BeHir FF We are different (Chapter28&29UPDATED on page 34) LASTUPD - Page 21

CHAPTER 27

After that disastrous attempt at kissing the previous night, they both woke up to even more awkwardness between them. The only difference was that till yesterday the awkwardness was stifling but today it was quite enjoyable. They both were clear as to where they stood; and that is what made the difference. They both were quite eager for the "practice sessions and were looking forward to them. Next morning when they woke Bella found herself resting her head on Mahir's chest with Mahir's hands holding her tightly in place. Bella tried to detangle herself gently from Mahir's arms but he was holding her far too tightly. Eventually her movements woke him up.

They both moved away from each other and looked at each other awkwardly. Bella mumbled something about getting ready and rushed from there. When she came out of the bathroom; she found Mahir deep in thought.

B: Penny for your thoughts Mahir.

M: Huh?

B: What are thinking about?

M: I was thinking about last night.

B: What about it? It's fine Mahir; we don't have to get it right in the first attempt itself. There is no rush.

M: No no I was not thinking about that.

B: Then?

M: Something similar but not quite the same.

B: Meaning?

M: I was thinking, we decided to take our relationship to the next level so to say.

B: Yes.

M: So I was wondering if we could discuss what are the limits? As in what all things you will be okay with and what all things are a complete no no for you.

B: Mahir I...

M: Bella, I am not rushing you into anything. Take as much time as you want. But I do want to what are the limits for you. See I don't want to end up doing something that you are not comfortable doing. It would be better if I know the limits right from the beginning itself. See, I know almost everything about you except this. So tell me.

B: Whoa Mahir! Slow down!!! What limits are you talking about? We still haven't cleared the first standard examination and you want to know the syllabus of the tenth standard examination? That is a conversation for some other time, when we both have progressed to a relatively advanced stage. Right now let's focus on the basics.

M: Basics?

B: Yes basics. Like for instance how to kiss without banging out noses for instance.

M: Oh! That! I have researched.

B: What?

M: Yes. We will have to tilt our heads...

B: Research? Hahahaha...

M: Don't laugh Bella.

B: Mahir you are too adorable. We will figure it out. Don't worry. No need to make it so technical.

M: Okay.

B: Accha, come and help me get ready. I have missed you for the last few days.

M: Yeah! How were you managing? I thought of coming to help you but, then I would stop myself.

They had entered the changing room by then and Bella was busy selecting a saree.

B: If you noticed, I need help only when I wear a saree. I avoided wearing that in the last two weeks. Didn't you notice that?

M: To be honest I avoided even looking at you these past few days.

B: Why?

M: Because... Nothing...

B: Come on Mahir, you can tell me. Okay close your eyes, I will tell you when I am ready.

M: No.

B: What? Why won't you close your eyes?

M: No no I have already closed my eyes. See? I said; no I will not tell you why I wasn't looking at you.

B: Oh!!! Come on Mahir, you can tell me why. You know I will not judge you.

M: I do know that, but it's too embarrassing. It's quite awkward when you have such thoughts for your best friend.

B: What thoughts? Okay open your eyes now and hook up the blouse.

M: Quite indecent actually.

B: Now I definitely want to know. What were you thinking?

M: No I will not tell you.

B: Mahir! Please. Please. Please... (Makes puppy face)

M: Not the puppy face Bella, you know I can't resist that. Fine I will tell you.

B: YES!!!

M: I... was... thinking... Nothing.

And ran away from there.

B: YOU!!!

She began chasing him. They rushed downstairs and almost collided with Sumi ma.

Sumi ma: Hey!!! What's going on here????

M: Ma! Save me.

B: Even ma will not be able to save you today.

Mahir took off running from there. Sumi ma smiled seeing them back to normal once again. She had begun worry because of their constant silences and avoiding each other. But now it seemed like they had sorted out their differences and everything was back to normal. She could hear Bella chasing Mahir near the dining table. She followed them. Suhani was sitting at the dining table. It was one of those rare instances where Suhani had not accompanied Pratham to his art show. Instead she had decided to spend some quality time with Sumi ma and others. She was surprised to see Mahir come barrelling towards the dining table, followed by Bella. Amma came in just then and saw them circling the dining table like they used to when they were kids.

Amma: Bella, Mahir, what's going on?

M: Amma she is hitting me.

B: He is not telling me what...

And she suddenly stopped. She couldn't tell Amma that Mahir was not telling what indecent thoughts he had been having about her.

Amma: Yes? What is he not telling you?

M: Yes, Bella tell Amma what am I not telling you?

B: Nothing.

Amma: Huh? Nothing? Then why were you chasing him?

B: I... Nothing Amma.

M: Bella I will tell you. I was...

B: Mahir no! Shhh!!!

M: What? You were hitting me because I was not telling you something right? So I will tell it to you now.

B: Mahir, I will kill you if you say anything.

M: See ma, this is not done. First she hits me because I was not revealing something; now that I am ready to reveal it, she is threatening to kill me. Meri zalima patni ne muz jaise mazloom aur nek bande par zulum aur attyachar kiye hai. Mein inssaf ki bheek mangata hu aapase. I seek justice My Lord. Ouch!! Ma!!!!

Sumi ma had whacked him as he knelt in front of her.

Sumi ma: I know how innocent you are.

M: Bella I was thinking that you...

Bella came and covered his mouth with her hand. By that time even Appa had come to the dining room. He was amused to see Bella standing there covering Mahir's mouth with her hand and Mahir struggling to free himself from her grasp. Finally she let go of Mahir.

M: So as I was saying Appa, I thought the other day... (He gave her a wicked sideways glance before continuing) Where was I? Ah yes. I thought...

B: Go ahead Mahir. Tell everyone what did you think?

M: Huh? What? You want me to tell them.

B: Yes. Now that you are dying to reveal that then who am I to stop you, right? SO go ahead; tell them. Even I am listening.

M: But...

B: What happened Mahir? Why are you quiet now? Tell everyone what did you think?

Amma: Yes Mahir, what is going on?

Suhani: Mahir, what were you talking about?

M: (Whispers to Bella) Now what do I do? Why did you ask me to tell them? I can't tell them that.

B: (Also whispering) You should have thought about this before you messed with me Mahir Sehgal.

Sumi ma: We are still waiting.

M: Ummm... Ma I was thinking that... I mean I wanted to ask you... I mean I wanted to ask for your permission... Can I take Bella out for dinner tonight.

Bella slapped her forehead. As did Sumi ma.

Sumi ma: So much drama for this? Since when did you begin to ask for my permission to go out for dinner?

M: I mean, I thought we will go out for dinner. I just wanted to inform you about that.

Suhani: Masi, they are hiding something. Let it be.

Sumi ma: I know that.

BeHir turned red at this but luckily no one pursued the topic any further. They all proceeded to have their breakfast. Then BeHir left for work. Bella did not trouble Mahir for any more information as she did not want to distract him from work. They had very important meeting the next day and she wanted to ensure that he remained focused.

Once they reached the office, they both realised that since they had not been talking with each other for the last few days, a lot of work was mismatched and they were not on the same page when it came the deal details. As soon as they realised that they called in Tanvi and asked her for every file, every little detail she could get her hands on and then got down to correcting the mess that they had created. It was their first major meeting since taking up the new posts and they were well on the way to making a complete mess out of it. Mr. Harrison, after learning of their great repute from Mr. Johnson had offered to invest in their latest venture and was about to land up at their office the next day. They were both in complete panic mode. They were both the kind of people who prepared for their exams well in advance. A last minute study was not their style.

So BeHir and the ever present Tanvi got down to work. Tanvi had been working with the both of them since couple of years. She knew their way of working really well. She had realised that something was amiss and somehow BeHir were not in sync with each other, but she had refrained from mentioning anything. But as days passed and still they both refused to communicate, she had decided that the time had come to give them a wake up call. But to her surprise, they ahd suddenly woken up and were sorting out through the mess themselves. At around nine Sumi ma called office to enquire whether they were actually going out or whether they were coming home for dinner. Tanvi picked up the phone.

Tanvi: Yes ma'am. No they both are busy. We have a meeting with Mr. Harrison tomorrow and there were some last minute arrangements to be made.

Sumi ma: So they aren't going out tonight?

Tanvi: Doesn't look like it ma'am.

Sumi ma: That's strange.

Tanvi: Shall I call Mahir sir?

Sumi ma: No don't. Let them work. Just ensure that you guys eat something.

Tanvi: Yes ma'am.

When she turned around she found Bella standing there.

B: Thanks Tanvi for not letting ma know what mess we have created here.

Tanvi : Ma'am, I know it is not my place to ask but is everything alright between you and Mahir sir? Don't get me wrong ma'am I had been observing you both were not yourselves for the last couple of weeks.

B: Well I guess you deserve to know. Yes we had let some minor issue blow out of proportion but things are back to normal now.

Tanvi: I am glad ma'am. You both look good together.

B: Thanks. Now let's get back to work.

Tanvi: I heard that you both were planning to go out on a date tonight. (Just then Mahir comes there)

M: Yes we were but now that's not possible.

Tanvi: But it is possible Sir, you guys can go out grab a quick bite while I will continue working here. Anyways you need a break.

B: How can we leave you all alone to work while we go out and have fun?

M: Yes we can't do that. Let's do one thing, let's all go out, eat something and then continue working.

Tanvi: No sir, I insist, you both go, I have already ordered something for me from our canteen. How's this for a deal? Even I will take a short break while you both are gone.

B: That's fair I guess. But do take a break. Okay? I don't want to see you working while we are gone.

Tanvi: Agreed ma'am.

BeHir left the office and went to a nearby cafe and had some food. They both talked about all the work that was pending.

B: Mahir let's agree never to stop talking with each other.

M: Yes. This was a mess. If we had not had this talk with each other, then this would have completely destroyed our employee's faith in us.

B: I shudder to think that we made such a mess.

M: It's fine Bella, we got everything sorted out now. As long as we work together, nothing will harm us.

B: Yes. Come on, let's head back. Lots of things left to do.

M: We have not practiced today.

B: Mahir!

M: What? It's a fact.

B: We'll practice once we reach home. Now focus.

They both went back and worked till late in the night. When they finally reached home it was around 2 AM. They found that the whole house was in darkness. Bella changed her clothes and went to sleep in Sumi ma's room. Sumi ma heard her come in.

Sumi ma: What happened dear?

B: Ma, I have come to sleep with you.

Sumi ma: No. This will have to change. You can't sleep away from Mahir now that you both are married. Go back to your room.

B: But ma...

Sumi ma: No arguments Bella. Go. Good night dear.

She went back to their room to find Mahir tossing and turning in his bed.

B: Ma sent me back saying that I will have to sleep with you now that I am married.

M: Even Amma refused to give hot chocolate. She said, ask your wife to prepare it for you.

B: I can't sleep unless I am cuddling someone especially when I am tensed.

M: Even I can't sleep without drinking hot chocolate.

B: Come I will make one for you.

M: You will?

B: Yes.

They both went to the kitchen and Bella made hot chocolate for both of them. They brought the mugs to their rooms and sat around chatting.

B: Mahir, so tell me what were you thinking?

M: It's too embarrassing Bella.

B: Come on, even I was avoiding looking at you for the last two weeks. For the very same reason.

M: Really?

B: Yes.

M: So I am not the only one. I need not feel guilty?

B: Well technically no, you need not feel guilty.

M: Perhaps sharing this will help us ease up a bit?

B: It's worth giving it a try.

M: That night at Suhani Pratham's apartment I felt for the first time we connected as in for the first time as in an invisible wall that seemed separate us fell down. I mean we have hugged each other a multiple times, but that day it felt different sort of...

B: More intimate?

M: Yes. It felt as though I was hugging you for the first time.

B: Even I felt the same. You know we never knew that wall existed. It was as though an invisible barrier kept us separated and we never knew that it existed.

M: I wonder what wall was that.

B: I think it was the same wall that never allowed you to keep your eyes open while I changed, or the same wall that prompted you to close your eyes if my neckline slipped, or , or the same one that prompted us to never reveal to our parents that we often shared a room. Think about it Mahir, after Kuhu and Rehan's wedding I was scared to sleep alone. You would share my room with me so many times. But we never let our parents know that. Because, no matter how platonic our intensions were, we unconsciously knew that you sleeping in my room would be frowned upon. Even our parents, who are very modern will not approve of it. I think it is the same wall that made you feel guilty about the Lonavala incident. It prompted you to come clean when you thought that limit was crossed by you. I think that wall is what keeps a girl and boy away; I think wall is called societal limits. People who cross them are labelled shameless. It is the same wall that keeps our society civilized. It is the same wall that is supposed to break after marriage. For us it broke that day.

M: I think you are right. We deliberately kept the wall up post our wedding.

B: So that day we both experienced a glimpse of pleasure that we had never experienced before. You know sex is a taboo topic in our society. But it is in fact as natural as sleeping or breathing. The concept of marriage was introduced to keep the society civilized. Otherwise we would have men and women have sex left right and centre without any obligation or accountability. Marriage binds two people in a relationship and they are expected to share all experiences together and not go outside that relationship to seek anything. I really don't know how effective the mantras are but their meaning essentially gets the girl and guy to promise that they will stay loyal to each other, no matter what. The fire is to strike fear in people's hearts. Every religion has taught its people to fear the God. That supreme energy that has the capacity to both build the universe and destroy it, that can give life but also snatch it away, that can reward good deeds generously but at the same it also has power to punish wrong doers in a most horrific way. The indication is very clear, the Lord Agni himself has witnessed the wedding, now you cannot deny it, nor can you avoid fulfilling any of the promises. He himself has witnessed to giving those promises, if you try to avoid fulfilling them, He himself will punish you for it. That is how I have come to perceive marriage.

M: Wow! Bella that's deep. Instead of calling marriage regressive and backward, this is totally new context in which marriage can be viewed.

B: Thanks Mahir. I thought this is an empowering context rather than saying it is backward.

M: So after that day Bella, I couldn't look at you without thinking about our kiss, not just the pleasure or the physical sensation that I felt, the intimacy, the love and passion, the closeness that we shared...

B: The feeling of belonging somewhere, the weird sense of safety that I felt that day was something that I constantly wanted to feel again and again. I will not deny it; the physical pleasure also played a major part in it. But more than anything I wanted to experience those emotions again. You know our mind is almost always denying us those thoughts which we perceive as wrong. For instance death is a taboo topic hence we do not think about death, but does that ever go away from our mind? No. Similarly whenever my mind wanted to think about that night, my sub conscious mind stopped me from thinking those thoughts and hence, they came out in the form of dreams as dreams are supposed to be nothing but our deepest desires or fears that had been stowed away by our subconscious mind during the day.

M: We perceived that any physical relationship with each other is wrong and hence we repressed those thoughts. I would almost daily land up on the floor because I had slept on the edge of the bed in a bid to not touch you. I constantly thought of myself as a pervert for wanting to touch you, caress your face, perhaps hold you close and kiss you.

B: Even I felt quite disgusted whenever I dreamt about that night. I would feel repulsed by myself whenever I caught myself thinking how good you hands felt when you held my waist, how amazing your lips felt on mine, how I felt very safe in your arms, like nothing would harm me. Ever. I also felt guilty because I felt that the reason that I was feeling that way was because Appa was not my biological father but he has made my comfort, my safety his utmost priority. So it kind of made me feel very selfish and ungrateful to whatever he has done for me. Self hate is a very destructive emotion. I was constantly on the verge of tears all the time.

M: Even I wanted to find solace in your company like always but that was not possible. It made this phase even more difficult to handle.

By that time it was almost 4 AM and very soon the whole household would be waking up. BeHir had not realised that they had been talking till so late. They were both feeling extremely exposed and vulnerable but they were glad that they had had this conversation.

M: Does this conversation change the way we perceive each other?

B: No it doesn't. It just took our understanding to a different level all together. Now we understand each other in a different way. Let's jump to something that is light. What was the most indecent fantasy that you had Mahir?

M: What?

B: Tell me.

M: It's not a fantasy per say but yes I did dream about it quite often. And it's not exactly indecent either but I would constantly dream about us making out in our cabin. What about yours?

B: Well most of the time I would simply dream about you tearing my clothes and loving me.

M: Well that's not very wild.

B: Yes. So... ummm. Let's get down to some practice session?

M: Yes.

B: I have thought of something. Let's first get physically comfortable with each other. Let's practice cuddling with each other. What do you say?

M: Yes that makes sense.

They both moved towards the bed and lay down besides each other. Bella turned to one side so that she was facing away from Mahir and he hugged her from behind. Bella once again felt the inexplicable feeling of utmost safety. She snuggled closer to Mahir and dropped off to sleep immediately.

Originally posted by: sonie32

Ash just ❤️ this update😳

So many things you have told in Bela's pov...and I agree witheach and everything she told😳

I also feel ki this is our society for whom we have to become what we are not...I mean if a boy is your friend only then people always used to say zaroor kuch hoga inke beech main and if you fall in love with him and then u Mary to him tab to kehne wale Bolte hain dekha maine kaha thanks naa kuch hai inke beech main ( this become more difficult when he is your best friend also)

Everytime you have to proof youself ki we were not wrong. ...(sorry for writing such weird things here😆)

And once again loved this update of yours😳