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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

I don't have much time today. But I was reading the comments off and on and marveling on some of the comments...

So to clear all confusion once and for all, here's some questions which if you ask a woman, should clarify all points.

A woman (say yourself) were raised in hardship by your parents who struggled more than Ishwari to raise her with the help of say Mamaji who did more for you than the Mama on screen.

Then you get married to a man (say Dev) who gives you a suggestion after you convinced him that after marriage, everything you have is yours.

It was a fair and just suggestion, so you took it which your parents found out.

Then your parents and Mamaji's wife insulted your husband and your relationship in front of you for him giving you his suggestion after your assurance and for you to take it.

How many of you will take the steps Dev did?

How many of you will stay silent while your family who did you some favour calls your husband a black shadow?

How many of you will undermine your relationship, your husband's honour and show him his place in your life by begging in front of someone who is not even worthy to kiss his feet?

How many of you even will visit your family after that major insult to your husband's dignity let alone live with them and expect your husband to do the same?

How much favour is worth your husband's honour, respect and dignity for you?

And how many of you then advice a woman who let's her husband be humiliated that if she can't do justice to a relationship, she should not be in that relationship?

Got your answers?

And don't try to sell me gender bias and inequality in the name of culture and tradition.

If culture and tradition is against women's rights, then they have to be abolished. At some point in time, burning widows with their husband and child marriage were culture and tradition, but it no longer exist.

About time, we women stand up for our rights and stand by a woman fighting for hers.

It's about time to stop asking or advising a woman what she could have done to avoid insult and humiliation and start blaming the abuser and the silent spectator...

Stop blaming the victim of abuse!!!

Edited by tia.o - 8 years ago

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gemini54

@gemini54

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

@tia my girl

Happy Sunday. Have a blast enjoying your Husbands Birthday weekend , celeberate love in your life

Have lots of fun

🤗

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

Thanks Gemini... We are having a blast... Shakespeare in Love was to die for... Even better than the movie. We already decided to come back for Macbeth... Looks like I got my husband is hooked to Shakespeare... 😉

Originally posted by: gemini54
@tia my girl
Happy Sunday. Have a blast enjoying your Husbands Birthday weekend , celeberate love in your life
Have lots of fun
🤗

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rose4ever

@rose4ever

Navigator

Posted: 8 years ago

A much needed post.I am so shocked to read some people saying that one should forget their self respect after marriage. Or should be concerned about husband being upset than her being insulted. Because that's what love is.Or that the woman needs to be understanding because of a bad past😕

Oh and infertility support is being given as a justification too.Or the fact that since Sona didn't speak anything when Bijoy voiced his concerns impolitely then it's ok for Dev to be silent because Sona can speak for herself too.

I mean seriously?! How could any of these justify Dev's blatant disregard to his wife's insults.

Hope you are enjoying your husband's birthday weekend🥳😊

Edited by rose4ever - 8 years ago

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thedramaqueen

@thedramaqueen

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

umm... no Tia. It's not about gender or bahu or in laws.

See the story revolves around a few key points

1. Dev had such a complex adolescence that a lot of his decision making is scewed. He is a DIL over DIMAG person. I am not justifying him. It's the character that the makers have shown us. Remember what he did when Dr Bose turned off his phone. Life has shown him that you only get one chance and if he makes a mistake he very very impulsively fixes it. The definition of mistake changes depending on who he speaks to. He summed it up when he said "I am a difficult person to live with". He is a Dixit.

2. Ishwari, who, I don't think even acknowledges the concept of Dev's wife. She still thinks all of this is just a means to an end. The end being her son should continue to love him. Again, I won't say it's right or wrong. However, that's what the makers have made that character to be. Sona can do what she likes, so long as she isn't changing anything from how things were pre-confession. That is what is the core and will get fixed in time

3. Sona - she believes in love. She was brought up in an environment where people talk. However she loves a Dixit. She loves a man who hides his feelings from everyone. Only recently has he learnt to open up to Sona. And mind you, he has learnt that to love a woman as a man,he got to stand up for her. And has done a few times. Dev fell in love with this uncomplicated, sensible person. A Bose

Friday was a big lesson for Sona. It was a run of the mill scenario for everyone else. Only for Sona was it a realisation that she needs all her energies to help her husband.

It's not about genders. Neha will be helped by ranvir similarly.

Thoughts?

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

That's what is so offensive as a woman to read, Rose. Bijoy never insulted Dev. He asked him to wait for marriage once and asked him if in his family only women keep fast and so many women got offended perceiving a father's valid questions and concern are insults to Dev.

That is nothing compared to the insults that were heaped on Sona since the day she got married.

And Dev did Sona absolutely no favour by either hiding her infertility or marrying her in spite of it. I don't care if any other men will do marry a woman with infertility or not. Not many women will marry a man for their infertility either. But just because he married her in spite of it, doesn't give him a free pass to allow her to be disrespected.

Favour can only be done to someone if they are willing to take it. You can't force your decision on them without their knowledge and call it a favour...

Seriously that's the mentality of the society that tells women that we gave you crumbs, why do you want equal rights and respect of a man?

Originally posted by: rose4ever
A much needed post.I am so shocked to read some people saying that one should forget their self respect after marriage. Or should be concerned about husband being upset than being her being insulted. Because that's what love is.Or that the woman needs to be understanding because of a bad past😕
Oh and infertility support is being given as a justification too.Or the fact that since Sona didn't speak anything when Bijoy voiced his concerns impolitely then it's ok for Dev to be silent because Sona can speak for herself too.

I mean seriously?! How could any of these justify Dev's blatant disregard to his wife's insults.

Hope you are enjoying your husband's birthday weekend🥳😊

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baijubavra

@baijubavra

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

I just want to bring a different POV to the black shadow comment ( or similar comments by Mamiji) -

Sometimes there are some people who make these insensitive comments and the best way to deal with them is to just ignore them and not give any reaction because you just don't care about what they say. Replying back and fighting everytime will only give them more things to say and one can't stoop to their level every time. This is another way of dealing with the bullies. Just not paying attention to them each and every time. Dev may have followed the same approach because he just doesn't care about mamijee's opinion. Also, the black shadow comment was an indirect insult and she could have easily said that she was not talking about Sona if Dev had confronted her .

This is just my POV bTw . I firmly belive that she should have been given way more respect than what they are giving her behind Dev's back. But ishwari showed a different kind of bonding with Sona when they came back from Bose family's visit so Dev might not have suspected anything. He did stand up for her during the fish fiasco and the puja/ rituals but no one told him about the tulsi puja aftermath.

Edited by baijubavra - 8 years ago

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dsr11

@dsr11

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 8 years ago

Yes the way Sona is being treated by the family is awful and Dev's reaction to Sona after all the drama is as awful. But I feel that we shouldn't bring gender equality into this one situation. It's more about the burden of indebtedness than gender. Didn't we hear stories of heroines treated like golden goose by their own parents and destroying their marriages or even worse, not even letting them marry?

All said, I am against Sona putting up with all their bs. She doesn't have to.

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

The black shadow comment aside, this is not the first time Mamiji taunted Sona in Dev's presence. So no, if pointed out, she could not avoid or deny that. Because everyone knew who she was talking about. There's only one person she taunts in the family.

The only two new entry in that house is Sona and Neha. If confronted and she denies talking about Sona, she will have to admit that she is talking about Neha which she will never dare. Why? Because she fears to get kicked out of their home. She doesn't think anyone gives a damn about Sona's respect including her husband to worry before insulting her. Again, puts Sona in her place.

Secondly, Dev may not care abour her opinion, but the opinion expressed was not about him. It was about his wife and hence he should not in any circumstances ignore it. If a stranger insults your family, you will stand up for their honour even if their opinion doesn't matter to you. That's what being family means.

Thirdly, ignoring insult just lets someone to come back consistently with more insults. Ignoring wrong is never a solution when the person with insulting attitude is under the same roof as you.

So no, can't justify Dev's behaviour.

Originally posted by: baijubavra
I just want to bring a different POV to the black shadow comment ( or similar comments by Mamiji) -
Sometimes there are some people who make these insensitive comments and the best way to deal with them is to just ignore them and not give any reaction because you just don't care about what they say. Replying back and fighting everytime will only give them more things to say and one can't stoop to their level every time. This is another way of dealing with the bullies. Just not paying attention to them each and every time. Dev may have followed the same approach because he just doesn't care about mamijee's opinion. Also, the black shadow comment was an indirect insult and she could have easily said that she was not talking about Sona if Dev had confronted her .

This is just my POV bTw . I firmly belive that she should have been given way more respect than what they are giving her behind Dev's back. But ishwari showed a different kind of bonding with Sona when they came back from Bose family's visit so Dev might not have suspected anything. He did stand up for her during the fish fiasco and the puja/ rituals but no one told him about the tulsi puja aftermath.

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JShukla

@JShukla

Inactive

Posted: 8 years ago

#10

Absolutely Tia.

I would never allow it to happen. but then my husband does not allow this for me either! But here comes the catch.. I almost feel grateful (which I shouldn't)because I am so used to growing up feeling women deserve so much less.

Also most women feel it is not a gender issue and continue to dole out advises for Sona because off course it is upto a women to keep peace in the house even if it costs her self-respect.

Again I seem to be the only one not bothered with fight between Dev and Sona because ugly fights do happen between couples. But the fact that Dev lets people walk all over Sona and dis-respect her is concerning.

Kala saaya comment reminds me of another 'phati saari' comment ... in another serial of yesteryears..😛🥱

Edited by JShukla - 8 years ago

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