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YASHO1997

@YASHO1997

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Posted: 8 years ago

#71

See you people don't like what's going on in the show I get that. This post is for puting forward your views and it is not negativity that is also true.

But just as we can't term your views are negative I don't think you have the right to call us regressive either. Because I strongly believe we are not. We could be termed regressive if we supported dev in what he did, if we supported ishwari in thinking that sona was worth nothing because she can't become a mother... But we don't do that.

It's just for you what dev did was wrong no matter his intentions and he has gone too far to be redeemed. For us we see him as scared heavily, as damaged, impulsive, emotional week, coward in front of his mom... Just a human. That's why even if there is no argument what he did was completely wrong... Because of his character, his sincerity at hurt and his genuine love for both women... We think that he can be forgiven. At least I think...msybe considering his mother who suicides or stops talking to him when she dislikes his choice.. It is very difficult to speak against him mom when it comes to sona. Because it was not resolved during breakup the fear still persists. That just makes him human. Who said heroes had to be perfect?

Same for sona. For me this is this generation lacking patience. If sona considers ishwari her mother and really wants to make a place in her heart trying to slowly warm her heart while accepting her cold behavior fit now... It is not doormat mentality. That us not loosing one's self respect according to me. And here I also don't think the focus is being made in ishwari's pain... It's rather showing her insecurities again. Sona is thinking about her from time to time because she was also lied to, because she knows after this she may not get that ishwari any more, and because her deepest fear is that her not living up ishwari's expectations of producing a child will take her away from dev. Just as dev fears that too. Sona herself knows she is not any less but knows she will be seen that way. So in this moment self doubt, feeling low us also absolutely normal.

Just one more thing asha...i don't think she meant dev was mahan. Just that him not caring even what his mom will say later when she finds out ( because did him his mother's opinion in this is very important. He is just not like Vicky who disregards his mother completekt he can never be that) and most importantly giving up being a father... Warrants appreciation. Because not all networks do it specially those having authoritative moms like ishwari.

Just like these for each of your points we have counter points. But I know we won't be able to agree with your views just as we can't with yours. All I want to say is that that doesn't give you props the right to make fun of our views here or call us regressive. We too very dearly hold our views and it hurts when you say things like these without understanding what we meant.

I hope u will try to understand and not get offended.

Thanks.

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sia.krpkab

@sia.krpkab

Navigator

Posted: 8 years ago

#72

Tia, it seems your last post has attracted maximum attention on the forum. It's running to 10 pages already!

Happy new year.

I like your post, in parts though. Though I have always loved your stories and examples, in this particular case I find them a bit cynical.

Dev faltered big time but it is his loss too, just like it's Sona's loss. And I really think it is a loss because this couple wants kids.

Dev violated basic human rights by thinking of the infertility treatment without sonakshi's knowledge. But glad he overcame that, else it was all over.

I see a hope or ray of light because his priority is sonakshi and not her womb carrying his child. Benefit of doubt to him on the infertility treatment part because probably he wanted Ish-sona to stay happy in the bubble (which was height of stupidity).

I would say that they could go for treatment or adoption, if and only if both of them want it - and dev, without saying, with be supportive.

I am ready to throw brickbats on him if he doesn't stand up to his family if they taunt Sonakshi or his mother forces them on some preconditions.

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Tinkerfairy

@Tinkerfairy

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#73

Indian TV's doormat daughters

If Indian television soaps are any evidence to go by, India's daughters and daughters-in-law " from the rural poor to the well-educated urban rich " are spineless doormats who cannot speak up to save their lives. In India, prime time television viewing begins traditionally by 8 pm when most working people have returned home and home-makers are settled after their daily routine of housekeeping and managing the children. The shows that are telecast during these hours " 8 pm to 11 pm " are therefore considered to be the most successful with the highest TRPS. So let's see what is on the menu.

Show some spunk, girls
According to media pundits, Balika Vadhu is the flavour of the season right now. In this narrative, all the women " heroine Anandi, her mother Bhago, mother-in-law Sumitra, aunt Gehna and sis-in-law Sugna " are going through some kind of torture or the other. All face relentless humiliation, insults and loss of self-esteem at the hands of the ogre matriarch, Masaab.

Except Gehna " who shows some spunk but is defeated' by her motherhood " all the women are helpless in the face of disgusting abuse from the men in their family and the vicious grandmothers.

The other show which attracts a huge number of eyeballs is Bidaai in which Sadhana, the beautiful bride, suffers every variety of insult. Currently, she has been thrown out of her house and is living in her uncle's home where she is hated and abused. It is likely that she will happily return to her sasural when her tormentors deign to give her a clean chit.

Take the case of Akshara, a university educated beauty from a wealthy Marwari family in Udaipur. In the popular soap Yeh Rishta Kya Kehlata Hai, she is thrown out of her home by her loving' but spineless husband Naitik. She too, anxiously waits to crawl back to her sasural.

The heroine of Lado, Sia, is humiliated beyond endurance by her in-laws, who use her as a servant. Sia is a doctor's daughter and well-educated, but she accepts this humiliation, agreeing to slave in the kitchen and work as nurse maid to the family's arrogant men.
To add to this parade of doormats, there's the unfortunate Amoli of Bairi Piya, who is relentlessly hounded by a horny zamindar.

There is no escape for her, not even the protection of her husband, who is willing to donate' his wife to his master, the zamindar.

Where are the real women?
The question here is: Are modern Indian women truly like this? Does TV honestly portray the Indian woman of today? Are they total wimps who can be pushed around, kicked out of their homes, deprived of their freedom and respect, raped, molested, plotted against and insulted every step of the way?

"Not at all," says Niyati Shah, an IT executive in Bangalore, "I would never accept such behaviour from anyone. Recently, I rejected many marriage proposals because the boys wanted me to move to the US or to the Gulf. I have a fabulous job here and don't wish to give it up and relocate."

Many young women like Niyati are clear about where they want to live and work, how they too must look after their parents and how they must have personal rights.
"I would never go back to a family that has thrown me out after insulting me. Women ought not to feel so helpless. These soaps on national television, night after night, are misleading and even damaging," says Niyati.

Spare us the drama'
"I would not want my daughter or daughter-in-law to accept this kind of treatment," says Rohini Adhikari, an income tax officer, "I wonder if TV serial makers look at the women outside their very small world."

Today, women are counted among the most powerful people in the country. Some Indian women even feature in the list of the Forbes most powerful 100 women of the world. Sonia Gandhi, Indra Nooyi, Chanda Kochchar and other women have made it to the world's power list. Millions of women make excellent money and pursue challenging careers. So, to show women as doormats is unrealistic.

The winds of change are blowing across India. "I would want TV to show the changing picture of Indian women too. Instead of showing over-dressed women being kicked around in their homes and living in fear of their own families all the time, I would want to see brave women who are building the new India as an inspiration to all women," says Rohini Adhikari.

Why are these soaps popular then? "There is a dearth of good television programming," says Swapna Nair, a script writer. True, television in India blindly follows trends. Sometime ago, it was the saas-bahu soaps about Gujarati women living in huge joint families. These lost out because they just went on and on, introducing bizarre track like mothers-in-law being sent to prison by scheming daughters-in-law and so on. At one time Ekta Kapoor had 19 such serials running on several channels with great success! Then, viewers suffered from TV exhaustion. The soaps lost steam, one by one.
Other production houses grabbed the opportunity and brought the flavour of Rajasthan to the small screen. All women wear Rajasthan-style costumes, all men wear the pagrees and kurtas from this beautiful state. Even the dialects are from Rajasthan. This is a new fad and viewers are finding something new in the serials. Some of them like Balika Vadhu claim to have a message. But nothing can justify the constant humiliation of the daughters and daughters-in-law.

http://www.deccanherald.com/content/50981/indian-tvs-doormat-daughters.html

this is article i just wanted to share. 😃😃 please share your views also. Please dont underestimate indian women.😊

Edited by Tinkerfairy - 8 years ago

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#74

Thank you. I agree with you. Our standard of men were raised when we stepped into outside world and saw men, even men from Indian origin much more liberal and supportive of their life partners. It's not entirely the men's fault that they are less sensitive, less cooperative and less supportive than their other counterparts outside India, but also the women's fault to accept that and justify or glorify their wrong deeds. When women will stop accepting less than equal rights, respect and fair treatment, only then their situation will improve.

Originally posted by: randomramblings
take a bow Tia. there is no better way putting the thoughts into words. Yes Dev Dixit is not a man that a woman with self esteem can call as a wonderful husband.

the irony is going by the average indian households, he is the best among those that a normal households offer. I would like to say you are among the lucky few who get to see a stronger men with great character, unfortunately not every female gets this chance.

Exposure to a bigger world, a greater society, a higher thought process are those that help us emancipate. I too am an NRI , i can clearly see the difference in my own attitude when i was living in India and once i moved abroad.
All i can say, the society in which we live, plays a major part in us framing strong opinions of how one should behave, and going by that in mind KRPKAB is bold enough to bring certain aspects of society to our living room.

To people like you, vimal, tikerfairy and few others who have seen men with honor and virtue can never accept the behaviour of Dev and forever we are going to condemn him. But for those who are yet to see such men, their benchmarks low as compared to your standards and hence they find him ideal. this show is for those average mass.

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#75

You made some valid points. I guess the only thing at this points that will prove Dev's sincerity when Ishwari demands fertility treatment (as per Spoilers) Dev refuses to put Sonakshi through it. Remember he said that she is enough for him. So if he stays silent, then he will prove to be a lier once again.

Originally posted by: asha2012
Let me start by wishing everyone a very very happy new year ! May the new year bring lots of happiness and prosperity in your lives!
I love reading your posts Tia because you get across your views so well and very clearly at that. I don't mean any offence and would like to put forward my two pence on the current track on the show:

Yes Dev hid the fact that Sona couldn't have children ever. He also made up the elaborate story about her being pregnant and even tried getting her treated without her knowledge. He has also apparently helped Saurav probably without Sonia's knowledge again.

If we look at it from dev's perspective - they decided to marry very quickly without getting to the root cause of their breakup. They knew inside that this would probably be their last chance at getting together again, Dev also knew that if Sona found out that she couldn't have babies ever she would definitely not marry him - especially considering how much they had spoken about babies. Once there were married, from the wedding night itself Sona understood that Ishwari never accepted her with her heart. This is a fact or reality which even Dev is aware of though he may have voiced it only now.

Sona has been brought up by her dad to be competitive and to be the best in what she does. My parents have also brought me up like that, I don't take no for an answer very easily and this has landed me in trouble sometimes. Sona in this case is treating this whole Ishwari acceptance as a challenge - all relationships must be given time to be nurtured. Don't we meet people at work whom we dislike at sight. After we get to know them better we may end up becoming friends with them.

That's why in the time of her deepest grief, she is still thinking of ishwaris reaction. In my view the problem is that both Dev and Sona never analysed the real reason or cause for the breakup. Till that is addressed they will both live in the fear that one day the other person would walk out of their life. This is true for both Dev and Sona. This fear, I believe, is what causes an otherwise rational Dev to behave stupidly and lie and for an otherwise independent Sona to take shit from her mother in law and Mamiji.

Hence it would be wrong to blame only Sona or only Dev - they both are to be blamed.

By the way, I want to add something from personal experience, I have been married for 13 years and in the early years when we couldn't have children, we opted not to have children. I am lucky that I have not been questioned by either by in laws or parents about my decision and we are happy with that choice. But there are still educated persons who ask me what happened - did u try all the doctors, this puja that sadhu etc, I just smile and shoo them off. Believe me the persons I am talking about are city bred educated persons. Hence ishwaris reaction is not surprising at all. Unfortunately that's the kind of society we live in.

Sorry this has become a long post - just wanted to put forward my point of view

Cheers

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#76

Trust me, I am a married woman. I know it's not easy to walk out of a marriage. But a marriage built on a lie is not a marriage. A marriage where one of the spouse has been insulted daily since day one while the other watched silently knowing every single time what his so-called love was going through is not a marriage. A marriage where important truths are hidden under lies is not a marriage. It might be a marriage on a legal document, but in the core meaning of a relationship which is the base of society and a true partnership between two people, whatever they are showing on screen is not marriage.

Originally posted by: Becca
I feel what they are showing in KRPKAB, is a reflection of the society in which we live. It is not about Dev being glorified. As for Asha, she did the right thing in making Sona see Dev' s unconditional love. It's not easy to walk out on a marriage. Our age old grandma 's adage of the girl being committed to wedlock still hold true today. Of course today the adage holds true for men too. Relationships cannot be dictated by stubborn views and opinions. One has to give and take. The future episodes, should focus on Dev' unconditional love for Sona and vice versa.

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#77

Thanks. Happy New Year to you too. 😊

Originally posted by: srilotus
Happy New Year Tia

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#78

The answers are below.

Originally posted by: Danseuse

Happy New Year 2017.

@tia-o : You have completely missed my point, so I disagree with your reply to my post. We are at two different coasts that would never meet!! 😃

You can choose to answer my simple questions thou :

1) Why did Dev marry Sonakshi? - Because he loved her.

2) If your reasoning is that Dev fell in love with Sonakshi before knowing her medical condition (I believe that falling in love does not look at timing etc.), why did he stick to his decision to marry Sonakshi after knowing it? Wasn't he confident of finding someone else, since he was sure that Ishwari was not in agreement to his choice? - Again, because he loved her. Could Dev find someone else? Sure he could. Lots of women marry for money. It's not as if Ishwari let him have a social life or let him meet any woman for marriage. Just like Dev could have find someone else after knowing about Sona's infertility, Sonakshi could have married a man with much more honesty and much more respectful family after seeing Ishwari's tricks of trade. Just like Dev can't help his situation, Sonakshi can't help hers. If he couldn't find someone else, the same reason Sonakshi could not marry a much better human being with much nicer and respectful family.

3) Pls not get so influenced by the Google or Oxford definition of women empowerment, that you refuse to look any further. India is a developing country and you may need to come and live here for some time to understand what I mean. It's not only the economic and financial independence that women here are fighting for, but there are social stigmas that are capable of throwing your entire life out of gear. And education is not the answer to this either, which involves property rights, amongst others. It's the basic mindset... - Agreed. But I am confused here why you brought up this point. Did Dev gave Sonakshi half of his property that I missed? Or did he stop her insult by his family by making clear that his wife's disrespect is his disrespect? In which way did he empower Sonakshi in even non-textbook definition? I have lived in India for the first 25 years of my life. So I am very familiar with the society. I am also familiar with Social stigma since I am a daughter of a single mother like Dev. But the only way to change the situation is unacceptance and intolerance. Accepting the situation and justifying it is encouraging it to continue. Precisely why I am very vocal on protesting unacceptable behaviour. I don't justify it.

You need to watch Swara Bhaskar movie 'Nil Battey Sanata.' It's a beautiful take on a situation faced by women in India. - I have watched it. Excellent movie.

I hope for the best to happen to Dev-Sonakshi and Ishwari leads the change for all mother in laws to follow. But alas, I really don't know what the Creatives have in store for us. -Tell you what. If Dev stands up against Ishwari when she demands for Infertility Treatment because he told Sonakshi that they are enough for each other and if he doesn't let anyone including Radha and Neha place a single blame on Sonakshi because none of it is her fault, then I will accept that Dev truly meant what he said.

KRPKAB is telecast in India at 9.30pm IST weekdays Mon-Fri. 🤣

-Rekha

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#79

I think you misunderstood. None of us called any of you regressive. We called the mentality CVs are portraying as regressive. You didn't write the script of the show. So we definitely didn't talk about you. We can't call anyone regressive for liking a character.

If you had paid attention, in my post, even the alternative views made respectfully are liked and responded. On the other hand, I, along with some of us, have been asked to stop writing negative posts and to stop complaining when I objected to something shown on screen. So you will find that the shoe is actually on the other foot.

Originally posted by: YASHO1997
See you people don't like what's going on in the show I get that. This post is for puting forward your views and it is not negativity that is also true.
But just as we can't term your views are negative I don't think you have the right to call us regressive either. Because I strongly believe we are not. We could be termed regressive if we supported dev in what he did, if we supported ishwari in thinking that sona was worth nothing because she can't become a mother... But we don't do that.
It's just for you what dev did was wrong no matter his intentions and he has gone too far to be redeemed. For us we see him as scared heavily, as damaged, impulsive, emotional week, coward in front of his mom... Just a human. That's why even if there is no argument what he did was completely wrong... Because of his character, his sincerity at hurt and his genuine love for both women... We think that he can be forgiven. At least I think...msybe considering his mother who suicides or stops talking to him when she dislikes his choice.. It is very difficult to speak against him mom when it comes to sona. Because it was not resolved during breakup the fear still persists. That just makes him human. Who said heroes had to be perfect?
Same for sona. For me this is this generation lacking patience. If sona considers ishwari her mother and really wants to make a place in her heart trying to slowly warm her heart while accepting her cold behavior fit now... It is not doormat mentality. That us not loosing one's self respect according to me. And here I also don't think the focus is being made in ishwari's pain... It's rather showing her insecurities again. Sona is thinking about her from time to time because she was also lied to, because she knows after this she may not get that ishwari any more, and because her deepest fear is that her not living up ishwari's expectations of producing a child will take her away from dev. Just as dev fears that too. Sona herself knows she is not any less but knows she will be seen that way. So in this moment self doubt, feeling low us also absolutely normal.
Just one more thing asha...i don't think she meant dev was mahan. Just that him not caring even what his mom will say later when she finds out ( because did him his mother's opinion in this is very important. He is just not like Vicky who disregards his mother completekt he can never be that) and most importantly giving up being a father... Warrants appreciation. Because not all networks do it specially those having authoritative moms like ishwari.
Just like these for each of your points we have counter points. But I know we won't be able to agree with your views just as we can't with yours. All I want to say is that that doesn't give you props the right to make fun of our views here or call us regressive. We too very dearly hold our views and it hurts when you say things like these without understanding what we meant.
I hope u will try to understand and not get offended.
Thanks.

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#80

Happy New Year, Sia. Yes, I understand if my post sounded cynical. But Dev has broken his promises so many times, it's hard not to be cynical. He lied a bit too many times to be trustworthy. Unlike Sona, I can't trust a lier over and over again. But like you said if he follows his dialogue with his actions, then may be his words will hold meaning.

Originally posted by: sia.krpkab
Tia, it seems your last post has attracted maximum attention on the forum. It's running to 10 pages already!
Happy new year.

I like your post, in parts though. Though I have always loved your stories and examples, in this particular case I find them a bit cynical.
Dev faltered big time but it is his loss too, just like it's Sona's loss. And I really think it is a loss because this couple wants kids.
Dev violated basic human rights by thinking of the infertility treatment without sonakshi's knowledge. But glad he overcame that, else it was all over.
I see a hope or ray of light because his priority is sonakshi and not her womb carrying his child. Benefit of doubt to him on the infertility treatment part because probably he wanted Ish-sona to stay happy in the bubble (which was height of stupidity).

I would say that they could go for treatment or adoption, if and only if both of them want it - and dev, without saying, with be supportive.

I am ready to throw brickbats on him if he doesn't stand up to his family if they taunt Sonakshi or his mother forces them on some preconditions.

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Indian TV's doormat daughters

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