OS: Daylight - Sulbala - Page 3

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NidhaA thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#21
Jaz
That was one fab piece of work.
Sultan aka Arav has been so well explored.
I am a strong believer of the notion that one's past shouldn't justify one's present.
But I also can't deny that it does mould our present.
Which means in some ways Arav's past is responsible for his present.
Human's by nature crave attachment , love and company.
In such a scenario here is a man who was abandoned twice.
He chose the underworld at a tender and without the right guidance began walking in the wrong path.
A woman came - the quintessential reason for change in most mens lives- he changed.
The same woman abandoned him.
There are two ways he could've gone from then on.
One he could've have seen Aryan and wished for him to have a normal - albeit without a mother - life.
Continued on the straight path.
Two is the part you mentioned above.
Many human beings I guess would go for two.
Sutlan wanted Aryan to get better fast and since crooked way is the fastest he chose that.
Jaz I still believe Sultan can come back to being the Arav he was when with Maya.
A new Arav with Madhubala.
All it will take is a request from Madhubala.
Though I know she will love him in any forms , I believe even she would wish for him to change, to come back right?
I would love to see that

Regarding the next OS I would first like to read Madhu's POV
Then Sultan's reaction.
Regarding Sulbala baby,
What you wrote above was your choice Jaz and I get it.
But personally I am averse to live in.
I would like it Madhu- Sultan were married.
This is just my opinion dear please don't be offended.
I can't digest physical proximity before marriage.
Am old school in that respect.
Edited by FeistySoul - 12 years ago
Ziva01 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#22
Hi Jaz i love the OS ..it's amazing ...i ll give a long comment later as now i need to take care of my son😳
Regarding the options...i love all the 3 but the 3rd one is the most important☺️
Edited:--------------------------
Sorry for coming late Jaz 😳
I read ur OS thrice already 😃 it's really amazing actual mein I was visualizing it ..love the title perfectly suit the OS...Arav has indeed come a long way from Sultan to Arav...I like how you hv combined the past and present ...Sultan took MB and Aryaan away from the his dark and dangerous past but still he is the king of the underworld.
I think the living in relationship in the OS is justified due to Sultan and MB past respectively...what matters is the their unconditional love for each other.
Regarding the option ...I love all the 3 ...but i prefer Sulbala baby ☺️
Thxs for this awesome OS...looking forward for more ...bless u 😃
Edited by -Priya01 - 12 years ago
harshdb thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#23
wow.. using the real name of sultan idea is hit... i love it. 👏 Arav.. nice name...

Jaz... the red color represents your story words and the pink one mine...


the person he'd strangled with his own bare hands just to survive in the cruel reality that was life.

👏 👍🏼

It was a humid night in the city leaving him to wear nothing but a pair of black track pants that hung low on his waist.

☺️

One part of him was drawn towards her, yet another part of him wanted to run far away from her before it was too late.

well said jaz.. this is exactly current condition of sultan...

the look Madhubala was giving him warned

😆 dominating madhu... dominating the don himself...

He knew he caught both Aryan and Madhubala off guard with his extremely rare display of affection.

madhubala effect... 😆 😉

"Maybe in the eyes of the world we don't have a title'but we do have a relationship," she said coolly. "My heart is connected to Aryan's. Maybe the world doesn't have a name for that relationship'but the relationship is there nonetheless'even you can't deny it."

hope people realize the heartfelt meaning of these dialogues and stop mocking at aryan and madhu relationship.


"Don't cry sweetie. You're my courageous boy aren't you?" she asked.

this dialogue sounds silly but def. work on the kids. my daughter is an example for that...

He didn't know how he'd gotten so lucky, but he did know that he'd been very close to losing her all because of his arrogance, his ego, and, in all honesty, his stupidity.

i appreciate in the serial as well as on this os.. he admits his mistakes and doesn't' hesitate to apologize for the same...

"Can't you be my mom just like in the move?" Aryan asked.

so innocent question has brought worst from sultan.. from here the part is emotional. the words he has said to her indeed cruel. when i was reading this particular part, i realized sultan and madhubala might have happened if he has been there from the starting of the serial.


😆 love madhu's strong character. fighting back with a gangster with out a fear and giving his words back at his face... love shrni madhubala...

"'at least stay for me."

heart skipped a beat with this dialogue... 😳 ☺️well written...

i remember the "CRY" logic of yours which was mentioned in the OS "STAY" when sultan was crying in the hospital.


😆 so aryan played cupid between madhu and sultan... so sweet the way he made her confess... lovely innocent boy... my cutie pie...

"Did I really just hear what I thought I heard?" he asked.


madhu is even more intelligent and i just love more the way she made him confess... both the confessions are 👏 👏 👏


very well written jaz...


about maya and arav (sultan) story.. and arav childhood...nicely shaped up.. cvs can look into this one... they can develop the future track in this way...

mayas' letter well written.. the reasons she has mentioned and her leaving him well shaped.. smart one... jaz.. kee it up.. just great. i like maya honesty though dont like leaving like that...

i realized u have not taken or used the main lead's name (just once used) . have u carefully avoided it or it happened just like that? 😆

sultan madhu relationship doesn't need any name. love the confident madhu. admire the way she has taken the decision about her life.. this is not legal but they are happy. when they are happy others opinion is not mattered anymore. well described the relationship. two broken hearts fallen in love and supporting each other in every possible way. madhu doesn't care about sultan profession and sultan care very much of these two safty.

one thing i dont understand is where sultan is leaving? 😕 seems he is leaving permanently?? have i missed something ??

now coming to your note: i go for Option 3, sultan - madhu baby.. 😉 .

hope i have given loong comment enough for your tooo looog OS...
its an awesome OS jaz... very skillful writing. intelligently written.







Vsoujanya thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#24
Most definitely 3 or a possible combo of all? But this was a real treat. Tbh I became a sultan fan only after reading stories and this has got to be the best. Wonderfully written. Flawless.
mozart66 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#25
Jaz, the story is truly touching! What's more, it explores the reality of life, in particular, the life of a gangster.

What stole my heart was "...two pieces of his heart - Aryan and Madhubala" Couldn't have got any better to express Sultan's feelings and sum up the essence of his life! Brilliant piece of writing!

Loved the story too much! I usually am a silent reader of most stories, but I found this one hard to resist to comment! Why do I get the feeling that something similar may be the story of Sultan's life in the serial too? Of course sans the live-in relationship!

Your story is outstanding! Please continue! And needless to say all three options 1, 2, 3!! Or may be 3, 1, 2!! Or may be 2, 1, 3!! Whatever is the sequence, I am sure it will be worth a read!!
Edited by mozart66 - 12 years ago
Sophronia thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail Engager Level 1 Thumbnail
Posted: 12 years ago
#26
RES
im blown away by this OS
and im so so so so glad u pmed me

will edit this in a little while
ashred12 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#27
awesome...
livein makes sense...seeing dat both didnt get proper divorce...
new os ? option 2... :)
Absoluv thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#28
Ohhh WOWWW Jaz dear.👏..this was a SUPERRRBBB OS on SULBALA...I enjoyed it so ooo much...especially the way you have includedd falshbacks to explain present situations...At first I thought, who is Aarav ???? But then thank god I saw the word SULTAN...😉...Ohhh WOOOWWW...hoe I wish that v cud get to see something like this in the show tooo...where Madhu & SUltan love each other and are there for each other...wanna see Aryan calling Madhu as Maa & SUltan as Baba......Perfect family...

I also liked the fact that you kept SULTAN the DON still in the business...still the KINGGG and the idea about keeping MADHU & ARYAN away from where he conducted his dealings...that keeps the mysterious & dangerous aura of SULTAN alive...I wud want CVz to do the same...Keep the image of SULTAN intact - the King of Underworld- dangerous...yet he is soft towards Madhu & Aryan...😉...I want to see SULTAN kick ass of that Bhujang and prove to the entire world - DON"T MESS WITH SULTAN...😛

Coming back to your other OSs...I definitely wanna see SULBALA baby & Aryan getting better with his weak leg...Madhu's POV and the a DANGEROUS way SULTAN decides to avenge Madhu's past dealings with that mental guy...😉

Keep up the AWESOME writing dear...luved it...looking froward to read more SULBALA stuff from you...more with romance & passion tooo 😉
Edited by Absoluv - 12 years ago
AnnStyles thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Voyager Thumbnail
Posted: 12 years ago
#29
Omggg it was sooo longgg :D :D :D Awesome OS :) Loved the way Madhu kissed sultan *blush blush* By the way today was my exam...it took me so long to read this...read little in morning then little after noon...& now finally completed it *phew* (3)
havokhotline thumbnail
16th Anniversary Thumbnail Voyager Thumbnail + 4
Posted: 12 years ago
#30
You're going to kill me, but this is a res for now. :O

But I'm phangurling on your existence right now. I wanna hug you until you choke for writing this.

Get ready for a better comment soon. :D

Great job!

__


Hey. :)

Okay, so the name of this one-shot made me grin like an idiot. There's something about the first peek of daylight that makes you feel so positive and sanguine about the day.

So lovely title, I must say.

I should also mention that you have a fabulous eye for detail. Like really.

I felt like I was watching a movie. Every line, every word was etched in my head because of your fantastic descriptions.

And I wish I had a vocabulary which was even half as good as yours so I could describe how brilliant your vocabulary is. You've used such expressive language in this one-shot in this language, which is really professional of you.

Arav.

The name has many meanings, which I'm pretty sure you're familiar with. But the ones which catch my eye the most are "calm" and "peaceful". Now I know that Sultan is anything but calm and peaceful, but the name Arav is also associated with a sense of mystery. Sultan is positively enigmatic.

So once again, great choice of name. :) There's always been something about Sultan's character and his eyes which have drawn me in. And you've described it better than anybody else I know!

Each and every scenario you explained was perfect. The flashbacks about Sultan's wife and his heartbreak, Aryan's birthday party and Madhu and Sultan's growing affection for each other, it was all so profound.

Also, I love the fact that Sultan acted like a bas***d to Madhu just because he knew that he was falling for her.

Their gradual hate which turned into love was put in a very effortless and natural way. It seemed to me, like you were in Sultan's head and you were telling us his story from his point of view.

The romance angle, I don't have words to say. It's very hard to describe a romance between your lead characters without being clich or crass. You successfully managed to avoid both those problems and instead literally drew all us readers into the plot.

You are just frickin' magnificent. The way you write is so ethereal, I know that's a big word but I don't know how else to put it!

You've taken me to another land with this one-shot. I felt so. . . I don't even know how to say it, man.

I really cant quote the lines I adored in this, because that would mean that I have to quote the story in it's entirety. But I just know that I'll be re-reading this one-shot again and again, because that's how much I loved it.

I know I've been blabbering a lot, so I'm going to stop now. But I hope you got the message. I'm irrevocably in love with your writing. Never stop writing on this couple, please.

And regarding which story you should continue as a spin-off, I'd say all three. :) Yes, I'm a phangurl like that!

Edited by havokhotline - 12 years ago

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