroad but at the edge of a precipice and all that is holding us back are a few honest souls who still work in the belief that india will one day become a great nation.

The time is now not for yoga and pranayama,the time is now not for raising kundalini when the motherlands behind is on fire but for action,strong action,strong measures and to build faith of all indians regardless of religion,caste,color or creed.

The directors cut

A coconut is a hardy fruit and manages to float hundreds of kilometers across seas and reaching land seeds and grows into a colony.Just like coconuts washing onto dry shores after long voyages so do many film technicians find their way and mostly end their careers in the world of small screen.Small screen,no and please do not be misled by the size of the tv to entertain for today the big screen has lost a huge chunk of its audience to the small screen.Having spent nearly 13 years of acting for television i have through many people's tales of woe come to realise how difficult it is to survive or make it big in films.And in today's climate nothing is guarantee.Neither box-office success nor a long innings.Something has gone wrong drastically in films and something is really broken and which needs to be fixed.

In this climate comes two films releasing on successive fridays.The first one aadhiyum andhamum released last friday and has been good reviews.But has it translated into moolah is yet unknown.The second film Pani vizhum nilavu is releasing this friday and i hope it too does well and gets great reviews.Well the reason i am mentioning these two films is for purely selfish reasons,at least that is my point of view.Selfish yes for the director of both the films is the one and only Kaushik Lakshminarasimhan.I am very fond of kaushik and am really proud and happy for him and wish him greater success.

Well it is a wonder,it is an act of miracle that when some directors are swinging from tom,dick and harrys hairy brass balls to get their movies released,here comes kaushik with two films one after another.It is a feat that can be compared to like someone getting 100 percent batting average in cricket or a bowler getting ten wickets in ten balls.Now that is possible if you think i can be the next superhero of hollywood and break up brad and angelina jolie and elope with her.A jumbo jet might fly out of a mosquitoes teeny weeny arse but those above mentioned things are just not possible.PERIOD.

Kaushik,well the first thing that comes to my mind when i think of him is his sense of humor and quick witted replies and his wonderful family.My fondest memories about kaushik is working together with him in this telugu serial titled ENDUKONDALAVADU VS ENDUKONDALAVADU,where he played the role of GARUDA and i tagged along in the role of ENDUKONDALAVADU.Riot,just riot is what i can describe his presence and i wish i had a tiny bit of humor
and wit he has been blessed with.At some point to time he gave up acting and started walking on the long arduous path of becoming a director.I have been in constant touch with him over the years and even if are not able to meet,either he calls or i call and exchange reviews on films and music.So kaushik directing and getting his films released is a like rainfall in the sahara desert.And i am proud that a person from television has risen through the ranks and has found himself in the chair of the director.My bet is that he will come out with some brilliant films which will outlast his physical self.And that is all we want and crave even if we are not aware of the craving.99.9 percent do it by begetting their genes and vanishing into dust.but some leave behind their mental genes in form of their work.One might not know a subban,kuppan or raakaayi,but walk into any major temple and if you listen,really listen you will hear their hammer and chisel working on the temple and sculptures.Long after you,me and everyone else have left and have gone back to being chemicals the work of all those who toiled will
stand tall and for those who lay their ears on the walls and listen with their soul will be rewarded by the beats of feet long vanished.

That is why most of the technicians worship the ground that kamal hassan walks although they bitch about his ego or arrogance.For the man single handedly is striving to take tamil cinema to greater heights.Shivaji ganesan was an actor born in heaven just to act.He was blessed with acting and emoting talent,voice,walk,style and most importantly dialogue delivery and yet he did not do much apart from acting.but kamal hassan excels in acting,directing,producing,cinematography,makeup and story telling.please pay particular notice to the word LIP synch for when you see the many fair maidens from north talking and acting in tamil one is carried over to the 70's,80's and even the 90's poorly dubbed chinese films.Well china the land of tea,noodles and
small p...s is not famous for just its poorly dubbed kung fu films but poorly titled english films which release there.Here is proof and dont die laughing and if you do pls state that my post is in no way connected to your death.

Pretty Woman - I Will Marry a Prostitute to Save Money

As Good as it Gets - Mr. Cat Poop (Apparently, Jack's character name, "Melvin," sounds a lot like the Chinese word for cat poop.)

The Professional - This Hit Man Is Not as Cold as He Thought

Boogie Nights - His Great Device Makes Him Famous

G.I. Jane - Satan Female Soldier

The Sixth Sense - He's a Ghost!

And if china is not enough then here are some more example of bad translation from other great countries

The Horse Whisperer - Held by Wind in Montana (Japan)

You Only Live Twice - 007 Dies Twice (Japan)

Top Gun - Love is in the Sky (Israel)

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me - Austin Powers: The Spy Who Behaved Very Nicely Around Me (Malaysia)

Little Fockers - Zany Son-in-Law, Zippy Grandkids, Sour Father-in-Law (Thailand)

Girl, Interrupted - 17-Year Old Girl's Medical Chart (Japan)

During my years in television i have sometimes out of curiosity picked many a mind and asked them their reasons for giving up movies and working for television and the answer has been similar all the time.money,steady money even if it is little and enough to make ends meet.well make ends meet is something i am familiar with.There have been many awful and scary stories which have been confided to me by the been,has been and might have been directors and many have bawled over a glass of beer and one in particular told me he had a script which was so good that it would have been a blockbuster if it had been made.He told me the story and at every scene yours truly satish kumar kept pointing to him that this scene is from that english film and that scene is from a famous malayalam film and needless to say the man looked at me and his expression conveyed what he thought of me and my family.Well i borrowed vadivelus funny expression which is his trademark expression when he is in trouble and vanished from the spot.

But a few stories have stuck in my mind and i will tell them here.An associate director who looked talented,intelligent and hard working was explaining the days scene to an actor in his caravan and the actor said " man,you are very good and maybe you should direct someday.The associate director looked at the actor and mind voice "asshole,what the f**k do you think i am doing or working so hard for. "But in actual words said thank you and one day told the actor that he had a script which would suit the man and could he narrate it during lunch.The next day during lunch break,the associate director narrated the script while the actor was enjoying biriyani,fish fry,chicken fry and other living things which happened to fly overhead the unit cooks head.And then after half an hour of narrating the associate director stopped abruptly and got up to leave and the actor asked him what happened.The associate director looked hard at the actor and said," sir,i was just explaining a scene where the hero's family has been killed by the villain and you are stuffing your face with food and though that can be forgiven there is just
no reaction on your face except for your loud burps.If you cannot react to a story narration how the f**k will you react and act while shooting " and saying this he left.Well needless to say he was kicked out after a few slaps from his director and then after spending a few years in exile he found his way into television and is still doing okay.

The other story is about a talented associate director being invited to the actors caravan to narrate his story.The associated director knocked on the caravan and went in to find the actor lying on the bed.Swallowing his pride he humbly thanked the actor for the opportunity to narrate his script and sat down and started to explain the story.At this point the actor turned to the other side and told the associate to continue with the narration.The associate stood up and the actor asked him what was happening and the associate replied " sir,unga moonjikku sollalam,unga kaalukooda kadhai sollalaam,aana unga s...kku ennala kadhai solla
mudiayathu."No points for guessing what happened to that guy.rumor has it he went back to his village and is running his own tea shop.

Achievements in life come at a great cost and achieving your goals and dreams in films is one tough job.Because you are trampled by other underachievers and ego maniacs who dont want you to succeed just because they did not succeed.Point here is many a time a director has stopped me at locations like ARS GARDENS OR AVM studios and demanded to know why i had refused a role in his serial.And when i tell him i have no clue as to what he is talking about,we both realise that the production manager never even approached me for the role and instead lied to the director that i had no dates or that i was not interested when in reality i was sitting next to the telephone praying that someone would call me for a role,any role.There are some directors who want a commission from your salary and i politely tell him that i would rather sit at home and wait by the telephone for other offers than bow and cow down and pay kappam.kattabomman parambaraiyilliya naanga.

God,i do ramble but i started with the warm thoughts about the achievements of kaushik and i want to end it by wishing him the best and hopefully after reading this he might feel pleased and offer me some role in his next film.

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich,
by promising to protect each from the other.
~Oscar Ameringer, "the Mark Twain of American Socialism."

I offered my opponents a deal: "if they stop telling lies about me,
I will stop telling the truth about them".
~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952..

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~Texas Guinan. 19th century American businessman


I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle, French general & politician

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
~Doug Larson (English middle-distance runner who won gold medals at the 1924 Olympic Games in Paris, 1902-1981)

We hang petty thieves and appoint the bigger thieves to public office.
~Aesop, Greek slave & fable author

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.
~Plato, ancient Greek Philosopher

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
~Nikita Khrushchev, Russian Soviet politician
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become PM; I'm beginning to believe it.
~Quoted in 'Clarence Darrow for the Defense' by Irving Stone.

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel,
go out and buy some more tunnel.
~John Quinton, American actor/writer

What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is a solution ...!!!

A wife thinks her husband might be cheating on her.

So one fine morning with a very seductive voice the wife asked her husband "Have you ever seen Twenty Pounds all crumpled up?"

"No" said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile unbuttoned top three buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down in her cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Pound Note.

He took the crumpled Twenty Pound Note from her and smiled approvingly.

She then asked "Have you ever seen Fifty Pounds all crumpled up?"

"No I haven't" he said, an anxious tone in his voice.

She gave him another sexy little smile pulled up her skirt, seductively reached into her tight sheer panties and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Pound Note.

He took the crumpled Fifty Pound Note and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.

"Now" she said "Have you ever seen 30,000 all crumpled up?"

"No way" he said becoming even more aroused and excited to which she replied:

"Take a look in the garage."

Tamil Names ... Hilarious . If Parsis can have their name as per the profession, why can't we have it? (After all we are not Britishers to have Barber, Cook, Side Bottom, etc...)

Doctor -- Vaidyanathan
Dentist -- Pallavan
Lawyer -- Kesavan
North Indian Lawyer -- Panjabakesan
Financier -- Dhanasekaran
Cardiologist -- Irudhayaraj
Pediatrist -- Kuzhandaisamy
Marriage Counselor -- Kalyanasundaram
Ophthalmologist --Kannayiram
ENT Specialist -- Neelakandan
Diabetologist -- Sakkarapani
Nutritionist -- Arogyasamy
Hypnotist -- Sokkalingam
Mentalist -- Budhisikamani
Exorcist -- Maatruboodham
Magician -- Mayandi
Builder -- Sengalvarayan
Painter -- Chitraguptan
Meteorologist -- Kaarmegam
Agriculturist -- Pachaiyappan
Horticulturist -- Pushpavanam
Landscaper -- Bhuminathan
Barber -- Kondaiappan
Beggar -- Pichai
Bartender -- Madhusudhan
Alcoholic -- Kallapiraan
Exhibitionist -- Ambalavaanan
Fiction writer -- Naavalan
Makeup Man -- Singaram
Milk Man -- Paul Raj
Dairy Farmer -- Pasupathi
Dog Groomer -- Naayagan
Snake Charmer -- Nagamurthi
Mountain Climber -- Yezhumalai
Javelin Thrower -- Velayudam
Polevaulter -- Thaandavarayan
Weight Lifter -- Balaraman
Sumo Wrestler -- Gundu Rao
Karate Expert -- Kailaasam
Kick Boxer -- Ethiraj
Batsman -- Dhandiappan
Bowler -- Balaji
Spin Bowler -- Thirupathi
Female Spin Bowler -- Thirupura Sundari
Driver -- Sarathy
Attentive Driver --Parthasarathy

"Man 1: unga wifea naaikadichadha Kelvipatten, neenga first aid da yenna senjeenga?

Man 2:Antha naaiku biriyani vaangi potten

LOVE"" Enbadu aaya sutta vadai madhiri. Olunga pathukalana kaaka thookitu poidum. But Natpu Enbadu Andha aaya Madiri. Evanum Thooka maattan..