@Geena: Thanks for your amazing post about the episode. Now I can do what DQ was wishing for and just say "ditto!" You so perfectly captured the struggle that is going on within Sona and Dev right now as they find it startlingly easy to accept each other as Soha's parents, and at the same time feel frustrated as lovers that the very behaviour that is making that acceptance possible wasn't visible when they were fighting for their own relationship. This is just the beginning of a metamorphosis that will take place Dev and Sona spend time with each other, and not with the monstrous versions of each other in their respective heads.
@Chitra: That is an amazing observation! The Tripathis and the Dixits (I am just going to call them the Trixits from now on) may not have an immediately recognisable family dynamic, but under all the betrayal and manipulation, there is a strong thread of unwavering solidarity. They have built their family based on their experiences, and though I agree they are not the healthiest relationships, it is something you can't unviersalise and make snap judgments about. These dynamics were summarised perfectly when Soha told on Golu for having a phone in school. Golu was mad because he thought they were on the same team and so Soha would have his back, but for Soha having his back meant pointing out when he was wrong.
@Payal: Your post does a great job of highlighting why feminism often gets a bad name. The term gets misused when we try to employ it purely on a personal level, where the movement itself is about fighting systems and institutions that disadvantage certain groups of people. But the term getting a bad rap isn't only the fault of women misusing it; there are so many men just waiting to dismiss the real concerns of the movement by saying it is just a bunch of angry, prideful women. That's why it is so important to know what it actually means.
With your example in mind, what we should be doing is not pitting individuals against each other in the name of feminism, but understanding how the system works against certain groups. In both the scenarios you provided, the girl has to go live with the boy's family -- this in itself is a tool to put women on the back foot from day one of marriage. No matter how accepting and loving the boy's family is, you can't deny that she has to leave her comfort zone while he stays in his. For me it was much more regressive that nuclear family doesn't seem to be an option, even for the most progressive characters on the show. I am not saying that living with one's family is outdated and shouldn't be done at all, but to rule out the nuclear family as "selfish" and "wrong" is also problematic.
Other than that, I don't see the issues in Dev and Sona's marriage as progressiveness/feminism vs. regressiveness/male chauvinism. Both of them were feminists -- and if anything, Dev was even more interested in an equal marriage than Sona (he wanted her to be as empowered in his house as she had been as his girlfriend, but didn't realise how much that empowerment came from external validation of her family, which she craved in IN too). The issues that they had were of an interpersonal nature and arose from their allowance of third party interference and their poor communication. I think that Saurabh and Ronita's relationship will help illustrate this. Long-term relationships are hard even when you have family approval and support, and the existence of love is not enough to sustain a them.
So, much more than a conflict of progressive vs. regressive, I see this story as a conflict between this soulmate-wala, sufiana love and societal concerns and demands, which both Dev and Sona were forced to bring into their transcendent love. Sona was a total misfit for the manipulative world of the Trixits because she could neither gain approval nor reject it completely. Dev could never give Sona that ideal of middle class family happiness that he knows she tried to bring about in the Dixit family. That transcendent love and deep connection is clearly still there all these years later, but both of them are painfully aware that it was incompatible with real life. And that is what is holding them back from acknowledging or expressing it. The only thing that betrays them are those moments when the latent connection is so strong, it overwhelms them.
The first time, egged on by their respective families, they rushed into marriage as the default answer to their love. This time, I hope they take control and think more about exactly what they want to do with these feelings. Love doesn't have to mean marriage, and is not enough to make marriage a good idea. So what do you do when you have this incredible connection with a person, but they don't fit into your world? That is what I feel is the crux of the show.
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