Questions!!! - Page 2

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#11

The reason gender inequality comes in this situation because a woman never lives with her parents after marriage. Even if a man agrees to be Ghar Jamai, the woman's family are even more protective of his pride than anything else. Because a woman's family knows that if they insult their son-in-law, they will lose their daughter. Why doesn't a man's family think that if they mistreat their daughter-in-law, they will lose their son?

Do you think loyalty to family is solely a man's prerogative? A woman is not loyal to her family? Her loyalty should automatically switch to her husband and his family the moment they get married?

Then why should anyone want girls? Why should anyone educate them, raise them to the same standard as their son only to be the last thought in her mind as she gets married?

A man needs to take care of his family because he owes them for their upbringing and a woman needs to take care of a man's family and tolerate insult for the same reason?

Then why shouldn't a woman's family dump her in the garbage for being an ungrateful daughter who is just sucking out their love and care and isn't even taking care of them?

Originally posted by: dsr11
Yes the way Sona is being treated by the family is awful and Dev's reaction to Sona after all the drama is as awful. But I feel that we shouldn't bring gender equality into this one situation. It's more about the burden of indebtedness than gender. Didn't we hear stories of heroines treated like golden goose by their own parents and destroying their marriages or even worse, not even letting them marry?
All said, I am against Sona putting up with all their bs. She doesn't have to.

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pkbdas61

@pkbdas61

Dazzler

Posted: 8 years ago

#12

Unfortunately, life poses questions, but they do not come in any sequence or order or any combination. the answers depend on the context and content of the situation. The same question can have different answers.. i have seen this during my lifetime and in my own life.. It will be a foot in mouth situation if i attempt to answer these questions

life is colorful and not black and white. If one can only prescribe a solution or a remedy for different situations then people will not be people, they will be robots!

the fact is life is beautiful and we can make something out of it as long as there is the breath of life in us. Live and let Live is the motto... especially true in today's world.

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#13

Absolutely right. Be grateful for your good luck that you got a good husband who respects you, but the same way, your husband should be grateful for his good luck that he got a good wife who respects her husband.

What you said is totally right. When you tell others that you are respected at your husband's home, that should not be a matter of luck, an exception. That should be the normal. And if it's not the case even in 21st century, then same on human civilization.

We can do heart surgery with laser and can't ensure a woman's respect in her own family or society?

Unfortunately, like you said, even women can't identify the gender issues. The first step to fix a problem is to identify it. But until we stop advising the victim what she could have done better and blame her for her own misery, it can't be fixed.

Originally posted by: JShukla
Absolutely Tia.
I would never allow it to happen. but then my husband does not allow this for me either! But here comes the catch.. I almost feel grateful (which I shouldn't)because I am so used to growing up feeling women deserve so much less.

Also most women feel it is not a gender issue and continue to dole out advises for Sona because off course it is upto a women to keep peace in the house even if it costs her self-respect.

Again I seem to be the only one not bothered with fight between Dev and Sona because ugly fights do happen between couples. But the fact that Dev lets people walk all over Sona and dis-respect her is concerning.

Kala saaya comment reminds me of another 'phati saari' comment ... in another serial of yesteryears..😛🥱

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pomegranate

@pomegranate

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 8 years ago

#14

yeah but isn't it a very common mindset? us women are taught to tolerate, compromise, adjust, understand, be patient. there is no room for self respect because standing firm in the face of insults is what will make the marriage survive. but why should we bear the brunt? that too from people who are below human decency. Dev can stand quitely because he is indebted and under pressure, and it is sona's duty to understand, even though she is humiliated by lowlives everyday. like some say, headstrong women cannot make good wives. if that is the case, then ok fine I don't need to get married.

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Shlroy

@Shlroy

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#15

Honestly I am not married and my family is not gender bias I am a Bengali living in UP. So I can only tell through my observation.

I am gonna tell u a real life incident, an acquaintance of mine, quite well off family and their son fell in love with a girl of their same community still his parents refused to get him married but the son stood up and did marry her anyway . but the afterthought of the mother is "us ladki ne mere bete ko phasa kiya"

Its very sad that in reality there is no concept of love before marriage still in many parts of India.

When it comes 2 Dev, I am not saying that shouting at sonakshi was correct, it is wrong but dev is character who does not know to balance he only knows extreme. But I think u r forgetting dev as a character he was always impulsive, emotionally weak, known for his outbursts. What I am saying what dev was shown in that scene was correct becoz he was on character but what he did i.e. took out his anger at sonakshi was outright wrong.

I guess I can only think why he did it...because ishwari made him feel guilty for being happy.

As for sona, its very sad and scary that still people think that women can only make a marriage successful when there r 2 parties present 😕

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#16

Every person have a different life and every person may have different personality. But basic respect and dignity should be universal and provided to all. Standard that we set for one needs to be set for another. I am not talking about a man and a dog to be held at the same standard. I am talking about a man and a woman to be held by the same standard, provided same opportunity, respect, honour and dignity. Your actions and only actions should be the exception to that standard. That's not something that should be negotiable or conditions applied...

Originally posted by: pkbdas61
Unfortunately, life poses questions, but they do not come in any sequence or order or any combination. the answers depend on the context and content of the situation. The same question can have different answers.. i have seen this during my lifetime and in my own life.. It will be a foot in mouth situation if i attempt to answer these questions

life is colorful and not black and white. If one can only prescribe a solution or a remedy for different situations then people will not be people, they will be robots!

the fact is life is beautiful and we can make something out of it as long as there is the breath of life in us. Live and let Live is the motto... especially true in today's world.

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baijubavra

@baijubavra

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#17

Originally posted by: tia.o
The black shadow comment aside, this is not the first time Mamiji taunted Sona in Dev's presence. So no, if pointed out, she could not avoid or deny that. Because everyone knew who she was talking about. There's only one person she taunts in the family.

The only two new entry in that house is Sona and Neha. If confronted and she denies talking about Sona, she will have to admit that she is talking about Neha which she will never dare. Why? Because she fears to get kicked out of their home. She doesn't think anyone gives a damn about Sona's respect including her husband to worry before insulting her. Again, puts Sona in her place.

Secondly, Dev may not care abour her opinion, but the opinion expressed was not about him. It was about his wife and hence he should not in any circumstances ignore it. If a stranger insults your family, you will stand up for their honour even if their opinion doesn't matter to you. That's what being family means.

Thirdly, ignoring insult just lets someone to come back consistently with more insults. Ignoring wrong is never a solution when the person with insulting attitude is under the same roof as you.

So no, can't justify Dev's behaviour.

She does comment on other family members as well including Ishwari ! Remeber, no body gave any reaction on her ek myan mein do talwar comment also ( except for mamajee who just gave her a slight hush ) ! I beleive that Dixits just ignore GKB's stupid comments most of the times. Only ishwari sometimes says "Rehne dijiye na bhabhijee" . Dev fought back once when she directly insulted Sona for moping the wet kitchen floor but mamijee created a big scene afterwards ! Also, kiska black shadow does not always mean a new entry in the house, it can be any wedding guest also. She had already removed Neha out of the equation because she said that because of the black shadow, Neha had come home and was staying in her room. My point was that you just can't reply to the stupid comments each and every time and sometimes the best way is to just ignore those comments. One should keep these stupid people in check by appropriately replying some times ( like Sona does to GKB or DeV did to the neighbor at munh dikhayi) that they can't come back and ignoring sometimes.

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baijubavra

@baijubavra

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#18

Originally posted by: tia.o
Every person have a different life and every person may have different personality. But basic respect and dignity should be universal and provided to all. Standard that we set for one needs to be set for another. I am not talking about a man and a dog to be held at the same standard. I am talking about a man and a woman to be held by the same standard, provided same opportunity, respect, honour and dignity. Your actions and only actions should be the exception to that standard. That's not something that should be negotiable or conditions applied...

Hey ! As a dog lover, I would respectfully disagree with your comment here ! 😃 In my house, our dog is given more love and respect than the rest of the human family members .The lucky fellow is served all the time while we work our butts off ! 😆😆

Edited by baijubavra - 8 years ago

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pomegranate

@pomegranate

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 8 years ago

#19

another thing, Sonakshi was heavily criticized for making stupid decisions, ignoring dev, prioritizing everything else but him. so if someone claims that we ignore sona's faults, then they are mistaken. I do not support sona or her over-smart attitude but that does not mean it is ok that every XYZ can insult sona and get away with it. Dev watches like a bystander, and what is even worse is that he is not noticing the pattern. but still, he does not have to do anything because sona took unilateral decisions, yelled at him during wedding night, never stood up for him in front of bijoy, and ignored him. None of this is dev's fault because he is under pressure by his family, respected sona's family, and married her despite her medical issues. so of course it is up to sona to understand at the end.

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asha2012

@asha2012

Navigator

Posted: 8 years ago

#20

Hey

Just wanted to point out that didn't Sona also forgive Dev so fast - I also believe that she also walked into this marriage with her eyes open...

That having been said she, being an independent strong woman shouldn't expect her husband to fight the battles for her

She should talk to Dev and give him a chance to talk to his mom, Miami etc and if it

Still does not work out she should decide whether taking a dent to her self respect is worth it

No offence to anyone - just my point of view

QUOTE=tia.o]I don't have much time today. But I was reading the comments off and on and marveling on some of the comments...

So to clear all confusion once and for all, here's some questions which if you ask a woman, should clarify all points.

A woman (say yourself) were raised in hardship by your parents who struggled more than Ishwari to raise her with the help of say Mamaji who did more for you than the Mama on screen.

Then you get married to a man (say Dev) who gives you a suggestion after you convinced him that after marriage, everything you have is yours.

It was a fair and just suggestion, so you took it which your parents found out.

Then your parents and Mamaji's wife insulted your husband and your relationship in front of you for him giving you his suggestion after your assurance and for you to take it.

How many of you will take the steps Dev did?

How many of you will stay silent while your family who did you some favour calls your husband a black shadow?

How many of you will undermine your relationship, your husband's honour and show him his place in your life by begging in front of someone who is not even worthy to kiss his feet?

How many of you even will visit your family after that major insult to your husband's dignity let alone live with them and expect your husband to do the same?

How much favour is worth your husband's honour, respect and dignity for you?

And how many of you then advice a woman who let's her husband be humiliated that if she can't do justice to a relationship, she should not be in that relationship?

Got your answers?

And don't try to sell me gender bias and inequality in the name of culture and tradition.

If culture and tradition is against women's rights, then they have to be abolished. At some point in time, burning widows with their husband and child marriage were culture and tradition, but it no longer exist.

About time, we women stand up for our rights and stand by a woman fighting for hers.

It's about time to stop asking or advising a woman what she could have done to avoid insult and humiliation and start blaming the abuser and the silent spectator...

Stop blaming the victim of abuse!!!

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