Posted:
Originally posted by: thedramaqueen
Maleka, when you and Sam talk, I usually don't butt in. Because your discussions are such a treat to the reader. I wanted to get a point in however.
Like you, I too felt Dev was explaining how badly he needs Sona. This was the most heart wrenching part of it yesterday. He made it about himself and his needs. Not in a bad way. But in a very honest manner. He made it all about how he needs her as if his life depended on it. He offered nothing but apology. He is definitely the broken one of the two.The rescuer syndrome is Sonakshi's core behavior. Recall how she used to stalk her patients. She is a busy body. Like a squirrel constantly scurring away. If you had to imagine her in today's IN, she would be nudging Golu to join that taekwando class... pushing elena to take that international photo shoot assignment... getting mami's diet in place... and Dev used to love this so long as others didn't mind. And that's where things went wrong. When Dev used to ask her to leave these people to their own devices she used to take offence. What she wanted was, for Dev to sweep her off her feet when she was busy plumping those cushions because she has nothing better to do. So she wanted to get rescued as much as Dev. She said this to Dev on their first pink saree date. That these were her lines. Not his. But he got in first. She is as needy as Dev. She just can't say it. I think the stage is set. She has to say it now.
The part where Sona needs rescuing too... I think that is at the core of white knights. They feel in rescuing others they can get rescued too but it rarely works that way. What they end up doing is just propagating a cycle.
This is an interesting article that talks about white knight syndrome.
https://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=33277.0
In this kind of co-dependent relationship, both parties inevitably suffer. The person being helped receives no real beneficial help, while the rescuer becomes overburdened with the dependency of the other. Instead of generating the positive results they both aspire to, the co-dependent relationship between the two becomes a debilitating energy-drain for all concerned.
Sometimes, when helping'' becomes rescuing,'' the person being helped will react to the rescuer's ministrations by backing away and making a pro-active attempt to resolve the issues they were struggling with on their own. Although this is potentially a good outcome for the person being rescued, the rescuer will try to reassert her control in order to remain as instrumental in achieving success.
As the relationship between the two deteriorates, the subject of the rescue attempt becomes dispirited and confused at the rescuer's persistent interference while the rescuer becomes increasingly frustrated with the standoffish behavior of the other. Eventually, the rescuer simply abandons the rescue attempt in search of another "victim." Although this is ultimately good news for the victim, the journey may be painful and his attempts to recover can be severely compromised.
But the rescuer is a victim too. People become rescuers because they have a need to be liked. Saying no'' to someone who has asked a favor is to let that person down and to court dislike. So when a rescuer sees a person in need, he or she will feel obliged to fulfill that person's request however inconvenient, inappropriate or burdensome the task.
The result, of course, is that rescuers get overloaded with other people's emotional baggage, which takes up time and drains energy. They become cynical, tired, and apathetic. They lose their idealism and sense of purpose. Worse, they may even unconsciously contaminate the people they try to rescue with their own sense of failure and burnout.
As the relationship between the two deteriorates, the subject of the rescue attempt becomes dispirited and confused at the rescuer's persistent interference while the rescuer becomes increasingly frustrated with the standoffish behavior of the other. Eventually, the rescuer simply abandons the rescue attempt in search of another "victim." Although this is ultimately good news for the victim, the journey may be painful and his attempts to recover can be severely compromised.
But the rescuer is a victim too. People become rescuers because they have a need to be liked. Saying no'' to someone who has asked a favor is to let that person down and to court dislike. So when a rescuer sees a person in need, he or she will feel obliged to fulfill that person's request however inconvenient, inappropriate or burdensome the task.
The result, of course, is that rescuers get overloaded with other people's emotional baggage, which takes up time and drains energy. They become cynical, tired, and apathetic. They lose their idealism and sense of purpose. Worse, they may even unconsciously contaminate the people they try to rescue with their own sense of failure and burnout.
And I feel that is actually what happened with Dev and Sonakshi. You watch their end scene in Season 1. these were two exhausted defeated people justifiably blaming each other for their failures. But for the story to change, Sona needs to ask herself why its so important she sees herself as a "helper". What insecurities is she hiding by keeping on this persona? Basically, Sona needs to ask for help and Dev needs to be empowered to help himself.
Anupamaa
Cricket
