Is this okay? Himmanshoo's language with Amruta - Page 6

Perspectives are at one place and being over critical is completely another thing. (It is not directed towards anyone in particular)And where does drawing a line come here from darling? We are not discussing about an abusive husband, neither a doormat wife nor a troubled relationship. Its a normal fight between 2 normal people who are married. That is it.

If people take these things too seriously, no relationship will sustain. Yes there is a line. But tell me seriously, will you end your relationship just because your husband called you idiot? And that too when you know that the person never meant it, rather that was just spur of the moment.

Yes Amruta has raised issues regarding Himmi's anger because she wants him to change that thing about him. I'm sure Himmanshoo knows that as well. A few instances in a reality show are not enough to judge a person or the happenings in their life. Every relationship has certain moments where things go beyond control. You have seen Amu saying sorry, there might have been some instances in past where Himmi must have said a sorry. A one sided compromise never works out, forget a 11 years old relationship.

You need to do several things so that a relationship works out. Bringing the concept of radical feminism or egoistic male behavior lands you nowhere.

My mom has issues with my dad's anger and they are still together. Neither my dad is evil nor my mom is a doormat. They fight, not necessarily say sorry but still going strong.

Nothing personal girls. Peace.

@TM you are a very sweet person. Thank God you don't get offended easily. I know we may not agree over this but it was nice talking to you.😊

Originally posted by: Julie0001

@Unnati, I have appreciated all of your comments. I hope I have said nothing to hurt you. You did make me think about a few things. I think we can still like a couple but not everything about them. It is these shades of gray that are important. I think the way I mean marketing is that there is a selective editing by SP and certainly to a little extent all humans will act differently on camera. The idea that they are all "shooting" this is prevalent and ultimately they are working on that show. So I do not think that this is genuine, but we see glimpses of real (good and bad).

Take care and I wish you the best.

Originally posted by: Julie0001

I don't like the power dynamics that are always at play here.

I think certainly I am nobody to comment; however, the fact that they are putting their relationship in the public eye invites everybody to comment. I was not commenting on them as a whole but really an action that I objected to. I appreciate your comment.

Do you all not call your friends "idiot" or "stupid"? It's completely normal and just shows your level of comfort.

Originally posted by: Julie0001

I am disturbed that Himmanshoo called Amruta an "idiot" I think earlier he called her stupid on another episode.

It was clearly in a fit of annoyance that he said this. Earlier in an episode she reacted to him calling her stupid.

I realize that many girls idolize Himmanshoo and I like this couple a lot. In fact, they are my favorite.

However, I am disturbed by the name-calling. Since when is it okay to call your spouse an idiot?
Where are the lines of civility and decency? Why is he talking to her like this on national TV?

Earlier Amruta said that Himmanshoo says things in anger to her that are awful. I certainly don't think Amruta is a victim, but what kind of language is this to use?

Calling a spouse an idiot or stupid is problematic and should not be glossed over in some haze of fandom.

When is this type of language acceptable between people who are being held up as the ultimate couple in love?

Hmm what idiot and stupid are most common used term 😆We use them often lol

My eyebrows shot up at the "idiot" too. It wasn't said passingly to be funny or cute as many people here suggested. It was said in anger and frustration. And, I completely understand that when two people live together, they butt heads. You have to let some of your frustration out in a marriage rather than bottling it up otherwise you will probably end up divorced. But, amruta clearly does not like the way he speaks to her. She is very kind hearted, open, and sweet. What is in her head, is on her tongue. She is very genuine and it hurts her that he speaks to her that way.

Originally posted by: ---Nisha---

My eyebrows shot up at the "idiot" too. It wasn't said passingly to be funny or cute as many people here suggested. It was said in anger and frustration. And, I completely understand that when two people live together, they butt heads. You have to let some of your frustration out in a marriage rather than bottling it up otherwise you will probably end up divorced. But, amruta clearly does not like the way he speaks to her. She is very kind hearted, open, and sweet. What is in her head, is on her tongue. She is very genuine and it hurts her that he speaks to her that way.

But even more than that, I think the biggest reason why this behavior bothered me is because it goes against what I thought of as himmi. I used to think he a very calm, collected, cool individual who takes doesn't lose his cool at little things, and tries to understand his wife because he loves her so much. But his anger is baap re baap. He is not at all calm or patient. Not that there is anything wrong with that...there are many people out there who are not calm or patient...it was just that I always thought of himmi someone more understanding, mature...not someone who would call his wife names at the slightest provocation.

I still love the couple...mainly because I probably have a girl crush on Amruta. She is a darling. Always smiling, making others smile even if she is upset. Says what is on her mind, is kind hearted as well. I think she is the only one who hasn't said bad things about other couples. She really tries to get along with everyone...and she does because she just has that sort of nature.

I agree...there are power dynamics at play here. Same as the scene between mrunal and sharad bothered me...the way she tried to dominate sharad completely was bad. Of course, himmi's wasn't as obvious or as bad. Mrunal kept going on and on... But I don't like Mrunal to start with and I expected something like that from her just going by her nature...she gets irritated very quickly. But I didn't expect it from himmi which is why its irksome. Amruta sort of bows down when himmi gets angry at little things and it's a little disconcerting to see that since she is so bindaas in general. It's probably because she doesn't want things to escalate so she will just back down before things can get more heated since it's a tiny thing and not worth fighting over (which totally makes sense...no one wants to fight over little things). She swallows her pride for their relationship...he should consider her feelings too.

Maybe I am just seeing way too much into this...and maybe its just as simple as letting off steam in a marriage. It just feels its not equal. He lets off steam, but she doesn't get to. Same thing happened that day when amruta was mad at himmi because he called her stupid and he was trying to read the shayari to her but she wouldn't look at him. She told him she was kidding but he still continued being angry and taking his anger out on her. Its a little uncomfortable as a viewer to watch.

Ofcourse this is not that big a deal. Husbands and wives say mean things to each other all the time...you don't get a divorce because of that. But, if you love your spouse then atleast you should try to change that behavior that your hurts your spouse. I am sure everyone can agree on that.

Well said! My thoughts exactly!

@Nisha, thank you for the response. I have argued a lot here with some really terrific people.

I thought a bit about why I started the thread. I think it was not so much this incident but the "stupid" incident that bothered me. Himmanshoo's tone was not on camera but Amruta was visibly disturbed.

After she came back, she said something like "He thinks that I am too stupid to pick the right one" Himmanshoo says, "We are not doing this; I am leaving."

I do not have the exact words, but my point is that this shows that Himmanshoo's words are something that Amruta believes. They had an effect.

We can say he talks in anger and he should be excused. But why? His words have an effect. Amruta believes to an extent that she is inferior. We can argue that it is Amruta's fault that she is insecure. In fact, Himmanshoo early on said that was one issue with Amruta.

We can say this was all in jest and get over it...move on

But is it right for Himmanshoo to talk to her like that? I still say, no.

Despite all the arguments on this thread about culture and intent, I say look at the effect. It is not okay to talk to a gf or spouse in such a manner. PERIOD. Not if it hurts her or makes a person feel bad. Amruta felt bad and actually pointed to the fact that Himmanshoo REALLY thinks that she is stupid. That is the danger of words.

Some say that it is their equation. Fine. But don't hold up this relationship then as something inspirational. They are people with good and bad.

I read a lot of girls want to marry Himmu because he is so nice and cute and kind in forgiving Amu.

I think Himanshoo an Amu are fine. Himmanshoo has lots of good characteristics. But I am worried about the cult of celebrity.

Though I am leaving quite a late response on this thread, I just couldn't help but voice my own opinions. After reading all of the comments and posts on this thread, I came to a conclusion and felt as if I needed to make sure that I posted it.

@loveleen,

I appreciate you posting your thoughts. I agree that it is a couple's own business. I think though that whether it is editing or Amruta herself, Himmanshoo and Amruta's relationship looks lopsided.

Again I was upset this week when Amruta kept saying how she had to completely change herself. She cried about losing time with her mother. She has said this so many times.

Why? Why does any woman have to change herself completely to become acceptable to another man? At the end she always says she has gained a lot. But who was this Amruta before she had to change completely? The way she talks about it so much also makes it seem as not a finished topic. She wanted Himanshoo at one point to thank her. The unfinished topic serves as a mantra throughout the show.

Again, all couples adjust. But Amruta always talks about a complete change and it is bothersome. Again, it is degree here that bothers me.

Now editing is there and not being kind to anyone. This week Shefali kept talking about Parag's unconditional love. She did not have to change at all. He even changed his sleeping pattern to her's. The camera kept panning to Amruta. The comparison is obvious. One woman is loved so much her husband completely changed. Amruta had to earn love by becoming a different person. Only by becoming different, she can be loved. It makes me personally a little sick to hear her talk like that.

Perhaps edited, Himmanshoo's sacrifice seemed comical to Amruta's. His going on a trip to Europe, while her sacrifice left her crying over losing time with her mother. Now we can say that these are individual choices. But I get irked when they are touted as ideal in some way. Either editing is unkind or there seems a vast difference in the power structure here. That was my only comment.

I appreciate you commenting and I respect your views. I was reluctant to post about the obvious comparisons the show is making about Amruta and Shefali, but your nice post encourage me to share my views even if it is opposite of yours.

Warmly,
Julie