Mishal Raheja
as Dutta
Out of my hands
part 13
" Naku".. he mouths her name mutely. As if to confirm what his eyes behold down below in the hall. Naku from the depths of where she stands, elevates her green orbs to Dutta's dizzy heights of the scaffold. Before her very eyes Naku and the rest of the family, fear anticipatory expression of fury on Dutta's face. Stone dead, transfixed, his tall frame starts off as.. but then gradually his chest heaves, eyes blink once, to denote he still stands in the land of the living. Aye Sahib, Baji and the rest of the family shout out practically calming words to Dutta with a consistent degree of progressive panic!
"Bhau, neeche ah ja!! Nakusha theek hai! , hollers Baji with a frantic wave of his hands.
His friend's words fall upon deaf ears, as Dutta rejects all their joint pleas. It's like their concerns about his welfare are null and void.. before his preoccupation with the white sari specimen that now stares up him with those green eyes that he adores so much.. are they the windows of her soul in which he sees the beauty of his universe? the beauty of his hands? beauty in himself?? but now herein lies a spectacle which flings a message of uncertain mayhem at him. Nakusha! his prized, infallible, picture of perfection subject.. is the woman in white? Surely it's him that suffers from a disorderly mind? Nakusha is single.. unattached, unspoken, unbound to any other man. He see's his mother beckon him down by one hand while the other hand presses against her heart.. but Dutta is at a loss to hear her frantic appeals. His mind, only swirls in a dizzy spell, as his legs turn to jelly.. and suffer a deathly give way...
women's wild strident screams! men's forceful groans resound in the lounge. Bewildered eyes watch as Dutta's long legs stiffen and slip off the platform.. for a split second there is hope as his reflex action of stretched yet curved palms enable him to swing from the scaffold.. but his family's hope dashes in disbelief as they watch his inner palms stretch and the ends of his fingers slip away from the wooden scaffolding frame.. his body gravitates through space in front of all lands on the tiled floor in a dull thud on the floor! The man with the golden hands now lies in a still heap... More screams from his sisters and mother follow! Horrific rush of activity ensues around Dutta's limp body on the floor. Baji calls and orders the doctor. Roops runs to the kitchen ! but Naku with a scream under restrain runs and lifts his head from the floor and rests it on her lap. She bends her head over his stubble face.. his eyes are closed. and her impulse is to wave her palm under his well- proportioned nose..to check his breathing.. a drop of the red paint falls on the middle of Dutta's smooth, wide forehead .. tears roll down her eyes as she bites her bottom lip in horror. Aye Sahib, Kishore, Leela rally around Naku as she cradles Dutta's head.. Aye Sahib wants to know if her son is breathing. Naku sobs all shook up, as she replies in relief, simultaneously she tries to show a strong faade..
"ji Aye Sahib, Bappa ke karam se saansien chal rehe hain.. aap chinta maat karien"
"haan Aye Sahib! Baji ne doctor to call kar de hai.. Bappa thek kare ga , Bhau ko kuch nehin hoga" consoles Kishore.
Babi too comes running into the lounge! confronts the emergent family crowd! one look at the master of the house , prostrate on the floor ,his head supported by her widowed daughter.. in horror her eyes beholds her daughters ,top frontal portion of her head, face drizzles with the colour red. As Naku's mother, she begins by a go at Naku..
Babi covers her mouth in fear of the gods,
"ye kya hai Naku, tera pe lal rang ? wo bhi maang mein? bawli ho gaye hai tu ? she asks in a shrill that shocks , all around!
Luckily Aye sahib intervenes, and clarifies the situation. Naku gives her mother an irate look.. and Babi nods sheepishly at her and turns to be supportive especially to Aye Sahib.. her benefactor.
"dekho aap edhur ak ke sofa pe beithien Aye Sahib.. main pani lati hai aap ke wasti". But Roops already obliges her mother with a glass of water and sits beside her mother and gently holds her hand.
Dutta groans, softly and Naku looks down at his face. How she longs to indulge into a nurturing caress upon his clammy forehead.. to hold his hands to calm him.. but something in her stops her, as she looks down at the parting of his loose lips.. the gentle audible sound of his breathing and the mechanical heave of his open collar hairy chest.. her face flushes. Her being is one collection of self -hate. yes this state of DP is only, and largely due to her. She had dreaded his rejection if she told him the truth about herself.. but now deep down she feels an impending doom approach in any case.. tears well up in her eyes and then one rolls down and drops on his forehead.. but his eyes remain hooded as her tear drop spreads on his smooth forehead. She sniffs to indicate to him that she is beside him .. and daringly whispers..
"Aap ko kuch nehin hoga DP".. Dutta's red eyes flutter up at her in a trance and he whispers
"mujhe ju hona tha wo ho gaya hai.. dhoka... and his dilated pupils close..
Naku clinches her jaw and she succumbs to his verdict..
~~~~~~~~~
Dutta lies on his bed in his den. Aye Sahib and Roops fuss around and gently rest his head on his head cushions. His eyes are closed and his arms lie parallel on the side of his duvet covered body. Baji's eyes scrutinise the doctor as he carries on the usual procedural patient checks, like, pluse, hear in to Dutta's heart beat.. he forces up Dutta's top lids to check pupil dilation.. and then gives the impression that examination is complete. But Baji feels dissatisfied , and before Aye Sahib he instructs the doctor to check upper and lower extremities..
"look doctor, in the main ,it appears that Dutta seems well.. although he is to me not conscious.. but mujhe kya lagta hai ke Bhau ko hospital le kar jana chaiya.."
Aye Sahib too joins in for hospital specialist attention for Dutta.. the doctor, too confirms that it would be beneficial to ascertain, haemorrhage ,spinal or bone damage, as soon as possible.To hear this ..Aye Sahib nearly swoons at the mention of these medical terms and concludes them to be serious conditions. The doctor leaves Dutta 's condition at the discretion of his family.
Baji as is traditional in the household, sees the doctor out. A concerned Babi and Naku ,still in her white sari and red splattered face stand huddled outside Dutta's den. Baji looks at Babi and instructs her,
"mausi aisa karo aap undar jao Bhau ke karma mein, aur Aye Sahib kahyal rehkho.. ,main ghari bhar nilkalta hoon..
Baji blanks out an overly keen Naku..
"Baji batao how is DP? sab thek haina..?
Baji glares at her and snubs her, by joining his palms before her
"look Naku you have done enough already, warned you that something drastic might happen..he stops and his voice cracks as he continues, "only I never thought that Bhau would have an accident"
Naku grabs his arm and cries out " Baji say what you like, blame me ,whatever, but at least tell me what's happening? she begs in desperation.
Baji reels around and says with angry tears in his eyes
"Well I hope you are pleased miss Nakusha , things are grave , he will need to go to hospital for checks till he is given the all clear! and then Baji races down Dutta's wooden steps...
~~~~~~~~~~
Baji's caustic speech, prompts Naku to hide in the sanctuary of the place allotted to her in this house.. his house. As if the room is not enough to seek cover, she further runs into the bathroom and slams the door shut. Her instinct prompts her to gaze upon herself in the mirror. It is not the comic, the ridiculous she intentionally seeks, but it's the outrageous act of red colour in the parting of a widows hair. Her stare on the dyed parting.. after a while desensitises her .. A tear escapes her eyes , the fact that her husband is dead and that no one has offered marriage to her is what suffices.. and with this acknowledgement comes also the subdued desire that wish koi hoota.. she sniffs and wipes her tear definitively and muses.. not just koi.. sirf DP.. but then follow the flood of tears which rise from the pit of her belly up her diaphragm and pour out through her eyes.. "aisa nehin hoga ab.. bas ab tu dar badder ke thokerien hoon ge.. I have fallen short of his trust.. those contracted eyes of his that opened briefly .. had gazed through her as if she was a segment of non- existence.. as air that cannot be seen.. but how can she tell DP that he still needs air to survive..
Her semi stained tiny fingers peel off her paint stained white sari.. colour less symbol of widow hood, now splotched.. splashed and smeared.. it was an accident .. freak in nature , but can this be a message ,an omen, a sign from the gods..
"sahyeed Bappa ko meri zindagi ko neya maur dena hai? for this question she has no answer.. which means another four letter word "wait".. but somehow with this word comes the word, dhoka.. deceit.. and then perhaps it's his empathetic forgiveness she is to wait for?.. but again she cries as she goes through the process of ablution.. "pun.. lie is a lie.. and she washes the red water based paint from her head.. but as is the law of gravity .. soon enough Naku's complete nymph like body streams with tongues of liquid watery red paint! There lies no shame in her, it was brought upon this red colour! and not encouraged or summoned by her.. her gods know that.. she calms herself and dries herselfout .. and brings herself out of the steamy bathroom. But outside in her room things are not steamy or woolly .They appear vivid as the new clean white sari she pulls out of the cupboard...and gazes upon it rather sadly.. till tomorrow.. who knows? but till, as of now and today.. "ye safeed rang hi mera astiva hai".. she admits with resignation..
Once her identified status is draped she looks at herself and is secretly content to note stubborn remnants of the red colour in her parting.. still for the sake of severe decorum, she runs her pointer finger through it but it lingers.. Naku allows her thin petal like lips to stretch a bit to the side , as her green eyes sparkle too.. she combs her raven black hair , braids them in a sided plait that nestles on the fair curve over her neck and hangs right down past her bosom.. she rejoices at the beauty of her face.. but this is the one face that stirs up all the troubles in her life.. for to ward off men's, lusty eyes is no easy job as her Aye has repeated incessantly a trillion times to her.. and she does defend her mother.. for it was this beauty that caught Mastana her husband's eye and then... the rest ..to this day!
She covers her head but leaves her face uncovered.. what's there to conceal now? the truth is out for him to see.. but she has paid a cruel price.. both ways she seems a loser ,beaten at a game she never meant to play.. hiding the truth makes her a liar.. DP discovers the truth.. she orchestrates danger in his life.. crying she stands before Bappa..
"Bappa.. maine ghalat kiya .. pun mera jhoot ke sazza DP ko maat dena.. main mujram hoon , tu sazza ke liye bhi tayeer hoon.. Bappa let this fall pass from him.. let him conquer this fall.. so he can continue to give you devotion.. by using the magic of his hands to glorify the universal life that you have created by your holy hand.. ".. Naku wipes a few way ward tears and turns to look at her mother who barges into the room..
"hayeee kaise lardki hai tu Naku? har waqat tu koi na koi musebaat hi dhoonte rehete hai meri baachi.. tera kya karoon main? rants a fed up Babi...
" maine kuch nehin kya Aye.. Aye Sahib ne thujhe batia tu hai.. aur ye kya bolte tu.. beti ho ke tera pe bhooj thi main.. aur bewa ho kar bhi main tera pe bhooj hoon.. ek baat bata.. maine kha tha muhje paida kar! and she bursts into tears.. already tipping with anxiety for DP..
Babi, looks at her daughter still dressed in a white sari.. minus protest.. and she chides herself and hugs her daughter and then cups her beautiful face in her palms
"maaf kar de mujhe, meri pyari baachi, chinta kerti hoon tere liye.. bas Naku ! Bappa se ye parthna kar ke Saab .. humien tere jhoot ke karan ghar se na nikal de.. "in a tranquil maternal hug .. Naku replies.. in her usual positive aspiration..
" Bappa ke haat mein choor de.. ju kam hum insaan na kar paien.. pun Bappa ke samna koi mushkal nehin!
Babi caresses her daughters upper back and admits.. Naku's incurable optimism and her unfaltering faith in their deities.. is the pivotal way of how they embrace their lowly ,humble life..
coming apart from her mother , Naku asks the critical question..
"Aye .. DP.. ummh wo Saab.. kaise hain ab? hoosh mein hain?
" pura hoosh mein tu nehin Naku.. pun abhi ambulance le gaye hain unhe huspataal.. check karien ge wahan par.. hum prathna kar sakte hain ke sab theek ho un ke saath.."
~~~~~~~~~
Good sense, without a doubt is prevalent in Baji, of course for the betterment for his Dutta Bhau.. he goes to collect Dutta's babaa..
Damoder walks slowly with a pronounced hunch toward's Aye Sahib, and wants an account of what has befallen his only son.. it's sad to note how an elderly father's broad shoulder stoop at the event of his beloved boy suffering a fall.. still Baji is very supportive and assures him that the tests are done as routine.. just to make sure everything which makes up Dutta are working components!
The waiting is soon over and the doctor reports after the CT scan... the spine is intact and so is the skull and other major organs.. he does apprise the family that Dutta's wrists are intact and so are his fingers.. but because they suffered a fall tendons have been sprained and torn badly.. hence he will be wearing supportive tubular grip bandages on both wrists.. for as long as the twisted sprain and swelling of tendons is reduced.. all fine and heavy motor skills work is to be refrained from.. and that Dutta will require assistance in day to day life.. for a short while.. Baji is most concerned and ..and is therefore short with the specialist
"dekho dr! tumhe pata haina Dutta artist banda hai, aur main ye muskhari nehin kar raha hai.. Bhau saach mein tasveerien bunata hai.. tum bola tu tumhara bhi putla buna de ga! isliye tum ye batao wo painting tu kar sake ga na... kuch time baad..?
The doctor assures them it will happen after his wrists and fingers heal completely.. he turns to Aye Sahib.."waise ye ajeeb baat hai ke ap ka beta itni height se gara aur zara bhi kharish nehin aaye ho..
"Jagdammba! humien yakeen hain hamra Dutta ko humri prathna ne bachiyaa hai.. is elaqa ke Sab log isE pyar kerte hain.. un sab logon ke duain saath ho tu Dutta ko kabhi kuch nehin ho sakta.."
A beaming Baji assists Dutta into the car and the family heads home from the hospital after Dutta is given the medical all clear!
~~~~~~~~~~
Dutta is made comfortable in his room. He looks down at his hands in abject misery. Much to his relief Baji enters his den and with extreme care sits at the foot of Dutta's bed.. gives him a ready to cry look with a forlorn face and rounded gloomy eyes.. Dutta sits propped up his hands beside him on either side..
"chaal ab ju ho gaya wo ho gaya Baji.. tum mera samna apne roone shakal le ke beithe ga tu. it'll not give me any joy.. but give me gussa..so apna mau seedha kar.. matalaab normal.. mujhe koi nautanki bhi nehin chahiyee.. yaar dard hai haatoon mein.. groans Dutta as he moves his head side to side.. then he glares at Baji and rants.. waise don't you think I am thick skinned..?
"haan Bhau! teri kya baat hai??saab se unique!!.. you defy, height ,weight, depth! sab measurements ka halwa bana deta hai tum.. tum insaan ho ya koi bharam??? Iluuusionisst???? Baji spreads his palms in mock confusion..
"pas ah tu baton ke main hoon ..give you a jaw breaker with my ..arghhh.. moans Dutta as he tries to raise his feeble attempt at a clinched fist!
Baji laughs but then sobers up and then off loads.. Dutta's pain rides heavy on his conscience.. friendship is honest confession.. when it is needed..
"Bhau ye ju tere halat hai.. mera wajah se bhi hai.. erhhh.. Bhau.. I confess that I knew the truth about Nakusha.. that she is a widow.. but I concealed it from you.. ab tu kya soochta hai mera bare mein? asked Baji..
Dutta just closes his eyes for a while as Baji waits for him to yell at him.. but Dutta still with closed eyes says..
" Baji main kya soochta hoon is bare mein.. I 'll be damned to say.. but I'll be interested to see what you have to say about the act of concealing this vital piece of information from me... you see Dutta wants to see if my sooch matches with yours.. humm? tu bol Baji main sun raha hoon.."
Bhau! Baji bursts out crying as he touches Dutta 's arm ..but Dutta open's his eyes and menacingly shakes his head... Baji stops and snivels..
"Bhau.. I didn't tell you because.. I didn't want you to get the shock of your life and go to pieces, I wanted to shield you from grief.."
Dutta in pain raises his grip bandaged right palm.. and looks Baji right in the eye intensely..
"humm , I too thought out right that you didn't tell me Naku's truth .. because you wanted to safe guard me from pain.. fine! at least we think alike.. but problem hai thura sa Baji.. why can't you have faith in me that I can deal with pain? Baji rao.. apne maa ko marte dekha maine.. and that's not all , I saw my babba die a slow death too after my Aye's death.. I could also sense my babaa's pain , when he dropped me to Aye Sahib's house for the first time! ..aur Baji rao I dealt with pain then too, when I brought you to my home.. you slept beside me .. as mera dost.. and when I woke up in the morning you bloody disappeared... that was pain.. toot gaya tha mera dil... but I learnt that's life.. Naku ek bawa hai... haan it's a shock! jhoot tu bola tune... acting ke tum dono ne.. bas is baat ka dukh hai , you never allowed me to deal with it in the first place! now along with sympathy for her.. I sadly think of her as a liar too... shook Dutta..
Baji, defends both himself and her.. for this is redemptive nobilityhat has to be done more so for her sake..
"Bhau, Naku ko maine roka tha..she was ready to tell you.. but I told her knowing her truth would interfere in your work and creativity! Naku ka koi kasoor nehin tha! don't hold it against her! I too have bad mouthed her and told her that Bhau's freak accident is all her fault!
Bas! don't speak for her! she will have her own agenda as to why she parades my house dressed as a widow! But leave that aside for the minute...but you gave her the guilt trip? what for Baji? you are no different so why shift your own bloody blame guilt on to her..you disappoint me.. where is your compassion? knowing her ab koi patna nehin kya sooch rehe hoge... go! and call her.. bol Dutta wants to speak to her! ja! ..
~~~~~~~~~~
Baji much relived now heads for the kitchen. Finds no sign of mother and daughter.. and then ponders but dreads, they might be in Aye Sahib's room.. Deva! hope they are not going to be asked to pack their bags.. in a hurry Baji races to Aye room then puts on the brakes. His hunch is right, both mother and daughter are in some meeting with Aye Sahib.. she spots him skirting near the door and beckons him.. Baji comes in and gives Naku a small apologetic smile.. which Naku returns by lowering her head.
" Baji hum sooch rehe hain. Dutta ko kuch time ke liye help chaiye hoge.. tu waise to tu hai, pun hum sooche rehe the ke Naku use ke tamaardari mein help kare ge.. tera kya khyal hai.? Baji's eyes twinkle and he nods with complete consent.
"aagar Naku maan gaya hai tu is se bather aur koi nehin hoga Bhau ka khayal rekhna ke liye.. belke Bhau ne tu ise khud abhi! apne karma mein buliya hai..! and he gives Naku a sweet smile as her face loses colour.. Aye Sahib replies..
"aacha chalo main khud Naku ko Dutta ke kamre mein la kar chalte hoon... ah ja Naku.. ! Aye Sahib goes out first followed by Babi , who goes down the stairs to the kitchen..
Baji stops Naku and folds his palms before Naku...
"Naku..dekh I was very short with you about Bhau.. maaf kar de mujhe apna bhai samjhe ke.. huum?
" Nehin. Baji theek hai , I know it was such a shock for you to bear DP's fall.. I totally understand.." Naku replies with a small smile.. she dare not ask any thing about DP as she is going to see him .. soon..
~~~~~~~~~
Aye Sahib enters his den and moves forward and leans ahead to kiss his forehead.. she explains to him he'll need help during meal and hygiene times and that she's found someone whose services will come in handy.. Dutta looks perplexed and his mother turns to the door and calls..
"Undar ah jao Naku...
Dutta pulls his bottom lip into his mouth and gives her green eyes a cold stare... this is getting better than I thought.. he muses silently.. takes a deep breath and announces..
"Aye Sahib.. haan ye lardki is kam mein thek rehe ge.. khamoosh rehe te hai.. zayeeda batien kerne wale ap janti hain mujhe pasand nehin.." he says curtly as he raises an eyebrow at her subtly.. Naku daren't look at him..
Aye Sahib replies, in motherly content..
"tu theek hai.. Dutta, ab tu Naku ko kam bata dena, and she exits..
Dutta lowers his eyes to his gaze at hands and then raises them and stares at her rather lone figure dressed in her white sari. Boldly he stares at her beautiful face protected by her pallu.. and with his narrowed eyes he beckons her to come closer...but not close enough to sit on the foot of his bed.. his jaw twitches.. and he waits for her to speak.. he had already caught on to this habit of hers.. but it is not accepting her status as a widow.. that threw him asunder.. he waits .. stubborn as a mule she was always.. he recalls how he used to give her a jump start .. when her speech failed her in the past.. he loosens his lips and in sheer frustration turns his face the other way.. takes a deep breath ,turns to look at her ..
" have you got something to tell me?
" haan.. maine aap se jhoot bola..
" wo tu hai.. Nakusha.. ye tune saach bola hai..
"main sazza ke liye tayaar hoon.."
Her eyes begin to well up.. and he sees through her and puts forth to her in a guttural voice..
" ab sazza main nehin doon ga.. tu batae ge kya sazza hogi tere Nakusha?
He knows this throws her, as she expects that he being the aggrieved party will suggest the penalty.. but Dutta as an artistic man wants to see her sense of self justice for her act.. how innovative can she get? so Nakusha create your own chastisement.. muses Dutta.. to be continued.. Hamlet53~ 21.11.14
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Edited by Hamlet53 - 10 years ago
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
