-Abhigya OS Forever and Always- [ALTERNATE HAPPY END ON PG 7]

So if I ask you what is the scariest thing in life what would you say? Heights, horror movies, death maybe? Death itself or the thought of living without someone? Or maybe love?

My story is both about love and death, two things I was certainly scared of which is mainly why I never wanted to fall in love with anyone, I didn't want to get overly attached to anyone because I knew when they left it hurt, hurt like hell. But even though I knew about this fear I dared to fall in love, knowing it would hurt in the end. But then how couldn't I? When you have a wife, who cares about you more than herself, loves you unconditionally, why wouldn't you fall in love? And that's exactly what I did, fell in love with my fuggy, my chashmish.

The days I spent with her are still afresh in my memory, more than anything else, the moments are too precious to forget and I would do anything to have her back in my life, anything at all, but I know it's not possible, it never was, is or will be. But along with those happy moments there are a few I hate to remember but can't stop myself from being reminded of. I hate the day I found out the truth, the painful truth.

***

Pragya leaned her head against the door wiping her tears, she had ran into the washroom many times that day, not being able to stop her cough, this was the first time she had seen blood spray the sink and it disgusted her, she couldn't even share her pain with anyone knowing it would pain them. Another tear fell from her eye. She wanted to live, live for her love, live for her children but she couldn't, she didn't want to die. She sobbed silently as she heard Abhi calling her.

"Fuggy, fuggy, where are you, look Aditi and Aarav are crying" Abhi called out to Pragya pacing the room while carrying both children in each arm. "They want their maa, fuggy maa" Abhi laughed as he saw Pragya coming out of the washroom.

She took both children in her arms and they instantly quietened down. She gently placed them in their cots and they both soon fell asleep. Pragya turned around to talk to Abhi but before she could say a word she began to cough horrifically, Abhi quickly poured water in a glass and turned around to see Pragya move her hand away from her mouth hiding the edge of the dupatta in her hand.

"Fuggy, what are you hiding?" Abhi asked.

"Nothing" Pragya replied but Abhi grabbed her hand and saw that the edge of the dupatta was stained with blood leaving him shocked.

"Fu-fuggy" Abhi whispered. "Wh- why- what- blood?" Abhi questioned her.

"It's nothing" Pragya whispered but Abhi knew she was lying.

"Fuggy, we are going to the hospital now" Abhi grabbed her hand but she moved away from his clutch.

"No" Pragya stated and Abhi questioned.

"Why not, you're coughing up blood you need to get yourself checked out."

"I know but there's no point" Pragya whispered sitting down on the edge of the bed.

Abhi noticed her voice quieten and sat down next to her holding her hand. "Why fuggy, why is there no point, you will come to the hospital and then the doctor will make you better na"

"No Abhi" said Pragya.

"What no fuggy? What's the matter?" Abhi moaned a sense of anger and urgency growing within him, not being able to stop shouting, though he tried not to.

"Because I have lung cancer" Pragya shouted back at him getting up. "I am dying, I don't have much time left, and there's nothing the doctor can do about it, is that okay now?"

Abhi looked at her stunned as the words sank in, what was she saying? He was sure he had misheard, he shook his head.

"Fuggy, what did you say, I think I didn't hear properly" Abhi asked her convinced she had said something else but didn't make eye contact.

"Abhi you heard right, I have lung cancer and I am dying" Pragya made him look at her and this time when Abhi's eyes met hers he felt pain pierce through his whole body, the eyes that he loved to look at had been hiding this painful truth? Abhi didn't know how to react, it just couldn't be true, and he refused to believe her.

"No fuggy, there must be some mistake, come on we are going to the hospital now" Abhi held her hand.

"Abhi, I know it's hard to believe but look at me, it's true" Pragya made him look at her again but he looked everywhere but at her because deep down he knew what she was saying was true, but he still refused to accept the truth.

"No, it's a mistake, you're coming to the hospital with me" Abhi grabbed her hand again but Pragya again moved back but before she could say anything she began to cough and blood trickled down from the side of her mouth and she covered her mouth with her dupatta, she felt the world spinning before her and she fell as Abhi moved forward and caught her in his arms.

***

"How is she doctor?" Abhi asked the doctor who came out of the room.

"I'm sorry, but the cancer is at the last stage and there is nothing we can do, there is also a tumour in her brain, had it been found earlier there may have been hope, I'm sorry" the doctor told him and Abhi felt all of his hopes crash down on him. For the past hour he had been telling himself over and over that Pragya would be fine, she would get better, for his family, for him, for their children but here she was fighting against life and death knowing there was no hope for their future.

Abhi walked in to the room and saw the oxygen mask covering Pragya's face as she smiled at him weakly. Abhi sat down on the seat next to the bed and held her hand.

"Fuggy, don't worry I will make sure you get better, you will beat this cancer." Abhi kissed her hand.

"Stop it Abhi, don't live in false hope, you know the doctors can't do anything now, my death is certain, please don't give yourself and me false hope." Pragya told him heaving between breaths.

"Fuggy, please you need treatment you will survive; this doctor has 90% success" Abhi refused to give up hope.

"And did he even give a day's guarantee of my survival?" Pragya asked.

Abhi had no answer.

"Nahi na, then why do you want me to suffer for no reason, don't make me a corpse before I even die, let me live the last of my life happily." A lone tear escaped Pragya's eyes and Abhi let out the tears he had been holding for so long. He shook as he sobbed his heart out.

"Fuggy, please don't leave me, I need you, Aditi and Aarav need you" Abhi cried.

"Abhi, I will always be in your heart, remember our marriage, I promised to be by your side forever and I will fulfil it, our love will not die no matter what the distance between us." Pragya smiled at him faintly.

Abhi held her hand to his chest not able to control his cries. "Fuggy, how will I live without you? You prayed day night in front of your so called God and this is what he gave you? Why Pragya why?" Abhi asked her in anger.

"He is testing our love Abhi, look this lifeline on my hand, he wrote it for a short amount of time, but that doesn't mean after I am gone our love will die, I will always be with you and Aarav and Aditi, no one can separate us"

Pragya wiped Abhi's tears. "Now stop crying, let me enjoy the time I have left, let me live my whole life in these moments I have"

Abhi hugged her before leaving to meet the doctor. Pragya stared after him and as the door closed a tear rolled down the side of her cheek onto the sheet. "Let me go Abhi, let me go"

Pragya had been kept on the life support machine for the rest of the week, each member of the family had met her and Pragya smiled at all of them not wanting to be their weakness. Abhi had brought Aarav and Aditi that evening, the evening everything changed.

Pragya smiled as Abhi held both Aarav and Aditi in his arms. Pragya smiled painfully knowing that no matter what she couldn't even hug her kids for the last time.

After a while the kids had begun to cry and Daadi took them out. Pragya touched them and then there was silence for a few moments.

"Abhi promise me something" Pragya said.

"What Pragya?" Asked Abhi

"That you will look after our kids and never let them feel empty or sad that they don't have a mother, you will be their mother and father" Pragya said

"I promise, anything for you, after all tum meri fuggy ho, meri chashmish" Abhi smiled at her and walked out.

That night he was walking into Pragya's room with a bag in his hand. Pragya questioned him about what it was but he told her to close her eyes. He picked up the mangalsutra that Pragya had taken off as she was in hospital and tied it around her neck. He then took the pot of sindoor and applied a pinch on her head.

"Now you look like my fuggy" Abhi told her, telling her to open her eyes and look in the mirror. Pragya smiled at him while he patted her head. After a while he realised she was finding it hard to breathe. Abhi held her hand and then all of a sudden Pragya began to cough. Abhi was confused as to what to do. He turned to get the doctor but Pragya's grip around his arm tightened.

"Abh- Abhi mere jaane ka waqt aa gaya hai." Pragya managed to say with great difficulty.

"No fuggy, I'm getting the doctor nothing will happen to you" Abhi told her but she clutched his arm tightly, as she coughed painfully. Abhi tried but he couldn't leave. The heart monitoring machine was becoming quieter.

"I - I love you- Abhishek" Pragya whispered before a single beep echoed in the room and her hand let go of Abhi's. Abhi stared at her still body for a few moments before screaming. "Pragya"

He sat next to her picking her up by the shoulders and hugged her to his chest. "Fuggy, get up," Abhi patted her cheeks but there was no reaction. "Fuggy, come on stop the drama, it's not funny, get up" Abhi wiped his tears roughly and continued to shake her but she didn't open her eyes. Her pale body stayed limp.

The doctors ran in and moved Abhi away from the bed. He took the mask off of her face turned around to Abhi and shook his head. "I'm sorry, she's no more"

That night he lost her, his best friend, his wife, his love, his chashmish, his fuggy, his and only his Pragya.

Kaahe ko mujhe roke pagle

Chod de jaane de

Meine bhi to chaaha rukna umra bhar bas yuhin tere saath

Bhool ja, muskuraan

Mein nahin hun to kya

Rahe gi khusboo meri yahaan

Mein nahin hun to kya

---

Why are you stopping me?

Let me go, I have to go

Even I want to stay with you forever like this

Forget me and smile

It doesn't matter if I'm not here

My memories will always be with you

It doesn't matter if I'm not here

***

"Papa" My thoughts were interrupted by Aditi and Aarav's voice. It had been 10 years since Pragya had passed away. Each moment had been painful after she had gone but I never let our kids feel lonely without her. I fulfilled my promise to Pragya; I was both their mother and father.

"I can't sleep papa" Aarav and Aditi moaned.

I asked them why and their answer surprised me.

"Kids at school always ask us about our mum and when we told them she isn't with us they said we don't have a mum, they always discuss what their mums are like and we have nothing to say, why?"

"Don't listen to them, of course you have a mum, look" Abhi showed them her picture. "She is your mum and just cause we can't see her doesn't mean she isn't with us. You know where she is?" I asked them.

"Where papa?"

I pointed to my heart. "She is in our hearts and our soul, she loves us and she looks over us."

I hugged them both and then they asked me to sing a song so I began to sing one of Pragya's favourite songs the one that she herself had composed for me.

Adhoora sa hai, adhoori si hai

Dil mein teri ek kami si hai

Paas aao mita do faasile

Saans aur dhadkan dhami si hai

Khaali sa hai, khaali si hai

Aankhon mein ek tasveer bani si hai

Tere ho kar bhi na hone ki khushbhoo

Mann mein aaj phir khuli khuli si hai

---

He is incomplete, she is incomplete

There is something missing in hearts.

Come near and break the barriers

Breath and heartbeats have stalled

He is empty, she is empty

There is a like a picture in the heart

The essence of not being able to be yours although I am yours

is open in my mind today.

Slowly Aarav and Aditi fell asleep and I wanted to cry to let out the sorrow I had been hiding once again but knowing I would disturb them I walked out into the balcony. It had been so long since she left but the wound it left in my heart never healed and still bled. The gentle breeze brushed against my body as I leaned on the banister. I needed my fuggy today, she had always wanted to do so much for her children. A tear trailed down the side of my cheek when I heard a voice, a very familiar voice. It was Pragya. "Abhishek distance will never break our love, stay strong. I am always in your heart and soul. I love you Abhishek."

"I love you too" I spoke staring at the stars in the night's sky. I watched the stars each night after she had gone; it was a way I felt close to her, a way in which I stayed strong. I knew my fuggy would always be with me, she had promised. I missed her presence but I couldn't do anything about it but I always comforted myself by reminding myself that she was always with us. She was always looking over us.

Forever and Always.