Katha Ankahee -- #11 daily episode DT - Page 7

Originally posted by: Srijeeta06

I find marriage extremely scary.

And if after a certain age you are not married then every time you meet or talk to anyone it’s always ‘shaadi kab karoge?’

Also the way relatives celebrate, feels like ‘bakra halal’ hone ke pehle ki celebrations.

wanted to respond last night but was too tired. as someone who has been through the arranged marriage market and still ended up single, here is my advice from experience:

#1 -- there will be a time when every relative and friend will ask about when you are getting married... and then it will stop completely -- it is like they have written you off. either end of pendulum can be a surreal experience

#2 -- you cannot explain your experience, your reasons to everyone and expect them to get you. some will understand but some won't. so you have to discern who to share and who to just ignore.

we all have stories about terrible alliances as well as rishtas that didn't work out. there will be genuine reasons for why you may be single but frankly most are not going to listen or hear your view. for some, it is a choice and for others, it just worked out that way. not something they planned on.

#3 -- you have to do what is best for you. we all have limits on what we can and cannot compromise. understand where you will draw the line and stick with it.

I have been rejected for all sorts of reasons including being intelligent. apparently a female having a brain is a problem for some people 🙄 but what to say -- it is better they show their colours in the beginning itself. if someone cannot show you and your family respect in the beginning, they won't later. for me, respect is bare minimum.

anyway, my point is be clear about your basic needs -- you are entitled to have some notes on your wish list and there is nothing wrong with wanting certain things. there is no point in compromising and then hating your life afterwards. the wedding itself may be few days celebration but marriage itself is essentially your life. it is you who has to live whatever path you are on. obviously there is going to be compromise but it is important to know where.

#4 -- you have to develop a tough skin. they will come up with all sorts of explanations that may or may not be true. they will give you gyaan that make you feel more worse about yourself. basically people will act like they will know why you are single and why that needs to be fixed.

you need to focus on making sure your self-esteem does not break. for me, my faith in God helped and I strongly believe that God has a plan and purpose for everyone. so if marriage is written for me, it will happen regardless of what people say. when God deems it, always a good time even if it seems delayed under human eyes. 🤷

so I focused on my faith but I will admit that it was hard at times. it is easy to feel like a failure, like you have missed the boat when everyone around you is settling down. it is easy to feel bad about disappointing your parents expectations. basically you have to make peace with your situation and yourself and put your best foot forward. you are you whether you are single or married and there is still a purpose and rhythm to your life.

#5 -- have an explanation that is simple and effective. when people asked, I would just say "whenever God wills" or "it just didn't happen; it wasn't our time" -- depending on one's faith, they would take it however they wish. if they are religious themselves, they won't say anything but if they are not, they will give some gyaan like how you have to put yourself out there. take it in one ear and out the other.

anyways, sorry to folks for randomly inserting in personal chatter in DT but thought it will be helpful for anyone struggling with the whole relatives pressure and rishta process.

Originally posted by: smriti81

This is one thing that bothers me the most! Viaan is the CEO of the most successful architecture firm in the country, shown to be very focused, competitive and very serious about work & he runs around in office like a love sick puppy chasing the object of his affection in elevators, when there is a critical bid in the pipeline and poor Jitu bhai has to chase him to get his focus and attention. Is he the same guy who reacted with a brisk and terse ' Yess Katha What ?? ' in the middle of the Dubai project when she walks into his office while still preoccupied about how to collect that one crore?

His no nonsense business owner character has been diluted beyond recognition. Like who even prepares a budget for a multi million rupee bid for a huge project fiddling on his cellphone while mooning at his employee. At least in that scene they could have had him whip out his laptop and work on it seriously while she worked on the designs, or shown him making some calls to vendors to finalise quotes etc. Why can't the work interaction become a natural way of progression of mutual love and chemistry?

Its itv and yaha par "itna paisa mein itna hi milega"🤣

KA jaisa show de diya to inke liye ek achievement se kam nahi hai aur friday episode jaise scenes de diye toh samajh lo safalta ke naye keertimaan rach diye🤣

Ab isse jyada inse na ho payega.

Itv mein hero chahe koi bhi kaam karta ho, once heroine comes into the picture, wo bas lover boy hi bankar reh jata hai. Same things is true for heroine. Wo shadi se pehle chahe kuch bhi dreams rakhti ho lekin shadi ke baad bas bade ghar ki bahu bankar reh jati hai🤣

Originally posted by: mango.falooda

wanted to respond last night but was too tired. as someone who has been through the arranged marriage market and still ended up single, here is my advice from experience:

#1 -- there will be a time when every relative and friend will ask about when you are getting married... and then it will stop completely -- it is like they have written you off. either end of pendulum can be a surreal experience

#2 -- you cannot explain your experience, your reasons to everyone and expect them to get you. some will understand but some won't. so you have to discern who to share and who to just ignore.

we all have stories about terrible alliances as well as rishtas that didn't work out. there will be genuine reasons for why you may be single but frankly most are not going to listen or hear your view. for some, it is a choice and for others, it just worked out that way. not something they planned on.

#3 -- you have to do what is best for you. we all have limits on what we can and cannot compromise. understand where you will draw the line and stick with it.

I have been rejected for all sorts of reasons including being intelligent. apparently a female having a brain is a problem for some people 🙄 but what to say -- it is better they show their colours in the beginning itself. if someone cannot show you and your family respect in the beginning, they won't later. for me, respect is bare minimum.

anyway, my point is be clear about your basic needs -- you are entitled to have some notes on your wish list and there is nothing wrong with wanting certain things. there is no point in compromising and then hating your life afterwards. the wedding itself may be few days celebration but marriage itself is essentially your life. it is you who has to live whatever path you are on. obviously there is going to be compromise but it is important to know where.

#4 -- you have to develop a tough skin. they will come up with all sorts of explanations that may or may not be true. they will give you gyaan that make you feel more worse about yourself. basically people will act like they will know why you are single and why that needs to be fixed.

you need to focus on making sure your self-esteem does not break. for me, my faith in God helped and I strongly believe that God has a plan and purpose for everyone. so if marriage is written for me, it will happen regardless of what people say. when God deems it, always a good time even if it seems delayed under human eyes. 🤷

so I focused on my faith but I will admit that it was hard at times. it is easy to feel like a failure, like you have missed the boat when everyone around you is settling down. it is easy to feel bad about disappointing your parents expectations. basically you have to make peace with your situation and yourself and put your best foot forward. you are you whether you are single or married and there is still a purpose and rhythm to your life.

#5 -- have an explanation that is simple and effective. when people asked, I would just say "whenever God wills" or "it just didn't happen; it wasn't our time" -- depending on one's faith, they would take it however they wish. if they are religious themselves, they won't say anything but if they are not, they will give some gyaan like how you have to put yourself out there. take it in one ear and out the other.

anyways, sorry to folks for randomly inserting in personal chatter in DT but thought it will be helpful for anyone struggling with the whole relatives pressure and rishta process.

Wow Mango, that was such an interesting and inspiring read. I truly admire the decisions you have taken in your life, and the experiences you have gone through. I also respect your opinions on marriage. I am a university student so therefore not looking for marriage/relationship, but I still agree with many of the opinions you have presented; it truly doesn't make sense to marry solely because of societal expectations and pressure. Unfortunately, our Indian society is fixated on the daughters getting married. My elder sister is only 23 (going to turn 24) and it boggles my mind that relatives have already begun inquiring about her marriage. Nobody cares about the fact the she successully has finished her engineering degree, but obviously marriage is a big deal. 🙄

While arranged marriages may obviously turn out to be special, often parents don't realise the risks that come with marrying essentially a stranger as well. I know couples (through arranged marriage) who suffer in bad marriages, and have to be stuck together for the kids (and even the children have to suffer by the way). These kind of situations are so scary to me. This is why I sympathise with Viaan's childhood; Teji's selfishness has pulled Viaan into her marital problems, though he doesn't deserve it.

And oh god Mango, your arrange marriage grooms stories are truly so shocking!! 😱 🤯 Now I know how you get some crazy story ideas for Katha Ankahee as well. 😂 You could even create a short web series based on your experiences 😅 🤯

But yes, on a serious note, my personal belief is that marrying late/even not marrying is much better than being stuck in an unhappy marriage. And we women should be able to make independent decisions as to who we wish to marry, as after all the relatives aren't gonna be the ones who are living with the husband. 🙄 And also, you should continue to include your personal chatter notes in the DT, as they are rather interesting. 🤩

Originally posted by: Srijeeta06

I find marriage extremely scary.

And if after a certain age you are not married then every time you meet or talk to anyone it’s always ‘shaadi kab karoge?’

Also the way relatives celebrate, feels like ‘bakra halal’ hone ke pehle ki celebrations.

It doesn't end here yaar.

Shadi kar lo to 1-2 years baad they will ask bachha kab karoge 🤣

And give all sorts of advices and encouragement to you like tum to bas paida kar lo bachha hum sambhal lenge, isme kaun si badi baat hai. And ek bar tum inki baaton mein aa gaye phir bachha hone ke baad ye sare rishtedar bas once in two three months mein aakar bachho ko god mein leke "allelelele" karenge aur kat lenge chupchap.🤣

https://twitter.com/RasmalaizMegh/status/1633033136312569859?s=20

Originally posted by: Viaanrocks

https://twitter.com/RasmalaizMegh/status/1633033136312569859?s=20

Thanks for sharing!!

I knew it!!! 😭😭😭

Jo hum expect karte hai(based on ITV experiences) voh yaha nahi hona hai😭

But then, we may get some unexpected beautiful KaViaan scenes between holi and dodo track 🤔

Originally posted by: amrapali2

Wow Mango, that was such an interesting and inspiring read. I truly admire the decisions you have taken in your life, and the experiences you have gone through. I also respect your opinions on marriage. I am a university student so therefore not looking for marriage/relationship, but I still agree with many of the opinions you have presented; it truly doesn't make sense to marry solely because of societal expectations and pressure. Unfortunately, our Indian society is fixated on the daughters getting married. My elder sister is only 23 (going to turn 24) and it boggles my mind that relatives have already begun inquiring about her marriage. Nobody cares about the fact the she successully has finished her engineering degree, but obviously marriage is a big deal. 🙄

While arranged marriages may obviously turn out to be special, often parents don't realise the risks that come with marrying essentially a stranger as well. I know couples (through arranged marriage) who suffer in bad marriages, and have to be stuck together for the kids (and even the children have to suffer by the way). These kind of situations are so scary to me. This is why I sympathise with Viaan's childhood; Teji's selfishness has pulled Viaan into her marital problems, though he doesn't deserve it.

And oh god Mango, your arrange marriage grooms stories are truly so shocking!! 😱 🤯 Now I know how you get some crazy story ideas for Katha Ankahee as well. 😂 You could even create a short web series based on your experiences 😅 🤯

But yes, on a serious note, my personal belief is that marrying late/even not marrying is much better than being stuck in an unhappy marriage. And we women should be able to make independent decisions as to who we wish to marry, as after all the relatives aren't gonna be the ones who are living with the husband. 🙄 And also, you should continue to include your personal chatter notes in the DT, as they are rather interesting. 🤩

thanks amra; the stories were a bit wild eh? 😆 I edited them out because the post was already too long 😂 but yea, some of the risthas we got were mind boggling. some guys in the ristha process were nice but either they weren't interested or it was mutual lack of interest. so yea, it just ended up that way.

I would say whether it is a stranger or someone you know, it is always a calculated risk. there is something in finances investment where they talk about your risk appetitie. basically when it comes to marriage process, you also have to do something similar where you have to ascertain what level of risk you are comfortable with before you jump in. thats why the process can be so stressful for everyone because we are assessing the situation in different ways.

for some, a good family background is enough to say the guy will be good but do we really know? I have this relative who brought us some of the stupidest rishtas -- after a point, I started to believe that either this relative has a black heart or they are messing with my family on purpose. 😒

they strongly recommended one guy -- he was rich and so my relative thought we should be thrilled. when we asked around, he turned out to be a wild child who just parties and had not even completed his university and infact been expelled but no one would tell us the full story. but our relative basically suggested we were mad for turning this rishta down and that we were obsessed with education. 🤦‍♀️

now is it better if you marry someone you know? not necessarily. have been to wedings where the two families knew each for donkey's years and yet, it was even more chaotic and drama filled than strangers getting hitched. 😂 so all depends. but yea, I know enough stories to write a drama by myself. 🤣

end of the day, I think all you can do is be aware of what are your basic needs and values so that you can make those calculated risk assessments and feel better about the process. that is hard because most folks don't know -- a good way is to think of all the people you absolutely despise and think of what it would be like to be married to someone with that character. 😂 then you will be able to come up with qualities that you need in a relationship and what you cannot compromise and will not tolerate.

it is important to know what you are looking for in terms of values and goals because without it, you cannot have conversations with your family. thats where the conflict comes in because we don't have the required language.

with viaan, he has not even thought along those lines. teji said something absurd -- that he doesn't need an employee but a wife but what does viaan what? does he want someone who can be an asset in his business? does he want someone who helps him only emotionally? is he looking for a housewife? or does he want someone who has her own career? what are his needs, values and vision when it comes to marriage and what are things he will not take a risk on? since he hasn't thought it, not like he can counter teji and tell her off in some ways.

For people who are longing to see change in KA montage..🥳

Thanks Mango for sharing it !!

Even i m looking for arrange marriage (love to mujhe hua nhi kabhi ) and it is damn scary

I cant trust people easily ,it takes me 6 months at least to talk to people ,how to decide getting married in one or two months

Originally posted by: LAV2725

For people who are longing to see change KA in montage..🥳

Okay based on holika dahan and holi get up we can conclude jab katha new dress pehnegi and achchi dikhegi uske scenes Vian k saath nhi Falguni behen/heavily pregnant reet k saath honge 🤔