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FLASHBACK
(YESTERDAY MORNING)
As usual, i was reading a romantic sappy novel, when my phone beeped. I looked at the interruption and saw the waited msg.
"at ur house in 5. Be ready for brunch, chuhia ;)
-K"
I rolled my eyes at it. That was my bestie kabir, who is coming to pick me up for our weekly tradition of going for brunch on Sundays. I sighed and tried to complete the chapter when a horn blew off from outside. Damn, he is early. I threw my novel in the hidden part of my closet, no one knows about my secret fetish over romantic novels. Otherwise, i would have died due to humiliation threw on me by my two besties. I looked at my appearance and scratched my head. What's wrong in wearing an oversized tee and comfy pajamas for an outing but knowing Kabir for 12 years of your life teaches u that he is going to send me inside to change again. But me being a certified lazy self, i walked out with what i was wearing. I was about to step in the living room when a force pushed me inside and i stumbled on my feets. Looking up with rage filling in my eyes, my gaze settled on the face that made my heart beats faster than usual. There was he, standing in all his glory and that smirk plastered on his face, leaning against door frame looking like a model cut out straight from a magazine, causing my stomach to flip at the drool-worthy sight. "what the hell..." i shouted snapping out of the queasy feelings which he always gives me. "change nishu... m not taking u looking like a homeless hobo..." he smirked... again. Arghhh... stop thudding stupid heart. "why... would it tarnish the oh so sophisticated image of yours?" i asked crossing my arms over chest. A dark look shadowed on his face for a few seconds. "u can never tarnish my image... u are my pride" he stated with such genuine. How could i not crush on him? He is making me fall for him... that too pretty hard. I hope he will be there to catch me when i will fall completely. I smiled and went inside to change without another word, mentally shaking the head at myself. M a goner. Changing into a crop top and another ripped shorts (it's humid outside... don't judge me),a hoodie over my head i walked out of the house, following the almighty Kabir. But i had to stop short in my way. "what...?" he asked unlocking his car. "u bought ur car... no bike?" i pouted and he laughed... what's so funny. I love riding bike especially his.
Of course, u love it... u get to sit behind him with ur arms around his sculptured body... why don't u love it.
"Hey... u are making it sound like m a pervert" i scoffed at my subconscious.
"Like u aren't..." she snubbed.
Oh god, why my subconscious hates me so much. Ok i admit, a part of me love that... it's a bonus with the thrill that bike ride brings and who don't want to feel the bliss of being with their crush. Someone snapped their fingers in front of me and i focused on Kabir who was raising his eyebrows at me in a questioning manner. "ms daydreamer... aapka ho gya ho to baith jaiye... m hungry" he jutted his lower lip out.
Stop being tempting u moron.
I looked at his car then at my hoodie, what its need if m going to confine in that steel monster, so thinking about it i ran inside and dumped by hoodie on the couch. When i walked outside, i heard a wolf whistle from him who was grinning like a pervert he is. "looking hot, love" he mouthed, fanning his hands across his face and winked at me. How i wish he means it like i want him to. Shaking my head at his antics,i sat in the passenger seat with my window open and pulled my hair in a messy bun. He hates it and that's why i love it. "chuhia... how many times i have to tell u to not open window..." he growled. "and how many times i have to tell u that i will..." i mimicked. He rolled his eyes and suddenly leaned towards me. My breath hitched as he moved closer with a twinkle in his hazel orbs. I could feel my heart thudding violently against the chest wall as his eyes darted towards my lips and moved closer invading my personal bubble. I got a whiff of his masculine scent, his musky cologne is making me dizzy. We have never been this close. I can easily make out every fine line of his face, every crinkle in the corners of his eyes, every freckle here and there, the small scar hidden behind his locks on his forehead, those thick eyelashes, that prominent cheekbone, his fuller lips which were quirking upward slightly and are inviting me to do something forbidden to them. I m just a second away from kissing him senseless.
What the hell is happening?
Suddenly a click sounded and he moved away from me in a flash. I looked forward and then realised he had buckled me up. But the damage was done, my body was in overdrive due to our proximity couple of moments ago. The air was leaving my body in short inaudible pants with my chest heaving. I forbid myself from taking a breath and pursed my lips so tight that they started turning blue. This is my nervous habit in any panicking situation. And i ' m panicking, big time. I even can't bring myself to turn towards him and see if he is affected or it's just me.
What the heck was i even thinking?
I think i was lost for a quite a time because next thing i know i was jerked forward as he applied sudden brakes and that's when i exhaled and gulped air. I looked towards him questioningly. "u are turning blue chuhia... breath" he stated with amusement lacing his voice and his eyes laughing. Is this a joke for him? "chill chuhia... i was just messing with u" he replied my unasked question. so this was a joke for him, it always has been. Whenever i have confessed my feelings, he always thought i ' m telling to just mess with him or just conveying my gratitude as a friend. I don't know if i love him yet but i do really really like him and not as a friend. But this nutcase doesn't want to acknowledge it.
So why u thought it won't be a joke this time...
U r right...
"ha ha ha very funny..." I smacked his arm and looked out as tears of unrequited feelings sting my eyes. I don't want him to see his effect on me. That just doesn't matter now or never have. I was in my thoughts when again i was slammed on the dashboard. "what the heck kabir... bhool gya h kya car kaise drive karte hai" i yelled at him with all the frustration i was feeling. But one dimpled smile from him and nothing in this universe can stop me from melting into a puddle and that's what happened. He gave me his rare toothy sheepish smile and he was forgiven for everything he ever did. "soowwyyy" he pulled his one ear with the free hand and gave a chaste kiss on my cheek. He knows how to make me forgive him and he always succeed. So just like that, the whole fiasco was in the back seat and we were back to bickering. Soon we reached our fav diner and raced out to grab our seats. Once inside, i plopped down on the window side of our patent table while he growled making me chuckle. Actually, this is one of the many things for which we pluck each other's hair out. Chuckling under the breath, i saw him watching me with intense eyes pouring affection and adoration for me and it terrifies me how easily i can read him too. "is there something on my face?" i asked drawing a hand and wiping the invisible thing that seems to be stuck. "yesss..." he drawled it out and bent to my eye level. "what..." i asked. "ur pretty little red nose... Pretty little chuhia" he whispered before placing his lips on it and as if on cue, the red crept on my cheeks.
What the hell has happened to him...
Well, he didn't give me much time to dwell on it and scurried away to place our fixed order. I too didn't give much thought to it and stared outside through the glass wall. It's not a cafe precisely, its a small place owned by a couple of friends. It's quite,cosy and homely. Perfect for a date to be precise but as we are two weird people we come here for brunches as our tradition. Saurav will mostly be with us but as we, as in me n kabir has played a prank on saurav earlier this week, meddling with him and his teacher crush, he is paying for our sins in the form of extra Sunday classes at college. Poor friend of mine. Soon my nose was wafted by the amazing aroma arising from my fav food. "pancakesss" i shrieked in delight looking at the awesomeness of food laid in front me in its full glory accompanying it was my all time fav iced tea. A deep throaty laugh took me out from my fantasy food world and i saw him laughing at me. For a minute or two, i forgot to breathe. How could someone look so enchanting and enticing just because he was laughing heartily? The twinkle in his iris was shining in the artificial lights but that didn't steal their naturalness (if that is even a word), his eyes crinkling at sides, his vein probing wildly as he threw his head back and placed a fist in his mouth to control the bubbling laughter. I kept staring at him mesmerized when finally somewhere a sound snapped me out.
Gah... u r pathetic woman...
I know... thanks for that genius...
I mentally rolled my eyes at my mental arguments and narrowed my eyes at the hauling devil in front of me. "ha ha ha... ho gya?" i taunted flicking his nose and grabbing a huge bite out of his mega cheeseburger. "hey!!!" he scoffed at me as i gave him winning look and just to piss him off, i grabbed a handful of fries from his plate and stuffed in my mouth. He huffed and muttered incoherent words while i waved him off concentrating on my pancakesss... YUMMM...
"nishu let's go yaar... i need to take u somewhere..." he tugged my hand. I picked my ice tea as i still was sipping it making noises just to irritate him. He looked at me, rolling his eyes when he dashed into a young lady in front. "oh sorry... i didn't see u there" he said. Polite as ever, gentleman, while the lady gave him a once over with lustful eyes and i just wanted to punch her beautiful face for looking at him like he is chocolate pie.
Well... he is...
I agree...
"oh that's ok handsome" she purred while her fingers skimmed over his arm. My inner demons were waking up and if in next sec she didn't remove her hand from my Kabir, m going to rip that arm apart. "uh... yeah... sorry once again" he replied quite uncomfortably. Well, this is a first, the great Kabir Singh Rathore, feeling uncomfortable while a girl is throwing herself at him. I looked at him confused when her high pitched voice started hurting my ears again. "no need to be... its pleasure to collide with u" she had the nerve to wink at him. I was busy in throwing daggers at her when suddenly Kabir pulled me in his embrace all the time smiling like an idiot "nice to meet u too... meet nisha, my girlfriend..".
And with that, I splattered all the ice tea on the lady, that too very graciously. It took a minute or two to register what was happening as I started coughing badly and that girl started yelling profanities at me moving away while the root of all this was busy barking in laughter and soothing my back. The shock still didn't wear off when he placed a sloppy kiss on the corner of my mouth making my eyes widen to the size of saucers and that ice tea found its fate on the floor. My poor ice tea.
M i alive????...
What in the world has gotten into him...
I didn't quite understand when he pulled me out of the diner, buckling me up in the passenger seat and we started off again to our hangout. All the while his words were ringing in my ears like a broken record.
girlfriend...
girlfriend...
girlfriend...
Why he said that? What did he mean by that? Does he like me?
you are a girl too, besides being his best friend, u dummy...
Yeah righttt...
Soon we reached the bank of the river and he kept driving in silence. I took in our environment as he stopped the car and climbed out behind me. Stuttering and strolling over the rocks, we went to the deeper and rocky side taking a look at our hideout. The shore of roaring elixir was covered with huge rocks and shielded with roofs of wild trees. For an outsider, it may give an appearance of a shabby and haunted place with those shapeless shadows and crickets crackling with the ghostly silence but for us, it is our personal hidden heaven. The sky was grey today, covering with angry looking clouds ready to burst any moment. Looking up at them, i made myself comfortable on one of the rocks and sigh with the feel of relief when cold water massaged my feets.
Oh! What a day it is!!!!
A frown creased my forehead when i thought about today. I replayed everything that happened and it left me confused. Never in 12 years of our friendship, Kabir has acted this way. That glint in his eyes in the morning when he called me his pride, the way his eyes caressed my lips in the car, then that adoration reflecting in his eyes in the diner, him calling me his girlfriend and to top it that kiss on the corner of my lips. Damn him, the heat at my face is killing me. But why would he do that... what changed. He never looked at me with something other than friendship. I have been his best friend forever... only a best friend. But then, what was it that i saw today in his eyes. It's like he is reading my soul. Is it possible for someone to look into someone's soul? It's like he is unrevealing my secrets which i have buried deep inside. Did he know about my feelings for him...
No no no... he cannot... he should not. It terrifies me to even think what will happen if he ever gets a single clue of what i feel. What if he wants to break our friendship. No... I'm not ready for that. What if i lose him and his friendship. I don't want to lose what i have. I want him in my life... if only as a friend then it's ok with me. I will keep brooding inside but i don't ever want to let him go. M damn selfish, i know that.
But what if he feels the same. Do he look at me like someone... someone more than a friend. Someone to look at when he feel immensely happy, someone he want to wrap his arms around, someone he wants to call his, someone he can spend his entire time with, someone who he can be proud of, someone who has her right on every aspect of him, someone he wants to start a day with, someone he wants his day to end with, someone on whom he can go all possessive, someone he wants to protect like precious gem, someone to shower his care, someone to pour out his emotions, someone who he can LOVE...
Because that's what i long for...
Love...
Do i really love him... what is it that binds me with him with this unseen force. What this spark in my eyes is whenever i look at him. Why do my skin flush whenever he is near. Why there is this spark whenever he touched me even remotely.
Lost on my own, my eyes shift to see my own reflection in water beneath. I saw myself, a girl all flushed, her cheeks red, her breathing shallow, array hair flowing like wild manes. But what struck out was the dilated and glistened look she had in her eyes, like the princesses in fantasy books whenever they look at their prince charming or like the girl looking at her lover, like she just has lived her fantasy.
A sudden movement and i locked my eyes with the most beautiful ones i have ever seen. Those hypnotising hazel orbs were staring right back at me, actually, not me but his own reflection in the water while i am ogling at him shamelessly. There is something too smouldering in the look he is giving me that my breath haltered. That sun-kissed skin of his is giving him an appearance of a god incarnated. His physique is not too bulky but muscular enough to give a pleasurable feel. He is just to die for... or is this only me. I can't bear that gaze anymore. It's like he is putting my puzzle in place, he is unlocking me. Unable to look at him anymore, i gave him a weak smile and raced back to the car jumping up on the roof. He chuckled and followed me up. He sat by my side mimicking me by pulling knees to his chest and the first time in 12 years of our friendship there is an awkward silence between us. There are a dozen of questions swarming in my head, stinging every freaking nerve of my body. I had to ask him... i need to. "umm... Kabir... vo... um.. wha... abhi... matlab...oh god!" i groaned putting my head in the hands when his arm circled me in his embrace. "shhh... i know u have questions... but i don't want to talk... can we just let it be for a while?" he whispered so slowly that it was almost as if he wasn't saying at all and without looking at him, i know he wasn't here... he is somewhere else and i know better than to interrupt his train of thoughts. So instead of that i let myself get sink in the sea of WHAT IFs...
Soon enough, the god of rain decided to grace us with his rage and it started raining cats and dogs. A rueful smile bubbled on my lips thinking how much similar the water stabs are to my feelings. Both of them are important and said to be pleasant but yet paining me. Taking a steady breath, i glide down on the bonnet of his baby and lost myself in the pouring. I think i zoned out for quite long because next thing i know is that i m caged between Kabir's legs who is standing in front of me with his hands on either side of my legs. He pulled my ankle and i came towards him sliding and the only thing that stopped me from plastering myself in his chest wall were my hands that conveniently situated on his broad shoulders. All flustered due to our proximity, i ducked my head down but he pulled my face up by placing his index finger under my chin. The heated gaze collided with the cold one and a current surged in my veins. It took all of my self-control to not release the moan threatening to spill. "kya soch rhi h... itni khoi h ki mai yha khada hu ur tjhe pta hi nhi..." he leaned a little but still maintaining a good distance.
"how love feels...?" and there i blurted it out. It took a lot to ask this... but i need to... i need to know what i feel. I thought he would laugh at me for asking such a stupid question but no, today Mr. best friend has decided to surprise me every minute. So he smiled, and not his regular ones, it is that heart melting and breath stopping smile which is reserved for special ones that he gave me making me feel like the most important person.
"let me help u then...let me tell u how love feels..."he didn't ask but stated with finality in his voice which i don't know how still is so soft. I gave him a small smile which he returned, his hands crawled up on my face. His fingers felt hard yet soothing on my soft skin. I couldn't help but close my eyes forcing every sense of mine to just focus on his touch, hear his voice and seep in his presence. His fingers skimmed over my face as his voice washed my being.
He traced contours of my face, his fingers trailing my jaw.
"love feels soft... soft and tender like feathers, cotton candies, silk and smooth like milkiness your skin has...".
Soon enough i felt him feeling the bridge of my nose while his other hand crawled behind my neck, preventing me from falling due to thousands of emotions brewing in my body. He traced the spaces beneath my eyes which is now sporting dark circles due to the countless sleepless nights I spent thinking about him.
"love is fuzzy but clear too... in some ways just like ur beautiful eyes".
I bit my lip in exhilaration when his fingers traced down my puffy cheeks and rolled in the outline of my earlobe.
"love feels complicated yet it is the simplest thing u will come across... just like ur features stunning yet naive"
A soft kiss was dropped on my forehead kissing away the formed creases, and he once again traced the contours of my lips, slowly and elegantly. His touch wasn't sensual or seductive but was filled with reverence and admiration.
"love feels valiant but is timid too... it makes u reckless but is too fragile to endure its result..."
He stopped right there, his voice nothing above a whisper. His fingers on my lips, his other hand tumbled in my wet hair, my hands gripping his shoulders for life, eyes closed, his breath fanning my face and mine colliding with his cheek. It was a moment of decision. Either i can be the sensible and practical self, that i m and push him away for forever or just be careless for this one time and have a moment to cherish whole my life.
"nisha..." his voice fondling my name and as he gave those puckered lips a stroke of his thumb, a decision was made regardless of its consequences. "kabir..." my voice has nothing just longing i ever felt. Still with closed eyes, i craned my neck and felt a voluminous pair of lips started moving, slightly brushing them with mine. I didn't knew what i felt, there weren't any fireworks or crackers exploding in the back of my eye but there was one thing that made me certain about him being right for me and that was the surge of relief and peace flooding in my blood. It's like he cured my restlessness of all these years with just a slight touch. I felt content and tranquility flowing in me. Still i was bustling, yearning for more of what he has to offer. It's like i cannot get enough serenity he has to offer. I want more... more of his sabbath... more of his calmness... almost all of him. I think, it's been a bad idea because from now on i don't think i can survive without a dose of those delicious plump pair. I heard a groan from him and all the thoughts started abandoning me as he increased his pace over mine. My mind shut itself off and body hyper reacted with whatever he was doing to me. Ultimately, I surrendered myself to him. For a long time, we kept moving our molten lips in rhythm, his hands in my messed up hair scratching and soothing the skin beneath, mine on his shoulders holding on to them in a death grip while rain continued pelting on us, quite injuring if u may ask, but we were far from caring about it or about anything if i say so. But breathing is a necessity to live and i don't think any of us wanted to die so young therefore slowly he parted away. Immediately, I felt lonely without him but that was nothing to what i felt when i scrutinized his expressions. Unlike mine, which were gleeful, pleased and contented, his mirrored shock, disbelief, despair, guilt and regret. He stepped a good two feet away from me like i was a plague and despite the thundering above i could hear the cracks in my heart leading to complete shattering of it when he turned away from me. Is something wrong, I wanted to go ask him what is it but i cant, he didn't want to be near me. It's all clear through his stiff stance and the way he is running his hands in those tousled silky hair which clearly indicate his frustration.
And why did u think he won't be frustrated by ur pathetic self... u did kissed him.. now see what have u done...
I knew that was a bad idea... i hope it wont cost me him
So collecting whatever crumbled self respect was left in me, i took off from there without bothering about heavy rain or my distraught condition. How m i going to face him after this?
As if he will be seeing u after the stunt u pulled...
Dont say like that... i wont be able to cope up with his loss in my life.
What do u think, u are the only reason of that mistake...
That wasnt a mistake...
Whatever helps u sleep at night sweety...
Arghhh... i released a frustrated growl, this subconscious of mine has nothing to do other than demoralising me. But she is right, may be he think it as a mistake. Oh god pls... it wasnt a mistake. Pls dont let him think about this kiss that way. I won't be able to live with that. It wasnt a mistake, i dont want it to be. It was my first kiss and it shouldn't be a mistake. I want to cherish it, but how can i, when the one with whom i shared it think of it as a mistake, who regret doing it, who feels guilty about it. I jolted out from my misery when a car screeched beside me and i hugged myself instinctively. A very furious and frantic looking kabir pulled me to him. "what the hell were u think before wandering away like a lunatic in this weather" he all but yelled at my face making me flinched away from him. "i... i... was... i..." i said nothing as tears came rolling down despite every restraining effort i pulled. It was a good thing that we were standing in thunderstorm and raining, at least i won't embarrass myself more. But all of that went downhill when i felt his thumb wiping out my unseen tears. Oh kabir! Just don't do things when u dont mean them but when had he ever paid heed to my words so next thing i knew was my drenched self being thrusted inside his car and him speeding away.
The ride back was awkward to say the least. I kept zoning out and he tried to ignore my presence. He dropped me without a single word of parting and zoomed away. I held my hand up and waved at empty street with only one thought in my mind. " just don't leave me...".
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Edited by mansi_as18 - 9 years ago
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
